"What is this?" asked Sam, genuinely confused.
"I think… I think those are cellos," replied Charlene. Her mind was processing the sounds, the tune, searching her mental records for a match. It sounded slightly distorted, but then a familiar rhythm started up. Suddenly, it came to her. "Sam! This is a cello cover of Thunderstruck!"
"Wait, what? Who would cover AC/DC with cellos?" Sam wondered.
"I dunno, but it sounds pretty fucking awesome."
They sat there in the Impala, and Charlene was enthralled. Why this song? Why cellos?
Sam struggled to piece things together. "Why would he put this song on a tape for Cas? I mean, he definitely does not have a tape of this. He'd need to download to his computer, then somehow transfer it to a cassette and copy that. He could have just recorded the original song and saved himself the trouble."
"And Thunderstruck, that song is about a tumultuous relationship, right?" she added. "There's this guy, and he doesn't know if the other guy has his back or not, but they go on adventures and party and stuff."
"So, you're saying this is a metaphor?" asked Sam dubiously. "Dean's not really a metaphor guy."
"No, Sam," she corrected. "You told me Dean isn't a WORDS guy. Music lets you say things you wouldn't know how to say otherwise, express feelings you struggle to quantify. Dean put this song first to impress Castiel, to show him something new yet still quintessentially Dean."
Sam snorted, "like a mating display?"
"Basically, yeah."
Sam put the Impala into reverse, and was hit with the realization that for the next half an hour he would be in a car listening to a literature enthusiast carefully critique a mixtape compiled by his emotionally stunted brother for the purpose of wooing an extra dimensional being.
"This is kind of insane," mumbled Sam.
"BLASPHEMY!" exclaimed Charlene. "Hush up and drive, the next song is about to start!"
As Sam pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road the second song began to play, and they could hear the familiar opening guitar of Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones pouring out of the car's speakers.
Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today,
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away.
War, children, it's just a shot away,
It's just a shot away.
War, children, it's just a shot away,
It's just a shot away.
"Well, this one is kind of obvious, isn't?" said Charlene smugly.
"Uh, is it?" he asked uncertainly.
"Um, yeah," Charlene replied. "A storm is threatening his life, he needs shelter? There is danger all around? Allusions to hell?"
"Still not getting it," said Sam with a frown.
"Dude, listen!"
Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today,
Burns like a red coal carpet,
Mad bull lost its way.
"It's all right there, Sammy!"
"What's right there?"
"This song is about Castiel pulling Dean from Hell," she said emphatically. "It's perfect!"
"Ohhhhh," Sam said, finally understanding. "Like, this is where the whole 'profound bond' thing started?"
"Yup! And it even references hidden longing, right from the start!"
I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away,
I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away,
It's just a kiss away,
It's just a kiss away.
"Dang," was all Sam could muster.
Charlene was practically bouncing in her seat, and every hop sent a jolt of pain through his hip. He bit his tongue, he couldn't bear the thought of dampening her enthusiasm.
"This is fun! Let's keep playing!"
There was quiet, and then the car filled with the sound of dozens of clocks chiming. The sound of a single string of a single guitar being strummed slowly followed, and then dreamy keyboard music joined in.
"Pink fucking Floyd," muttered Charlene thoughtfully.
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day,
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way,
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
"Oh, this is goooood," said Charlene decisively.
"Is it?" asked Sam.
"Oh yes, this song says a lot."
"Wait," said Sam, "I thought this song was just about an old man looking back on his life with regret."
"Well, it is, but then it's not."
"It's not?"
"Just listen."
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain,
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today,
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking,
Racing around to come up behind you again,
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
"Wait," said Sam. "I think I've got this one. Dean regrets waiting so long to talk to Cas? About his feelings?"
"Exactly!" exclaimed Charlene. "See, I knew you would be good at this game!"
Sam scoffed. "This is a game?"
"Well, I'm having fun, aren't you?"
Home, home again,
I like to be here when I can.
When I come home cold and tired,
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire.
Far away, across the field,
The tolling of the iron bell,
Calls the faithful to their knees,
To hear the softly spoken magic spell.
"This last part is important," said Charlene. "He's talking about going home, right? Being home, hearing the magic of the church bell tolling. More religious imagery, right?"
"I'm listening."
"We think that Dean's been running, trying to catch up with time, resentful of his own inability to cope with his feelings for Castiel. But what this song tells me is that to Dean, time IS Castiel, the eternal, the ever-present. By the end of the song he realizes that he doesn't need to chase time because it will always be there no matter what."
"Holy shit."
"Sammy, I could write a whole thesis about this mix tape," she said contemplatively, looking out the window as dawn began breaking on the horizon. A thin smudge of orange peeked hopefully under the vast navy grey expanse of autumn sky above. "You know he put thought into this, right? Probably thought about it a lot, possibly while driving or spending quiet time at home. Ideas probably popped into his head in the middle of conversations between the two of you about Castiel and you didn't even know it."
