Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Panty Pinata Polarization'; 'The White Asparagus Triangulation'; 'The Cushion Saturation'; 'The Lizard-Spock Expansion'
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"You know, I'm never gonna crap on your comic books again," said Penny as she opened her food container. Sheldon turned in his spot towards his couch companion with a frown.
"First of all, mentioning feces in the midst of dining is uncouth; second, you've never defecated on my comic books to begin with so your entire statement is ridiculous," he tsked.
"What he means is: what brought you to this epiphany?" asked Leonard as he dabbed ketchup on his fries.
"Stuart. He's an amazing artist. He showed me portraits of super-people and people-people and they could just walk right off the page," Penny gushed. "He's a total art genius!"
"Penny, Stuart owns a comic book store not appearing in the comic books he peddles. He's hardly an artistic 'genius'," the East Texan sniffed. "Jack Kirby was a genius. Van Gogh was a genius. By all accounts Stuart is a competent albeit uninspired artist. Think of him as an engineer as opposed to those who think and dream in the higher sciences."
"I know someone who sounds positively high at the moment," mumbled Howard before taking a bite of his burger.
Penny narrowed her eyes. "I bet you haven't even seen Stuart's work. Besides, I'd like to see you try to draw something."
"I don't need to draw, I've an eidetic memory," countered Sheldon. "And speaking of images burned into my mind for all time you sent me a LOLcat. That's a strike."
"Anyhoo," Penny continued as she munched on a French fry. "He's got a piece in an upcoming exhibit so we're gonna check it out."
"That's three strikes."
"What?"
"You've garnered three strikes."
"What are you even talking about?"
Sheldon got up and began to pace towards the kitchen before turning at his whiteboard, his hands clasped behind his back.
"First to order, June twenty third, you and a male suitor were cackling in the hall in violation of the noise ordinance. Strike one. September seventh, you stole my milk. Strike two. The LOLcat you sent me Wednesday. Strike three."
Penny sat back on the couch with a frown.
"Okay, I get the milk and LOLcat things but I can't make noise in the hall?" she asked incredulously.
"Inordinate level of noise."
"Be thankful he hasn't outlawed breathing," chuckled Howard.
"Whatever," Penny said as she rolled her eyes and continued to eat.
"Regardless, it's three strikes," said Sheldon. He went to the refrigerator for the hot sauce. "As the metaphorical game goes, you're 'out'."
"As in out of this conversation?" Penny asked innocently. Sheldon pursed his lips.
"You have three choices: apologize for your transgressions, take my online course or face banishment from the apartment for no less than one year."
"You wrote a course?" asked Leonard.
"It's varying but in its initial setup it delves into my expectations for social protocol and overall conduct in my presence. Furthermore, following the quiz and short question-and-answer section you'll—"
"Whatever, Sheldon, I'm not taking a course," Penny said testily. Again he stopped by his whiteboard.
"Penny, I'm serious," he said crisply.
"But it's just a LOLcat! You're making it sound like I sent you a picture of vomit."
"It's the principle of the thing," he sniffed. "I entrusted you with my email for the purpose of vital communication and you sent me pap."
"Maybe you need pap every once in a while to get you out of anal mode." Penny sat up and closed her food packet.
"Because I don't share in your juvenile sense of humor doesn't mean I'm 'anal'."
"'Juvenile'? Who wears superhero underwear?" Sheldon dropped his jaw.
"You were in my underwear drawer?" he gasped.
"Of course not. I saw them when you were doing your laundry."
Sheldon began to pace.
"So you not only steal wifi and milk, you now take it upon yourself to steal glances at my undergarments?" he tsked.
"Just to be clear, I didn't say I liked your ass, I said you're being an ass," Penny replied coldly.
"Apologize," Sheldon growled.
"For you being an ass?" she said sweetly.
"You're being intentionally obtuse," he said with a twitchy mouth. "Apologize or take my course."
"This is crap, Sheldon," she snapped. "Even if I was sorry for sending the silly email I'm most definitely not sorry for laughing in the hall. You might live by crazy in your world but that doesn't mean you can rule mine."
"Very well then," he said, eyes narrowing. "You are hereby banished from the apartment for one year."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Don't make me call the police and have you removed from the premises," he said coldly. Penny looked to Leonard in shock.
