Hey! I wanna write this chapter quickly because cliffhangers and just nope nopeity nope nope

I do not own MM!

I ignored the knocking at the door, rolling over on my bed, holding a pillow to my chest. My entire body was numb, my mind completely empty. I felt like a shell of the person that I was; and considering how empty the person I am, is, that's saying something.

I sighed, the banging at my door growing louder.

"Go away."

"Saeran," I could hear Jade speaking from the other side, concern dripping from her voice, "You need to talk to him! Please, just call him you can't leave things like this."

I gripped the pillow tighter, closing my eyes.

"It's better this way."

"No it isn't! He-"

"He will be better without me!" I snapped, throwing the pillow at the door. It fell against it with a soft thump, hitting the floor. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, shaking my head slowly. "No... We are over. This is for the best."

"Saeran-"

"No, let me talk to him."

I sighed as I heard Saeyoung approaching, and he knocked on the door gently.

"Saeran?"

"What."

I laid back onto the bed, throwing my arms over my face- I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see anyone- I just wanted to be alone, and desperately try to forget about Yoosung. It was best for him. My presence would only hinder his life, stifle the light that emanates from his soul. I closed my eyes tightly, fighting the sadness in the pits of my stomach. This was for the best.

"Saeran, It's been a week since it happened."

"I'm glad you can count the days still, Saeyoung."

I could hear him sigh on the other side, his hand pressed against the door. I rolled onto my side, facing away from it. I just wanted him to go, and leave. For once, I wanted him to leave.

"What if I told you I have a surprise for you?"

"I don't want any surprises, Saeyoung, just leave me alone..!" I gripped the sheets in my fists, biting at my lip- Why was this so hard for them to understand? Why couldn't they just understand and leave me be?

Suddenly the door swung open, and I shot up, going to yell at Saeyoung for using the security override system, but my anger froze in mid-air as my eyes landed upon a head of blonde hair.

Yoosung stared at me sadly, his right hand gripping his left wrist hard, his face pink and puffy. Had he been crying all this time? I felt guilt wash over me all over again- this was my fault he went through this. This was all my fault.

He looked down at the floor, stepping just inside the door, closing it behind him. He leaned against it, rubbing his arm softly. I didn't dare move- I didn't know what to do, or say. I was torn between telling him to leave, to forget about me, and wanting to run to him, my body shaking as it fought over these decisions in my mind.

"Are... You still mad...?"

He shook his head slowly, sighing.

"No. Just... Upset and confused." He looked up at me, his eyebrows creased together, his lips pursed. He took slow steps towards me, standing a few feet away from me, staring into my eyes. "I want you to tell me what you know."

My stomach twisted at his words, my hand automatically reaching for it, doubling over somewhat. I saw his body flinch- possibly reacting to reach out to me, but refraining in the current situation. I shook my head slowly, looking up at him, my eyes desperate and anguished.

"Yoosung... There's... A lot that goes in to that."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, his gaze still on me. His eyes were firm, but shaken, a swirling madness mingling together all into one.

"Then I'll stay all night." He reached out slowly, brushing his fingers slowly over mine- I swallowed thickly, my body aching at his soft touch, a touch I feared I would never experience ever again- and still might not if I mess up now.

"Saeran," His voice hitched as he spoke, his eyes slowly coming up to meet mine, "I... I want to be with you. But if you know about my cousin, the truth about her- you need to tell me. Please. I need you to tell me."

My body was shaking, bile rising in my throat- I swallowed hard, covering my mouth for a moment until it calmed down. I ran my hand over my forehead, through my hair, letting it fall down at my side limply. His eyes were pleading with me, watching as I shook before him, and I felt my heart cracking inside me. What is the better choice- letting him go, away from my madness, to live in ignorance? Or telling him, allowing him to be corrupted by the darkness that is reality, for the selfish hope that he will stay?

I sighed heavily, a tear falling from my eyes as I shook my head slowly.

I'm selfish.

"...Okay. I'll tell you. It's... It's a really long story, so..."

Yoosung nodded slowly, staring at me. He squeezed my hand quickly, a forced smile on his face.

"I'm gonna go get you a glass of juice. You look like you haven't eaten. Take some time to gather your thoughts while I go." He got up, leaving the room swiftly. I ran my hands through my hair, breathing heavily through my nose- I was terrified, horrified- Telling Yoosung the truth about the person he looked up to so much, the truth about me...

I shuddered, covering my mouth again as bile rose up, forcing it back down, letting out a choked gasp. I shook my head, fighting myself- No. I need to do this. I need to try.

He settled himself next to me against the headboard, glasses of juice placed on the bedside table next to us. I was picking hard at my nails, my body swimming with distress as the reality of the upcoming conversation hit me. He put his hand over mine, and I froze, closing my eyes as I let out a shaky breath, turning to him a bit more, leaning against the headboard, staring into his eyes.

