Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem'; 'The Fuzzy Boots Corollary'; 'The Bad Fish Paradigm'; 'The Bat-Jar Conjecture'; 'The Jerusalem Duality'
xTBBTx
The elevator doors opened and Sheldon exited carrying his kite. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the apartment door before taking a step in and stopping dead.
"What's that doing here?!" he squawked as he stared at a burgundy leather sofa that was positioned where his lawn chair had been. His eyes flashed accusingly at his roommate who sat in the stuffed chair watching television. "Leonard, it's in my spot! And surely it violates the space allotment agreement as it constitutes more than—"
"Actually it's both of ours," the shorter man corrected.
"How is it mine?"
"Well, it was Penny's idea to get the couch so she paid—"
In a flash Sheldon was across the hall.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
"Yeeos?" Penny said as she opened the door to her fuming neighbor. She'd been expecting this kind of reaction from him but now to experience it first hand she had to admit she'd never seen Sheldon look so perturbed—or yummy.
"Where is my chair?" he seethed.
"The chair fairy came, waved her wand and poof! It's a couch!" she said sweetly.
"You are in violation of the Friendship Agreement," he growled. "Clearly you—"
"Where does it say I can't buy a share in a couch on your behalf?"
"Because I didn't authorize such a transaction." He folded his arms across his chest. "You've not only obligated me financially to something I don't want but also cost me in available footage."
"It's no biggie. You can pay me back when you can," she said with a little smile.
"When I can— Penny, this isn't about the money."
"Sheldon, you have guests coming to the apartment and they need somewhere to sit," she explained. "Raj and Howard are not going to stand around all night."
The physicist narrowed his eyes.
"This has nothing to do with Leonard's friends. This is about you not wanting to sleep on my floor. Well let me tell you, missy, the next time you're hosting the whore of Omaha don't look to be a refugee in my home," he said crisply. Penny rolled her eyes.
"You got me Sheldon," she mock sighed. "As if I would think that your stupid lawn chair was crap for your back and butt and that getting a stupid used couch where everybody could sit would be a good idea."
"Exactly. I—" His eyes widened. "Used?!" He dashed back to his apartment followed by Penny.
"Sheldon, it's leather. Leonard and I sanitized it so it's okay," she soothed.
The lanky man took off his shoes and paused before stomping into the apartment proper.
"I guess there's no point spraying my feet since you're dragging any old thing into the apartment," he snapped accusingly at Leonard.
"Sheldon, we need a couch," his roommate said. "Besides it only cost a hundred dollars."
"What a great deal!" Sheldon twanged. "I'm sure the Trojans thought the same thing about the Greek horse."
"Have you even tried it?" Penny asked, irritated.
"'Have I even tried it?' Good Lord, it's a used couch and—"
"Sheldon sit!" she snapped and like that the physicist's butt was on the couch.
All eyes were on Sheldon as he wiggled his hinnie first one way and then another trying to get comfortable.
"Well?" Leonard asked.
"It's not my spot," his roommate pouted.
"Then get over there," Penny said sternly.
She glared at her friend while Sheldon glared back as he moved to the other side of the couch. He sat and again adjusted himself for comfort. Tentatively he leaned back, surprised at the comfortable padding. He put a hand on the arm rest and offered up a genuine smile.
"It's wonderful," he cooed. Penny and Leonard chuckled. "Eternal dibs on this spot still applies!"
"That's between you and your hinnie and your roomie," Penny grinned as she turned to leave. "See ya later."
"Penny wait," Leonard blurted as he got out of his chair. "Let me, uh, walk you across the hall." He cracked a smile. "It'll give Sheldon some quality alone time with his new spot."
"Regardless of what I'm sitting on it's still my spot," Sheldon said distractedly as his hand stroked the smooth surface of the arm rest. "It's my 0,0,0,0 coordinate on the Cartesian map." He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.
"Told you it was a good idea," Penny grinned as Leonard and she walked to her door.
"You've had a while to read Sheldon. I'm still in that adorable adjustment period where I feel like I'm living in an unswept minefield."
