Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Grasshopper Experiment'; 'The Middle Earth Paradigm'
Reference to: 'The Higgs Boson Observation'; 'The Loobenfeld Decay'; 'The Hamburger Postulate'
xTBBTx
As soon as Penny opened her car door it hit her: the smell of clean.
"What the heck?" She sat in her seat and closed the door. Immediately she noticed the sheen to her dashboard as layers of dust had been removed. Her eyes turned to the passenger floor mat, now spotless. Even the dead moth in the back windshield was gone.
"Son of a gun," she chuckled as she put the car in gear and drove off.
She turned on the radio and began to sing in order to limber up her voice. There was an audition for a local theater company which was putting on a one night showcase rendition of 'Rent' and her horoscope told her that today was her day to shine.
XxX
Sheldon scowled at his whiteboard. The posit was wrong. Again.
He erased a particularly annoying set of numbers before beginning to pace.
"Complete information about a physical system at one point in time should determine its state at any other time. Or, physical information permanently disappears, allowing many physical states to devolve into the same state," he mumbled. At this point he was no better than a fence-sitter and that was intolerable. Sheldon Cooper always had an opinion.
"I'm definitely hungry," he decided and checked his watch. It was time to get ready if he was to make it to Big Boy. He changed into his bus pants, grabbed his jacket and messenger bag and set off.
It had been two weeks and five days since the day of infamy where his digestive balance had been disrupted by an unscheduled hamburger. He thought for sure he'd require a laxative but fortunately he'd gone the next morning although the consistency was different. All it took was a higher end fiber cereal for the next two days and all was back to normal.
Except he no longer enjoyed his Big Boy.
As he chewed the famous burger he realized that its double decker formation meant a less satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio. A subsequent meal only reinforced this new revelation.
Sheldon paused in thought at the bus stop.
Today was Tuesday and Tuesday was Big Boy night.
His taste buds craved a single decker hamburger.
The bus came along and people boarded. Except for Sheldon Cooper. Instead he ventured to the intersection and crossed with the light over to the opposing bus stop. He checked his watch. Given the traffic flow to the restaurant and back it looked as though Sheldor the Conqueror would be late to the join the battle this evening.
This was another strike.
XxX
"Well that wasn't too bad," Penny said to herself as she drove to work. She didn't make the cut but she really turned some heads at the audition once she began to sing. Maybe musicals were the way to go? Too bad she was already strapped for cash otherwise she'd enroll in some singing classes.
"Ah, well, guess I gotta rely on raw talent," she grinned as she turned on the radio.
Penny did a few miles over the speed limit to get to work on time. She'd managed to have Bernadette cover two hours of her shift so she could go to the audition. In exchange the Nebraskan would take one of her coworker's shifts as the petite woman needed time off to work on her grad school assignments.
After parking at the back Penny gave a 'shave and a haircut' knock at the kitchen entrance and was let in. She clocked in and washed her hands thoroughly in the sink before tying on an apron.
"Hi Penny," squeaked Bernadette as she came to the back. "How did your audition go?"
"I didn't get it but I've got a feeling that something good's gonna come of this," bubbled Penny.
"That's awesome. Anyways, you've got section 'C'."
"Thanks so much for covering."
"No problem."
Penny made sure she had her order pad and pen set in her apron before commencing her shift. Almost immediately her eyes recognized her neighbor as he sat at their previous table.
"Hey," she said with a grin. "Whatcha doing here?"
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "I'm hungry. It's an eating establishment."
"But I thought it was Big Boy night?"
His mouth twitched. "It was—until you ruined it."
"Me? What did I do?"
"I can't believe you're playing innocent when in fact you took me to your place of work and introduced me to a hamburger that is superior to the Big Boy." He shook his head. "And here I was thinking that weekly coupons were an aggressive tactic to drum up business." Penny snorted.
"I didn't take you here to mess up your mojo. You just seemed kinda freaked about where you eat so I thought to take you here since I know it inside and out."
"Oh really? What's the expiry date on the coffee creamers?"
Penny rolled her eyes. "Lemonade, right?"
