Dean was waiting in Lily's room when they brought her back in. The nurse made sure Lily was comfortable before leaving, closing the door behind her. Dean leaned over and kissed Lily, putting a hand to her face.
"I'm so glad you're okay," he said.
"The baby..." Lily couldn't finish. The words just wouldn't come out.
"I know. It's okay. It might sound terrible, but I'd rather have you."
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. You didn't even get the chance to imagine what it would be like to be a father... to have a baby of your own. To raise a child from birth. I'm sorry I took that away from you."
"Listen to me, the important thing is that you're okay, and I love you."
She looked into his eyes. She saw honesty in them. He wasn't angry anymore. Maybe he understood why she hadn't told him yet, maybe he didn't, but the anger she saw there before was gone.
"Can you hold me?"
Lily made room on the bed as Dean carefully climbed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, and they fell asleep as the sun came up. They didn't get to sleep too long before a nurse came in to check on her.
"Everything looks good. The doctor will check on you later, and if he says it's okay, you'll be able to go home."
The doctor gave the okay, and Sam came to pick them up. Jody was still at the house, and she helped Lily get her things together.
"My offer still stands. If you ever need anything, just call."
Lily hugged her. "Thank you, so much."
As Jody left for Sioux Falls, the guys packed the car with all the boxes she had brought. The trunk was a bit packed, but they got it all in. Dean insisted that they go to Lily's cabin in Indiana since it was so close. The doctor told Lily to take it easy for a few days, and Dean was determined to make sure she listened. Comfort was a plus, and she would get that at her cabin.
Sam drove while Dean sat in the back seat with Lily. She lay with her head in his lap, silently crying. Dean was unsure how to comfort her. He didn't want to tell her not to cry, but he hated that she was hurting.
Lily barely spoke for two days. She stayed in bed, and Dean was almost always by her side. He held her, made sure she ate, and let her cry. He was finally to the point where he was really worried about her. It wasn't like her to hold things in. As he held her that night, he tried to get her to talk.
"Sweetheart, you've got me really worried. Talk to me."
"I just don't know what to say."
"You were always big on just sharing how you feel."
"I feel like I let you down."
"What are you talkin' about?"
"I lied to you, I couldn't keep our baby safe..."
"Hey, hey..." He made Lily turn to face him. "That was not your fault. That was all Chronos. You were hurt."
"But if I had told you sooner..."
"No. No buts. It's not your fault."
Lily began to cry again. "Part of me really wanted the baby. It was us... I was thinking back to when it could have happened. I really think it was that week you told me you love me for the first time." Lily smiled, which made Dean happy. It was the first time she had smiled at all since before they went to the hospital. "I think we must have been close to breaking some kind of world record that week." Dean returned her smile and gently kissed her. "It made me happy knowing that our baby was conceived in love... but when they told me the baby didn't make it... I was..." She began crying harder, unable to continue.
"A little relieved?"
Lily nodded, letting out a sob.
"It's okay."
"How is that okay?"
"With our lives... it's just not a good life for a baby to be brought up in. I had the same mixed emotions when the nurse told me."
"Did part of you really want the baby?"
"Of course. It's like you said... it was us."
Lily wrapped her arms around Dean and buried her face in his neck.
"I love you, Dean."
"I love you, too, sweetheart."
Lily actually got out of the bed the next day. She sat and ate breakfast with Dean and Sam before going out onto the back porch. Dean didn't follow her. He thought she might need some time alone.
It took a few days, but Lily eventually started to come around. She was acting a little more like herself each day as the guilt began to fade, and the grief became a little more manageable.
Dean was sitting on the sofa drinking a beer when Lily came and sat beside him one night.
"Where's Sam?" she asked.
"Shower."
Lily leaned in and kissed Dean's neck.
"What are you doin'?"
"Trying to seduce you."
"Hang on," he said, gently pulling her away. "Doctor said you should wait a couple of weeks."
"Actually, he said one to two weeks."
"Lily..."
"Dean..." she said playfully.
"Sweetheart, you know I'm all up for being seduced by you, but I don't wanna hurt you."
"Well, what if I go see a doctor and get the okay?"
"Then I'll be ready," Dean said with a grin.
Lily called for an appointment the next day. She was disappointed with what she got. She walked into the kitchen to share the news.
"Three days, Dean."
"What?"
"The earliest appointment I could get is in three days." Dean was standing by the fridge. Sam was nowhere around, so Lily walked up to him and put her arms around him. "We could be together right now..."
Dean cut her off. "Why are you so insistent that we have sex?"
"You're complaining?"
"No, I'm just trying to understand. You're still acting a little off with this. I don't want you rushing into something you're not ready for."
Lily laid her head against his chest, squeezing him tight. "I just wanna feel normal again. I wanna do something to help me forget."
"I know that feeling. It can make you do stupid stuff."
She looked up into his eyes. "Making love to you is stupid?"
"No, but doing it before you're ready isn't smart. Trust me, baby, I wanna make love to you more than anything..." Lily watched as his eyes raked over her body. "But we need to be sure everything is okay. Okay?"
"Okay."
She kissed him, and Dean returned the kiss with his hands in her hair. They didn't pull apart until they heard Sam clear his throat.
"Excuse me," he said. "I was coming to see what we have here for dinner."
"Why don't we go out for dinner?" Lily asked. "Get out of the house for a little while?"
"Sounds good to me," Dean said.