AN: I promise that this chapter will get better towards the end…just give it a chance and don't come after me with the pitchforks!
Clary POV; Seven weeks later:
"Clary," I hear Jocelyn shout from the front of the house.
"Yeah," I shout back.
"Celine will be over shortly. She said Jace couldn't come so it will just be us."
"Okay!" I can handle Celine…I think. School started 5 weeks ago and I've seen Jace around the halls. I still haven't talked to Jace. Just then, the doorbell rings and I hear my mom greet Celine. "Clary! Celine is here!"
I grab my phone and put it in the back pocket of jeans as I move soundlessly to the front of the house. I must have moved really quietly because I can hear their hushed voices in the entryway. "How's Clary," I hear Celine ask.
"I don't know," mom answers, "She's been really closed off and stays in her room all day since she got back from California…sometimes I can hear her crying."
"Maybe Jace can help," when Celine says this I feel my hear jump a little bit at his name. I decide to make my presence known at that moment and walk around the corner. Celine and Jocelyn look at me and Celine smiles brightly. "Hi, Clary," she hugs me and then steps back, sharing a glance with Jocelyn. She nods her head and then Celine says, "You're welcome to go see Jace."
Just as I'm about to protest, Jocelyn interjects, "Yeah, Clary. Go over and see Jace." I look at her eyes and see that she is telling me 'go see him.' I know I can't fight with her and nod my head. I turn around and head towards the door, slipping on my converse as I head out the door and start walking towards Jace's house.
Am I ready to see him? Will he even let me in the house? My heart starts beating faster as I get closer to his house. I pause once I get in front of his house. Can I do this? My body makes the decision for me and the next thing I know I just knocked on the door and now I'm waiting for him to open it. Soon enough, he opens the door and I see his face light up before the mask returns. "Hey," I say quietly.
"Hey," he repeats. All I notice is how perfect he looks. He was obviously just working out because he's sweaty, out of breath, and is in shorts with no top on. Golden messy hair, mischievous golden eyes, tanned chest with a 6 pack, perfect lips moving…wait…moving?
"Sorry, what?"
He smirks, but this isn't the smirk he always gave me…this is the smirk he used on the girls at school, the cocky, self-centered, arrogant smirk. "I know I'm gorgeous, but you're going to have to stop staring," he leans down and whispers in my ear, "It's going to be hard, but save some for others."
I jerk my head back in shock and step away from him. His smirk widens and he steps aside to let me in. I stand in the doorway, dumbfound. He shrugs his shoulders and turns to walk into the kitchen, leaving me at the door. I follow him in and shut the door behind me. "When did you become such a…" I struggle for the right words to try not to sound like a bitch and he laughs.
"What? Am I so gorgeous that you can't speak? That's new," he says as he opens the fridge and gets out a water bottle.
"When did you become such an asshole?"
"Oh, looks like you finally got your voice back. And I've always been like this babe."
"No. You haven't always been like this," I tell him.
"Well, I guess you we're just oblivious."
"Oblivious? No, you're just being an asshole to me."
He looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, "I'm being an asshole? Well, I guess if the truth is coming out then I might as well tell you that you're immature, childish, a smart-ass, know-it-all, and an art freak."
As he finishes saying this I can't stop the tears from coming down my cheeks. He has never said anything like this before…never done anything like this before. "I-I thought we were best friends…that-that we were in love, Jace…"
"Yeah, well, you were wrong, weren't you? You're just another girl to me."
My world stops moving…just another girl… "You might want to leave," he says and that's my breaking point. "You arrogant, egotistical bastard," I shout at him as the tears fall harder, "You played a game with me this entire time?! If you think we will be friends after this then you are wrong you selfish prick!"
I turn and run out of the house, back to my house with tears streaming down my face the entire way. I ran inside and slammed the door, running up to my room I flopped on my bed and let myself howl. I hear my mom and Celine come in my room and Jocelyn tries to consol me, but I can't stop crying. I let it all out…I tell them everything that happened between me and Jace from the beginning of summer to what just happened now.
I exhaust myself crying so I fall asleep in my mother's arms.
Celine POV:
I just heard everything. Everything. Clary and Jace were dating…he didn't tell her…they fought…made up…fought again and now Clary is broken hearted. She cried herself to sleep 30 minutes ago and now Jocelyn and I are still sitting in silence. Jocelyn has her arms wrapped around Clary and I stand. "I have to go yell at Jace. Please tell me that this isn't going to ruin our friendship Jocelyn…we both know everything about each other and I told you what's happening with-"
"I know," Jocelyn interrupts me, "This won't affect us, but please knock some sense into Jace. They were so happy when they were together...I shipped them."
I laugh, "I know Jocelyn. I did too. I'll lock the doors and turn off the lights since I know you aren't going to be moving for a while."
She smiles, "Thanks Celine…I'm here for you…just like you were when I had to deal with Valentine again."
"Goodnight," I say and close the door to Clary's room. I make my way through the house, turning off lights, locking doors, and organizing some things. Soon, I use the key Jocelyn gave me when they moved in so long ago to lock the front door as I leave and head home to rip Jace a new one.
