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Part 16
Emily thought that eventually she wouldn't have to be Miranda's assistant, which is why she did her very best to train the second assistants. She thought she had found her replacement in Andrea Sachs, but she was too damn good at her job, in fact she replaced herself. Now it had been three more years and she was still Miranda's assistant, because Andrea Sachs still was too fucking bloody good at her job. Assistant after assistant graced the office of Runway, and Emily still was no closer to a promotion. Today she was ready to walk out on her job as Miranda tore off everyone's heads worse than ever before.
"Oh I love my job," she whimpered, as she rescheduled Miranda's appointments for the third time that day. She felt a little better after seeing Jocelyn run out of the editor's office crying, but only a little.
Nigel strutted by her desk, clearly unaware of the warpath his boss was on, only to get stopped by a very persistent red headed Brit. "No, she was adamant that no one would interrupt her, and that she was to be left alone, do not, I repeat, do not go in there."
The corner of Nigel's lip turned up into a pleased grin. "Trust me, she is going to want to hear this."
Emily moved out of his way. "Fine, it's your funeral."
Nigel kept his grin as her sauntered into Miranda's office, and right away noticed she didn't even look up to see who entered the room. "No no, not now," she tossed with a wave of her finger. "Just go!" she spat, without bothering to look up.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Soooooo you don't want to talk about Guest of Guest Gala, on Saturday night?"
"I already told you that I am not going," she seethed, still not looking up at him, too engrossed in her work. "So do you mind? I really have a lot of work to do."
"I think you should make an appearance, and I have the perfect dress for you to wear that evening." Still Miranda hadn't bothered to look up at her art director. "No," was all she voiced.
He smirked and took a step closer. "Trust me Miranda, you will want to go, heck even if it's just to see my date."
"I don't care, and shut the door when you leave," she spat more harshly, getting annoyed every second Nigel stayed in her office. Ever since she witnessed Andrea with that woman on the street the other night she really wasn't in the mood for anything. She had even barked at her neighbor for walking down her sidewalk, in spite of the fact that he had as much right to be there as she did.
Nigel exhaled harshly and made a ticking noise in the back of his throat as he shook his head at the woman. "Miranda, seriously, you will want to meet my date."
"Nigel," Miranda finally huffed, yanking her glasses off of her nose to glare at the man. "I don't care."
Nigel only deepened his smile. "Yes you do, because my date is none other than Ms. Andrea Sachs herself."
Miranda wanted to swallow, but for some reason it seemed she was incapable of doing so. "Excuse me?"
"I know; can you believe it? I am going to be the talk of the town," he mocked with an airily flare.
"Why?" she began, and her glare hardened. "I mean….why isn't she going with Miss. Pepé Le Pew?" she drawled out dramatically.
Nigel's brow squished in disbelief. "What the….why in the world would she go with…?" Confusion mixed behind his eyeglasses. "Are you referring to Jacqueline? And why would she go with her?"
Miranda pinched at the bridge of her nose. "Because… and I just don't want to go."
"Do you know what I had to do to get her to go with me? I begged, and I never beg." Miranda gave him a knowing look, and he giggled. "Ok, that one time, but he was totally worth it."
"Uh huh," she sighed, and leaned back in her chair. The arm of her glasses slipped into her mouth and instantly she had a faraway look in her eyes.
"Perfect opportunity to talk to her," he mentioned, toying with some kind of decoration on Miranda's desk.
"It is too late," she affirmed.
"Never too late, I say. So, I think you should arrive around eight thirty; that gives us enough time to rub shoulders for a few before your grand entrance."
Miranda softly snorted. "She will not talk to me, and I won't cause a scene."
"Trust me, just be you, but a softer you, and try, try to bring you're 'A' game," he teased.
A dim smile graced her lips. "My 'A' game?"
"Yes your 'A' game," he said to her casually strolling out of her office. He hesitated a second and turned back around. "I'd better see you there Miranda, even though I…" He emphasized on the I part, eyeing her dramatically. "Will be going there with the most beautiful woman on my arm, BUT…. if all goes as planned, you will hopefully leave with her," he winked and strutted out of her office.
Miranda chest suddenly retched and she tried to sigh away the ache. "Do I even have an 'A' game?" she muttered to herself, feeling somewhat lost for the first time in a really long time.
