A/N - Angst ahoy...

I need to tell you something.

That's all she had to say. Just sit down and explain who 'Ben'really was.

Easy, right?

She'd heard that sharing a problem halves the burden, or something like that. Not that Emma had ever tried; no one had ever gotten close enough to her. Even her few friends she kept carefully at arm's length, giving away just enough about herself. It was just easier that way.

Well, kinda.

Bottling things up had become a fine-tuned art over the years. Angry about something? Have a drink and try to forget. Sad? Take some sleeping pills and hope that sleep helps. Scared? Lock the front door, wrap up in a blanket and wait for the feeling to fade.

Of course, it never really worked. Each feeling lingered, leaving a ghostly impression on her soul, building up over the years to the point where she didn't know where she ended and the hurt girl in her heart began. So maybe it was time to try something new.

That night, Killian had asked her one more time if she was okay. They were watching a movie in bed- she lay with her head in the crook of his shoulder, his arm snug around her waist. She was falling asleep, lulled by his warm body and the soft, dull thud of his heart beneath her. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, just below her hairline. It had made her smile.

"Are you sure you're okay, love? You know you can tell me anything."

His tone was soft, perhaps with a tinge of underlying concern. She felt his hand tighten as she automatically stiffened her body for a second. Briefly, she considered it. Drowsy in the warm bed, still a bit punch drunk from the make out session that had lasted from the time it took the pizza to arrive, she really did think about telling him everything. But then the moment passed and she sighed softly, burying her face further into his naked chest.

"I'm fine,"she lied, "Absolutely fine."

She paused, holding her breath, listening to his heart beat, trying to relax but failing-

"Well, actually-"she began and instantly he pulled her just a tiny bit closer. "Oh God, I'm not sure how to begin."

"Take your time,"he soothed, running his hand through her hair.

"It's about that guy - Ben."

"Ben?"

She nodded lightly as she turned to face away from him. Maybe opening up a little would be easier if she couldn't see his face.

"His real name - his old name - wasn't Ben. It's Neal."

Curling her knees up to her waist, Emma laid her palm on the cool cotton sheets of the bed as she counted the few slow seconds that passed by.

"I mean the same Neal…I mean-"she drew up her shoulders and sighed, "The one I was in a relationship with."

Killian exhaled deeply and his hand came to rest on her hip. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"he whispered.

"I dunno…actually, that's a lie. Part of me thought I could just deal with it on my own. Part of me was scared how you would react."

"Emma…"

He rolled her back towards him. A cold chill ran through her as he tilted her chin so they could look into each other's eyes. "I need you to understand that you're important to me. And that means when you have a problem, it's mine too. If I'd have known-"

"I saw him this afternoon,"she blurted out before he could finish.

Sighing again, Killian dropped his gaze.

"I thought maybe I could clear the air and then even maybe just forget he ever existed but…"

Softly, Killian kissed her forehead as the words died in her throat. For a few moments they were quiet. She had expected him to say more - to give her advice or try to soothe her with words. Instead he just held her tight and waited.

Finally, she continued, feeling the tears she had pushed away earlier rising, "But then he started trying to apologize and said he loved me and I just couldn't take it and-"her voice cracked, just a little.

"It's okay, I understand."

"You do?"

He shifted down the bed so they were eye to eye. "I knew when I came home that something was wrong, Emma. You're a woman of few words, I've realized, but the way you were so aggressive and forward - that was a little surprising."

"Yeah,"she sighed.

"And I'm here for you. I know you've been hurt and all I want to do is protect you. I can make sure you don't need to see him again - it's a big city. You have me now."

"I do?"

Killian smiled and pressed a kiss on her lips, "Yes. And I can't take away the past, but I can keep assholes like that away from you."He started to run his hand over the curve of her waist, "I never liked him, you know, I always got a weird vibe. Like he was hiding something. I guess he was."

"Yeah, he certainly was."She slipped her leg between his and studied his bright blue eyes. Maybe she could trust him? He hadn't lied to her so far (well, as far as she knew), he seemed to actually care about her welfare and there was just something about him that told her heart to let him in. "You know the dumbest thing? It was over ten years ago. I'd thought a bunch of times what I would do if I saw him. I swung from slugging him, to ignoring him completely. Passing out and then meeting him for a drink was not one of the preferred options."She smiled grimly as she remembered how she had felt when she saw him across the room at the gallery.

"Well, you see, that's the problem with people. We aren't rational, especially when we want to be. It sounds like when you saw him, you became that young girl from all those years ago. But you're not, Emma, you know that, right?"

Through her damp eyes she smiled and nodded. Maybe she didn't believe him totally, but his earnest expression and the sincerity in his voice convinced her at least he believed it.

