The changes in Dean were obvious. Something was weighing heavily on him. Lily saw it. Sam saw it. Dean was drinking more. If there was any excuse to go to a bar, he used it. Lily and Sam were both worried about him. They never actually mentioned it to each other, but silent glances showed their concern whenever he opened another beer, or downed another shot.

The guys picked up on a case in Michigan, but Lily decided to stay in Whitefish. Bobby needed help with some things, and Lily needed a break from watching Dean spiral. She felt like he was pulling away, and the night he got back to the motel completely wasted and tried to get her into bed... that was what pushed her over the edge. She needed to get her mind off of it for a while.

But he still managed to keep her worried. It turned out that their monster was the Egyptian god, Osiris. He was famous for weighing the guilt in a person's heart. If he found more than a feather's worth, you were dead. Dean, of course, carried guilt that wasn't even warranted, but that didn't matter to Osiris. Guilt was guilt, and Dean was condemned to die. Sam killed Osiris just in time.

Lily met up with the guys in Indiana, and they stayed at her cabin for a few days. Sam told her all about Dean's trial with Osiris. As usual, Dean wouldn't talk about it. Not at first, but there were a few times when it looked like he wanted to talk about it before he walked away. So, Lily took the risk of pressing him for information.

He finally broke one night as they lay in bed together. She was in his arms with her back to him; Dean in his boxers and Lily in a t-shirt and panties.

"Lily, you still awake?"

"Yeah."

"Did, uh... Did Sam tell you about that girl, Amy?"

"The Kitsune he was after?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, he did."

"Everything?"

"Yes... Why?" His questions were starting to worry her a little bit. It wasn't like Dean to beat around the bush. When he didn't answer her right away, she turned in his arms to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I went after her."

"What?" Lily sat up a little in disbelief. "When?"

"While you and Sam were checking into the motel in Spokane."

"Did you find her?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I told her people can't change what they are... and I killed her."

Lily felt a wave of nausea pass over her. She knew this wouldn't end well. All the scenarios of how this could go played quickly through her head, and they all ended badly. She also thought about Amy's son. The idea of Dean killing a child sickened her the most.

"What about her son?"

She watched as Dean's face fell, and, in that moment, she thought the worst. Dean sat up. "He came into the room right after. I asked him if he had anyone to go to... he said he did. I asked him if he ever killed anyone... he said he hadn't." Dean ran a hand over his mouth. "I walked out of the room, and he went to his mom's body."

Lily understood then what had been weighing so heavily on Dean. He had lied to Sam; gone behind his back and done something he said he wouldn't. And he had taken this boy's mother from him. Dean knew what that felt like. Lily put a hand on Dean's shoulder, wanting to take away the pain she saw in his face.

"No wonder Osiris homed in on you." She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. "You have to tell Sam."

Dean shook his head and pulled away, getting out of bed. "I can't."

"You have to. You don't think Sam can tell something's wrong with you? Your drinking has gotten worse..."

"Oh, you too, huh?"

"What does that mean?"

"Sam already read me the riot act on my drinking, okay."

"Good. You drink too much, your moods have been weird... What's really weird, for you, is that we've only had sex once since it happened, and it felt like you were just going through the motions. You're not yourself lately, Dean. You have to tell him."

"He won't understand."

"Probably not. Honestly, I don't fully understand, either."

Dean looked hurt, and Lily felt a twinge of guilt of her own. She hated seeing him like this, and she hated that her words put that look on his face. He went to his bag and pulled out a pair of jeans. When Lily realized what he was doing she jumped out of the bed and grabbed his arm.

"No, Dean... stay and talk to me, please."

Dean pulled his arm away. "Why? Why should I stay and talk to someone who thinks I'm a terrible person?"

"I never thought that about you! Never!"

"Oh, really?" He threw his jeans back on top of his bag. "You don't think me killing Amy and keeping
It from Sam was terrible?"

