Reference to: 'The Thespian Catalyst'; 'The Luminous Fish Effect'
xTBBTx
Back from her run and stopover for a bear claw Penny had a quick shower and a bite of lunch.
"What to do, what to do," she muttered. Yesterday had been awesome at the restaurant as the waitress had taken away a good chunk of tips. Maybe go shopping? Immediately she grunted at the thought. Shopping usually meant overspending and more credit card debt. No, she should most definitely stay away from stores.
Penny's attention turned towards Dr. Sea as he happily fluttered in his bowl.
"Why not?" With a smile she made her way across the hall and knocked at 4A.
A moment and then Sheldon opened the door wearing a Red Lantern t-shirt, blue thermal, brown plaid pants and latex gloves.
"What ya doing?" asked the Nebraskan.
"It's Thursday. I read comic books on Thursdays."
"O-kay. Since you're not doing anything"—here Sheldon twitched—"I was wondering if you wanted to try the putt-putt course?"
He turned his head slightly to the left in thought.
"That would be entertaining," he admitted.
"So it's a go?"
"No."
Penny was confused. "Why not?"
"I haven't scheduled it in," Sheldon said as if it was obvious.
"This isn't more craziness is it?" said the waitress with a crooked smile.
"Hardly," the physicist sniffed. "Mondays I watch Star Trek, Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise. Tuesdays I play Age of Conan. Wednesday is Halo night and Thursday is comic book and movie night. I play vintage games on Fridays, watch Doctor Who, do my laundry, message board and blog on Saturdays and as you're aware Sunday is train day with an outdoor constitutional in the afternoon."
"Wow," Penny said, stunned. "So what if you want to just do something off the cuff? Do you have a day for that?"
"Of course not," he scoffed.
"Well ya do now," she grinned. "Call it 'Anything Can Happen' Thursdays."
Sheldon was aghast. "But that's comic book night."
"Okay, then once a month and today is that day."
Sheldon was unsure what to say. No one had ever sought him out for anything social that didn't result in ridicule or bruising on his part.
She took in his tentative look. "The putt-putt's my treat."
"Why?"
Penny shrugged. "Why not? I have some extra money and thought it'd be fun to go. You said you wanted to try it too so why not go together?"
"That would be acceptable," he said after a moment. "Let me put my comics away." Sheldon paused. "This 'Anything Can Happen' won't involve any kind of shenanigans or hooliganism on your part, correct?"
"No shenanigans," promised the waitress, raising her hand in the air.
"Or hooliganism."
"Or hooliganism," she repeated. "Not even a humdinger."
She smiled sweetly and he closed the door.
XxX
Penny shook her head in disbelief as Sheldon prepared to putt the ball. No matter how goofy he looked stretching and shuffling his feet and wearing golf gloves he was absolutely killing her on the course. He'd insisted on an official match consisting of two rounds and ten holes. It meant an extra twelve bucks but Penny figured it was still cheaper than a night out at the club where twelve dollars covered a single martini and she wasn't the type to nurse a single drink.
Sheldon looked several times between the ball and the ramp with its teardrop-shaped loop. With a firm THWACK he sent the ball up the steel ramp, over the loop and then whizzing down the twister's backside towards the hole.
"Okay, you've been here before," Penny said accusingly.
"For the third time no, I haven't," replied Sheldon evenly. "Why do you keep insisting I'm lying?"
"Because you're breezing through this like nothing."
"Penny, through physics I have a working knowledge of the universe."
"Yeah, yeah," she growled as she took his spot and aimed her ball at the ramp. She gave it a firm stroke and hit the ramp but the ball fell before completing the loop.
"My turn," said Sheldon in a pleased tone. He walked to his ball, aimed and dropped it in the hole.
The Nebraskan retrieved her ball and tried again, this time putting oomph to her shot. It hit the lip of the ramp and bounced back.
"As a fun fact Garnet Carter patented the first miniature golf game, which he called Tom Thumb Golf in nineteen twenty seven," said Sheldon as he watched Penny get her ball.
"No kidding," she said drolly and whacked the ball. It failed to make the loop. "Damn it!"