"You're too good to me, you know that?"

"No,"he replied, "I'm actually not good enough."

The next day Killian had insisted on taking the day off work to stay with her. She had protested (lamely). He had countered with the very true point that as he ran his own business, he could do as he pleased and a little part of her swelled with something like happiness when he switched of his phone and brought her hot chocolate in bed.

They lazed for a few hours. Talking about nothing of consequence, making love a couple of times (and that's what it was - it was more than sex) and sometimes just being quiet and listening to the faint city sounds that rose up from the street below.

Finally they both had to concede that they were hungry.

"Oh, I wish we could just hide here all day. But I really want a burrito for some reason."

Killian laughed, "So you like Mexican food, huh? I'll remember that."

"Sometimes,"she teased, feeling more relaxed than she had thought possible after the previous day. "I guess you have a lot to learn about me."

"And you about me,"he retorted, nipping forward to kiss her cheek before she could swat him away. "As it is, there is an amazing burrito cart about two blocks west. I can be there and back in 15."

"Tempting,"she sighed, running her leg up and down his, pausing to hook her foot around his ankle and drag herself closer. "Get me some chips and guacamole too, and we have a deal."

"Well love, you do drive a hard bargain. But thankfully to you I am susceptible to your charms. One burrito with a side of chips and guacamole coming up."

Emma beamed as he rolled out of bed and pulled on his jeans, jumping into the legs as he fastened the fly before grabbing a t-shirt from his dresser. He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "Will you miss me?"

"In your dreams, she laughed, swatting him away as she suddenly realized, she would.

The urge to pull on some clothes and finally leave the bedroom overcame her minutes after Killian left. She slipped on one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxer briefs that she found in the dresser, musing as she did so that perhaps the burritos may get a little cold by the time they got to them.

Lazily, she strolled through the apartment, smiling at the artwork he had chosen for the walls and the little design pieces he had scattered around. He had good taste; thank God one of them did. She caught the words as she thought them - was she really considering a future with this man?

As she perused his bookshelf, she found herself reviewing everything that had happened between them so far. They had only known each other a month, and so much seemed to have happened. Yet one thing had stood firm, he had always been straight with her and, damn, he did seem to like her an awful lot.

Maybe more than like.

She pushed that thought aside as she pulled out a worn copy of 'To Kill a Mockingbird'and thumbed idly through the soft, yellowed pages, letting the scent of aged paper surround her and elicit a nostalgic state of mind. Memories of afternoons hidden in the library - anything to avoid going to her foster home - came to her as fresh as if they were yesterday.

A knock at the door startled her thoughts - looks liked Killian forgot his key, she mused as she wandered along the short corridor, turning the deadlock and swinging open the door, only to let out a soft gasp when the face she saw was not that of the Englishman.

"Neal?"

"Emma, I-"

"What are you doing here?"she said in a low whisper, taking a step further into the hall and blocking the entrance to the apartment with her body. "You have no right-"

"Killian told me you were staying with him. I came to apologize, Em. I was out of line yesterday. It's been chewing me up inside and I feel like such a dick-"

"Only for yesterday?"she retorted with a snort, "Like I said, too little too late. Please leave."

Neal shuffled a little on the spot, stuffing one hand into his pocket and making no advance to follow her instructions.

"Please hear me out, I deserve that at least."

When earlier she had responded with panic and nausea, Neal's renewal of his advances was now met with anger. She felt her fists clench as she squared her shoulders.

Through gritted teeth she hissed, "You deserve nothing, Neal."

"Baby, please,"he began, taking a step forward and placing his hand on the door frame to the right of her face, her eyes darted to his arm, feeling increasingly trapped as he loomed closer. "I've changed. I mean it. I was a dumb kid back then, if I'd have known how to contact you years ago, I would have…"

"But you didn't,"Emma replied softly, looking down at her bare feet, just inches away from his own boot-clad ones. "My name never changed and, yeah, I moved. I've been living in Seattle. But you could have found me if you'd wanted to."

He was a quiet for a moment and Emma felt some of the tension in her body dissipate. Maybe she was stronger than she thought.

"I know,"he admitted. She looked up. Those same brown eyes - they hadn't changed, save for a few crinkles that had gathered at their edges. "And I guess that's my biggest regret."

Now would have been the point to step inside and close the door. She was torn, part of her pulling her back inside the apartment, the other feeling confident and sure and just wanting to let him know how much he had affected her.

The second side won.

"I was in jail, Neal. I was just a teenager and I had no one to turn to. Do you understand what that did to me?"

She tilted her head and felt tears rise again at her eyes, but this time they werenot from current pain or emotion, but more a memory or an echo of a girl long since gone. "I loved you. I trusted you."