"It's in the Roommate Agreement," he said apologetically. "I just didn't think it was serious."
"Fine!" Penny stood up to glare at Sheldon.
"Yes?" Sheldon asked expectantly.
"I'm sorry you have your foot up your ass." She reached down and picked up an onion ring from his plate.
"Penny! No one touches my food!" he squawked.
"For freedom!" she called out as she held it up before tossing it back on his plate and storming from the room with her food.
"Isn't this how Gandhi's movement got started?" Howard quipped.
Sheldon glared at him before taking up his plate and emptying his food in the trash.
"Remember, after you leave I still have to live with him," Leonard muttered.
"That's the beauty of it," the engineer grinned.
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Leonard gathered the empty chip and snack bags from the coffee table and stuck them in the garbage can.
"That was fun," he said over enthusiastically as he turned to glance at his roommate who was reading something on the laptop. "Especially with friends like Raj and Howard." Pause. "Sharing pizza. Conversation."
"As you've not made a point I'll assume this is some sort of third-rate soliloquy," Sheldon mumbled distractedly.
"I'm just saying that it was fun. But it seemed like there was something missing, y'know?"
"I can't say I do."
"Oh sure you do." Leonard took the pop cans and put them in the recycle box. "I mean we had three extra slices of pizza and look at the argument we had about distributing them."
"Which wouldn't have lasted so long had someone chosen something other than 'Spock' in Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock."
This isn't working. Leonard took out the bag of garbage and tied it.
"Then there's the disrupted flow of conversation," he said.
"Ah yes, who'd imagine there'd be something more to talk about than Sex and the City?" the lanky physicist tsked. "If anything our level of conversation was refreshingly elevated tonight." Leonard snorted.
"We talked about alien genitalia and how Sarak and Amanda made Spock," the shorter man scoffed.
"That's right, anatomy and reproduction—both scientific topics which were thoroughly discussed rather than preemptively dismissed as 'whacked'."
"Still it's been quiet not having—company—around for coffee in the morning." Leonard learned quickly not to mention Penny by name as it put Sheldon into a foul mood.
"Although the integrity of my milk supply has been restored."
Leonard frowned at Sheldon's even-keeled responses.
"So you're saying you don't miss Penny?" he snapped. At once Sheldon turned to glare at his roommate. The shorter man sighed. "Look Sheldon, I'm sure she'd be more than willing to come back if you let her."
Sheldon turned back to his computer and began typing.
"This has nothing to do with me," he sniffed. "She can return to my home as soon as she apologizes."
"Yeah, but don't you think you're being just a little bit hypersensitive?"
Sheldon stopped typing. "Dangerous words for a man with two strikes, Leonard." He resumed typing.
"Fine, be alone." Leonard crossed the room to the door with the bag of garbage in hand. "Just remember that she's your friend and you're supposed to be hers."
"That doesn't mean I should lower my standards."
"Friendship isn't quantifiable. It is or it isn't."
"I didn't know that," said Sheldon. "Given her blatant transgressions and disregard for personal property it's obvious we shouldn't be friends."
"That's not what I meant!" gasped Leonard. He took in Sheldon as the latter typed away before slipping into the hall. To his delight Penny was unlocking her door, her Cheesecake Factory attire less stained than usual although she looked exhausted.
"Hi Penny," he said as he closed the door.
"Hey Leonard," she smiled weakly. "How are things?"
"Not bad. Can't complain. Still not talking to Sheldon?" he asked innocently.
Immediately Penny narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.
"He still expecting me to apologize?" She took in Leonard's helpless expression. "Then no dice."
"Look, he really misses you. I really miss you."
"You can always come over to my place," she offered.
Leonard was unsure. "Your cable still cut?"
Penny gave a half smirk. "We can always meet in the hall."
The physicist gave an exasperated sigh.
"Penny, this is stupid."
"You're right. So go tell Dr. Whackadoodle I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do."
Leonard cocked his head. "Technically, you did steal milk and send him the LOLcat."
A menacing smile came to Penny's lips even as her eyes hardened.
"That's strike one, Leonard," she said crisply before entering her apartment and closing her door.
"This is stupid," growled Leonard. "Strike, strike, strike. Man, I don't even watch football."