"Language, Penny," Sheldon tutted. She turned to him with a smirk.
"You're enjoying this."
"I'm not unhappy," admitted the physicist with sparkly blue eyes that belied his otherwise poker face.
"Okay genius, get me through the hole."
He came over to stand beside her.
"You were correct to hit the ball firmly because a faster-moving ball experiences a higher centrifugal force which is used to counteract gravitational forces on the ball. The key to distance control is to roll the ball, not hit it. Now open your stance." He moved his feet and Penny followed accordingly. "Now your weight should be slightly favoring your left side and your putter shaft leans towards the target. The open stances makes it easier to feel the—"
Penny gave the ball a moderate hit and the ball went through the loop and down the course to the hole.
"Yes!" she hissed with a fist pump and skipped to the hole.
"—Left hand going out and down the target line," completed Sheldon with a frown. "The forward lean offsets the four degrees—"
She tapped the ball plopped into the hole.
"Yeah, ok, I got it," Penny said lightly as she retrieved her ball.
Sheldon's face was a mass of twitches. "—Four degrees of loft which helps the ball roll smoothly."
"Dr. C, it's all good. Hole's over. Take a deep breath."
"You interrupted me," he said crisply as the pair made their way to the next hole. "Twice."
Penny rolled her eyes. "I got the gist. I didn't need the Discovery Channel."
"Fine. Live your life in partial ignorance," sighed the physicist. "Let the ball move willy-nilly, without a care in the world."
"It does care," Penny snapped as she set her ball down. "It's just not completely anal about a game which is being played for fun. You do know what that is, right Dr. Cooper?"
"Of course I'm familiar with whimsy." Here his companion giggled in spite of herself.
"'Whimsy'? God, you're priceless." She hit the ball and got it through the first barrier.
"What's wrong with 'whimsy'?" huffed Sheldon. "Would you prefer impetuosity?"
Penny stood back to let him putt. "'Fun' is a perfectly good word."
"It's juvenile vernacular." His ball also made it past the barrier.
"Well are you having fun?"
"I'm enjoying myself, yes."
A twinkle came to Penny's eyes. "Say you're having fun."
"I just did," countered Sheldon.
"If I make this shot you say you're having fun with an f-u-n."
"As you've had the propensity to defy gravity on your first shot all afternoon I highly doubt—"
The ball went over the bridge and plopped into the hole.
"Apparently all I needed was incentive," Penny said with a pumpkin grin. "So Dr. C, are you enjoying this afternoon of whimsy?"
He glared at her. "I'm having…fun."
"Well so am I," she said sweetly as she made for the next hole.
Sheldon sunk his putt and followed.
XxX
"Let's get something to eat," said Penny as she put the car in gear and drove.
"Thursday is Souplantation night," replied the physicist as he looked out the side window.
"Okay, where's that?"
"Three oh one East Huntington Drive. Although it's irrelevant since they already know where I live for delivery."
Penny smirked. He would say that. "Here's a thought: since we're already out why don't we just go there?"
"I didn't bring cutlery."
"I think they have spoons," the waitress chuckled.
"Germs, Penny," Sheldon said seriously. "If the dishwasher doesn't reach one hundred and forty degrees Fahrenheit it won't kill off bacteria thus risking E. coli or some other contamination."
"Okay, forget utensils. How about Big Boy?"
"Tuesday is Big Boy night."
Wow. "That doesn't mean you can't have it again," she said gently.
"Now you're just being silly," he replied with a shake of the head. Immediately Penny signaled and turned left. "Where are we going?"
"Where anything can happen," she said firmly.
Sheldon sighed. "Here's hoping that doesn't include botulism."
XxX
"Did you know that the earliest mention of cheesecake is by the Greek physician Aegimus, who wrote a book on the art of making cheesecakes?" said Sheldon as Penny and he got out of the car.
"Can't say I did," she answered as they made their way across the parking lot to the Cheesecake Factory doors.
"Of course it wasn't like modern cheesecake. The commonly used Philadelphia Cream Cheese is a form of pasteurized cheese developed by James Kraft in nineteen twelve."