Jace POV:
"Jace," Celine comes in the front door looking pissed. Clary left one hour ago and I can only assume that Celine and Jocelyn were comforting her. "What," I ask and her eyes look at me with daggers.
"What the hell did you do to Clary? She came home sobbing and told us everything! I never told you to push her away, to be a complete dick to her, to break her heart, and I certainly never told you to hide anything from her!"
I feel guilt begin to course through my veins, "She hurt me too! Her words bite also! I'm not fixing this!" I jump up from my position on the couch and run upstairs and slam the door behind me. I fall onto my bed trying to think about the fight and the possibility that I could be wrong, but my pride doesn't let me. My pride will let me admit that I said the most hurtful things I could think of to her, but I did it to protect her. Soon I fall asleep dreaming about a beautiful girl with dark red hair and dark green eyes who turns away from me…crying.
Clary POV; the next day:
"Clary….Clary, honey wake up….it's time for school," I hear my mom's soft voice coaxing me out of a dreamless sleep. I open my eyes slowly and see her kneeling beside my bed. I stretch and slowly sit up, seeing that there is a plate of pancakes sitting on my bedside table waiting for me. I smile and grab the syrupy goodness, eating it as Jocelyn moves to sit on the edge of my bed. Her auburn hair and lighter green eyes match her perfectly. I look like a younger version of her apparently. She has higher cheek bones though.
"Are you okay, Clary?" I look up at Jocelyn and see how she's waiting cautiously for me to start crying again, but I hold back my tears.
"Yeah, I going to be late to school if I waste anymore time eating these amazing pancakes, though," I joke with her and she laughs.
"Alright then, I'll see you after you finish school. Love you," she stands and kisses the top of my head before leaving my room.
"Love you too," I shout after her as I put the plate aside and start getting ready for school.
~.o.O.o.~
School was uneventful because I avoided Jace all day long. Every time I saw him I would immediately turn around and walk the other direction. That was really hard to do since we have almost every class together. Just as I am unlocking my front door I hear an unmistakable someone call me, "Clary!"
I stop moving as he runs up the walk way and when I turn around all I see is the curiosity in his eyes. "What do you want Jace? I can't talk right now." I know that I sound like a total bitch right now, but after last night, it's going to take something big for him to redeem himself. He stops coming towards me and I see his face change from curiosity to…nothing…and then he changes it back to…and expression that I don't know.
"Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing."
"You wanted to see how I'm doing?" This has to be the dumbest thing he's ever said. "Well, life is pretty shitty right now." He opens his mouth to say something but I don't let him talk. "I thought I was in a relationship where my boyfriend and I loved each other, but I was wrong about that. Then I lost both my boyfriend and best friend in the same day because he decided to be an egotistical asshole who said the meanest things he could think of to me. To top it all off, he's standing here, asking 'how I'm doing' when the clear answer is shitty."
"Clary, I-"
"You what Jace?" I feel my temper rising and I know his is too.
"I-I don't know Clary, okay! What do you want me to say?!"
"How about 'I'm sorry' Jace!" We've started a yelling match in front of my house and I know that horrible words are going to come soon. He doesn't say anything and looks at me confused. "Have you never heard the words 'I'm sorry' before Jace?! Have you never said them?!"
"Well, I guess I'm not as smart as you Clary!" His eyes flare and I know the hidden meaning under his words are 'smart-ass'. "I'm actually happy that we're not dating anymore!"
"You know what! I'm done! Breaking up with you was the smartest thing I ever did!" I run inside and slam the front door behind me. I sink to the floor and start crying again as the gravity of our words hits me. My heart has broken all over again. I plug in my headphones and start to listen to music to distract myself when a song comes on that sparks my imagination and understanding for a project.
The next day:
English…last period of the day before we can all go home. I made it through the day so far without crying at the thought of Jace…I know that won't last though. I was crying when I wrote this project and I feel like I'm going to cry again. I'm the last student in today's class to present my annotation; I just hope it's as good as I think it is. It killed me to realize all of this.
Jace POV:
"For the project, we got to choose a song and find the hidden meaning...not just listen to the music. I chose Adele's 'Love in the Dark'," Clary pauses and takes a deep breath. I hear her voice and look up at her. She looks better than I know she is…I heard her cry after she shut the door. "For my presentation, I will play the song before after I finish so you can feel and hear the emotion in the lyrics." She is not looking in my direction.
She looks like she's preparing for something that's going to break her down. There's no way she's that heartbroken...she left me. I put my walls back up around my heart. I'm the cold hearted person I never was. This is the only way I won't break down. Her words hurt me like mine hurt her. But hearing her voice has already damaged the outer walls.
"This presentation will be shorter than others...but I think I will get my message across in these few words." I know this message is meant for me, so I try my to tune out her words, but my body isn't listening to me and I hear her...loud and clear as she explains the meaning of the song.
"Adele's 'Love in the Dark' is about loving someone with your whole heart, and they love you back, but there's so much that the person isn't telling you. You're tired of the not knowing anything and decide to leave," her voice breaks as she says the next words, "No matter how much it breaks your heart...it's for the best even though it doesn't feel that way...even though you are broken inside...even though you feel like your heart won't be whole again." I see a rouge tear fall down her cheeks and she presses the play button on her laptop again.