"And a barbecue bacon cheeseburger layered in the order of barbecue sauce, cheese and bacon."
"One barbecue bacon cheeseburger. Slightly whacked. Fries or salad?"
"Fries," he said with a scowl.
"Okay, well I'll be back."
Sheldon watched her as she moved first to the order kiosk and then the bar. She had muscular calves and a firm buttocks as well as a slight shift to her right hip that could potentially aggravate her L1 joint if she wasn't careful.
Penny got his lemonade and returned to see him writing something on a napkin.
"Everything okay?" she asked as she set down his drink.
"Until such a time as the Higgs boson is discovered thus confirming through its mass that the universe at some point in the future will end in a fast-spreading bubble of doom quite like a Seven-Eleven slurpee." Sheldon noticed the silence and glanced to see Penny looking at him strangely. "More napkins, please." He returned to writing. The waitress took some out of her apron and set them down to his left. She continued to watch him write, incomprehensible math symbols flowing from his pen.
"That's all," he said. Dismissed, Penny went on to her next table.
XxX
Penny brought her tray to the table to clear up after Sheldon had left. She opened the money folder to find the exact change for the bill and a note written on a napkin:
I specifically ordered a barbecue bacon cheeseburger layered in the order of barbecue sauce, cheese and bacon which I did not receive as the burger you gave me was most definitely stacked in the order of cheese, barbecue sauce and bacon.
As I also must include my bus fare in my expenditure for this evening I've decided to mitigate the financial loss by diverting your tip to my pocket.
Next time I expect my order to be correct.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
"Next time?" Penny murmured.
xTBBTx
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Penny unfurled herself from the couch and went to open the door.
"What's up?" she asked as she took in her neighbor's rather animated demeanor.
"It's Wednesday," he said. Penny's eyes widened as she shook her head waiting for a prompt. "New comic book night. Grab your keys and let's go."
"Wait, what? Dr. C. I don't need any comics."
Sheldon pursed his lips. "You're the one who started this entropic snowball down the hill so don't try to get out of it now."
"But I—"
"Why is everything a conversation with you?" he sighed exasperatingly. "The sooner we go the sooner I'm back to play Halo. I can't make myself any plainer."
"Yeah, I guess not." In spite of herself Penny laughed.
XxX
"For the last time, Penny, just because your Ice Man Liddell is an accomplished mixed martial arts champion doesn't mean he can 'kick Superman's ass'," sighed Sheldon as Penny and he entered the comic book store.
"So you're telling me ol' Supes knows ju jitzu, muay thai kick boxing, wrestling and boxing?" the Nebraskan asked amusedly.
Sheldon rolled his eyes. "The Man of Steel can't be judged by human standards. He's the strongest hero in the DC Universe and is virtually indestructible," he explained while putting on his latex gloves as the pair crossed over to the new comics wall.
"'Virtually' doesn't mean completely."
"Superman is vulnerable to magic, various forms of Kryptonite, a red sun and arguably psychic abilities."
"What's Kryptonite?"
"The ore form of a radioactive element from Superman's destroyed world of Krypton," Sheldon said absently as he checked over a Flash comic. "It had a red sun unlike our Sol thus Kryptonians lacked the power Kal-El had on Earth."
Penny chuckled. "So what you're saying is that Superman can be beaten by Psychs, Spells and Rocks n Red Sol."
The physicist glared at her grin as Howard and Raj made their way over.
"A red soul also means it's primed for love," Howard said smoothly as he sidled by Penny.
"Hey. Uh, you're Leonard's friend Howard, right?" asked Penny as she took a slight step away.
"Actually, it's more like Leonard's my friend," the engineer amended. "It's my posse and I'm the show if you know what I mean."
Raj rolled his eyes and gave Penny a little wave before venturing off to the graphic novel section. There was no way he wanted her to think he was a part of Howard's crew, especially when the engineer was having one of his 'God's gift to women' moments.
"No, I can't say I do," the waitress said drolly.
"First of all your 'red Sol' allusion is ridiculous as Sol is the name of our sun—our yellow sun—and not a synonym for any ol' star," tutted Sheldon.