"You ought to be on Jeopardy," laughed the Nebraskan as they entered the restaurant.
"I'm a future Nobel Prize laureate," Sheldon sniffed. "The last thing I want in my biography is a footnote about my being the Jeopardy champion for two thousand and six."
"Suit yourself." Penny smiled at the hostess. "Hey Marie."
"What are you doing here on your day off?" the woman asked.
"Girl's gotta eat sometime. Besides, we were in the neighborhood."
"No we weren't," countered Sheldon. "We were approximately eight point seven miles—"
"Anyhoo, we need a table for two," Penny said as she lightly elbowed him in the arm.
"Right this way," Marie said.
"You said no shenanigans," growled Sheldon, rubbing his arm as the pair followed the hostess.
"How am I shenanigizing?" asked Penny.
"Shenani— Good Lord, that's not even a word. I don't know what kind of education system they have in Nebraska but it's obviously lacking."
Marie indicated a table. "Is this okay?"
"Most definitely not." Sheldon scanned the room. "We'll take that one over there," he said. Penny shrugged at her coworker.
"Happy with this one?" asked the Nebraskan as they came to the table.
"It's adequate." Sheldon noticed Penny about to sit down. "Don't sit there! That's where I sit."
Penny and Marie exchanged looks even as the waitress changed seats with the physicist.
"I'll leave you to your server," Marie said with a crooked smile as she left.
"Since I've never seen you in here you mind telling me why you have a particular table and seat?" smirked Penny
"The table is situated away from the high traffic areas of the bar and kitchen," Sheldon said casually as he perused the menu. "The washroom is easily accessible as is the exit for emergency purposes. Furthermore, I'm seated facing the bar and ordering kiosk so that I can flag down a server should I require one."
Penny shook her head incredulously.
"Is there anything about you that isn't complicated?"
"My bowel movements," he replied after a moment's thought. "They're regimented to seven fifty fi—"
"Never mind," she said hurriedly as the server arrived.
"Hey Pen," Janet said cheerily. "What's up?"
"Not much. Just came back from mini golf and—"
"Are we here to order or socialize?" Sheldon cleared his throat. "You have lemonade. Is this freshly squeezed, from concentrate or powder?"
"Most likely powdered," said Janet.
"'Most likely'?" he said excitedly. "Beverages aren't a game of percentages. Either it's powdered or it's not."
"Powdered," Penny said definitely.
"That's too bad. In East Texas a housewife wouldn't be worth her weight without a jug of hand-squeezed lemonade at the ready."
"He'll take a lemonade and I'll have a diet Coke," Penny said with a smile and Janet went to get their order.
"Would you like to select my entrée as well?" Sheldon said with a scowl.
"Maybe," she winked causing him to purse his lips. "See anything good?"
He glanced at the menu. "There's three types of soup."
"No soup." Sheldon opened his mouth to protest. "Soup is at the Souplantation. We're at The Cheesecake Factory."
"So by that logic I should order a slab of cheesecake? Hardly."
"No, it means try something different." She flipped to the entrée section. "How 'bout a fajita?"
"Too messy."
"Fish and chips?"
"What type of fish?"
"Tilapia."
"Ah yes, the junk food of fish. I'll pass."
"What about a hamburger?"
"I already had one on Tuesday." Sheldon caught Penny's warning glare. "But as this day is chaos already I suppose my digestive tract should experience no less."
"So are we ready to order?" asked Janet as she returned with the drinks.
"I'll have the chicken salad, light Caesar dressing," said Penny.
Sheldon closed his menu. "I'll have the barbecue bacon cheeseburger so long as the meat's cooked at one hundred and sixty degrees Fahrenheit."
"I'll see what I can do," Janet said as she gathered the menus, giving Penny a 'where did you get this guy' look.
"What you can do? It's the minimum safe internal cooking temperature for ground beef." He turned to Penny. "Why are we here?"
"It'll be fine," soothed the Nebraskan. "We're not known for killing our customers."
"The CDC estimates there are over two hundred and forty thousand cases of food poisoning a year."
"That's an estimate. It's not like it's a real number."
Sheldon was speechless and Janet took this moment of distraction to depart.
