"Wow," said Sam. "I can't believe it."
"Trust me, Sammy, when an angel says something in their true voice, you believe it," Dean said matter-of-factly.
"No, I mean, that's what he said to me!" Sam exclaimed.
Dean was taken aback. "Wait, what?"
"I mean, when he was talking to me about you, before we went and found you at the diner. I was, well, I was… giving him shit I guess, and then he said that to me." Sam winced. "He was very… emphatic."
Dean's face squeaked out a half smile. "He said that to you, did he?"
Sam smiled wide. "Uh-huh." He watched his brother as a blush spread across his cheeks. Oh my God, Dean Winchester is blushing. He pulled a serious look back over his face. "You haven't told me what happened next."
"I heard his voice, and then I felt… stronger. I was able to get up off the bed. Then I heard your… soundtrack." Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother.
"You liked that, eh?" Sam said slyly.
"Well, it was certainly fun to punch to. I jumped up and just started wailing on the fucker. Then the door just exploded off the frame and in walked Cas, the real Cas, and he ran up to the other guy and basically vaporized him with his mojo."
"Holy shit."
"Holy a lot of things."
"I wonder what happened to him, what that explosion was," Sam wondered aloud.
"I didn't get a chance to ask him," admitted Dean.
"I'm guessing he had to fight his way to you," Sam deduced. "Fight whatever defenses your mind put in place to keep you… in the dark."
"So you're saying I kept him away with my own brain?" he said, discouraged.
"Well, part of you. The part that hates yourself and doesn't want you to be happy. The part that reviles Castiel and what he means to you."
Dean sat with that thought for a while before Sam started in again.
"And then? What happened after he vaporized the other guy?"
Dean took a second to collect his words. "And then? Sammy, it was the most beautiful…" Dean trailed off. "It was perfect." It was then that something in Dean broke. He started shaking, and tears came tumbling out of his eyes. "Well, I've been a real grade-A piece of shit, haven't I?" he said with a wet grimace.
"Maybe a little."
"Dammit, Sam. I don't know how to fix this."
"You need to talk to him."
"Sam," Dean said, exasperated, "he left! I was a dick and he left and frankly, I don't blame him." Dean's voice lowered, defeated. "He wouldn't show up, even if I prayed for him. I'm no good, Sammy, and now he knows."
"You are a good man," Sam consoled, then smirked. "An asshole sometimes, but aren't I? I mean, Cas has made some fuck awful life choices, but all from a place of wanting to help others, help you."
"Sammy, even if I could get him to come back, what would I say?" Dean leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.
"Just tell him what you told me. You're an asshole, you're sorry. You don't deserve him. You fucking ADORE him. This isn't rocket science, Dean. This is honesty."