As Adele's voice echoes through the room, I realize that this is the exact way we left things. The bell rings as the song ends and everyone is frozen in their seats, even all the girls who were mean to Clary before this class started are motionless. Clary still stands at the front of the classroom with her head hanging and Mrs. Penhallow, our English teacher, wipes a tear from her eyes and dismisses the rest of the class.
Everyone gets up and leaves quietly as I still sit in my seat, motionless. Clary turns around to unhook her laptop from the speakers and shoves it in her bag. I grab my bag and start to slowly stand up as she turns around. When she sees that I am still in the room, she inhales sharply. Her eyes water and I see tears start to fall as she starts to run out of the classroom.
Shit. I messed up big time.
Clary POV:
My vision is cloudy as I run through the halls. Thankfully, that was our last class and its Friday so everyone's left. I was standing there for a good 10 minutes trying to not cry when I packed up and saw Jace. I couldn't keep it in any longer and bolted.
I hear Jace running behind me and I speed up. I make it out the door and down the steps in the front of the school by the time he gets outside the doors. "Clary, listen to me." I ignore him and slow to a walk because I can't breathe. Note to self, never run as hard as you can and cry at the same time again.
"Clary!" He shouts at me and I keep walking. I can't look at him and not cry...I can't hear his voice and not cry.
"Damn it! You're worth it Clary!" I stop walking. Why does that sound so familiar? Then I remember...the project Mrs. Belcourt assigned to us when we were in 8th grade...
"Why would Mrs. Belcourt even assign this? This is stupid," Jace says as he throws his pencil on his books and crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back. I look at the messy golden hair that is getting to long for him and roll my eyes. "You know why, Jace. Miss Lily agreed to let Mrs. Belcourt have her class period for one month and then it's back to History." He grumbles and sits forward to pick up the pencil again.
Miss Lily, our History teacher, agreed to let Mrs. Belcourt, the school counselor, have her class period to 'get us ready for high school' and 'help us not fall to the elements of peer pressure' and even to 'let us realize our own feelings and passions.' When they were explaining our schedule switch they used those exact words and all I could think was kill me now. Apparently, Jace thought the same thing because he gave me the 'kill me now' face.
But that was a week ago and now, Mrs. Belcourt gave us homework. We have to answer the questions on the worksheet with 'how we feel and what our true feelings are when we read the question for each subject.' I look over at Jace after I finished the worksheet and see that he's struggling on the first question. "Let me help you," I say and pull the worksheet out of his hands. "Clary, give it back!" he reaches out for the paper and I put it over my head and to the side. We are currently sitting on the floor so if he really wanted to get the paper back, he could just stand up and grab it. "Jace, I'm helping you. Do you trust your best friend?" I ask and raise one eyebrow.
He sighs, "Yes, Clary I do, but Mrs. Belcourt is going to know the difference between my answers and yours."
"Idiot," I roll my eyes again, "I'm not going to write the answers for you, I'm going to read them off and you are going to answer them with whatever pops into your head."
"Fine," he says and sits back. His golden eyes look at me expectantly and I read the first question. "What do you aspire to be when you grow up?"
He smirks and says, "Well, I want to be a magical faerie and dance around in tights with antlers strapped to my head."
I try to hide my smile. It doesn't work though and he says, "I knew you'd like that answer!" That's the downside to having a best friend who knows you better than you know yourself…they always know what to say to get you to laugh, or to get you to be happy. "Be serious Jace. Now here's the next question," I clear my throat and my eyes almost pop out of my head at this question. "Everyone has different worksheets, don't they?"
He nods and says in a mockingly proper voice, "What evil does that question bring about?"
I laugh and read the question as it's written on the page. Here goes nothing. "What would you do for true love?"
He thinks about this question for a little while and then says, "I'd do anything for true love."
"Really?" I look up and think of a question to test that statement and come up with the perfect one. "Would you, and that insanely large ego of yours," he smirks, "admit that you were wrong to gain true love back?"
His expression grows serious and then he says, "If she's the one, then yes. I'd do anything to gain true love back…."
"I was wrong," he continues, "Hell, I was an idiot to keep things from you! I shouldn't have kept things like that from you...Please forgive me...I love you..."
My tears fall quicker and I turn to face him. Do I still love him? Can I forgive him? I see his face and my heart makes the decision for me...the way my heart clenches at his pained expression.
The emotions are too much for me to handle and I fall on my knees, my hands covering my face as I weep into them. I never cry...I never expected to fall in love like this though...
He moves forward and kneels down in front of me. He places his hands over mine and moves my hands away from my face. I don't miss the jolt of electricity that runs through me at his touch as his hands find their way under my chin to lift my gaze to his. I look up at his face and he must have misread me crying harder as a sign of 'I can't do this' and I see a single rouge tear fall down the cheek of the boy who hasn't cried since he was ten. "Please, Clary...I realize now that I can't live without you...I love you...I was a complete idiot."
What I do next surprises us both. I lean forward, place my hands on either side of his face, and kiss him.