"So anyways, how's the job hunt going?" Penny took a sip of her soda.
"I haven't really looked," he replied neutrally although there was a tic to his right eye.
Penny gave a sympathetic smile. "I know it's tough when you get canned but like I learned from doing auditions ya just gotta get back on that horse."
"Really Penny? A horse analogy because I'm from Texas?"
"Nope. A Penny analogy thanks to a third place finish at the junior rodeo when I was twelve."
The physicist nodded. "I'm sure your broad hands and feet were an asset."
"Hey!" she said defensively.
"The feed or the interjection?"
"What?"
"We were talking about rodeos and horses. I wasn't sure if you were extending the topic," Sheldon explained. Penny pursed her lips.
"I wasn't extending, I was 'hey-ing'."
"That's not a word."
"It is now," Penny said adamantly. The physicist rolled his eyes.
"And yet another decline in the English language."
"Words are made all the time," she countered.
"I assure you the demand for 'hey-ing' will remain extremely low thus relegating it to the backwaters of English idioms whereas a practical term like 'prevening' shall eventually become commonplace."
"'Prevening'?"
"A term I coined to define the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening."
Penny thought about it. "That's clever."
"Of course it is," remarked Sheldon as their food arrived. He pulled out a bottle of sanitizer and cleaned his hands before lifting the bun off the burger. "Look at that," he tsked. "Cheese, bacon and barbecue sauce when the logical order of assembly should be sauce, cheese and bacon."
"You're right. Completely changes everything," Penny said poker faced.
"Indeed." He picked up his burger. "This 'Anything Can Happen' is really out of control," he muttered and took a bite. A frown came to his face as he chewed.
"Nope," he said after swallowing. "Too disorienting for my taste buds."
Penny set her fork by her salad bowl and got up.
"I'll be right back," she said with a frozen smile and headed to the bar.
"A shot of vodka," she ordered and immediately tossed it back. Janet noticed her and came over.
"Who is that guy?" she asked.
"My neighbor," Penny said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.
"Okay, and now for the obvious question: why are you with him?"
"He helped me out."
"Well here's hoping you're even," murmured Janet.
Penny smiled stiffly at her coworker and went back to her table.
"So," she began. Immediately Sheldon wrinkled his nose.
"You've been drinking," he declared.
"Just a shot," she said a tad defensively.
"Ah." Pause. "You could have ordered your drink from our server." He cocked his head. "Are you concealing alcohol dependency?"
Penny's jaw dropped.
"I'm not an alcoholic!" she snapped causing the couple next to her to stare.
"Good. My father used to put his cheap bourbon in cans of soda but really he wasn't fooling anyone," Sheldon said and took a bite of his burger.
Penny didn't know what to say.
XxX
"So let me get this straight, you were teaching at university when you were fifteen?" gasped Penny as the elevator doors opened at their floor. "In freaken Germany?"
"A visiting professor, yes," agreed Sheldon. "It gave me a break before pursuing my second doctorate."
"Second?" She put a hand on his arm as they stepped out. "How many degrees do you have?"
"A bachelor, two masters and two doctorates." Sheldon gingerly extracted his arm from her touch. The waitress noticed this and quickly dropped her hand.
"Wow. That's a lot of school. I, uh, went to community college myself." Please don't ask if I graduated.
"Ah." Sheldon went to his door and unlocked it. He paused before turning back to his neighbor.
"I'm quite sure tonight's bathroom schedule will be off," he said evenly.
Penny laughed. "You're something else, Dr. C." She opened her door.
"Penny."
"Yes?" For a moment his eyes met hers and she marveled at the blue.
"This day has been nothing but chaos."
"Sometimes a little chaos is good for ya," she grinned. "'Night."
Sheldon watched her enter her apartment and close the door before venturing into his own.
xTBBTx
Penny crossed the floor of the lobby to get her mail. This was the only time of the month she felt at ease doing so as her credit card statements weren't due to arrive for another two weeks. As she threw out her junk mail she noted that the substantial parcel on the table was for Sheldon. She picked it up and went to the elevator.