"To... To be able to explain what happened, I have to explain my past first. With... With Saeyoung."

He nodded slowly, slipping his fingers into mine, squeezing my hand softly. I took in a small breath, focusing on his gentle touch, willing myself to continue.

"We... Saeyoung and I, we were illegitimate twins," I spoke slowly, desperately trying to keep my voice from shaking as I spoke, "Our dad was running in the presidential election, and my mom would threaten him- saying that if he didn't send her money, she would reveal the truth about us being his illegitimate children, something that would have ruined his career. She did this to him for years." I shook my head slowly, my voice beginning to waver. I let out a couple deep breaths before continuing, looking back up into his eyes.

"I was much weaker than Saeyoung. He was always the strong, positive one. I got sick easily, and our mom, she... She abused us, and was a drunk, but, she always came down on me harder since I was an easier target. She would tie me up by the leg, so I could only move a small distance in my room.. She would hit me for whatever reason she could come up with, pull my hair out, refuse to give me food.. She would scream at me for things Saeyoung would do. But Saeyoung, he... He did everything he could to protect me. He stayed strong for me- always telling me he would free us before we were adults, and that we could be happy."

"He came home one day with a huge book, and was reading it all the time. When I asked what it was, he said that the things he was learning in that book would be able to free us, and make us happy one day. I could tell that he was changing, just watching him read those books. I started to hope that maybe one day we actually would get out of there. Before that, every time he talked about it, I couldn't help but think to myself that I would die before I became an adult. I really thought I would die there."

Yoosung squeezed my hand, his mouth hung open in shock. He moved closer to me, pressing his body against mine, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into his touch, his warmth, his essence. I focused on evening out my breathing before I continued.

"Then one day.. Saeyoung never came back. My mother beat me, screaming to tell her where he was, but I didn't know. She didn't let me have any water for two days- I was so scared, I just sat in the corner, trying to stay as quiet as I could, afraid that she would attack me if I made any noise. I thought Saeyoung had died.. Thinking that- him being gone- it felt like half of me had been torn to shreds," I bit my lip, breathing heavily through my nose, Yoosung's hand running up and down my back slowly as he listened, "So I just sat there. Desperately praying in my mind that he would come back to me. But he didn't- but, one day, someone came to the house."

I looked at Yoosung apprehensively, and he squeezed my shoulder, staring back into my eyes.

"Who was it?"

"It... Was Rika, and V."

Yoosung's brows came together, his head shaking slowly in confusion at this news.

"What... Did they do?"

"They... They told my mom that they had enough legal evidence to take her to court for abusing me, but that there would be no problems as long as she sent me to a church school when I was of age. V persuaded her, and she let them see me. Rika looked like she was going to vomit when she saw the state I was in... They started taking me to church school, and V actually was teaching me how to take pictures and use a camera. Rika took a picture of me that day, I remember... And after that she... She asked me to meet her in the mass room, alone."

"Alone?"

I nodded slowly, fighting the urge to start picking at my nails all over again.

"She.. She said she had something to give me. It was a book- she said it would teach me all of the things Saeyoung studied. I desperately wanted to find answers, in any way, as to why he vanished- I thought learning how to do what he did would make me feel connected to him, and explain why he left. It didn't, but one day, Rika brought me to a strange building, and put me in a cell there."

Yoosung's eyebrows caved in, his eyes flashing with shock and distress.

"She... Put you in a cell?"

"Yes... She wanted to use me as their weapon, to get any information we needed to bring people in to convert them. She... She brainwashed me. They would tie me down, and inject drugs into me- the doctors I saw after Saeyoung saved me said some of them were Peyote Cactus, Methanol, Mushrooms, and others they couldn't identify... They said it was a miracle I lived, my body as weak as it is already..."

"She kept giving me those drugs, telling me that all the things Saeyoung had said were lies that V forced him to say. That Saeyoung was lying the whole time about loving me, and wanting to save me- that he left because I was a burden. She told me... Not to trust him ever again, or else I would face an unrecoverable disease in my brain, and never be saved. That if I wanted to avoid living with people like my mother again, I had to believe her, so that I could finally live."

I let out a shaky breath, tears flowing from my eyes, my hands shivering in my lap.

"I... Was desperate. The drugs messed with me, so I believed everything. I truly thought her to be my saviour. I became paranoid of everything else, which was a fast progression, since even at my mothers I was in a weak mental state- I was terrified of getting hurt by anyone else, so I became suspicious of everyone. The only one I could trust was my saviour."

"And... That was... Rika..." Yoosung's voice was soft, his eyes dark as he spoke. I nodded slowly, chewing at my lip. "But why did... Why did she make you send Jade to us...?"