XxX
Penny slipped her pajama top on and put her damp hair in a clip before padding her way to the kitchen. Out of habit she went to the refrigerator before remembering there was nothing inside. With a sigh she took a pot from the cupboard, filled it with water and set it on the stove to heat. Needless to say it was a bad sign when even ramen noodles were a luxury she could no longer afford.
She went to the couch and flopped down with a sigh. It positively stunned her how much of her life revolved around apartment 4A. From morning coffees with Leonard to dinners and even movie nights Penny had practically become a third roommate. Not that she didn't still go out dancing or to the beach with her other friends; her acquaintance with Leonard and Sheldon was comfy like her brown slipper boots whereas times out with Gwen entailed a bit of work since Penny had to make sure she looked at her best.
Penny stared at her television. She supposed she could watch a dvd but she had really burnt through them when she had no tv for the first few weeks. Perhaps she'd kill a little time with Facebook. She picked up her laptop and clicked to the net. Suddenly, a video of Sheldon wearing the smarmiest smile Penny had ever seen began to play.
"Greetings, onion ring toucher," he said, causing Penny to roll her eyes. "You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our wifi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own wifi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me."
Penny stuck out her tongue as the image went black.
"Two can play at this game," she said with an icy sweetness as she reached for her phone. Normally she'd feel guilty for using the wifi but Leonard had said it was no big deal and he was paying for half so it wasn't up to Sheldon to decide.
L, S blocked wifi. Help? She texted.
Leonard: Just a sec
Leonard: No dice. Pswd protected. Got 3rd strike. Got to take course.
"It's on," Penny growled.
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As Sheldon stepped out of his bedroom he heard Leonard talking to someone.
"Odd. It's early and we have to go to work soon," the East Texan yawned and went into the washroom to do his business.
His spine went rigid the moment a familiar high-pitched laugh rang out.
With a scowl on his face he finished up and the next two minutes he spent scrubbing his hands were the longest of his life.
Sheldon tightened the belt on his housecoat and marched out of the washroom into the living room.
"Hey Sheldon," said Leonard amiably but the lanky man's attention was focused on the open door and the blonde neighbor sitting in her chair in the hallway beyond sipping a cup of coffee.
"Why is the door open?" Sheldon growled. "Why are you out in the hall?"
"Brr," said Penny as she rubbed her arm. "Gee Leonard, did you feel a cool breeze just now?"
"Now that you mention it," grinned Leonard. "It does seem a little gassy in here."
"Quit this schoolyard paradigm," said Sheldon. "I'm not deceased."
Penny's gaze remained fixed on Leonard. "So Leonard, let me know when Sheldon gets up. I can't wait for him to have breakfast."
"What did you do?" asked Leonard.
"Yes, what did you do?" Sheldon repeated.
"There's one thing I've learned about Sheldon, he's a creature of habit; and if something were to prevent him from performing his little rituals he might find it—unpleasant." Penny smiled slyly before taking a deep sip of coffee.
"I'm not even going to ask," said Leonard as he went down the hall with his mug of coffee.
Sheldon stared at his neighbor. It had been eight days since he'd banished her and apart from hearing her in the hall talking to Leonard or seeing her unlocking her door and entering her apartment without a word this was the first time Penny was before him with a smile, albeit a disturbing one.
"Alright," the physicist said overenthusiastically. "Two can play at this game." He stretched. "Ah, how nice to start my day with the door open to an empty hallway."
"Ooo," Penny said in a ghostly tone.
Sheldon pursed his lips although there was a glint of amusement in his eyes.
"Time for breakfast," he said and moved to the kitchen for his juice. He put a hand on the refrigerator door and paused. His head turned to Penny, who sat with that same taunting smile. With determination Sheldon quickly opened the fridge and—all looked normal. He took out the orange juice and opened the cap. "Of course if someone was to tamper with the orange juice she'd also put Leonard into jeopardy since he also drinks it." His eyes flicked to Penny.
The Nebraskan took a sip of coffee.
Sheldon set the juice and cap on the counter and went to the cupboard for a glass. As soon as he opened the door he saw that the glasses were not in the order he arranged them.