"Well at least he keeps you on your toes. Anyhoo, I've gotta get ready for my shift."
"That's okay. I, uh, listen, I was wondering if you eat dinner." He flushed at her stare. "I mean I know that you eat dinner I mean that I realize that you're going out tonight but I was wondering if you had plans for dinner for the rest of this week or even next week I suppose."
"Got another evening shift tomorrow but Thursday's okay," said Penny.
Leonard smiled. "Then I cordially invite you for dinner on Thursday. Six-thirty okay?"
"Sure," Penny said amiably. "I like hanging out with you guys."
His smile froze. "Us guys?"
"You know, you and Sheldon." Penny chuckled as she gazed appreciatively at Leonard. "I'm so glad you moved in with him."
"Yeah?" Leonard said hopefully.
"Leonard!" came a grouchy voice from 4A.
"Just a moment!" Leonard snapped. "You were saying?" he prompted Penny.
Penny smiled encouragingly as she gave Leonard a play punch on the shoulder before closing her door. The physicist trudged back to the apartment rubbing his shoulder.
"What is it?" he asked brusquely as he closed the door.
"Someone changed the contrast of the television settings," Sheldon snapped.
"Sorry I forgot."
"Indeed," muttered Sheldon as he adjusted the settings. "This is your second strike."
"'Second strike'? Where did the first strike come from?" Leonard paused. "And what are these strikes to begin with?"
"First of all, you bought generic ketchup. Secondly, it falls under the friendship clause addendum. You said that as roommates you're in the category of semi-friend therefore you have responsibilities. Obviously you haven't studied the .pdf file I sent you of my likes and dislikes." Sheldon turned the channel to the Syfy network and put on captions before muting it. "To that end a strike is given for each infraction until you proverbially 'strike out' at three."
"And what happens then?" Leonard asked.
Sheldon made to speak but stopped short. "I'm not sure in this instance. Normally I banned Missy from my bedroom at home for one year. In this instance you're contractually my roommate so I'll have to devise something else. Perhaps a course of some kind."
Leonard rolled his eyes as he made his way to the hallway. "Yeah, sounds terrific."
"Additionally, I'd appreciate it if you'd consult me before arranging a meal with Penny."
The shorter man stiffened and turned to his roommate. From what Howard had said Sheldon said in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested in Penny. Did he change his mind?
"Uh, what do you mean by that?" Leonard asked.
"I heard you," replied Sheldon, obviously unaware of Leonard's awkward tone. "You arranged dinner on Thursday at six thirty. You know I eat at six and in case I need to remind you since you seem to avoid reading your email Thursday is pizza night from Franconi's. I'll have to consult Penny regarding her topping preferences as we're already getting two pizzas due to your lactose intolerance and I'm unsure if she likes sau—"
"Sheldon, we're going out to eat." Leonard cleared his throat. "And by that I mean Penny and me. You're not coming."
"But when Penny asked for clarification regarding the dinner companions you didn't exclude me." Sheldon was unsure of what was going on. "Is this like your comments to Penny regarding the musical? Because I have to tell you she wasn't—"
Leonard sighed. "Sheldon, I asked Penny out on a date. Sort of."
"I see. Granted, I'm thankfully no expert on dating but it seems to me it's only classified as a date if both participants agree it is in fact a 'date'."
"Unless I want it to be a surprise."
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Why would you want it to be a surprise?"
"Just in case she— Look, just work with me and don't tell her what's what."
"You want me to keep a secret?" twanged Sheldon. "I'm constitutionally incapable. That's why I was refused clearance for a very prestigious government research fellowship at a secret military supercollider located beneath a—" He blanched. "Well, that's not important."
"Sheldon, it's no biggie. Just say that you're, I dunno, having a colonoscopy that day or something," offered Leonard.
"Well that won't work."
"And why not?"
"First of all, I'd have to take two days off work; one to drink the pico salax and clean out my colon with enemas and two, for the procedure itself. I'd have to skip Halo night and new comic book night and that's unacceptable," Sheldon said firmly.
