Sorry for the delay. I think this next little bit needs to be told from EPOV so people have an understanding of what goes on in his mind. It's a bit messy and some of you (reviewers of the last chapter) have seen some of this, but this is the extended version and I hope you'll enjoy. Please read the EN at the bottom. I have a few important things to say. Enjoy x
EPOV
The sound of her laughter has become one of my favourite things in life, so of course I notice when she stops abruptly and approaches Angela. Bella may be smart, but she's a terrible liar. Still, I don't kick up a fuss when she assures me that it's just a girl thing. My gut churns and I only half listen as Eric carries on about his hatred for one of the teachers. Without even looking, I can sense that Jasper is watching me, he knows something isn't right, too.
Moments later, my phone rings and my finger hits answer before it can ring a second time. I stand up and look in the direction she had walked in just minutes ago.
"Bella?"
"Edward, it's Angela. Edward, it's happening again. It's bad, oh my god it's everywhere."
The sheer panic in her voice turns my insides out.
"I'm on my way," I huff out as I begin to walk in their direction.
"Hurry!" The urgency in her voice makes me switch into a run.
"Edward?" I hear Jasper call out behind me.
"Call an ambulance!" I yell over my shoulder.
My heart is in my stomach, beating a million miles an hour. My imagination spins out of control, thinking of all the possible scenes waiting for me. I slam open the bathroom door and call out for her. When Angela opens the door I see Bella sitting on the toilet, but she's dressed. Her face is red and wet with tears. I crouch down in front of her and look into her eyes, but they're unfocused and I'm worried she might be in shock.
"Careful of the blood on the floor," Angela warns.
I look down to see that there is in fact blood on the floor by my feet. I hear Bella apologise and I scoop her up, glad that she seems to be aware of what's going on around her after all. She leans into me and I look past her, mistakenly glancing into the toilet. The bowl is smudged in red and I know that what I'm looking at is a large clot. I know enough to realise that she's likely lost the baby. My heart lurches into my throat and I swallow hard, willing myself to be strong for Bella.
I sit her down and try to calm her while we wait for the ambulance and then carry her out when Jasper informs us of their arrival. A crowd has formed, but they part when the bed is pushed up the quarry, to the front car park.
On the way, Jasper hands me back my phone and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"I called your mum, both she and your dad are waiting. She said she'd call Bella's parents."
I take my phone and thank him. He hugs me and I jump into the ambulance once they have Bella situated inside. I look out to see Jasper holding a distraught Angela. Beside him is Mrs O'Hare and two other teachers. I give them a small nod in appreciation before the medic closes the doors.
It's lights and sirens the moment we take off. A few minutes in, Bella reaches out for me. I grab her hand and bring it to my lips, but it's not enough. I want to scoop her up and hold her to me tightly, but all I can do is watch helplessly as she breaks down in front of me.
At the hospital we're pushed straight through into the ER. Both mum and dad are there, and I'm made to wait out in the hall when they put her in a room.
"It's not something she'll want you to see, mate. You can go in when they've cleaned her up, we're just organising an urgent scan," Dad tries to assure me.
I can't say anything. Words escape me. I can't believe we have finally gotten to this point only to have it all ripped out from under us. Seeing Bella like this makes my heart feel so heavy … the pain is indescribable.
"Ed?" Dad looks at me, an anxious expression about him.
I stare at him, speechless. Numb. Barely a second passes and I am in his arms.
"It's all right, mate. Let it out," he urges, quietly.
And I do. Like I did when I was a little boy, I grip onto my dad and I sob. He is a pillar. Strong and silent. He holds me until I pull away.
I try to get my emotions under control again, wiping at my eyes. I remind myself that I need to be strong for Bella. Dad pats me on the back at the same time mum sticks her head out and says I can come in.
Walking back in I find Bella in a gown with a blanket over her. Her face is red, her eyes distant, until they settle on me. I sit in the seat next to her bed and take her hand. Mum explains that they're waiting on a scan but she's going to use the Doppler to see if they can find baby's heartbeat.
Bella squeezes my hand and I look up at her. Our eyes never leave the others; waiting, hoping.
Seconds feel like minutes as the sounds from the Doppler mimic the sound of someone tapping a microphone, until, finally, the sound of galloping horses echoes around the small room. Bella's eyes close and she sobs in relief. I can't contain my own relief and jump out of my seat to hug her.
"She's alive," she whispers into my ear. "Our baby's alive."
Another dose of reality slams into the pit of my stomach. While reality hit me when I first saw the baby in the ultrasound, I'm still getting used to the idea of being a dad. Hearing the words 'our baby' has the same effect on me as seeing Bella rub her belly at school when she thinks no one's watching, or when I look at the sonography picture by my bed at night, and when my parents talk about it over dinner. I've always tried to bury the panic, let it slide and just concentrate instead on the fact that I got the girl, and that's all that matters. But now I see. Now I know that I can't do this anymore.
There is a baby. A baby that Bella already loves, and though I know I couldn't ever let anyone else raise my child, I have still found it hard to imagine myself raising her. Try as I might on the outside to appear calm and ready to take this on, deep down inside I'm struggling with the idea of being a teen dad. I'm scared.