"I'm the Wolowizard of love and believe me when I say my wand's always charged and ready to go," Howard oozed to Penny.
"And you should know that a red sol doesn't mean love it means that it's a dying star in the last stages of stellar evolution," the physicist said to the short man. "How you can be a doctor in engineering and yet not know this is extraordinary."
"Actually, I'm not a doctor," Howard replied sheepishly. "My Masters is from MIT."
"Oh. Well, that explains your ignorance," Sheldon conceded.
"I wasn't ignorant I was being poetic," Howard replied through gritted teeth. "Now if you don't mind Penny and I are in the midst of pre-coital banter."
"Ah. Well far be it from me interrupting your mating ritual." Sheldon went back to looking over his comics.
"What?" gasped Penny. "There is no mating ritual," she spat and stomped off to another part of the store.
"And so it begins," grinned Howard.
Sheldon looked up. "What begins?"
"Amour. The heart's tango."
"Ah."
Immediately Howard was serious. "You don't mind, do you?"
Sheldon was confused. "Why would I mind?"
"Well, she is with you."
"She's my neighbor and waitress and driver to the comic book store," amended Sheldon. "What she does with herself the rest of the time is completely of her own choosing and irrelevant to me." He left the engineer to go pay for his purchases.
"That's all I needed to hear," Howard said with a smirk as Raj came over to join him.
"What did you say to Penny?" the astrophysicist hissed.
"I was just establishing the parameters of our carnal rapport," shrugged Howard.
"Yeah but Leonard's hitting on her."
"And where is he?"
"Doing Sheldon's experiment."
"See? Someone has to keep his priorities straight," Howard winked. Raj rolled his eyes.
XxX
Sheldon and Penny were silent as she drove.
"Drat," tsked the physicist. "I should have asked when Dr. Hofstadter gets home from the lab." He turned to his neighbor. "If I don't see him next Wednesday I suppose you can ask Howard when you're conducting the heart's tango."
"Conducting the wha?" Penny blanched. "Oh my God do you think I'm interested in Howard?"
"He seems to think so."
"Wow."
"So is that an affirmative?"
"Of course not!" Penny snapped. "He's so totally not my type. I mean, he's not athletic or cute in that rugged 'I use Old Spice' kinda way."
"I see."
"Not that I'm saying that I'm shallow or anything," the Nebraskan continued hurriedly. "A guy also has to be kind and funny and have a sexy butt, y'know?"
Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Ah yes, Darwinism at its best."
"Darwin?"
"The man whose contribution to science boils down to recognizing your desire for sexy buttocks as a product of natural selection," he said drolly.
Penny didn't get where he was going. "He's some kind of butt doctor?"
"No, he's not a proctologist. He was a nineteenth century geologist and naturalist best known for his contributions to evolutionary theory."
"Oh, okay, he's the monkey guy."
"The monkey guy," tsked Sheldon as he shook his head. "Yes, as much as Isaac Newton can be summed up as the 'apple guy'."
Penny grinned at him through the rear view mirror. "Is that the cute guy on the commercial? You know, 'Hello, I'm a Mac. And I'm a PC'."
"Newton's been dead for two hundred and seventy nine years."
"Ah, well you see I didn't know that."
"Obviously."
A thought came to her. "So is he the guy they named the cookies after?"
"Oh dear Lord," sighed they physicist.
"If you don't know just say so."
"The Fig Newton is named after Newton, Massachusetts."
Penny shook her head. "Again, how do you know all this stuff?"
"As I explained I've an I.Q. of one hundred and eighty seven and an eidetic memory."
"Yeah but things just didn't fall into your head. What did you do, read an encyclopedia?"
"Among other things," murmured Sheldon as he looked out the side window.
"Seriously?"
"I grew up in a Christian household. Mother didn't allow much in the line of secular reading when I was a toddler."
"Huh. I remember in primary school we used to look up swear words in the dictionary."
"A valuable use of academic resources," Sheldon quipped.
"Yeah, well what did you do?" Penny said with a scowl.
"Proved that algebraic topology can never have a non self-contradictory set of abelion groups. Oh wait, that doesn't count. I was five when I did that."