"I doubt Penny knows the procedure intimately. And besides, you don't have to use the colonoscopy idea. I was just using that as an example." Leonard smiled encouragingly. "I know you'll come up with something."
"Leonard, I won't lie to Penny."
The experimental physicist leaned heavily against the hall wall.
"Sheldon, this is probably going to be my one shot at going out with Penny. I'm nervous as hell about doing this and while I want her to know it's a date in that it's an occasion to dine I don't want her to know this is a date date in case she's not interested in me because things would just be awkward between us and I don't want it to be awkward every time we pass each other in the hall. Understand?"
"I've an I.Q. of one hundred and eighty seven. Believe me I understand. I don't care, but I understand."
"Good," said a relieved Leonard.
"Leonard?"
"Yes?"
"As Penny's friend I won't tolerate you antagonizing her should things not progress the way you wish them." Sheldon's blue eyes were stern.
"Don't worry. I'll probably be under a rock." Leonard went to his room.
Sheldon sat in thought before raising the remote and resuming the television's sound.
xTBBTx
"Okay gentleman," Howard gushed as he sat down with Raj and Leonard at the lunch table. "I've rigged up a test buzzer so we can practice for the Physics Bowl. Wanna give it a try tomorrow?"
"I can't," Leonard rushed in. "I'm busy."
"Busy doing what?" asked Raj.
"I've got a date with Penny," the experimental physicist said nonchalantly.
"Really?" gasped the astrophysicist.
Howard snorted. "Yes, but is she aware it's a date?"
"Of course she is," snapped Leonard before looking sheepish. "You know, in the sense that we've agreed to dine together." Pause. "It's best if neither of you tell her. You know, it'd spoil the surprise."
"Oh you poor deluded bastard," chuckled the engineer. "You're pulling the 'bait-and-switch'."
"No I'm not," Leonard said defensively.
"Trust me, I'm the king of this. So what did you use to get her out? A trip to the spa? Free meal? Perfume?"
"Nothing like that." Leonard shrugged his shoulders. "I just said that Sheldon and I would be there."
"And yet she's coming anyways," whistled Raj. "Wow."
"It makes sense," Leonard frowned. "They're friends after all."
"Actually that makes even less sense," grinned Howard as Sheldon rounded the corner with his lunch tray.
"Sheldon!" Leonard called out as he waved his arm. His roommate walked to the table. "Come and sit with us."
"You never asked me to sit with you before," the lanky man said evenly.
"That's because we weren't a team before," Leonard explained. "And teams stick together."
"Alright—so long as I can sit in your spot."
Leonard amiably got up and the pair settled into their chairs.
"So anyways Howard jury-rigged a buzzer system to use so we were thinking of getting together this weekend to practice," he said.
"We can't on Saturday. I've a dental appointment at one thirty that you're driving me to so that shoots the day and later on it's laundry night," said Sheldon before taking a spoonful of clear broth.
"Sounds like you're getting some major work done to your teeth," said Raj before biting into his sandwich.
"Not really," replied Sheldon. "I'm getting my teeth cleaned so they have to sedate me. I'm a biter."
"Guess that makes it Sunday," said Howard. "I mean it won't kill us to skip paintball."
"You play paintball?" asked Sheldon excitedly.
"Every second Sunday," said Raj. "Why?"
"No reason." Sheldon looked intently at his spoon as it stirred his soup.
"Anyways, maybe we can ask Penny to read the questions," Leonard suggested. "I'll ask her when we're—"
"What field do you play at?" Sheldon interjected.
"Uh, usually Ambush Paintball Park in Moorpark," Raj answered.
"I see." The East Texan resumed stirring his soup.
"I'll download some questions and print them up," continued Leonard. "There's this site I found from Princeton that—"
"Do you play as a team or engage in solo play?" said Sheldon.
"As a team," replied Leonard with a smirk. "Sheldon, would you like to play paintball sometime?"
"Sunday is train day," his roommate replied before taking a sip of soup.
"So what are we going to call ourselves?" asked Raj.
"Why not the tried and true?" said Howard. "Perpetual Motion Squad unite!" Sheldon snorted. "You've got a better idea?"