"How much wool does a guy need?" she murmured to herself as she read the return address for Rosie's Wool Emporium. This was the second big box from the wool shop she carried to the physicist's door in as many weeks. He'd gone back to his old habit of not answering the door when she went to drop off the parcel. The only clue he was still alive was a continual clacking of wood emanating from his apartment during the day.
She arrived at the floor and set down the parcel at Sheldon's door before knocking.
"Dr. C? Another package from the wool shop."
Penny crossed the hall, unlocked her door and quickly closed it although she remained in the hall. Two minutes went by before Sheldon's lock turned and he opened the door.
"Hey!" Penny said, startling him.
"Hello," he replied as he scooped up the parcel.
Penny came to his door. "What's with the getup?" she said as she took in his poncho complete with hood.
"Fruit of my labors," he said evenly and made to close the door with his hip, thus allowing Penny a view of his room.
"Crap on a cracker, what is that?"
"A loom." Sheldon placed his parcel on the coffee table.
"O-kay. Now for the stupid question. Why do you have a loom?"
"I was thinking about my luminous fish and then loom came to mind." Penny rolled her eyes. The lanky man picked up a poncho from the arm of the couch and returned to the door. "Here, this is for you."
"Thanks, Dr. C," Penny replied as she took it.
"Dr. Cooper. Once again we are 'even'. Goodbye."
"Wait!" Penny put her hand on the door. "Could you show me how it works?"
She felt his eyes scan her as if she was some sort of organism under a microscope.
"Take your shoes off and spray your feet with disinfectant before stepping off the mat," he said at last.
The waitress stepped into the room, slipped off her flip-flops and sprayed her feet. She had no idea why she was there; all she knew was that her stomach dropped at the thought of Sheldon once again locking himself up in his apartment all by his lonesome. She took in his room and marveled at his shelves filled with more books than she'd ever read, a large plastic toy in the corner, a kick-ass telescope and whiteboards filled with math doodles.
"This is a treadle or foot loom," Sheldon began as he sat at the loom. "Here we have four harnesses or shafts," indicating the horizontal beams of wood at the top. "The warp comes to the front where I weave into the cloth. The beam where the warp ties at the front is the breast beam and from here the warp lines go through the reed, through the harnesses here and tie to the back beam." He ran his finger along the metal slots of the reed. "The reed has different sizes of holes called dents. In this case it's six dents per inch. Finer weaves can use up to one hundred dents. In fact, early treadle looms—"
"Wow," Penny interjected, completely lost and bored out of her mind. "So what have you done so far?"
"A poncho for my mother, you and me, a seven foot throw and placemats."
"That's a lot of stuff. Maybe you should take a break. I mean, isn't this supposed to be comic book night?"
"That's Thursday. Tonight is Halo night," Sheldon amended as he loomed. "Besides, I've missed six weeks of new releases."
"So why not order them online? You get the rest of them in the mail."
"Penny," he sniffed. "They're no longer 'new' so who knows who's manhandled them, leaving fingerprints and creases in their wake as they bag them?"
"Bummer," shrugged Penny. "Too bad there aren't comic book stores around."
Sheldon stopped looming. "There are." He paused a moment before resuming his task.
The Nebraskan took in her neighbor looming away. This can't continue. "Why don't we go to one?"
"Alright."
"I mean now."
Again he stopped. "It isn't Thursday much less 'Anything Can Happen'."
Penny gestured at the loom. "Yeah but tonight's Halo night and you're looming. That's different."
"Halo starts at eight pm." He resumed looming.
A thought came to his neighbor and she smiled slyly.
"So you say you read comics on Thursdays."
"I already established that, yes," he replied absently.
"So what are you gonna do tomorrow since you don't have any?"
"What I've done for the previous six weeks: read them online," Sheldon said with a shrug.
"Yeah, but that's not the same as having one in your hand. The feel of the paper," she cooed. "The smell." Sheldon's mouth twitched. "Yeah, you could read them online"—here she leaned closer—"but deep down inside you know you should be reading real ones." The physicist turned to glare at her. "Come on, I'll drive you."