"I know," Sam said quietly. "I've known about this for forever, but Dean would, could never talk about it."
Just then, the third song started, and as Sam turned onto the highway, he groaned.
Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Now don't you cry no more.
"Kansas! Really?" complained Sam. "Dean plays this song all the time!"
Charlene didn't say anything, but instead sat quietly and listened, still looking out the window as scenery scrolled by.
Masquerading as a man with a reason,
My charade is the event of the season,
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
Means that I don't know.
On a stormy sea of moving emotion,
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean,
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say:
Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Now don't you cry no more.
Finally, she spoke. "I don't think this song is about Castiel."
Sam furrowed his brow. "Then what does it mean? Why did Dean add it?"
Charlene let slip a half smile and placed her left hand on Sam's thigh. "Sammy, this song is about you."
"Wait, what?" said Sam, shooting her a confused look. "How… huh? Explain please."
"Sam, you are obviously the most important person in Dean's life. From what you told me, he practically raised you."
"He did raise me," Sam replied quietly.
"Exactly. The things you've been through, the trials you've faced, all the sacrifices you've made for each other… he wants Castiel to remember that. Neither of you would be here without the other. Sort of a package deal situation."
Sam pressed his lips together and gripped the steering wheel, not sure of what to say.
"Sam, I think one of the main reasons Dean says so little to you is that he wants you to feel comforted. To feel safe. He wants to protect you. That's what this song is about. Dean protects you, and he wants Castiel to as well."
Sam scrunched his face up and tipped his head to one side. He inhaled and exhaled through his nose and Charlene could see him blink back tears.
"You're lucky to have a brother who loves you so much," Charlene said kindly, squeezing his thigh.
"Yeah," Sam said, swallowing. "I know."
"And he's lucky to have you."
With that, Side A ended and the car went silent, nothing but road noise and the purr of the engine to accompany their thoughts.
Charlene gave Sam's thigh another light squeeze. "Shall we continue?"
Sam took a deep breath and sighed, then nodded. "I'm learning more about Dean in thirty minutes than I have in thirty years," he said, resigned.
"YAY!" exclaimed Charlene, smile wide. She ejected the tape and flipped it over. "Act two!"
The immediately recognizable music started and Charlene started slapping the side of the door in disbelief. Sam's jaw dropped and he shot a gobsmacked look her way.
Charlene started bopping her head and singing along, her low voice infused with excitement.
"Darling you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go? If you say that you are miiiiine, I'll be here 'til the end of time. So you gotta let me knoooow, should I stay or should I go?" With a wide smile she turned to Sam, pointed with two fingers, and exclaimed, "your turn!"
Sam cleared his throat and tried to catch up with the next verse. He was not accustomed to singing, unlike Dean who sang terribly and frequently in the car all the time. He imagined Dean singing this song, perhaps to Castiel, and he smiled. "It's always tease, tease, tease! You're happy when I'm on my knees! One day it's fine and next it's black, so if you want me off your back, well, come on and let me knoooooow…"
Charlene chimed in with him, "Should I stay or should I go?"
Sam didn't need Charlene to explain this song to him. It was patently obvious that Dean was referencing the tumult of his relationship with Castiel, the on again off again nature of their friendship, the constant pushing away and then crawling back.
The pair kept singing as they rolled down the highway, and Sam accelerated with exuberance. He drummed his fingers on the dashboard, genuinely relaxed and enjoying himself.
"Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double! So ya gotta let me knoooow… Should I stay or should I go?"
"You have a nice voice, Sam," said Charlene, eyes sparkling. The rising sun in the east was beginning to shoot through the windows as they drove north towards the bunker. The rays illuminated the red highlights in Sam's hair, and Charlene decided that he was indeed handsome in pensive, melancholy sort of way. He had wrinkles from years of flinching and wincing and suppressing emotions, but also from smiling and laughing. He had the face of someone who had lived a lot in a short span of time, deep brown eyes torn by time and anxiety. She hadn't taken the time to notice his face before, she was too engrossed in his words, his story, his adorable awkwardness.
"You have chosen wisely, Charlene," she mumbled to herself.
"What?" asked Sam.
"Oooh, next song!" she announced, smiling and ignoring Sam's question.
I am a passenger,
And I ride and I ride,
I ride through the city's backside,
I see the stars come out of the sky,
Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky,
You know it looks so good tonight.
"Hey, I think I've got this one!" exclaimed Sam. "This is an Iggy Pop song, right?"
"Uh-huh," confirmed Charlene, nodding because she already knew just where Sam was going with this.
"So I know he wrote this in the 70's when he was spending time with David Bowie in Berlin…"
"Continue," Charlene replied socratically.
"And they were both trying to kick drugs and it was rumored that they got very… close."
"C'mon Sam, they were fucking."