"Didn't you do anything like, I dunno, make mud pies?"
Sheldon was horrified. "Do you know what types of bacteria exist in dirt?"
"Why do I have the feeling I'm gonna know now?" Penny chuckled.
"Mock me if you will but raw earth harbors contaminants such as heavy metals, bacteria from sewage or manure and parasites, especially roundworms from pet or wildlife feces."
"I knew enough to stay away from manure. I grew up on a farm."
"Oh dear."
"What?"
"The potential for cross-species virus transmission is exceptional."
"What?" She spotted Sheldon move as far away from her as he could. "I'm not infected with anything!"
"So you claim." They pulled into her parking spot. Penny killed the engine and turned to her companion.
"You are something else, Dr. C."
"Penny, just because I choose to acknowledge the inherent danger present in our environment doesn't mean I'm anything other than prudent."
"More like paranoid," she muttered as they got out of the car. They walked to the front of the building.
"Why are you always questioning my intellectual authority?" Sheldon asked as he held the door open for her to enter the lobby.
"Your what? Look I'm no where near as smart as you are but I've been around the block a few times so I know b.s. when I hear it," she said as she pressed the elevator button and the doors opened.
"You know a bachelor of science?" Sheldon paused as they stepped into the elevator. "That doesn't even make any sense."
"Oh boy," sighed Penny as the doors closed.
xTBBTx
Go out dancing or have clean clothes for next week? Normally it wouldn't be a choice but Penny really was scraping at the bottom of the barrel when it came to what was left in her closet to wear.
She got her laundry together and grabbed some change from her purse and made her way downstairs to the laundry room. Much to her surprise she wasn't the only one doing laundry on a Saturday night as Sheldon was there busily loading the washers.
"Hey Dr. C." Penny moved beside him and noted that all the washers but one were filled with laundry. "You sure take up the place."
"It's Saturday. Saturday at eight fifteen is laundry night," he replied as he put his red Flash shirt in the washer before closing the lid and starting the machine.
Penny noted that the other machines were half full at best.
"You could always double up some of your loads to save some cash," she offered.
Sheldon shook his head as he started his machines.
"Too many variables," he explained as he pointed to each machine. "Delicates, whites, dark colors, light colors and towels and bedding."
"Fair enough," Penny said as she flipped the lid of the last washer and to Sheldon's horror dumped in her entire basket of clothes. "So, any luck with the job hunt?"
"None are satisfactory," he replied distractedly as he watched her haphazardly pour laundry detergent into her wash and close the lid.
"Why not?"
"Well there's the commute for one thing. MIT is two thousand nine hundred and seventy nine point seven miles away and Princeton, two thousand seven hundred and thirty three."
The waitress grinned as she started her wash. "Um, I think the idea is to move closer to them."
"But my home's here."
"O-kay. Well is there anything close by?"
"There's Stanford," shrugged Sheldon. "It'd only be a ten hour and twenty minute commute."
"Still kinda sucky." Penny hopped on top of her washer.
"Hence my hesitation to accept."
"You mean you got the job?"
"Penny, I'm a world-class physicist and future Nobel Prize laureate," Sheldon sniffed.
"Okay then Dr. Nobel," smirked the Nebraskan. "What are you going to do?"
Sheldon's shoulders slumped. "I don't know. I've been mulling for several weeks but mitigating circumstances have forced me to accelerate my deliberations."
Penny nodded. "Running out of money, huh?" He pursed his lips but said nothing.
"Is that why you didn't write your Meemaw?" He looked at her in shock. "Your Mom called when you were in the washroom. It sounded like you've been avoiding them."
"Which is none of your concern," the physicist scowled.
"True." She began swinging her legs lightly against the front of the washer. "Still, when things get crazy I always call my mom."
Sheldon rolled his eyes. "My I.Q. is leaps and bounds ahead of my family members. What advice could they possibly give that I haven't thought of myself?"
"Sometimes it isn't advice; it's knowing that people care about you and that you've got a place to go when the chips are down."
"You mean return to Galveston?"
"Even if it's for a little while."