….
"Thank you." Andy accepted the glass of champagne graciously, smiling at her date "I still can't believe I agreed to this," she told him quietly.
"Oh, trust me girlfriend; you will thank me later," he brazenly winked at her and sipped on his own flute. "Oh look it is Diane Von Furstenberg," he said with a perfect accent.
Andy watched as Diane dipped her head elegantly at each introduction and soon she was walking toward her, and Andy wasn't sure she was ready for this. The last time she had seen this woman was when she was with Miranda, when she was still her assistant.
Nigel picked up on her uneasiness. "What's the matter?"
"I just, I don't," she fretted with apprehension. "I don't feel like I belong here," she whispered.
Absurdity was evident in Nigel's brow. "O.M.G seriously? You are a goddamn bone-fide star. If you don't belong here, then none of us do."
"Fine," Andrea said reluctantly, and began to follow Nigel, when a warm hand fell across her hip and suddenly stopped her. "What is a girl like you…. doing at a place like this?" The voice next to her ear was sort of a warm purr that seemed to flash all the way through Andy's body, making her breath catch.
"Oh crap!" Andy responded, uneasiness edged in her voice. "I'm busted, aren't I?"
"Oh my chéri, why did you inform me you couldn't come with me, but yet here you are?" Jacqueline husked smoothly, raising her sultry gaze up to meet Andy's.
"I'm sorry," Andy mumbled. "I really had no intention of coming tonight, but I should have told you I was coming, but I've been so busy, and I know that you are as well. You see Nigel, basically begged me to…" she was rambling, and then suddenly was silenced when Jacqueline pressed a perfect red nail to her lips.
"Shhhh, Je t'adore Andrea." The woman shook her head. "It is all good, I completely understand."
Andrea blinked, apparently not sure what to do and even blinked again when the woman slid her arms around her neck and pulled her down for a soft kiss. "Back off, she's my date," Nigel hissed.
"Ah come on now, it was just a simple kiss. A beautiful woman should be kissed." She then winked at Andrea. "I'll be right back." She kissed her check again, and Andy couldn't hold off her smirk at the look on Nigel's face as he continued to glare at Jacqueline.
"What?" She shrugged, trying not to laugh.
"You know what, and you know that she is bad news," he warned.
She was just in the middle of rolling her eyes when unexpectedly the room got hotter and the hairs on the back of her neck rose. Swiftly all heads in the area turned and somehow deep down she knew who it was that surprisingly decided to grace the party with her presence.
"Oh god," Andy spewed, still afraid to even look up. She watched Nigel's knowing smile, and right away she knew that he fucking did this, so she slung her arm back and punched his shoulder hard. "You asshole, you said she wasn't going to be here."
"OW," he mouthed, rubbing his arm. "Did I say that?" he mocked in a very frilly voice.
"I hate you," Andy heaved, still afraid to look over at the woman who apparently now owned the room.
"Just talk to her."
Andy glared. "You know what she did. Why would I even look at her, let alone talk to her?" Then she waved her hand in the air before he even could get a word out. "What the hell? Why does she even want to? God that woman doesn't make even fucking sense," Andy exhaled sharply, trying to disregard the anxiousness in her chest.
"Maybe she has realized that…" He tried, but Andy wasn't having it.
"No!" She slammed her hand up to his face to render him speechless. "It's all bullshit and lies, and I am not staying here." She turned to leave setting what remained of her champagne down on a nearby table. Unaware of her own action, she looked up at the entrance, and instantly her heart slammed right up her throat as she found herself staring right at Miranda, startled when she saw the woman who held that very heart was looking right back at her. Miranda's fiery gaze seemed to penetrate Andy, and for a minute she was sure she had forgotten how to breathe. For a brief moment, Andy drank her in, absorbing that gaze into herself, and when blue eyes seemed to shine with delight, Andy despised it, and that got her moving again. She knew that going out the front she would be caught, so she quickly darted out the side of the large room and headed for the only place available to her…the elevators.
Miranda let her breath out slowly as she watched Andrea try to escape after seeing her. It pained her to know that the woman she wanted to be near more than anything didn't want anything to do with her. She moved to catch up with the younger woman, only to be held up by a throng of people.
