Sam stayed with Lily a few more days, waiting for her to get around on her own a little better. Before he left, he made sure the cabin was completely warded against anything supernatural, just in case Crowley decided he wanted her back. When it was time for him to leave, Lily and Jody were sitting on the sofa. Sam put his bag by the door, then walked over to them.
"Okay," he said. "I called Garth. He's gonna meet me at the cabin in Montana. I don't wanna bring any demons into your cabin... you know, if we have to interrogate."
"I appreciate that," Lily said. She stood and wrapped her arms around Sam, and he returned the hug. "Be careful. Kevin's depending on you... and so am I."
Sam kissed her forehead and gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go and heading out of the door.
Lily immediately headed to her study, and Jody called after her.
"Young lady, where are you going?"
"To find a way to get Dean back."
"You need to rest," Jody said as she followed Lily.
"No, what I need is Dean, back in my arms."
"Do you even have any idea where to start looking?"
"Dean and Cas disappeared when they killed Dick Roman. I'll start with leviathan. Charlie sent us a copy of Frank's hard drive with all of his information. I'll start there."
"And what are you looking for?"
"I don't know, but I've lost almost three months already. I'm not wasting anymore time."
Lily sat at her desk and turned on her computer, pulling up Frank's drive. Jody stood in front of the desk with her arms folded.
"Honey, I know you don't wanna hear this..."
"You're probably right."
"But, what if Dean's dead?"
"He's not."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you don't," Jody said firmly. "Sam said Dick Roman basically exploded. How do you know Dean didn't get caught in that?"
"There was no blood," Lily said calmly. "None. Black goo everywhere... no blood. If Dean had exploded, there should have been blood."
"Lily..."
"You're not going to convince me that Dean is dead, or that it's even a possibility. So, don't bother. He would never stop looking for me... I'm not about to give up on him."
Sam checked in at least once a week over the next month. He and Garth had gotten a few leads, but none of them panned out. Finally, Sam got a phone call from Kevin. He had no idea where he was, but he managed to escape from Crowley. Sam had Lily track the GPS on Kevin's phone, and they went and picked him up.
Sam brought him back to Lily's. Jody had gone home a couple of weeks before. Lily was feeling much better physically. Emotionally was another story. Sleeping in her empty bed was the hardest part. It would be different if she had any idea where Dean was, but she still had no clue.
She hugged Sam when he walked in the door, and he smiled.
"Wow... You look like you're feeling better," he said.
"Much better."
She hugged Kevin and he stared at the scars on her arms. "What did he do to you?"
"You don't wanna know," Lily said. "What about you? Are you hurt?"
"No," Kevin said, "he wanted me to read a tablet for him."
"A tablet?"
"Yeah," Sam cut in. "It looks like Crowley uncovered a demon tablet, like the one we had for leviathan."
"And he had you translating it?" Lily asked Kevin. He just nodded, so Lily continued. "Well... what did it say?"
Kevin reached into his bag and took out a dark stone tablet. "I haven't finished yet," he said, "but there is something on here about closing the gates of Hell... forever."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously," Kevin said, smiling.
"Hang on, you two," Sam interrupted. "Who says we're doing this?"
"Well," Lily said, "we're not, yet. We have to find Dean first."
"Find Dean? We don't even know if he's alive."
"He's alive," Lily said through clenched teeth.
"How do you know?"
"Because I know!"
"Lily, I want him to be alive too, but there is just no proof..."
"I don't need proof!"
"Jody told me you've been researching... You find anything?"
"No, but..."
"So, then you don't know. Look. Dean and I always had a pact. We promised when things like this happened we wouldn't look for each other or try to bring each other back."
"And you always ignored that pact! You've both told me that!"
"But I think it's about time I honored it."
"Are you kidding me?!"
"No. No, I'm not."
Lily was angry. She could feel the expression of shock on her face, and the tears filling her eyes. She felt betrayed. "I can't believe you're saying this."
"I know you're angry right now..."
"Angry? Angry doesn't even begin to cover it!" She punctuated her sentence by balling her fist and landing a punch to Sam's gut. It wasn't hard enough to really hurt him, but hard enough that he knew she meant it. "You're going to just let him sit God-knows-where? While you... what? What are you gonna do, Sam?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
"You don't know," she said in a mocking tone. "But you know it won't be looking for your brother."
Tears finally fell from her eyes as she turned to walk away. She was reminded of Kevin's presence when she saw him standing a few feet away. He had slowly moved away from the argument.
"Kevin, I could really use your help finding Dean and getting that tablet translated," she said, wiping her eyes. "If you wanna stay I have an extra room for you."
"Yeah, okay. Beats the last cabin you guys had me in."
"Come on. Let's get you settled."
"Lily, I..." Sam called out after her.