"Ah, yes, rearranging glasses. How juvenile." He pulled out a glass and noticed that it didn't have a label. A sinking feeling came to his gut as he pulled out another glass—no label. Glass after glass was taken from the cupboard and Sheldon quickly realized he couldn't tell a juice glass from the ones for milk, water or miscellaneous liquids.
With a scowl he turned abruptly to Penny.
"You've been in the apartment," he said, incensed.
"Juice is getting warm," she said sweetly.
Sheldon's mouth twitched and he went to a lower cupboard and took out a large plastic cup. Looking at his glass glasses he guesstimated the volume of a half glass and poured the juice in the plastic cup.
"See? Improvisation," he said stiffly.
"That's not a half glass of juice," said Penny. "You always start your day with a half glass of juice."
"It is half for my regular glass."
"Yes, but you're not drinking from the other glass are you?" Penny got up. "Ah, well, a quarter cup, a third of a cup, who cares if it isn't a half cup as long as you have your juice." She dragged her chair to her door. "Fluid intake is fluid intake, right? I mean, it isn't an exact science or anything."
Sheldon's eyes shot daggers as the waitress moved in her chair and then disappeared into her apartment. He took a breath and then picked up his glass of juice but before the liquid touched his lips he slammed the cup to the counter and angrily picked up the juice carton and began to pour.
XxX
Sheldon sat in the passenger seat of Leonard's car with a scowl on his face and his hands on his stomach.
"Explain to me again how Penny got into the apartment?" he said crisply.
"Well I didn't let her in," said Leonard. "Oh wait, I forgot I gave her an emergency key just in case we're locked out."
"You gave her a key?!"
"Sheldon, it's not like she's going to rifle through our belongings." Leonard caught Sheldon's death glare. "Well, apart from glasses I suppose. That reminds me, do we need more juice?"
The car went over a bump and the East Texan let out a little groan.
"Sheldon, this has got to stop," Leonard sighed.
"Oh this is far from over, Leonard," Sheldon said coldly. "Pull in at the gas station, I need some Tums."
The shorter man rolled his eyes and did what he was told.
XxX
When the elevator opened Sheldon bee-lined to Penny's door.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Silence.
"I can see the shadow of your feet under the door," he said, irritated. "You have a key to my apartment. I want it back."
The feet disappeared from the door. Sheldon's jaw clicked.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
A slip of paper came sliding under the door. Sheldon picked it up and read:
Entry denied. No shirt. No shoes. No Sheldon.
His eyes lingered over the last two words. If he'd actually cared about his relationship with Penny he'd be hurt seeing the personal rejection written in her hand.
"Very well," he said with a grim look. As soon as he heard Leonard open their door the lanky physicist stormed past his roommate and into the apartment.
"No good can come of this," sighed Leonard.
Sheldon had marched straight into his bedroom.
He didn't take off his shoes.
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Penny sat reclined on the couch talking to Gwen on the phone.
"Yeah so anyways either I've gotta get a second job or else I'm in the crapper…I dunno. They keep fooling around with my hours so I don't think I can just walk in and—oh crap." She checked the time on her phone. "Gotta get the laundry. Bear with me."
She got off the couch and slipped on her flip-flops before opening the door, making sure to grab the basket before locking up.
"Yeah…Yeah…." She stepped into the elevator and went to the basement.
"Yeah, maybe I should look into a sugar daddy…Definitely not. Sheldon Cooper is absolutely…So what? He told me his name so why can't I use it? …No I'm not!"
She walked down the hall to the laundry room.
"Anyhoo, you and Troy still 'seeing each other' or are you actually going out? …Uh huh…."
She went to her dryer and opened the door.
Her clothes were missing.
"Sonofabitch! …Not you. Dr. Whackadoodle. Look I've gotta go."
Penny hung up and raced back to the elevator.
XxX
Sheldon sat on the couch cleaning his paintball mask with an antifogging agent while Leonard took out a paintball gun from the duffle bag.
"The archaeologists might know how to work a bullwhip but this is a game of direct and indirect fire," said the East Texan. "I'd like to see them with their brushes and trowels try to calculate azimuth and elevation angles while correcting their aim through gravitational observation and angle calculation."
"I wouldn't be so cocky," replied Leonard. "Raj, Howard, Leslie and I met them before and they cleaned our clocks."
"Of course; you were missing the crucial variable."