"Okay, yes, that." he cleared his throat. "And the song is basically about him being along for the ride, under the control of this higher power that was showing him all these wonderful things that he missed before because he was hooked on junk."
"Very good, Sam!" Charlene clapped her hands, legitimately impressed.
"So basically, Dean credits Castiel for helping him see the good things, for saving him from himself," Sam explained, more to himself than to her.
Charlene grinned. "Dean is Iggy Pop to Castiel's David freakin' Bowie."
Oh, the passenger,
He rides and he rides.
He sees things from under glass,
He looks through his window's eye,
He sees the things he knows are his,
He sees the bright and hollow sky,
He sees the city asleep at night,
He sees the stars are out tonight,
And all of it is yours and mine,
And all of it is yours and mine,
Oh, let's ride and ride and ride and ride.
The song ended and Sam began, "hey, so we are probably five minutes out," Sam cautioned. "Do you have questions before-"
Charlene interrupted, "no questions, only mixtape." Just then, the next song started.
I, I wish you could swim,
Like the dolphins,
Like dolphins can swim.
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together,
We can beat them, forever and ever,
Oh, we can be heroes just for one day.
"Oh Jesus," muttered Sam.
"David freakin' Bowie, indeed," murmured an awestruck Charlene.
I, I will be King,
And you, you will be Queen,
Though nothing will drive them away,
We can be heroes just for one day,
We can be us just for one day.
"So, I'm guessing this is the super literal part of the mixtape, then?" asked Sam, eyebrow raised.
"Not so much, Sammy," she explained, smiling eyes crinkled and lit up by the dawn. "Listen."
I, I can remember,
Standing, by the wall,
And the guns, shot above our heads,
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall,
And the shame, was on the other side,
Oh, we can beat them, forever and ever,
Then we could be heroes, just for one day.
Charlene explained, "Dean sees Castiel as his savior, and this song is about him wanting Castiel to make the first move, to initiate, to protect Dean from himself. To love Dean so intensely that nothing could stand between them."
Sam's eyes flashed with sympathy. His brother was always the stoic one, the strong one, the decisive one. It never occurred to him that he might want a different role, a different path. His lips flattened into a small smile. This tape was a gift, not just for Castiel, but for Sam as well.
With that, Sam finally pulled the Impala onto the dirt road that led to the bunker. They rolled into a clearing and up to the squat, ramshackle building that served as the entrance to the bunker. Sam turned off the engine but left the keys in the ignition so that the stereo still played. "If we really wanna analyze Heroes, we can get deep into the nitty gritty of the Berlin Wall, the left and right dichotomy-"
"Wait," Charlene stopped him as she unfastened her seat belt. "Did you just correctly use the word 'dichotomy' in a sentence to explain the literary meaning of a 1970's glam rock song? Because, if so, I just need you to know…" She titled her head down and let her eyes burn into him through long, dark lashes. "That is the hottest thing I've ever heard."
In a flash, Charlene scrambled across the bench seat of the Impala and climbed atop Sam, running her fingers up and into his hair, kissing him breathlessly as the sunrise poured through the windows, coloring their skin in pink and purple, orange and yellow. She leaned down and passionately kissed his neck and jaw, biting softly and not so softly, tugging his hair and making him gasp. The final song of the mixtape began to play.
Leaves are falling all around,
It's time I was on my way,
Thanks to you I'm much obliged,
For such a pleasant stay,
But now it's time for me to go,
The autumn moon lights my way,
For now I smell the rain,
And with it pain,
And it's headed my way.
Their long limbs were constrained by the Impala, and Sam struggled for purchase, trying to wrap his arms around or under Charlene but impeded by door and seat, roof and window. Her intensity was both flattering and arousing; Sam felt overcome with gratitude and admiration for this perspicacious, charismatic giantess. Not only were his reservations about letting Charlene into his world completely gone, he now wholeheartedly knew it was the right thing to do. He needed this woman in his life as long as she'd be amenable.
Ah, sometimes I grow so tired,
But I know I've got one thing I got to do,
Ramble on,
And now's the time, the time is now
To sing my song,
I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl.
On my way,
I've been this way ten years to the day.
Ramble on,
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams.
Suddenly, Charlene shifted and laid into the car's horn with her backside. She shot upright and went rigid, bumping head on ceiling. Oof," she said, eyes wide with a half-grin, half-grimace plastered from ear to ear. She slid off Sam carefully, and could see a flush spread across his cheeks as red as the one she felt burning across her own. They both started laughing, hard and long until they were gasping and tears were streaming across their cheeks.
"I'm usually more coordinated than this," she said, gasping.
"I blame the car."
"I blame your gangly goddamn legs," she replied with a grin. "Think they heard us?"
"Most likely," replied Sam with a chuckle.
"Well, I guess it's time to Ramble On," she said unfazed, ejecting the spent tape and sliding it into her pocket. She leaned over and kissed Sam on the cheek, opened the door, and hopped out.