"She... She was hoping that she could use Jade to get information, to capture everyone in the RFA, and convert them into Mint Eye. Rika was convinced that she was a saviour, sent to save and cleanse everyone from their darkness, their tainted minds. She wanted to bring all of you in, put you through the cleansing ceremony, and induct you into the cult."

"Cleansing..?"

"The drugs... The brainwashing."

Yoosung shook his head slowly, his arms squeezing harder around my waist. He looked like he was going to combust, his face pale, his eyes wide and unfocused. I bit my lip, squeezing his hand gently, and he looked at me, his vision coming back to focus somewhat.

"That's.. Not everything I need to tell you. When Saeyoung, Jade, and Vanderwood tried to save me... I had a breakdown when Rika tried to make the believers send me for another brainwashing. I pulled out my gun, screaming at them, and I... I... I blamed V, for everything, because of what she told me. She told me V had tainted my brother, and that was why he left me. So all my pain was V's fault... And I..."

Tears fell from my face as Yoosung stared at me, his eyes wide, his hair falling onto his face sadly.

"Yoosung, I... I killed V. And then Rika killed herself, because of the distress of seeing V die. It's my fault they're dead, Yoosung."

Yoosung shook his head slowly, his grip on me loosening, his own eyes becoming watery, rolling down his cheeks. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut tight for a moment before pressing his forehead against my shoulder.

"I... God, I... I don't know.. What to do with all this... I feel like I've been torn apart- Rika was my idol- I looked up to her so much, and she did all that...! I-I don't know... I don't know how to accept that," He began sobbing, his shoulders quaking as he did so, and I felt my heart crumbling in my chest, scared to touch him, scared to move, "I don't know how... To move past this.. To know that V really was trying to protect everyone, and I blamed him so much, when really it was the person I was so anguished about who was causing all this pain... And he's dead now, I can't even apologize to him..." He choked on a sob, his left hand clutching hard at his shirt, his head shaking as he spoke.

"I feel like... I've been broken.. But... But that last part... Is a lie." He looked up at me, his violet eyes wavering beneath the rainstorm hailing down his face. I swallowed, blinking at him.

"I didn't lie about anything, that was-"

He grabbed my hands, shaking his head, crying harder.

"No- Shut up! Just, shut up!"

I froze as he raised his voice, staring at me, his gaze intense, and heavy. It felt like my body had been locked in place as he looked at me that way.

"Don't... Don't ever blame yourself for their deaths. You.. It's not your fault you got messed up. You... God, you're... You've been through so much... It's Rika's fault that they're both dead. Rika is the one who told you that V said those things... You acted because of what she made you believe. And she acted in response to that, so don't, ever, ever, think that it's your fault they're dead-!"

His cries echoed through my room, his tears falling onto my lap, creating a distinct damp spot. He hit me on the shoulder weakly, still shaking his head as he wept.

"Don't... Don't blame yourself... Please... I'm so glad that you came back... I... I will regret the way I treated V forever now, and I could care less about Rika now, knowing what she's done- but you, oh god, you... If you hadn't come to me, Saeran... If you hadn't..."

He buried his face in my chest, his cries wanton and unyielding. I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him tightly against me, crying silently into his hair. He grasped at my shirt, almost like he was afraid I would vanish in his grip, never to return.

"Saeran... This is... This is so hard..."

I ran my hand through his hair slowly, shaking my head.

"It's hard... For everyone to handle."

He froze at my words, lifting his head up slightly, wiping his eyes, his face ashamed as he gazed at me.

"I'm sorry.. That was selfish of me.. You went through complete torture, and.."

"And your cousin turned out to be an evil dictator."

He let out a small laugh despite his tears, shaking his head slowly, hiccuping involuntarily. He pressed his palms to his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

"God... How do you manage to make me laugh even in this awful of a situation?"

I traced my fingers over his arm, coming to rest on his elbow. He lowered his hands, wrapping them around my neck as he crawled into my lap, nestling his face into my shoulder.

"I'm glad I can do that for you, Yoosung."

"Me too...Saeran?" His voice was small, like a child's- it reminded me of when I was crying for Saeyoung after he vanished.

"Yes?"

"Don't ever leave me. Please. I can't lose you too."

A mixture of warmth and sadness filled up my chest, and I held him tighter, burying my face into his hair, inhaling his scent like it was the last breath I would ever take.

"I won't... I won't..."

GAHHHH omg. I basically recited most of what was mentioned in the Extra Episodes as happening, except for, as noted before, that Rika killed herself after V died.

Poor distressed Yoosung ;0; I'm glad that I can write them back together now. I don't like them apart meeeh

~Pixil-8