"We're engaging in combat. We need something fierce," said the theoretical physicist.
"How about a Bengal tiger?" offered Raj.
"Actually, gram for gram the army ant has the greatest fighting strength."
"Ants shmants, I've got a great idea for our uniforms!" Howard blurted excitedly. "We'll use the Star Trek colors!"
Sheldon cocked his head. "That could work. I'll be command gold while you three can be support red." He didn't see the communal frowns as he continued to eat his soup.
"Yeah but Spock wears science blue," Leonard said slyly. "Wouldn't you want to be blue, too?"
"But we're in battle."
"Yes—of the mind. And who'd you rather have in charge: Kirk or Spock?"
"You're right," Sheldon nodded.
All four men gave the Vulcan salute as they chanted "Dif-tor heh smusma."
xTBBTx
Penny took a sip of her vodka and cranberry in an attempt not to appear conspicuous as she glanced around the restaurant. She'd arrived to find Leonard waiting for her at the table but no Sheldon. After a couple of awkward jokes Leonard had quickly ordered drinks and the two of them engaged in a smattering of chit-chat that was most definitely drying up.
"I'm getting hungry," Penny said. "Where did you say Sheldon was?"
"At home," the physicist sputtered. "Um, he sent me a text before you came here saying he couldn't make it. He had a colonoscopy and hasn't bounced back."
"Poor guy." The waitress pulled out her phone. "My uncle had one of those. All he said was that it wasn't fun and he's tough as a bear so it must have hurt like heck," she said as she texted Sheldon:
Colonoscopy—ouch! :( Sorry u cant make it. Hope u feel better soon! :) P
She put the phone in her purse. "Just dropped a line to Sheldon. So what brought that on?"
"The colonoscopy? Hard to tell."
"Wonder if he noticed a change on his poop chart?"
"I'm sure it's just routine," Leonard soothed. He thought the colonoscopy would only be a comment in passing not a source of worry for his neighbor. "I mean in the next three weeks I have to take him to the dentist, chiropodist and optometrist." Here he smiled. "In case you haven't noticed he's a bit of a hypochondriac."
"I guess. Maybe it has to do with his being alone for so long. I met his mother and she said he never really fit in."
"I can't say I'm shocked. Sheldon's a child prodigy. They're often objects of curiosity and tend to be arrogant, condescending and frighteningly brilliant."
"When I saw his fish I called it magic." Penny smirked. "Apparently I'm easy to impress with the 'softer sciences'." She took a sip of her drink. "He said it's nothing compared to particle physics. What is that?"
"It's the branch of physics that deals with the properties, relationships and interactions of subatomic particles." Leonard noted her blank look. "You know how they say everything's made up of atoms?"
"You mean molecules?"
"Actually a molecule is big compared to an atom. Molecules are constructed of two or more atoms."
"And if it's subatomic it's smaller than an atom, right?"
"Correct, although some subatomic particles have greater mass than some atoms. Uh, not that it helps clear things up." Penny and he chuckled.
"Okay, so why does Sheldon call himself a theoretical physicist?"
"That's his job. Theoretical physics uses mathematical models to explain and predict natural phenomena. I believe Sheldon's focus is on the early universe."
"You mean how the universe was created?"
"Yeah."
"Wow." She took another sip as she absorbed the information. "So what do you do?"
"As an experimental physicist I design and conduct experiments to examine natural phenomena that ultimately prove or disprove theories." He cracked a smile. "Plus I get to work with lasers."
"Cool."
"It is, isn't it?"
Penny ran the tip of her finger along the edge of her glass. "So this Dennis kid, he's a physicist like Sheldon?"
"Yeah. The university is pleased as punch to land him."
"Is he really better than Sheldon?"
"Hard to tell," shrugged Leonard. "I mean some prodigies flourish in their early years only to fizzle out later on. In Sheldon's case he has a pretty steady output and his overall body of work is impressive."
"So he's just freaking out over nothing?"
"Sheldon's got all the markings of a perfectionist. Everything in his life is controlled and precise." He smirked. "I mean every item in our apartment has a label on it."