"Okay, let's say for minute that I do think it's terrible... It was a terrible act. It doesn't make you a terrible person! The fact that you feel so guilt-stricken over it is proof of that." Dean's face softened as he looked at the floor. "Dean, this situation isn't so black and white. I'm not saying you were wrong. I'm not saying you were right. And I'm not saying Sam will understand, but you have to tell him."

"Let me ask you... Can you honestly tell me that you don't see me differently now?"

"Dean, I..." She hesitated, unable to put how she felt into words, because it was all so messed up. Dean took her hesitation as confirmation.

"That's what I thought. It won't be long before you start to pull away. That's why you stayed in Whitefish, right? You got tired of my crap?"

Lily got angry. She felt the heat rise up into her face, and the tears sting her eyes. "Don't you dare think you know my feelings. I got tired of watching you hurt yourself! It was hurting me to watch you drink yourself into oblivion! Do you have any idea what it's like to watch the person you love slipping away, and there's nothing you can do about it?"

Dean's eyes shot to hers, and she regretted saying it. It was like she couldn't control it. He had made her so angry that the words just tumbled out. She went to grab her bag, but Dean caught her arm.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Since when?" She wouldn't look at him, so he grabbed her face in both hands and turned her head toward him. "Lily, how long?"

"Does it matter?"

"I wanna know." Dean wanted to know how long he had used this woman for sex and comfort without ever realizing that she was in love with him. Just something else for him to feel guilty over.

"When we got back to Bobby's, after Alistair put you in the hospital."

Dean's hands fell away from her face and he took a step back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't wanna scare you away. I knew what we had was supposed to be casual, and I'd rather have that than nothing."

"Those years I pushed you away..." It was then that Dean realized why she hadn't slept with anyone else during those years. "After I went off with Lisa... how could you possibly love me?"

"You want me to justify being in love? I won't lie, it hurt. But that should just show you, if I haven't turned my back on you yet, is there anything you could do that would make that happen?"

Dean sat on the edge of the foot of the bed and ran a hand over his face. "I just don't know what to do with this."

"There's nothing to do. Nothing's changed. I'm fine with our relationship as it is." Lily sat next to Dean on the bed. "Just... don't pull away from me."

Dean looked her in the eyes. "You're the best friend I ever had... I'm not letting you go again."

He put a hand at the back of Lily's neck, and she closed her eyes. Her breath caught when she felt his lips on hers, and her hands went to his face. He pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling him as they kissed. His hands massaged her bare thighs before moving up to pull her shirt off. He stood with her in his arms, and turned to lay her on the bed. He slowly removed her underwear, then his, before crawling over her as she scooted up on the bed. He hesitated, and she could see a conflict in his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me you love me, Dean. It wouldn't be true... just be with me. That's all I'm asking for."

Dean kissed her, and the doubt and guilt faded for a while as they fell into passion. That didn't stop him from having nightmares that night; about Castiel setting the Leviathans loose, Sam's hallucinations, and him killing Amy.

The next morning, Dean sat at the kitchen table with Lily's laptop and a glass of whiskey while Lily made breakfast. Sam had gone running, and that seemed to piss Dean off for some strange reason. Dean had been searching for strange deaths, and he found two in the same town, Prosperity, Indiana. Sam said it was worth checking out, then finally asked Dean what was going on, and it nearly started an argument. Lily kept her mouth shut. It wasn't her place.

As they packed to leave, Lily pulled Dean aside.

"I'm gonna stay behind on this one," she said.

"What? Why?"

"You have to talk to your brother."

"Lily..."

"I'm serious, Dean. This is starting to come between the two of you."

"We're fine."

"No, you're not. You're already lying to him, don't lie to yourself, too." It was harsh, and she knew it, but she had to get him to tell Sam. "You come swing back here when the job is over. I'll be waiting."

Dean found himself amazed, once again, by the woman before him. He kissed her deeply before getting back to his packing. He and Sam were soon on the road, and as much as Lily's words played through Dean's head, he was still determined not to tell Sam about Amy.