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Razor Tongues Think Alike
Cast: (Niles & Azama vs. Oboro)
Prompt: Niles and Azama interact with each other

Niles sat outside the empty prison, having no prisoners to mess with. All day he'd give remarks to passersby. Some comments were kept to himself. Some were decidedly not, like when a certain monk walked past, carrying a pickaxe and a bucket of emeralds.

"Well if it isn't Azama. Must be nice to get babysat by Hinoka."

Azama's eyebrows perked up. "Ah, a challenge! You must be Niles. I'm afraid I'm a little too busy at the moment to feel uncomfortable, thereby making you feel better about your miserable childhood. Perhaps another time."

Niles raised his eyebrow. He did not like Azama so acutely figuring his angle, but was impressed at how casually the monk had brushed him off. This might be interesting. The outlaw shrugged. "I see how it is. Off to find more children to make cry?"

"Oh no, not today. It just so happens Lady Hinoka wanted some emeralds, and was busy. I can be a loyal retainer sometimes."

"Guess there's a first time for everything. Of course leave it to a Hoshidan princess to sit on a pile of emeralds." Niles spat.

"And leave it to a Nohrian prince to hire a blatant criminal to serve at his right hand. Speaking of, are you standing outside that prison because you broke out?"

"Maybe I did. Maybe I need to be punished, Azama. Maybe I'm a baaad boy."

Azama kept smiling. "Oh, no maybes about it. You're definitely a scoundrel."

Then, everything went silent. The two retainers stood there for a moment, with no more words between them. Not until Niles broke the silence.

"… We appear to be evenly matched."

"Indeed."

"You know, we could really fluster some people," he began, "if you're interested."

"Ah, an alliance! I like the way you think." The two walked close and shook hands.

"Azama," Niles grinned, "this is the start of a beautiful partnership."

"How about him?" Niles asked, pointing at Hayato practicing a spell. Azama shook his head.

"Only if you want him to counterattack with a spell." The monk pointed to Felicia. "Perhaps the maid?"

Niles shook his head. "She's too flustered already. It's overkill."

Another, more feminine voice rang out. "UH! Who just leaves half-eaten food on the table?! A dog?! No, because that would be an insult to dogs!"

Niles and Azama both got the same look. "Hmm…"

"Azama, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think about everything. But I do believe I know what you suggest."

Oboro stood furiously in the mess hall, cleaning tables. "This is asinine! Why are there twelve trays by one seat?! Was it Effie?! Now I must clean all these before I can finish the tables, which will cut into preparing the meals, which will delay dinner!"

"Oh Oboro, I'd thought you had company in here, but it just turns out you're talking to yourself!" Azama popped in. "How delightful that you can be accepting of your craziness."

She stopped. "What?"

"Well I mean who goes and just talks to themselves like that?" asked the monk. "Not normal people."

The fashionable warrior took a deep breath. "Azama… I am not in the mood for this."

"Oh lighten up!"

"Don't you screw with me right now!"

"What's this about screwing?" Niles barged in. "Oboro, please, whatever's between you and Azama, surely you can be more private."

She grunted. "Like you're one to talk!"

The outlaw grinned, as did Azama. Niles cleared his throat. "So, you don't deny the implication? Make no mistake, I didn't mean to interrupt what the two of you had going."

"Wh-what are you saying?! It's not like that!"

The cyclops put a hand to his chin. "Is that why you're blushing?"

"I'm blushing because I'm being accused of something indecent!" Oboro turned to face Azama. "Why aren't you denying any of this?!"

The monk merely shrugged. "Honestly, I thought he was referring to you speaking to yourself. Because you do that. Like a crazy person."

"Just you and yourself? Ooh, don't mind me then, we'll leave you to it." Niles said, walking out. Oboro nearly stuttered and turned to yell at the only harasser left, but Azama had already vanished.

"Oh they are so not getting any food tonight!"

Niles and Azama were laughing it up by the Dawn Lottery. "Ohhh, yes!" He chuckled. "That was exhilarating, the way we got to her like that."

"It was! And your bawdy remarks flustered her so much, she couldn't even make that scary face of hers!" Azama looked up at the sky. "Well it appears to be getting late, and I must tend to the armory soon. But this was fun! We must do it again sometime."

"Good evening, you two." Said a familiar voice. Niles and Azama looked over and saw Oboro again, but she looked different. She was no longer a Spear Fighter, but a Basara.

"Ooh, all dolled up just to see us? I'm flattered, but I know what'd look better on you." Niles teased.

Oboro gave them a deadly serious look, but not her full-blown scowl. "After getting my husband to cover for me at the mess hall, I spoke to Lady Hinoka and Lord Leo about your conduct. Pretty easy to find them both, considering they've been spending a lot of time together. They both said I could take matters into my own hands."

Niles blanched. "You told Lord Leo?"

Azama privately smirked at the way Niles still regarded his liege so highly. Oboro kept talking and pulled out a scroll. "Yep! And I found a Master Seal like I'd always wanted! Now, I'm going to try a little something I learned from Nyx."

Niles' eye widened. "Oh no…"

"Hm?" The monk turned to face his partner. "What is it?"

"Theag eln snouci!"

Oboro's incantation created an echo as she read the scroll and then flicked her wrist in Azama and Niles' general direction.

Azama was about to ask what happened, but could not form words. He saw Niles and found that the man had a look of resignation, as if this was nothing new. Oboro smirked. "And now you can't talk until I lift the curse… in a day or two."

Niles winced, and Azama nearly opened his eyes wide open.

"Hm-hm! If there's a next time, I won't even bother lifting the curse. Now, my husband needs me at the mess hall. Bye!" Oboro walked off, chuckling victoriously. Niles and Azama were left alone, defeated for today.

Of course… this meant war.

A/N:

Sometimes the mods on the blog have requests of their own, because they want to see something done, but aren't really able to grasp it themselves.

So one of the mods and I decided to take on each other's requests. They wrote an angsty piece about Hinata and Oboro surviving Conquest Chapter 23, while I wrote this. So Oboro kind of has it rough in both drabbles. At least she got the upper hand here.

The prompt was two of the biggest trolls in the army interacting with each other. First it was going to be a contest to see who could be a bigger jerk. Then it was going to be a contest to see who could go the longest without being a jerk. Then I just decided on having them team-up. Tag-Team Trolling, the sport of kings.

There was going to be a line from Niles where he describes himself and Azama having a "Jerk-Off" (contest to be a bigger jerk) and someone else misunderstanding him. I liked the joke, but couldn't find a place for it.

And I have to say, Oboro's a pretty fun foil to the two of these guys. Helps that they can both support with her.

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