"I wouldn't even return my lifeless corpse to that intellectual wasteland," growled Sheldon as he folded his arms across his chest.
"Well ya gotta do something, Dr. C." A thought came to her. "Hey, have you talked to Leonard?"
"We conversed last night. His experiment confirmed what I already knew."
"That's cool. But did you ask him about the roommate thing?"
"I don't want a roommate," Sheldon said firmly.
"You don't have a choice, bub." Penny hopped off the washer. "You need to be saving money pronto and a roomie totally halves your rent and bills."
"Not all my bills. There's still food, cell phone—"
She placed her hands on her hips and mock frowned. "Quit being difficult."
"I'm precise, not difficult," he amended.
"PotAto potAHto. Listen, it'll give you more time to decide what to do. Just sayin'." Penny headed to the door. "Oh, that reminds me I'm having a Halloween party on the weekend so things might get a little loud."
"So long as the noise ordinance is observed at eleven pm I'm sure there'll be no problem."
"Oh yay. So what are you going to do?"
"As it's Saturday I'll be doing laundry and participating on the comics message board."
"Ah." She paused at the door. "You can come to my party if you like. It's no big deal. Just a few of my friends goofing around in costumes drinking and dancing."
He perked up. "Are the costumes random or genre specific?"
"I think people just pick them up at the Costume Depot. Come on, it'll be fun."
He cocked his head in thought. "What are the prizes?"
"Prizes?"
"For the costume parade. You know, most frightening, most original, most accurate visual representation of a scientific principle."
"Sorry, sweetie but there isn't gonna be a parade or prizes," Penny said gently. "Just some friends getting together to have fun."
"Well that sounds boring," Sheldon said dismissively.
"We're simple folk. See ya."
"Where are you going?"
"Upstairs," she said slowly although she could already sense an argument in the works.
"But the sign says not to leave your laundry unattended," Sheldon said adamantly as he pointed to the card on the wall.
Penny shrugged. "I've done it all the time and nothing's happened."
"That doesn't mean that nothing could happen only that nothing has happened."
"Well are you going to be here?"
"Of course."
"Then you can watch my stuff," she said with a pleasant smile.
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to assume responsibility for your apparel?"
"Yeah, what was I thinking?" Penny reentered the room and sat on a dryer. "So when's the last time you went to a Halloween party?"
"I was ten. There was a Fall Festival at the Church."
"Sounds like fun."
He pursed his lips. "Hardly. It was a tedious night of bobbing for apples and bean bag tosses and pin the tail on the Leviathan. Not to mention it had a Noah's Ark dress theme."
"Aw, that must have been cute with all the little animals," cooed the waitress. "What did you go as?"
"Homo habilis."
"That must have gone over well," Penny chuckled.
"Everyone kept calling me a monkey and trying to put me with Marcia Higgins because she was dressed like a primate," the physicist recalled with a touch of disdain to his voice.
"Your family was pretty religious, huh?"
"'Pretty religious'?" squawked Sheldon. "Like the Grand Canyon is a crack in the earth."
"So how did you get into science?"
"I've always been curious—and I was never satisfied with mother's typical answer that 'God made it so', particularly as I read explanations in the encyclopedia. When I needed clarification I'd ask my Pop-Pop and he'd bring me to the library to look things up." Penny noted Sheldon's features soften. "Thanks to him I was exposed to the works of Newton and Faraday and Einstein and Feynman. He was the only one in the family who encouraged my scientific endeavors."
"He sounds great," she grinned.
"He was irreplaceable."
Silence.
"Yeah, my parents are farmers," began Penny. "Dad just didn't get it when I told him I wanted to act."
"It's hardly a stable career path," countered Sheldon. "His worry was justified."
"Anyhoo," she frowned. "The point is that I get where you're coming from." He snorted. "What?"
"How many acting jobs have you had?"
"Well none yet but I've only been here a little over two years," she said sheepishly.
Sheldon's hands went behind his back as he raised himself on his toes. "Let me get this straight: I'm a scientific wunderkind who's been the recipient of multiple awards and accolades and you're an as yet to be employed actress and yet you 'get' where I'm coming from?"