Sheldon stared at his loom in thought. "It would be nice to resume my collection." Pause. "And Wednesday is new comic book day." He stood up. "I'll have to look up an address for a reputable establishment." He took four placemats off the pile and handed them to Penny. "Payment in advance."
"Thanks," she replied and he bounded off to the washroom.
The phone rang twice before the answering machine picked up:
"Hello Shellybean, it's yuhr mother. Meemaw called tuh say she hasn't received yuhr monthly letter an' wondered if yuh were okay. Call me an' let me know what's what so's we can stop worryin'. Bye."
The washroom door opened and Sheldon went to his room for his jacket, wallet and latex gloves.
"Let me check on comic book stores while you get ready," he said as he entered the living room with his eyes firmly on his phone.
"Will do," Penny smirked as she slipped into her flip-flops.
XxX
A grin came to Howard's face as he flipped through the comic bins.
"What do Deadpool, Cyclops, Hawkeye, Black Widow, She-Hulk, Gambit, Wolverine, Hulk, Vision and Daredevil have in common?" he said lightly.
"Very funny," snapped Leonard as he thrust a comic back into the bin.
"Cheer up Leonard," soothed Raj. "Everyone gets dumped at some point in their life."
"Leslie didn't dump me. We were at different points so we moved on."
"Yeah, Leslie to Dave Underhill and you to your palm and Emo music on your Ipod," the engineer chuckled garnering a glare.
"Don't give up," Raj said cheerily. "As I learned from 'Eat Pray Love' we should—"
Howard rolled his eyes. "Again with that book?"
"Howard, it's going to be a classic. It pulls at your heartstrings even as it lightens your soul," the astrophysicist sighed.
"That has to be the most…." Leonard never finished his sentence. Howard and Raj looked questioningly at him before following his gaze to the door. To their surprise stood Sheldon Cooper but he wasn't the point.
The point was a hot blonde wearing red Capri pants and a low-cut yellow tank top standing by his side.
Penny held Sheldon back as she froze.
"Why are they staring at me?" she stage whispered as the patrons in the store had come to a complete halt.
"Considering the plethora of superhero paraphernalia surrounding them I have no idea," breathed the physicist as his bright eyes took in everything.
A curly haired man wearing a Green Arrow t-shirt under a red plaid shirt came out from behind the cash and approached the pair.
"I'd ask if you're lost but you're friend's wearing a Hawkman shirt," the man said. His eyes crinkled in amusement. "Blink twice if you're with him against your will," he teased.
"Just the driver," Penny assured him. She turned to Sheldon, who was in complete awe. "Well?"
"There's so much to see," he said excitedly. "I'm just deciding my course of action."
"Get in there," Penny said and gave him a little shove. Instantly he moved like a shot to the new comics wall.
"I'm Stuart," the man said to the waitress. "This is my place."
"Penny," she said hesitantly. Stuart caught her concerned expression and glanced over his shoulder at his customers.
"Don't worry, they're more afraid of you than you are of them," he said lightly.
"Yeah, don't be so sure," she said with a polite smile. "You sure have a lot of comics. Never knew you could make a living off of them."
"Oh you can so long as you like eating Kraft Dinner a lot," Stuart said with a wry smile, making her laugh.
"Yeah, I make a mean ramen noodle special, myself." Might as well get in the game. "Well, I guess I'll take a look around."
"Sure, sure." Stuart let her pass. "You're beautiful," he whispered to himself.
"Geez, you collect a lot," Penny said as she noted the stack of comics in Sheldon's gloved hands.
"These are just what came in this week. Limited series and one-shots aside I follow eighteen books a month," he said absently as he checked the spine of a Green Lantern comic for cracks.
"That's a lot of spandex," she quipped.
"The Archies are over in the kid's section. I believe they might be more to your liking," he said stiffly. Penny glanced into the corner and saw a plump man with a Captain America t-shirt stuffed into his grey track pants staring at her.
"Na, I think I'll stay here." She glanced at the book he was holding. "So who's the guy in green?"
"Green Lantern. You might have known that if you'd bothered to read the title above his head."
"Yeah but he's not carrying a lantern, smartiboots. He's just a guy with a big nosed frowny face on his chest." Sheldon's mouth dropped as he stared at his neighbor.