"Stop. Just stop. I really can't talk to you right now. I just can't."
When Lily came back downstairs, Sam was sitting on the sofa. She walked past him without acknowledging that he was even in the room a she made her way to the kitchen. Sam followed her.
"Lily... I never wanted this life," Sam said. "I did my best to get away from it, but I always came back to it for family. That family is gone now."
"I'm still here," she said, finally looking at him, "or was that 'sister' talk all crap?"
"I meant that, and you know it. I think we both owe it to ourselves to move on, Lily. Dean would want us to."
Lily balled her fist again, "Don't talk about him like that."
"It's why we made the pact in the first place! When Dean went to Hell! He wanted me to move on. He'd want the same thing for you."
Lily began pulling things out to cook dinner. The idea of moving on seemed wrong. As long as their was any hope that Dean was alive, she couldn't. She wouldn't.
"You know what, Sam... go ahead. You wanna give up on Dean? Fine. I'll be right here, looking for him until I find him."
"And if he's dead?"
"If I find proof, then I'll accept it, but not before then."
Sam left the next morning. He left his phones with Lily, got in the Impala, and drove off. Lily didn't think he would really go, and she kind of resented him for it.
The months dragged on as she and Kevin researched anything they thought could give them any kind of clue as to where Dean was, with no success. Finally, one day sitting at her desk, just staring at a drawing in one of Bobby's old books, she sat up straight.
"I'm so stupid!"
Kevin, sitting across the desk with a book of his own, looked up.
"What's wrong?"
"Purgatory!" Lily said. "Dick Roman was a leviathan... a monster. Monsters go to Purgatory when they die. Maybe it's possible Dean and Cas got caught up in whatever sent Dick there!"
"If that's true," Kevin said, "how do we get them out?"
Lily closed the book she was reading and went to her shelves. "We research Purgatory."
More months passed, and they still had nothing. The lore of Purgatory being monster-Heaven was scarce. They had nothing to go on.
Lily sat on her sofa late one night after Kevin had gone to bed. She had all the lights out, watching television in the dark with a beer. She heard a slight rattling sound and looked around. She heard the noise again and realized it was coming from her front door. She stood and pulled her gun from the mantle, waiting as the door slowly opened.
Her doorknob was pure silver to warn her of a shifter. There was a large devil's trap beneath the front porch, so no demon could get in that way. That only left a leviathan, and they had become almost unheard of over the last couple of months, but she kept a bottle of borax by the door.
A dark form came in and closed the door.
"Don't move," Lily said.
The shadow's hands went up and stood up straight, and her eyes widened at the shape of the figure. She flipped the lamp switch beside her and saw Dean smiling at her.
"Can I put my hands down now?"
Her mind was racing, but she didn't hesitate. "Not quite." She waved her gun slightly toward the table next to the door. "Borax. Now."
Dean slowly picked up the container and poured it onto his hand. No effect.
Lily put the safety back on her gun and lowered it.
"Dean?" It came out barely a whisper.
"Hey, Kitten."
"Oh my God..." She threw her gun to the sofa and ran into Dean's arms. "I'm not dreaming, am I?"
"No, you're not."
They held each other tight for several minutes before Lily found the strength to pull away. With his arms still around her, she put her hands to his face and pulled him into a kiss. Dean lifted her from the floor and she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to the sofa. He sat with her in his lap, straddling his legs, as their kiss continued. His hands went into her hair, and when his thumb brushed over Lily's cheek, her tears finally fell. She had dreamt of his gentle touch so often, and there it was, a reality.
Dean felt her tears on his hands and pulled back. He wiped them away and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. "It's okay. I'm back."
"I missed you so much," she sobbed into his neck.
"I missed you, too, sweetheart."
"I love you."
"I love you."
After a few minutes with neither of them speaking, Dean took her face in his hands.
"You're not gonna ask me where I've been all year?"
"Not tonight," she said. "Tonight, I just wanna fall asleep in your arms... feel you against me."
Dean dropped his hands to her arms. "I'll need to shower first."
"No."
"Lily, I've been on the road all day."
"I don't care. You're not leaving my arms tonight."
"Do you think you can let me go long enough for me to get undressed?"
"Maybe... as long as you don't leave my sight."
"I won't."
Dean gave her a gentle kiss, then wrapped his arms tight around her and stood with her legs wrapped around him. He went to her bedroom and placed her on the bed, where she removed her pajama bottoms, as she did every night to sleep. Dean saw the scars on her legs in the dim light.
"What happened to you?"
He noticed she was wearing long sleeves. He grabbed her arm and pushed one up and saw the scars there.
"Tomorrow, Dean. We'll talk about all of it tomorrow."
Dean stripped down to his boxers, then they both got under the covers. They lay facing each other, wrapped in each others' arms.
Lily had her first good night's sleep in almost a year.