As soon as she could, she whisked by them, trying her best to come up with why she needed to go, especially since she just had arrived. She pressed the button to the elevator insistently over and over, and once it opened she didn't even hesitate to guess what floor that Andrea must be on, because deep in her heart she knew.
It seemed like only seconds when the elevator opened at the top floor, and then she had to walk a few feet to the doors to the roof. She inhaled a large breath, squared her shoulders, and tried to remember to bring her 'A' game.
Miranda knew that no one else was on the roof, and she could tell that Andrea had not heard her arrive. The brunette was standing in the clear night's sky, looking strikingly beautiful as ever as she gazed out over the city below. The sight of Andrea had frozen her in her tracks, and she drank her in. It still baffled her to no end at what she felt for this woman, and for long moments Miranda paused where she was. One of her hands rested on the rough railing holding her up as she absorbed that vision of Andrea, permanently imprinting it to her memory. This was the woman she now knew without a doubt that she wanted desperately, and she was going to do anything to get her. With effort, she gathered her courage and started to walk closer to the younger woman.
The slight clack of her Prada heels warned Andy of Miranda's arrival, and she quickly straightened, her head turning alertly. Miranda saw her dark brown eyes widen in the moonlight and immediately noticed the way Andrea momentarily closed her eyes and grimaced when recognized who it was.
"What the hell, Miranda? Are you here to antagonize me some more, since last time wasn't enough?" she fired, without any regard to the venom in her tone. "I was told you wouldn't be here tonight, and…oh fuck this, I am leaving." She made a motion toward the doors, but froze when Miranda reached out and grasped her wrist with a gentle hand.
"No, please," Miranda pleaded softly. "Please don't leave…. I need to talk with you." Carefully she removed her hand, even though her body screamed with that spark, that warmth, and she never wanted to let go, even as Andrea looked at her furiously.
"I don't think so; I don't need to hear it," Andy fumed, even though her heart was beating so hard with excitement at seeing this woman standing so close to her. "I think we said all that needed to be said. In fact, what the hell are you even doing here?"
"I was invited," Miranda stated, and realized that was a bad move seeing the other woman's nostrils flare in anger. "But," she emphasized. "The roof, well that's easy. I saw you head up here and I wanted to see you."
Andy exhaled, narrowing her brown eyes. "Why? I never said a word; I never came after you. You said it was a mistake, so again, why are you here? Unless you just want to be a ruthless bitch and tell me again how silly and stupid I am," she vented, and then added. "Oh better not forget fat."
"I know I said those things, and I am so sorry. I never meant them." The distain she saw in Andy's eyes made her flinch in distress, but she trudged on.
"What the hell is your game, Miranda? You only tell someone you're sorry when it suits you or when you need something. You don't ever mean it."
"Not this time," Miranda said honestly. Her voice was soft and sincere and right away she could see the change in Andy's demeanor, as if she was suddenly intrigued.
She took a deep breath and swallowed before continuing. "I admit I am not good at this," she said abruptly, her eyes now shining with unshed tears. "That night…" She began in a choked whisper, then stopped, paused, and then started again. "Your life, this life you have made for yourself, I didn't want to mess that up, I still don't…you deserve so much more."
"Then why are you here?" Andrea noticed the tender look on Miranda's face, and deep in her heart she decided she couldn't handle it. "You know what? You coming up here was a mistake, and this is going to be the last time that I ever want to see you, are we clear? You have your life, I have mine. And there is no reason for our paths to cross ever again."
Miranda's lips twisted in scared realization that she was about to lose her. God damn it, where was that 'A' game of hers. "No reason? Hmmmm… am I the only one that can't get that night out of my head?"
Andy's breath suddenly caught. "Don't you dare." Her voice was breaking. "You called it a mistake." Fighting back her tears, she exhaled harshly through her nostrils. "Don't you dare," she repeated, in a mere whisper.
"It was a hell of a lot more than that, and you and I both know it. I know I told you it was a mistake, because you were right, I was scared, and that's why I was so callous to you." Miranda's voice slightly trembled. "I wanted to stay away from you, but I can no longer do that."
"You…" A lonely tear that Andy tried to hold back finally slipped from her eye, and she shook her head as she swiped at it angrily. "I don't know what you want this time, but I am not buying any of this." Again she went to brush by the other woman, but Miranda quickly stood in front of her.