But now, even more so, I'm scared of losing her.
Seeing Bella hurt, hurts me. I couldn't stand to watch her suffer the pain of losing this baby. So now, more than ever, I want this baby to live, and my panic becomes tinged with joy when we hear the unmistakable sound of the baby kicking at the Doppler.
Bella's laughter eases my panic some more, and I relax back into the seat beside her.
"Well, someone's not happy at being poked," my mum jokes.
"Izzy!" Bella's parents burst into the room and I stand to let her mum put her outstretched arms around Bella.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look over to see Charlie looking at me questioningly. I nod and smile, letting him know that things are good for now.
"We found a heartbeat. We're just waiting on a scan," my mother answers their questions before they can ask.
They both look visibly relieved and I'm taken aback when Renee turns and pulls me into a hug.
"Oh, thank god!" she whispers as I awkwardly hug her back.
The quiet room becomes chaotic again when we are informed that it's her turn for a scan. Mum apologises, saying that only one other person can come up, and Renee pushes me gently toward Bella.
"Go. You go. We'll be right here." She speaks in a hushed tone. Her eyes, filled anxious tears, flick towards Bella. "We'll wait for you, okay?"
Bella nods and I thank Renee quietly, before following Bella as she's wheeled away.
The sonographer awaits us with a small smile and they shift Bella onto the bed in the middle of the room. I sit and hold her hand as we wait anxiously for the scan to get underway.
The room is silent but for the shuffling of the sonographer in her seat and the click of buttons as she presses them on the machine.
The screen lights up and blobs of black and grey start to take shape. The outline of baby's nose and eyes can be seen for a quick moment before she moves down and zooms in on the heart. Once again we hear the sweet sounds of galloping horses and the sonographer smiles at us.
"A beautiful strong heartbeat of a hundred and fifty four beats per minute," she informs us.
Then she moves the stick again and this time I can't tell what we're looking at exactly. She freezes the screen and then looks to my mother. She then looks back at the screen and clicks a few buttons. My mother hums. I look to the screen and see a line of red and blue on the screen.
"Well, that's good," my mother says lowly and the sonographer hums in agreement.
"What's good?"
My mother looks to us and smiles, but then lets it slip and furrows her brows at Bella.
"The blood flow to and from your placenta is good. Baby is healthy and I'm confident that all is well, but I really don't like that this hematoma is still there. Most are gone by this stage, but yours is stubborn. I really think that the best thing for us to do is to keep you in here, on strict bed rest, until it's gone."
"But why is there so much blood? And there was the big clump …" Bella questions.
"I know this may sound strange, but in a way, this might be a good sign. There's only two ways for these things to fix themselves, and that's to bleed out, or be absorbed into your body."
"On the bright side, you get some more pictures of your gorgeous baby," the sonographer interrupts, changing the subject.
She points to the screen, and Bella and I look over to see she's taken a picture of the baby with her thumb in her mouth. She clicks a button, seeming to save the picture, and then moves the stick. The baby wriggles, pulls her thumb out of her mouth and yawns. The room fills with 'awwws' and Bella giggles as the baby seemingly waves and then puts her thumb back in her mouth. She zooms out and takes a picture of the whole baby and prints them out before we're sent on our way.
The whole way back to emergency I can't help but think how amazing the human body is. Seeing what I've seen … all that blood … I thought for sure that the baby was gone, and yet here we are, once again, with pictures of a happy, healthy baby.
I look to Bella, expecting to see her more happier and relaxed, but her expression is one of anxiousness and fear.
When we are wheeled into a private room on the ward an hour later, her demeanour hasn't changed at all, despite our families reassuring her that everything is going to be fine.
Leaving her there, knowing she's feeling the way she does, is almost impossible, but I'm encouraged to get some rest, and so I leave her in the capable hands of her mother.
After a shower and an episode of Game of Thrones, I'm lying awake in bed when my phone rings. It's Bella.
"Hey," I answer softly.
"I'm bored already," she announces.
"Want me to come do a late night maccas run?"
"No, it's okay, I'm not hungry. I would love my iPod back though," she reminds me gently.
"I haven't finished with it yet. I'll bring it tomorrow, I promise."
"You better!" She warns.
After a lengthy discussion about mundane stuff, and skirting around the serious issue of what she's going through, I say goodnight and hang up. Then I pull back my covers and pull out my laptop and her iPod. I click to make a playlist and then type in a title.
'Baby Swan-Cullen'
EN: I don't want to blab on forever about why I've been absent but a lot has been going on and I still intend to finish this story so thank you for being patient.
Since my last update i have lost a dear friend to suicide, and I feel it's important to point out that today is World Suicide Prevention Day (#WSPD). Love is the best feeling in the world and it's so important that kindness and love is shared. Don't forget to tell people they are loved. Most importantly, if you feel like you can't go on, don't be ashamed to ask for help. In fact it's perfectly okay to ask for help. EVERYONE needs help at some point in their lives. Remember, no one can fill your place in the world. You are important ,and your story needs to be lived, because you are loved x
BDB
xx