Undercover King

Cast: (Garon)
Prompt: An episode of Undercover Boss, featuring King Garon

Every week, we follow the boss of a different organization as they go undercover, and figure out what's really happening. Are things going as they seem? Or is someone keeping a secret from the chief? You're watching Undercover Boss: Castle Krakenburg.

King Garon sat on his throne, scowling.

This is King Garon, the current monarch presiding over the kingdom of Nohr. Right now they're fighting a war to conquer the land of Hoshido and bring glory to the homestead.

Garon stepped out of a closet, dressed as a butler, with no crown, wearing one eyepatch, and with his hair styled into a ponytail.

Today, Garon will go undercover as a butler named Ryan.

Garon: "I've been getting complaints that my way of dealing with grievances is… bloody. I executed the one whom told me this, and after that, I really sat down and thought about it. Maybe I'm a little out of touch with my people?"

Our mages have hidden enchanted stones around the castle, allowing for surveillance. The staff will go on as usual, unaware that Ryan the butler is actually King Garon.

'Ryan' kicked a door down to Elise's bedroom, startling her awake. "Aaaaah!"

"I'm Ryan, the new butler, here to clean your room. Get dressed and get out so I can do it!" commanded Garon. "Don't keep me waiting, child!"

"Wh-where are Arthur and Effie? Usually they wake me up!" The little princess then looked out the window and saw that it was still dark out. "What? Aww, I didn't have to get up until at least morning today!"

Garon scowled, but caught himself and shrugged. "Well, I mean… Good that your room be cleaned sooner rather than later, right?"

Elise frowned. "Can I just fall asleep while you clean around me?"

"I gave you an order, my ch… Very well," Garon conceded, remembering the façade.

Garon was sweeping the floors in a hallway and talking to Peri and Laslow. "So what do you think of His Majesty? He's going to knock those Hoshidans down a peg, and make Nohr great again. Pretty neat, right?"

"I like it," chirped Peri as she clapped her hands. "All the Hoshidans are gonna bleed, and it'll be so much fun killing them!"

Laslow winced. "Eh. I don't actually like the idea of needless killing. I think we could've avoided full-blown war. But orders are orders."

The 'butler' dropped his broom and marched over to Laslow. "That's correct. You are to follow your orders. Do not forget this, retainer!"

Garon went back to work, leaving Laslow and Peri to give each other awkward looks.

Garon was sitting near Leo in the banquet hall at lunch, with Niles and Odin keeping a close watch on him. "Prince Leo. Did you know that King Garon's actually a cool dude? I heard he's quite the," he flipped through a lingo pamphlet, "player!"

Leo frowned. "Yes, and his inability to end relationships led to his concubines all trying to kill each other and their kids. It traumatizes me and Camilla to this day. Your point?"

"Uh-"

Niles chuckled. "Who knew he had it in him, though? I mean, I've had some butter faces in my time, but Garon's on a whole new level."

"Care to repeat that?" Garon probed, with Leo rolling his eyes.

Leo: "That butler is Father in disguise, isn't he?"

"Well I mean… sure he's the king, but I don't even see how the most desperate wenches could fall for- AAAAH!" Niles was hit with a fireball from Garon's hand.

"Hey Niles look, I can do magic. Isn't that something?!"

Odin gulped.

(Odin looks panicked.)

Odin: "That Ryan guy sucks!"

Garon had finished making a meal and was about to take it out of the kitchen, when Mozu stopped him. "Whoa! Ya can't just serve that meal! It's hideous!"

"But-"

Mozu took the tray of food away. "No buts! I'm giving this thing a proper burial, meanwhile you can start over!"

"How did this castle even get a Hoshidan chef?" Garon questioned.

"Well I happen to be Xander's wife."

"Xander got married?!"

The farmer nodded. "Surely did."

"You're not that good at sewing, are you?" asked Camilla. She was sitting at a table and mending a dress. "Well lucky for you, I happen to know a thing or two about sewing. But you really should know how to do this."

Garon sat next to Camilla, glancing awkwardly. "Well, uh, they didn't ask me to sew back at my last job."

"That reminds me," Camilla spoke as she worked, "where was your last job? It seems suspicious that this castle would suddenly employ an unskilled, elderly butler from the blue."

The faux butler's eyes widened. "Well, you see, I used to work in… in… Cheve, yeah that's it!"

"Hmm…"

Camilla: "I'm having Beruka investigate Ryan."

Garon was washing a window, with Jakob standing nearby and folding his arms. "No, no! You rub the cloth in circular motions! Circular!"

"O-of course."

"Start from the top of the window and work your way down," Jakob explained. "Honestly, it's like you've never even buttled before!"

Garon took a deep breath. "I would appreciate it if you were a little less stern."

"Well I would appreciate it if you could clean the windows properly," Jakob's remark made Garon grit his teeth.

Jakob: "Ryan is simply dreadful in all domestic fields. No wonder this castle is such a madhouse. His punctuality is skewed, his tea is bitter, and dear gods, his cooking!"

Garon: "I'm beginning to understand what it's like to be a domestic servant. It might mean nothing to you, to throw something on the floor. But someone will have to pick it up. You might be a messy eater, but someone else will have to wash the plate. Actions have consequences."

'Ryan' was supplying Xander with towels to wipe his sweat, in the middle of the training grounds. "We're having new faces all the time it appears. First my sister is allowed to live with us, Azura comes back home, that Hoshidan ninja joins us… Things are changing."

"Changing in a good way?"

Xander sighed. "I… don't know. Father is adamant that we have this war with Hoshido. He's just become so distant lately. I want to believe that he'll be his old self again after we win. Then maybe things can be as they were. He didn't even attend my wedding."

"Hm."

"There've been a lot of victims. Like Mozu. She didn't deserve to have her village slaughtered by Faceless," Xander said wistfully. "The two of us have become quite close, but it pains me to know that her family is beyond my help."

Garon: "Hearing that Xander's wife had her village destroyed by Faceless… it moved me. Not enough to regret sending those Faceless to attack, but almost."

The disguised king snuck up on Mozu from behind. "Hoshidan."

"Gaah! Heavens to Betsy, don't sneak up on me like that Ryan!" Mozu wiped her brow. "What is it?"

"I ran into King Garon, he wanted me to give you this," he gave the farm girl salt canister. "He said to salt the earth to avoid unwanted seeds."

"Um… thanks…"

'Ryan' walked into a small lounge room full of retainers and the royal heirs. "Everyone I have an announcement. You may know me as Ryan the butler. But I am actually-"

"You're King Garon," Gunter blurted out. "We knew when you threw a fireball at Niles."

"I knew the whole time," said Felicia, avoiding Garon's stare.

The king paused. "You… why didn't anyone say anything?"

Elise shrugged. "We just figured you were having a midlife crisis."

Garon had no response.

Garon: "I think I learned a lot today. Now I know what life is like for everyone else in this castle, and it will give me new perspective on the war."

(Garon leaves, revealing an unconscious Niles in a prison cell behind him.)

A/N:

The idea just came to me late one night. I imagined Mozu ranting at one of the royals about proper farm work, and remembered that SNL skit about the Star Wars villain going on Undercover Boss. So it just morphed into this.

Go to the blog if you have requests.