Penny laughed. "I know! Frea-ky." They both giggled. "I've never met anyone like him."
"Only one Sheldon Cooper per universe."
Her face became serious. "He told me that I'm his first friend. Like ever."
"It's really nice of you to care for him."
"It's just so much pressure. I mean what if I screw up and he locks himself away?" She smiled appreciatively. "Of course this time he's got a roommate."
"For better or for the Roommate Agreement," sighed Leonard.
"God, I thought it was only me with the Friendship Agreement." Penny suddenly gave the physicist a light swat on the arm. "That reminds me, if you give him any more stupid ideas about friendships I'll clobber you."
"What?"
"He told me about what you guys really thought of the musical."
"Oh."
"I'm not made of glass, Leonard."
"Noted."
"Good." She gave him a wink. "Just try to be a little less brutal than Sheldon."
"He probably didn't think he was."
"Yup. He's really kinda awkward about things like this."
"It's typical."
"Quirky genius thing, huh?"
"Actually I was thinking that he more than likely places on the autism spectrum. Probably Aspergers syndrome."
"Oh," blanched Penny. "I just thought…."
Silence.
"It's a good thought," Leonard pressed on, trying to lighten the mood. "I had a lot of problems at school. Between the advanced placement classes, cello lessons and being named 'Le-nerd' it's hard to believe I didn't have people lined around the block trying to be my friend."
"Huh." Penny shook her head. "I've always made lots of friends wherever I was."
"It must be your natural charm," grinned Leonard.
"That and I can hold my liquor and twerk like an electrified octopus," she laughed.
"Twerk?"
Penny raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
"Um, yes?"
"Try Youtube. It's better seen than explained." She snorted. "Or ask Howard. He'd probably know."
"I'll do that. Uh, check Youtube."
They both began flipping through the menu.
"So how do you know about the autism stuff?" she asked nonchalantly.
"My mother's a psychiatrist and neurobiologist."
"Wow."
"Yeah. She was quite excited when I told her about Sheldon."
"She wants to meet him?"
"She wants to scan his brain."
Penny grinned. "Sounds like something he'd be into."
"I haven't told him yet but, yeah, I think he'll be game," agreed Leonard.
"Maybe you can send it to your mom for Christmas."
"Actually we don't celebrate Christmas."
"Ah. Religious reasons or don't believe?"
"Aside from being a household of atheists my mother felt that perpetuating the delusion of Santa Claus was detrimental to my overall growth and wellbeing."
Penny looked up from her menu in shock. "You're kidding."
Leonard gave a big ol' grin. "Wait until I tell you her opinion of birthdays…."
XxX
The elevator doors opened and Penny and Leonard stepped out to their floor.
"I'll just pop in and say hey to Sheldon," she said as she followed the physicist to his apartment.
"Uh, sure." He opened the door to find his roommate sitting on the couch watching television.
"Hi sweetie," Penny said soothingly. "How are you feeling?"
"Uncomfortable but recovering," Sheldon replied as he turned up the volume with the remote.
"Okay, well, I'll see you guys later." She gave Leonard a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for dinner."
"You're welcome," he said dazedly as he closed the door. He hummed softly to himself as he took off his shoes and sprayed his feet.
Sheldon muted the television. "So how was your date?"
"Awesome!" gushed Leonard. "We talked and laughed and she's just perfect."
"She talks with her mouth full."
"I never noticed."
"I'm not surprised," snorted Sheldon.
Leonard walked to the couch.
"So how was the colonoscopy?" he asked.
"No polyps," said the East Texan as he gingerly adjusted himself on the fluffy pillow underneath his buttocks.
"You know you could've just lied," said Leonard, garnering a scowl. "Still, no cancer for you and a first date under my belt. Things worked out great for everyone." He went to his room.
