Eating out ended up not being such a great idea. Everything was fine until a woman came in with a baby. Lily took one look, and whatever smile she had was gone. Dean saw the change and followed Lily's eyes. When he saw the baby, he knew.

"Dammit," he whispered to himself. He turned back to Lily and saw her fighting tears. "You wanna leave?"

Lily nodded, and Dean tried to flag down their waiter, who was nowhere around.

"Sam," Dean said, "take her outside while I settle up."

It hadn't been hard for Sam to make the connection. He stood and took Lily's hand, putting an arm around her shoulder as they walked out. When Dean came out, he went straight to Lily.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

Sam offered Lily the front seat, but she declined. She sat in the back and stared out of the window for the short trip home. Dean gave her some space, letting her come to him when she was ready to talk. She asked him to go out with her onto the back patio, knowing that he wouldn't want to talk about it in front of his brother. Dean sat down on a lounger, and pulled her into his arms. She leaned back against him, his arms wrapped around her. He was caught off guard by her question.

"When you had your hand on my stomach in the hospital... what was going through your mind?"

"I don't know. A lot of things, I guess."

"Things like...?"

Dean answered dryly, trying to remember his thoughts. "Oh, crap, I'm gonna be a dad. How could we let that happen? Hunting is no life for a kid. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl. I hope it survives..."

"Which would you have wanted?"

"What?"

"Boy or girl?"

Dean hesitated. "Sweetheart, I don't think we should talk about it this way. The baby is gone."

Lily let out a sigh, "Maybe you're right. I have to be honest, though... it makes me happy to know that you had some good thoughts about the baby."

Dean thought back to that moment, when he held his hand on Lily's stomach, trying to feel any sign of life. "You know what I liked more than anything?"

"Hmm?"

"The idea that I'd actually helped create life. This job... all the lives I've taken over the years..."

"Monsters, Dean."

"No. People. All those demons I've killed with the Colt and the blade... the people they were inside of died too."

"You didn't have a choice."

"Oh, I had a choice. I always had a choice, and I made it. And I'm not saying I'd do it any differently if I had the chance... it's just what it is." Dean let his hands slide down and rest on Lily's stomach. "But that baby... it was part me... and part you. So, yeah, I wanted it." Lily placed her hands on top of Dean's, but he pulled them away at the contact. "But it's gone, so there's no point in thinking about it."

Lily sat up a little, leaning on one arm, and faced Dean. "Why not? If we both wanted this baby, even if we were scared and unsure how it would work out... if we both wanted it, why shouldn't we talk about it?"

"Because talking won't change anything. The baby will be still be gone."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is? To cry and share my feelings?"

"Basically."

Dean scoffed. He unwrapped himself from Lily and stood. "No thanks."

"The point is to heal, so you can carry on."

"You don't have to heal to carry on... you play through the pain." Dean turned to walk back inside, but Lily stood and caught him by the arm. He stopped, but didn't turn around.

"I know that's what you've always done, but you don't have to. Why do you wanna carry that pain?"

"Because the pain is what gives you the drive to fight."

"And what happens when all that pain you're carrying comes crashing down on you at once, and you can't get up?"

Dean finally faced her, his face set with anger. "What do you want from me?" He practically yelled. "Do you want me to tell you that, for those few minutes, I imagined playing catch with my boy? Or that I thought of what it would feel like to have a little girl look up at me and call me 'daddy?'"

Lily could see the tears forming in Dean's eyes. She wanted to say something, but she knew if she spoke he would stop in his tracks, and he had to let this out.

"Or," Dean continued, "how about the fact that all I've thought about since that night is how I couldn't keep my baby safe?" He put a hand on Lily's stomach. "This beautiful little baby, just as beautiful as her mother... and I couldn't protect her long enough to see her." Dean looked back into Lily's eyes as a single tear fell down his cheek, and his hand fell away from her stomach. "Is that what you wanna hear?"

"If that's how you feel, then, yes... that's what I wanna hear."

Dean jaw clenched as he held back more tears, shaking his head. "I don't like the way this hurts, Lily."

"You're not supposed to like it. You're just supposed to feel it... and we can feel it together."

Lily put her arms around Dean's neck. She wasn't prepared for how tightly he held her. He buried his face in her neck, and she felt his breath catch as he choked back a sob.

"It's gonna be okay, Dean."

"I wanted to be strong for you. You were the one carrying the baby. I can't imagine what it was like for you to go through that."

"Dean," she pulled away, holding his face in her hands, making sure he paid attention. "I love that you are strong, and you take care of me, and protect me, and you're always there for me... but this is your loss too." She began to cry as she watched another single tear fall from Dean's eye. "I don't need you to be strong so I can fall apart. I need you to fall apart with me."

She kissed him gently on the lips before they embraced again. Dean held on tight, feeling as if he really would fall apart if he let her go. They stayed that way for several minutes before going inside and getting ready for bed. They both felt exhausted. They lay facing each other that night, holding hands, their faces close. Lily thought about what Dean had said about having a daughter, and how he had talked about the baby... he had said, 'her.' He would have wanted a girl.

"I love you," she whispered.

Dean kissed her gently on the lips, letting it linger before he pulled away.

"I love you , too."