His hand slipped to her shoulder. She wanted to flinch it away, but instead she held steadfast and kept his gaze. "I was…"she started, briefly pausing, thinking - "Neal, I was pregnant. I mean I had a baby. Our baby."

"What?"His face instantly paled, his lips parting slightly. The grip on her shoulder tightened as she nodded.

"A boy. He had your eyes,"she murmured wistfully, remembering the day he was born and those brief hours when he was hers.

"Fuck,"he muttered, seemingly lost for words. "Jesus Christ, I didn't know, I didn't-"

"No, you didn't,"she replied, "Because you left me with no warning."

"And the baby?"

Her eyes flickered again to the floor as she remembered the report the PI had filed on her - their - son. "He was adopted. He has a good family, better than we could have ever been."

Neal studied her face for a few moments, the fingers of his hand gliding down her arm and finding her own and entwining them together. She let him. Her anger gone, she felt numb. "I don't know what to say."

Emma sighed softly. Spent. Slightly elated that she had let out her feelings without dissolving into a mess of emotions or screaming the place down.

His lips caught her by surprise. They were quickly followed by his hand in her hair. Even after all these years, he still kissed the same. Slow, tender, his mouth soft, his tongue darting to join with hers. She let him kiss her. For old time's sake? Because she was sad? She wasn't sure, but she knew within seconds that this was wrong and not what she wanted. With a firm hand on his chest, she pushed him back against the opposite wall.

"No, Neal. No."

Only then did she see the second shadow in the hallway. Turning slowly to her left she saw Killian, a plastic grocery bag hanging from his fingers, his mouth set in a grimace as he stared at the scene before him.

"She said no Ben, Neal - whatever your name is."

The three were silent a moment. Emma wiped the back of her hand against her mouth - desperate to erase the taste of him from her lips.

"We were just talking. I came to apologize,"he explained, stepping closer to the other man, "I guess you know our history."

"I do,"Killian replied tartly, folding his arms and making the plastic bag swing like a pendulum from his hand. "And I'd say you are just about done. So be on your way and this doesn't have to get awkward."

"Huh,"Neal huffed, licking his lips as he shook his head, "I think Emma is capable of handling herself. She doesn't need some jumped up English boy who thinks he's the shit looking out for her."

"Oh, is that right?"Killian sighed coolly, his lips curving in a smile before his arm swiftly shot out and hit Neal square on the chin.

"What the fuck!"Neal growled, a trail of blood running from his broken lip as Emma pressed herself into the doorway of the apartment.

Killian tossed the bag aside and pushed Neal backwards, "I said leave."

"Fuck you Killian."

His return punch landed on Killian's stomach. He let out a soft 'oof'as he staggered backwards, quickly regaining his balance and charging forward once more. He aimed another punch at Neal's nose, gaining another spurt of blood for his efforts as Neal charged forward and grabbing him by his t-shirt, slamming Killian back into the wall of the hallway, his head banging against the plastered surface.

"Stop!"Emma cried, feeling a little helpless as the two men went at each other like rival school boys in the playground. "Now!"

They weren't listening, instead they began to square up to each other, moving in a circular pattern, each occasionally tapping out a small punch that the other tried to dodge. Feeling desperate, she ran behind Killian, wrapping her arms around his shoulders she jumped up and tied her legs around his waist, making him step backwards as he tried to shake her off. "Stop,"she begged, "Please!"

Her soft entreaty seemed to break whatever spell of manly pride that had overtaken him. Pausing, he breathed heavily as Neal stepped backward. Emma slowly disentangled herself, running her arms around his waist as the two exhaled in time, the men cautiously observing each other. "Enough,"she sighed, "Enough."

Swallowing, Neal nodded, quickly followed by Killian.

Stepping between the two, she surveyed the damage. Neal had a bloody nose and split lip. Killian looked to be sporting the first signs of a black eye and there was a soft indent in the wall where his head had hit it.

"I'm not worth this. I'm not worth fighting over."Killian's hand found her hip and squeezed tightly. "Neal, I think you should go. Please."

Wordlessly, he nodded again, walking past Killian towards the elevator, the men's eyes not parting until they had passed each other. Emma quickly pulled Killian into the apartment, swooping down to pick up the discarded bag of food before she shut the door.

In an instant, his arms were around her, his lips were in her hair, faint whispers of, "I'm sorry,"peppering kisses on her head. She wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for Neal or the fight. But dropping the bag once more, she laid her head on his chest, knowing one thing for sure: no matter how hard she tried, it seemed she could never escape who she really was - that lost girl; the dirty, pretty thing.

A/N - Thank you to the wonderful Ztofan for being the best beta ever and to everyone who has followed, favourited, gave kudos, or reviewed - I love you all!