"Yeah I do," she snapped. "And don't be such a douche."
"A feminine hygiene product?"
"It means you're being an ass."
"I fail to see the logic. A douche is used to cleanse the vagina not the anus. If anything I would be an enema." Penny giggled.
"You're awesome."
"Of course I am."
"And humble."
"I'm merely being honest." Penny's phone rang.
"Hello? Oh, hey Gwen. 'Sup?" Sheldon rolled his eyes. Penny pursed her lips teasingly as she made her way to the door. "No kidding. Wow. Hey listen, I was thinking of having a Halloween party next weekend. Yeah. … I dunno, my schedule's upstairs. Just a sec." She turned to Sheldon. "Hey, I gotta go up for a sec so watch my stuff okay?"
"To reiterate—"
"Thanks Dr. C." She darted up the stairs.
Sheldon glared at the open doorway.
XxX
Penny moved the phone away from her ear to check the time.
"Crap on a cracker! Sorry Gwen but I've gotta go. I left Dr. C. in the laundry room with my stuff and— … Oh shut up! He's my neighbor, smartass. … Yeah, yeah, yeah. See ya."
She hung up and got off the couch.
"Wow, that was a gab and a half."
Penny opened the door to find her laundry folded in her basket.
xTBBTx
Penny wove her way around a young couple pushing a stroller as she jogged her way through the park. When she left the apartment she really didn't want to go but fortunately she was the type of person who got an exercise 'high' so her enthusiasm increased as the miles went by.
The wind was picking up and on a hunch she went to the far end of the large grassy central field. Sure enough there was her lanky neighbor adjusting something on his kite. Penny stopped and began to stretch as she watched Sheldon stick something in the ground and then place the kite behind it, making sure the lines of the kite were taut. He then walked straight back fifty feet, looking around all the while to see if the coast was clear.
There was a pause and then he swiftly stepped back about three feet while tugging on the lines.
The kite was in the air.
Penny stepped off the path onto the side of the grassy hill and sat as she watched it ascend into the sky. At a certain point the kite stopped and seemed to hover in wait for Sheldon's commands. The physicist was relaxed, his arms at his sides, and then he brought them forward and back. The kite gently flipped over and over and just as Penny thought it would crash it came out of its turn and returned to its previous height and hovering position.
As time went by Penny was absolutely awed at the command in which Sheldon flew his kite as he effortlessly made back flips and rolls and rotations. She gawked as with a sharp flick of his right hand a lazy back flip became authoritative spins as if the kite was a windmill.
Sheldon might be whacked but if he knew physics even half as well as he knew kites Penny realized he was more than a 'math guy' who liked comic books. He moved the kite through its paces, its angles precise and crisply executed. I wonder what he sees up there? Was it wind speeds and geometry? She wished she could see his face, wondered if he was smiling or stern in his concentration. Does he know how beautiful this is?
The kite moved in a gentle arc to the left towards the ground and with a simple flip it landed lightly on its tips.
Penny got up and dusted off her butt, noticing that several other people had settled in beside her to watch Sheldon strut his stuff. She shook her head. No, he wasn't showing off; he was having fun. Only his 'fun' always seemed to incorporate perfection and precision. Total control.
I wonder what he'd be like if he really let loose?
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper—party animal," she chuckled and resumed her run.
xTBBTx
Penny looked at the couple with complete sympathy.
"This can't continue," she muttered and, pad and pen in hand, made her way to the table.
"So," she said overly enthusiastically. "Are you ready to order?"
Lalita Gupta looked hopefully at Rajesh, who shyly shook his head. The woman sighed and got up from the table.
"Let me freshen up before we eat," she said and departed for the washroom.
"You know you'll have to talk to her sometime," Penny said. For his part, the astrophysicist slumped in his seat. A thought came to the waitress. "Hey, maybe you need a drink to loosen up." Raj shook his head, no. "It's just a glass. What could happen?" He looked at her dubiously. "At the very least it couldn't hurt," she said with a shrug. Raj sighed and nodded, sending Penny off to the bar.