"As long as you like having a camera up your rectum," muttered Sheldon as he unmuted the television.
xTBBTx
Penny walked down the university hallway looking for lecture hall 'C'. She stepped into the room and immediately got a déjà vu feeling of the comic shop with conversations grinding to a halt as the male occupants took in her low-cut flowered halter tied sun dress and sandals. She smiled awkwardly until her eyes met the clear blue orbs of a positively scrumptious man standing next to a shorter woman with curly hair and glasses. She gravitated to him and he stepped away from his disgruntled companion.
"Hey," Penny smiled.
"Hello there," he replied with a friendly, but definitely interested, grin. "Dave Underhill."
"Penny." She glanced around the room. "Have you seen Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"
"You mean Dumbass?" scoffed Leslie as she came up to the pair. Penny pursed her lips as the two women exchanged smarmy smiles.
"You're friends with him?" asked Dave as his eyes continued to devour Penny's body.
"Yup." The Nebraskan's eyes flickered to Leslie and then back to Dave. "Friend?"
"Colleague," he amended.
"With benefits," Leslie added, much to Dave's annoyance.
"Wew hewwo thewe," came a whistle from behind, causing Penny to look around. "You know this wushious woman?" the brown-haired man said to Dave even as he stepped into her personal space. "Bawwy Kwipke."
"Penny," she said with a strained smile as she stepped back. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted her boys come through the door wearing their blue, gold and two red Star Trek uniform shirts stamped with 'AA' over the heart. They saw her and immediately Sheldon marched over followed by Leonard, Raj and Howard.
"I see you've met the enemy," Sheldon said formally.
"You're the other team?" Penny gasped to Dave.
"Hewe tew destwoy," Kripke grinned.
"Hewe to what? Kiww a wabbit?" sing-songed a young man's voice. Barry scowled as Dennis Kim came to the group. "Dr. Cooper," he said with a slick smile. "Ready to be humiliated or are you planning on forfeiting?"
"Mr. Kim," Sheldon replied crisply. "No, we're not forfeiting. In fact I'd suggest you forfeit before you get the proverbial public pantsing."
"You were warned," Dennis sniffed before cutting through the group to go to his table. Kripke followed, albeit with a sour look on his face.
Leslie leaned over to Raj.
"I'll be listening to every word you say with baited breath," she grinned evilly. The astrophysicist swallowed nervously as she winked at him.
"I'll talk to you later," Dave said to Penny before Leslie and he departed.
"So you know Dave. Great," Leonard sighed with a weak smile before turning away and pouting.
"You realize that fraternizing with the enemy is a court martial offence?" tsked Sheldon. "Really Penny."
"Sorry Sarge," his neighbor saluted with a smirk.
"Commander. Spock was a commander." Pause. "And Star Trek takes place on a ship. There are no sergeants in the naval structure. If anything I would be a petty officer."
"Ladies and gentlemen," Dr. Gablehauser said loudly. "If you can take your seats we'll begin."
"Kick their asses," Penny said as she gave Sheldon a friendly punch on his arm. He nodded and the boys went to their table and sat. The waitress noted Dave staring at her and she smiled back before taking a seat in the front row.
"Alright," Gablehauser grinned. "We now begin the preliminary round of the two thousand and six Physics Bowl pairing AA versus DM."
"Dungeon Masters? What geeks," scoffed Howard.
"Dark Matters," Dave corrected.
"Not that clever," Leonard sniffed.
"At least I could find it," Dave shot back. "What have you been doing over the past two years?" The bespectacled physicist looked away.
"If we're ready to begin?" Gablehauser asked. Both teams readied themselves with the buzzers. "First question for ten points. What is the isospan singlet partner of the Pi Zero Meson?" *Buzz* "DM?"
"The Eta Meson," said Dennis, who then smiled broadly at Sheldon.
"Correct. Next, for ten points, what is the lightest element on earth with no stable isotope?" *Buzz* "AA?"
"And of course the answer is Technetium," Sheldon said crisply as he glared at his Korean nemesis.
"Excellent. Next question, for twenty points, how does a quantum computer factor large numbers?" *Buzz* "DM?"
"Show's Awgowythm," said Kripke.
"I'm sorry, that's incorrect. AA?" *Buzz*
"Shor's Algorithm," said Howard.
"That's right."
