Pizza Delivery
Cast: (Dwyer & M!Kana)
Prompt: AU where Dwyer and Kana are brothers and work at a pizza place.
Dwyer did not hate working with his little brother, Kana. However, he did hate how excited the younger boy could be about work. Especially when it was the very last delivery of the day, and Dwyer just wanted to go home.
"That customer sure is lucky! They're getting the last pizza of the day!"
"Okay… How about you drive? I'm exhausted."
"Me?" Kana asked. "But… I still don't have my license!"
"You've got me with you. And it's just around the corner, so c'mon…"
"But… I…"
Dwyer gestured his hand in annoyance. "Just… do what you do whenever Mom has you drive. Except you have me instead."
"Okay…" Kana conceded. With that, the two of them got into the car and buckled in. Kana nervously stared at all the controls. "Don't tell me… uh…"
"Back it up."
"Oh! Yeah! Baaaaack… back it up… back…"
"Shift to reverse, Kana."
"Reverse… reverse…"
"Back. It. Up!"
"BACKING UP!" Kana panicked and immediately shifted the car into reverse. Dwyer tensed up as the car blitzed out of the parking lot, across the street, and through a small wooded area all within the span of seconds.
"… Well, Kana. You've backed us up."
"Dwyer, I-"
"And now we're in the middle of nowhere."
Kana and Dwyer's car had smashed its backside into a tree out in a forest. Kana let go of the wheel and frowned.
"You know what the worst part is, Dwyer? I think the pizza's getting cold." Kana worriedly looked at the case holding the pizza in the backseat. Dwyer rolled his eyes.
"Oh. The pizza's getting cold. Oh the humanity. Innocent pizza too good for this world- Let's just go, Kana. The car's wrecked, we'll have to deliver on foot. Boss's gonna kill us anyway, for totaling the car…"
The brothers began walking along the roadside. They were at it for about five minutes, when Dwyer looked back and caught Kana rubbing his hand on the road. "Kana, stop playing on the street and let's go."
"Don't worry, it's an old pioneering trick! I saw it in a movie!" He gasped. "Oh! It's working, be quiet!" Kana put his ear to the street. "Hmm… Truck, sixteen wheels… Hooray!" Kana stood up. "Okay Dwyer, watch how the pioneers used to hitchhike!"
Kana started dancing awkwardly right in the middle of the street. Dwyer pinched the bridge of his nose, but was interrupted by a truck's horn. "That actually worked? Is he stopping?" Dwyer squinted. "No… Better save him."
Dwyer casually walked across the street, picked up Kana, and carried him and the pizza across just in time to avoid getting run over.
"Lobster Lord Pizza/is the pizza/for you and me!" Kana sang. "Lobster Lord Pizza/is a pizza/absolu-tively! Lobster Lord Pizza/is a pizza/very ta-asty!" Kana then started beatboxing the next verse of his song.
"Please stop."
Kana sang with a more robust voice than usual. "Lobster Looo-ooooord Pizzaaaa! Is the pizza, yeeeeeah! For you and…" his voice raised a few octaves, "MEEEEEEEEE!"
"I hate this."
Kana playfully tapped Dwyer on the shoulder. "Aw c'mon Dwyer, this pizza is for the customer!"
"And who cares about the customer?" asked Dwyer, growing fatigued.
"Me! I care!"
Dwyer scoffed. "Well I don't."
"Dwyer!" Kana gasped.
"Fine, fine…" Then Dwyer's stomach growled. He turned to Kana. "Kana, are you hungry? Because I am."
Kana looked down at the pizza longingly, but shook his head. "Hmm… Oh! I know!"
Dwyer sighed. "Please don't tell me this is another pioneer bit."
"In times of hardship, the pioneers would eat mud! We just need to find some!" He looked to his brother. "Has it rained lately?"
Dwyer proceeded to massage his temples.
Kana and Dwyer passed a large rock, and Kana looked at it thoughtfully. "Sometimes the pioneers would use rocks to-"
"Kana," Dwyer started, "stop talking about the pioneers. Have you noticed there are no pioneers left? Can we just deliver this pizza and go home? No doubt Dad has several chores for us."
Kana gasped. "Look, Dwyer! The customer's house!" The boy pointed and found a house. He pulled out a small sheet and smiled. "Yep, this is the place! Let's go!"
"About time…"
Kana hurried up to the door and knocked. It was answered by a man with an eyepatch.
"Yeah?"
Kana held out the pizza box and smiled. "Congratulations, sir! Your Lobster Lord pizza is here!"
"Oooh. Don't mind if I do…" He smirked dangerously. "And what about my drink?"
"… What drink?"
"My drink? My Diet Dr. Daikon?! Are you saying you forgot my drink?! Oh wow you came all this way, took forever, and didn't even get it right!" Kana's heart sank, and he started tearing up. "Ohhh delicious! You're about to start crying?!" he asked, excitedly. "Oh that was worth the wait! Okay get out of here, pizza boy. I don't want any."
The customer slammed the door. Kana stood there for a moment before walking back to Dwyer. The older boy frowned. "Kana?"
"L-let's go home…" Kana sniffled. "I-I-I…" He started to cry. Dwyer narrowed his eyes.
"That guy's got some nerve…" He yanked the pizza box from Kana's hands and marched back to the door. Dwyer knocked with authority.
"Now what?" the eyepatch-wearing man asked. "Aww, the bigger delivery boy is here to stick up for his friend?"
"… Yep." Dwyer slammed the pizza box right in the man's face, knocking him backward.
With the deed done, Dwyer walked back over to Kana and put a hand on his shoulder. Kana looked up. "Dwyer? Wh-what happened?"
The older brother smiled for the first time that day. "Customer changed his mind. Let's go before he changes it back. I think I have enough bus fair to get us home."
"O-okay… Thank you, Dwyer."
"Sure thing…"
A/N:
Not only is this another AU, but it's another Spongebob episode parody. Based on the episode of the same name. One of the authors on this site, Lovelylori, is also another mod on the blog. She and I were talking about Kana and Dwyer and suddenly I had the idea to write this.
Again, it's not 100% like the episode. Dwyer never tries to eat the pizza, and is generally more supportive of Kana. But I still felt like their personalities worked well for this sort of thing.
Go to the blog if you have requests.