Lalita returned to the table and made herself comfortable. The couple smiled politely at each other.
"So how are your mother and father?" she asked. Raj gave her a shy thumb's up. "That's good."
Silence.
"Here we go," said a chipper Penny as she returned to the table with a green drink complete with straw and little umbrella. "A grasshopper for you." She set it down in front of the astrophysicist, who immediately took a big gulp. "So to recap on tonight's specials we have—"
"I can't believe how much weight you lost," gushed Raj to his dinner companion.
"Oh, well, thank you," blushed Lalita.
"Because you used to be so very, very fat."
Penny's eyes widened. "Uh, the fish tonight is tilapia in lemon sauce and-"
"Yes I know," Lalita said with gritted teeth.
"—Uh, there's a steak special with—"
"Yeah, I guess it'd be pretty hard to forget, you know, being that fat," said Raj before taking a sip of his drink.
"I think I'll give you a few minutes to decide," Penny said diplomatically and stepped away. She happened to glance at the bar and approached her lanky neighbor.
"Hello sailor, new in town?" she quipped.
"Hardly."
"Didn't know you were a drinking man," she said indicating his drink.
"Virgin diet Cuba Libre."
"That's more like it. So what brings you here?"
"My usual table is occupied," he said crisply. "I'll have to see someone about permanently reserving it."
"Eyah. By the way, thanks for finishing my laundry."
Sheldon snorted. "Well it's not like I had any choice in the matter. You put me in charge of your apparel and the laundry room closes at eleven. I hardly planned to spend the night there."
"Nevertheless I owe you."
"Don't worry. I've already deducted the cost of the dryers from your tip."
Penny curtseyed. "I live to serve."
"I thought you wanted to be an actress?"
"Sarcasm Dr.—"
"Where are you going?" pleaded Raj.
"Home," seethed Lalita as the pair made their way to the exit. "All evening you don't say a word and then you're an absolute boor. I stayed because our parents arranged the meeting but I've more than—"
"Princess Panchali?" gasped the East Texan. The Indian couple stopped arguing and turned to Sheldon.
"Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb. I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair," Sheldon said in a voice Penny had never heard. It was revering. Gentle.
Lalita was confused. "I'm sorry?"
"You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Panchali."
"Who's that?"
"A beloved character from an Indian folktale. The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair." Penny picked up Sheldon's drink and sniffed it.
"Oh really?" Lalita blushed softly.
"It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips."
"Don't mind him," snapped Raj. "He's crazy."
"Why, because he thinks I'm beautiful?" growled Lalita.
"No, because he's Sheldon Cooper."
"Hey there Mute-Boy," Penny started.
"I'm not crazy," Sheldon interjected indignantly. "My mother had me tested."
Lalita had enough. "That's it," she said to Raj. "First you insult me and now this"—here she smiled at Sheldon—"gentleman."
Raj's jaw dropped. "He's not a gentleman, he's Sheldon Cooper! The guy who counts the raisins in his rice pudding."
"I'm going home, Rajesh," sniffed Lalilta.
"But we haven't had dinner," he pleaded.
"My appetite's gone, taking me with it." She stormed from the room.
Sheldon shook his head in amazement. "Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Panchali led the monkeys to freedom."
"Not helping, Dr. C," mumbled Penny.
Raj was beside himself. "If I die alone this is all your fault!" he snapped at the physicist before he stomped out.
"Wow." Penny turned to her neighbor. "What did you do that for?"
"Do what?"
"You know, say those things to her: lotus blossom hair and ruby lips."
"I was merely describing Princess Panchali," the physicist said evenly.
"But she's not Princess Panchali."
Blue eyes met green.
"She is in some universe," he said before turning to take a sip of his drink.
Penny felt herself flush. "I'll, uh, let you know when your table's ready." He nodded and she took off.
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Black Hole Information Paradox; Kryptonite; Charles Darwin
Cosmiclognbcnews: Will our universe end in a 'big slurp'?
Spacecom: Red Giant Stars
Aboutkidshealthcom: The Hazards and Benefits of Eating Dirt
YouTube: Stunt Kite Flying. DPMama74