"That's what I said!" snapped Kripke. "I pwotest!"
"Noted," Gablehauser said. He raised his eyebrows slightly and continued with the contest. "For twenty points, what is the force between two charged plates due to quantum vacuum fluctuations?" *Buzz* "DM?"
Dave was about to answer but stopped short as Penny took this time to cross her legs causing her dress to rise up over her knees.
"The Casimir Effect," growled Leslie before elbowing her partner.
Interesting. Penny flashed a devastating smile at Dave. Leslie saw it and turned to catch the look of displeasure on Leonard's face as he, too, noted where Penny's attention lay. Beside him Howard smirked broadly at Leslie before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The optical physicist rolled her eyes and continued with the game.
XxX
"Please refer to the screen," said Gablehauser. "Now for thirty points, choose the pair in which the physical quantities do not have identical dimension." *Buzz* "AA?"
"Impulse and moment of force," said Leonard with a scowl as he took in Penny giving Dave a sexy smirk.
"Correct. For twenty five points find the maximum velocity for the overturn of a car moving on a circular track of radius 100 m. The co-efficient of friction between the road and tire is 0.2." *Buzz* "DM?"
"Fourteen meters per second," said Dennis. "Childish question."
"Considering you're under the age of eighteen you'd be aware of that," sniped Sheldon.
"Ooo, ouch," snorted Leslie. Gablehauser cleared his throat.
"Twenty points. Lux is the SI unit of what?" *Buzz* "AA?"
"The SI unit of intensity of illumination," said Sheldon. "An illuminance of 1.0 lux is produced by 1.0 lumen of light shining on an area of 1.0 m^2."
"Correct," said Gablehauser.
"Of course it is," the lanky man replied.
XxX
Penny heaved her chest in an over-exaggerated sigh, noting that she had Dave, Howard and Leonard's full attention. Raj was too busy pouting while Kripke sat with a very sour look on his face. Only two of his answers had been accepted even though he knew all his answers were correct. Leslie had managed to answer a few more questions but overall the game had turned into a grudge match between Sheldon and Dennis. The Nebraskan realized that her actions took the rest of her team out of commission but after watching how confidently and quickly Sheldon answered the questions she figured he could more than handle himself.
"Prevosts's theory of exchange," answered Sheldon.
"Correct," said Gablehauser. "For twenty points, one thousand microns is equal to what?" *Buzz* "DM?"
"Ten to the negative three meters," said Dennis.
"Correct. Now for thirty points, Sir C.V. Raman was awarded the Nobel Prize for his work connected with which of the following phenomenon of radiation?" *Buzz* "AA?"
"Scattering," replied Sheldon.
Gablehauser nodded. "Correct. Twenty points. What is the moment of inertia?" *Buzz* "DM?"
"Tensor," said Dennis.
"Correct. Why are railway tracks banked on curves?" *Buzz* "AA?"
"So that the necessary centripetal force may be obtained from the horizontal component of the weight of the train," explained Sheldon.
"I can't believe we're answering questions about stupid trains," said Dennis with a shake of the head.
"Excuse me but trains aren't 'stupid'." Here Sheldon used air quotes. "They are a dependable means of transport since their conception hundreds of years ago."
"'Hundreds of years'," Dennis guffawed. "Is that what they call the eighteenth century nowadays?"
"For your information trains have been in use since the sixteenth century when crude railroads operated in the underground coal and iron ore mines of Europe. These systems consisted of two wooden rails that extended into the—"
"Blah, blah, blah," chided Dennis. "Still a lame physics topic."
"Lame?! Lame?" Sheldon said shrilly.
"Gentlemen," warned Gablehauser.
"Physics is intrinsically involved with trains. Trains deal with centripetal force and friction and the point at which a train leaving from Chicago towards Atlanta going twenty meters per second intersects with a train leaving from Atlanta going to Chicago at twenty five meters per second," snapped Sheldon.
"I thought that was the subject of your latest paper?" Dennis laughed.
"Well, obviously you were misinformed. It was on incorporating gravity into mirror symmetry."