"That's obviously a lantern."
"Oh yes, 'obviously'. So why does he call himself that? I mean 'Green Lantern' isn't exactly a tough name."
Sheldon sighed. "While 'Green Lantern' is his superhero alter ego in actuality he's a member of the Green Lantern Corps—an intergalactic police force established by the Guardians of the Universe. As for the lantern, it refers to the lantern-shaped battery that powers their rings."
"And let me guess: it's green," chuckled Penny as she scoured the comics wall. "Good thing it wasn't polka dotted." Sheldon rolled his eyes but said nothing.
"Dr. Cooper?"
Sheldon and Penny turned to see Leonard, Howard and Raj.
"Dr. Hofstadter," the lanky man said evenly.
"I didn't know you shopped here," Leonard said, taking a nervous glance at Penny.
"This is my first time—and most definitely won't be my last."
"That's great." Leonard swallowed. "I'm Leonard," he said to Penny. "These are my friends Howard—"
"Howard J. Wolowitz. Enchante mademoiselle," the engineer said smoothly.
"And Raj," finished Leonard. For his part Raj waved his fingers then looked at the floor.
"I'm Penny. Dr. C's my neighbor," she said brightly. "So you're a scientist too?"
"Merely an experimental physicist. Nothing to get excited over," Sheldon said.
"I'm an engineer in the experimental physics wing," added Howard.
"An oompa loompa of science," sniffed the theoretical physicist.
"And you?" Penny asked Raj. He raised his head to stare at the ceiling. She looked to Leonard for help.
"He's a little shy around women," he explained. "Raj is an astrophysicist."
"Ah. I'm an actress."
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "I thought you worked at The Cheesecake Factory?"
"Well yeah," stammered Penny. "But that's just paying the bills until my career takes off."
"Well that's logical," smiled Leonard.
"How is using a minimum wage job to support an unlikely career choice in any way 'logical'?" sniffed Sheldon.
"It's all about the dream," the bespectacled man countered. Penny beamed at him and in that moment his knees nearly buckled as his armpits flooded with sweat.
Sheldon shook his head derisively before turning to Penny. "I need to search the bins for previous issues."
"Wait!" Leonard cried desperately. Think Leonard think! "I, uh, figured out how to test your theory for supersolids. I'm starting next week."
"Like I said before: it doesn't need verification but do as you will."
"I'll let you know about the results," said Leonard. "I, uh, don't have your number." Sheldon said nothing. "My number's—"
"I know your number," the East Texan replied. "Unless it's changed from two years ago?"
"No, no, still the same." Leonard again glanced quickly at Penny. "So you ever get a roommate?"
"No," Sheldon said.
"That's good. I mean, not good because you were looking for a roommate and you didn't find one but good as in you don't have one now because I'm looking around for a new place to stay and maybe we could work something out," gushed Leonard.
"You weren't interested then. The dimensions of the apartment haven't changed. Why would you be interested now?"
"It's closer to the university than my current place." He turned to Penny. "Are you on the same floor?"
"Across the hall," she replied.
"Well that's nice," he said with a nervous smile. "I mean you being so close since you're friends with Dr. Cooper and all."
"She's my neighbor," amended Sheldon. "We have no further affiliation." He checked his watch, noting that he was going to be late for Halo if he wasn't careful. "I'll call you on Friday regarding your results, Dr. Hofstadter."
"Sure, sure. Bye Penny."
"Bye Leonard," she smiled and walked off with Sheldon.
"The roommate trick?" chuckled Howard. "Pretty smooth buddy."
"It's not a trick," countered Leonard. "You know I'm always complaining about how small my apartment is."
"But it means living with Sheldon Cooper," warned Raj. "Are you sure about this?"
Leonard stared dreamily at Penny as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I'm sure," he said adamantly. "And I call dibs."
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Miniature Golf
Marvel Wiki: List of Divorced Characters
Thefreelibrarycom: Newton's Guide to Putt-Putt
Golf Digestcom: Putting with Dave Stockton
Youtube: Elizabeth Wagner: How to Weave on a Loom