"You can do anything, right? So please, can you try and give me this?"
Andy's brow lowered in defense and she pushed away from Miranda. "Give you what?"
"That night," Miranda tried again. Inhaling a deep breath, she searched deep inside herself, trying to find the words. Be honest. She momentarily closed her eyes and got her rapid beating heart to settle somewhat. She then returned her gaze right into Andy's dark eyes, and ignored it when a tiny tear fell from her blue ones.
"Andrea, I loved feeling your heartbeat beside mine." She pressed her fingers against her own heart and rubbed it slightly. "It surprised me that we were in sync, even though deep down it shouldn't have. Do you know how long I've wanted it?" She inhaled a shaky breath. "Watching you….fantasizing about you… wondering what it would be like?"
"Miranda, please don't," Andy cried. Her tears fell harder now and she sniffed, wiping them away.
"Even when I wasn't with you, I would picture you in my mind. Your skin, your ….your eyes. Those lips, god your lips," she husked in an unsteady whisper.
"I can't do this. I can't…and I won't." Andy tried to slip past Miranda again, but the older woman quickly snatched her hand, and there it was again. That spark, the warmth of her touch that Miranda thirsted for. "You drive me crazy, Andrea, and being a fool that day is one of my biggest regrets. That night wasn't a mistake. It was real."
"That's your story now?" Andy's defense was crumbling by the second. Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever predicted this, predicted seeing Miranda like this, and saying all this to her. The sincerity in Miranda's eyes made Andy's breath shudder.
"It's the truth, we are magnetic, Andrea, hell it's electric. You know as well as I…that we felt it early on. And I fought it, god I fought it. Right before you left me it was getting harder to leave the room when you were in it. Then I would hear your voice, even when you weren't there," she breathed, teary emotions clouding her blue eyes. "And now I feel your skin; I smell your damn perfume everywhere. I know I don't deserve you, but…" her voice now cracked, her emotions getting the better of her, and she blinked away her own tears.
"That is your opinion," Andy said faintly.
Confusion filled Miranda's brow, not knowing or believing what she heard. "What?" she barely whispered, and her breath suddenly caught in her chest once she felt that perfect familiar soft hand cup her cheek, and more tears slid down her cheek. She tried to keep a steady breath as she felt Andrea's thumb brush them away.
Andy inhaled a shaky mouthful of air and then slowly let it out. "I play it over and over in my head as well, that night especially. I think about us, I think about me and you… all the times I would feel that pull toward you, just to have you push me away. Then New Mexico happened, and I was like we can do this….there is nothing between us this time. No husband, no boyfriend, no working relationship….then you once again pushed me away, and in the harshest way I might add," Andy cried. "I can't and I won't go through that again."
"Andrea, I was worried what this would do to your career… what it still could do."
Andy firmly shook her head, her bottom lip quivering in a sobbing breath. "Admit it; you were just looking out for yourself."
"Not really, that was just my excuse. I am old enough to be your mother. And the woman thing? Come on…. you know what they would all say. What the press would say in page six."
"Do you think that I would even care? I would smile and say it would be you and me against the damn world, but now I just don't think I can trust you."
"I understand, and I get that now. Please just tell me yes. Please find it in you to forgive my foolishness, and I swear to you that you would be my everything. Do you understand? Hell, it seems you already are. It just took me awhile to get over my stubborn pride and accept it."
After a beat Andrea said the only thing she could say. "No," she replied, her voice unsteady.
Miranda closed her eyes, bowing her head in defeat. She felt her heart crumbling in her chest as more tears fell, when all of a sudden she felt a touch to her brow from Andy's. She opened her eyes to see the younger woman's own eyes closed, as she breathed in deeply of Andrea's wonderful scent. So is this really a yes? A glimmer of hope filled her once crimpled heart, and she drew back enough so she could place a tender kiss to the younger woman's forehead, hoping with everything in her that it wouldn't be the last time she'd get to do that.
She heard Andrea's slight intake of breath as she placed the soft kiss to her brow, when the warmth of the body she missed terribly moved in closer. Emotionally exhausted, Miranda leaned forward, meeting Andrea's body that she knew was just as drained. So the older woman wrapped her arms around Andy and just held her against her. "I'm sorry, Andrea," she whispered again against the shell of her ear. "Please, my darling, don't let me go."