"Wasn't that filed in the library under fiction? Look, I'm glad you're filling in the little details in particle physics but stay out of the big league stuff before you embarrass yourself."
"Embarrass myself?!" Sheldon roared as he stood.
Dennis also got out of his seat. "You didn't even know to use a Lorentz invariant."
"I was busy determining how three-dimensional string-nets provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons."
"Not bad. All you've got left is identical particles, chiral fermions and gravity and you might actually have a theory worth reading."
"Which I'm doing as we speak."
"No, I believe you're losing a Physics Bowl as we speak," Dennis said with a smarmy smile.
"Then it seems only one of us can multitask," sniffed Sheldon. "While answering my questions with one hundred percent accuracy I've also marked out local bosonic models with the property that when strings end or change string type in empty space, the system incurs a finite energy penalty."
"Nonsense," scoffed the Korean wunderkind. "Each local bosonic degree of freedom fluctuates independently and the physics is better described by individual spins than extended objects. It's basic physics—or is even that giving you trouble?"
Sheldon's hands curled into tight fists. "No, energetic constraints force the local bosonic degrees of freedom on the lattice sites to organize into effective extended objects. The low energy physics is then described by the fluctuations of these effective string nets. Such fluctuations can capture minute amounts of information like that streaming from…a…black hole…."
The room was silent.
The East Texan darted from the room.
"Don't go after him," Leonard said to Penny as she made to get up.
"He's just resolved the black hole information paradox," said an awestruck Raj before realizing where he was and clamped a hand over his mouth.
Gablehauser cleared his throat. "It seems as though you're down a man," he said to Leonard. "Therefore the winner by disqualification is DM."
There was one or two claps from the crowd but for the most part people were still chattering about what had just occurred. The rest of the players got up from their chairs and mingled. Leonard was disappointed that Penny was talking with Dave.
"Looks like both your ex-girlfriend and imaginary girlfriend are going to hook up tonight," said Raj as he pointed his chin at Howard and Leslie.
"Shut up, Raj." scowled Leonard as Dennis Kim walked by seemingly in a daze. "Good game, Dennis."
"Hardly," Dennis replied. "It was a juvenile night with stupid questions and stupid answers from a stupid theoretical physicist."
Raj gave a kick-ass grin. "Who just resolved the black hole information paradox."
"Which goes to prove that anyone can get lucky." The teenager stalked off; Raj noted that he took in Penny's long legs as he passed by and out the door.
"What an arrogant jackass," said Leonard. He shook his head. "And now we get to put up with him for the foreseeable future."
"Not necessarily," Raj said slowly. Leonard turned to his friend. "How many people at the university do you think have daughters around fifteen years old?" the astrophysicist said with a twinkle in his eyes.
XxX
"Are you sure it's okay leaving him there?" Penny asked as Leonard drove them home.
"Sheldon won't go until he gets things worked out," he replied. "It's okay. We sometimes sleep in our office." He paused so as to appear casual. "So you and Dave Underhill, huh?"
"Well he is kinda cute—for a married guy."
"Married?"
"Yeah, Leslie came over and wanted to send her regards to his wife." Leonard smiled.
"Well that was nice of her."
"Yeah," grinned Penny knowingly. "Besides, I'd have to cancel my date with Mike."
Leonard's stomach sank. "Mike?"
"Some guy I met at the beach," said Penny as she curled a lock of hair with her finger. "You know the usual type: tall, muscled, good looking with money."
"Yeah." Pause. "That gets kinda old don't you think?" the physicist smirked.
Penny chuckled.
xTBBTx
***There's a lot going on atm so my next post won't be for a while. I'm sorry for the delay and will try to get back to this story as soon as possible. Thanks for reading and for your patience. *Lynn
Author's Note: The last section where Sheldon notes the string-net condensate's ability to capture information from black holes is complete bunk on my part.
Wikipedia: Particle Physics; Theoretical Physicist
Indiabixcom: Physics questions
Answerscom: How long have trains been around?
Yahooanswers: Two trains intersect
Daomitedu: A unification of light and electrons through string-net condensation in spin models