"Yeah, wish we knew Penny then," Leonard sighed. He caught Sheldon's scowl and began cleaning the barrel of his gun.
Pound! Pound! Pound! "Sheldon! Where the hell are my clothes?"
"What did you do?" groaned Leonard as he got up from his chair.
"What had to be done, Leonard," Sheldon said casually. "No more no less."
The shorter man set his gun down on the side table and proceeded to the door. As soon as he opened it Penny marched into the room.
"Where are they?" she growled.
Sheldon continued cleaning his mask.
"You mean the ones you left unattended downstairs in the laundry room even though there's a sign prohibiting such an act?" He set the mask on the table. "I thought the note you slipped me was a declaration swearing off clothing so you subsequently washed them for the purpose of donation."
"You threw out my clothes?!" Penny's hands were fists.
"Of course not." He got up from the couch and rested his hands behind his back. "Although I do recall seeing them somewhere…."
"Sheldon…."
"Ah yes, earlier this evening." He strolled to the window. "I happened to be gazing out and a brassiere caught my eye."
Penny rushed to the window and saw her clothes hanging from the telephone wire. Immediately she turned to Sheldon with a murderous glare.
"Get them down," she hissed.
"Apologize," he replied equally as serious. Penny threw her hands into the air.
"You know what? Forget it. You wanna live in a world with so many rules it takes the f-u-n out of things, go ahead." She picked up Leonard's paintball gun and showed it to Sheldon. "Where's the guy covered in mud and sweat who went down in a flurry of paintballs?"
"I'm still here," Sheldon snapped.
"Oh really?" Penny pointed the gun at his spot on the couch.
Sheldon's eyes widened. "What are you doing?"
"Liberating the captive."
Leonard stepped towards her. "Penny don't—"
She pulled the trigger and to her surprise three paintballs hit Sheldon's seat cushion. Immediately the lanky physicist rushed to his spot.
"What did you do!" he squawked.
"It's loaded?!" Penny gasped as she turned to Leonard. "Who keeps a loaded paintball gun in an apartment?"
Leonard was sheepish. "I was meaning to unload the balls but—"
Sheldon was positively irate as he did his best to wipe away the paint with his cleaning cloth.
"Leave!" he growled, his eyes flashing to his neighbor.
Penny's stomach dropped even as all of the frustration she felt over the past two weeks came to her lips.
"Don't worry, you won't have me around much longer disrupting things since I'm behind on rent and will have to move anyways," she snapped.
"Yes, with the late night parties, unpaid cable and late rental payments I'm sure you're the model tenant any building would love to have," snorted Sheldon.
"Screw you!" Penny turned on her heel and marched from the room.
"Idiot," said Leonard who glared furiously at his roommate as the latter continued cleaning the cushion.
"What?" snapped Sheldon. "This is her fault! If she'd only apologized for—"
"You better make things right or you're gonna lose her."
"Lose her? I'm better off without her!"
Leonard rolled his eyes and left for Penny's apartment while Sheldon picked up the soiled cushion and raced to the washroom.
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"He still in his room?" Howard asked happily as he sat on the couch.
"Until the cushion comes back from the cleaners he says there's nowhere for him to sit," explained Leonard.
"Hel-lo Babylon-5!" cheered Raj as Leonard pressed play on the remote.
Inside his bedroom Sheldon scowled at the shot of joy as he lay reading a science journal on his bed.
"Every Who down in Whoville liked Babylon-5 a lot; but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, wanted a plot," he mocked just as his phone rang. He checked who was calling and rolled his eyes as he answered.
"Hello mother."
"Hello Shelly, how are yuh?"
"Fine I suppose, although my bowel movements have been irregular."
"Sorry tuh hear that. So how's things with Leonard? Yuh get that little thing settled between the two of yuh?"
"It wasn't a 'little thing'. He forgot to rinse the sink and that's just asking for a bacterial frenzy in our kitchen."
"But yuh lived."
"Fortunately."
"Ah Shelly, sometimes ah forget how special yuh are."
"Why thank you, mother."
"So how's Penny?"
"I wouldn't know. We don't speak."
"That's not soundin' too good. What happened?"
"June twenty third she violated the noise ordinance by—"
"Ah don't need the criminal code cited tuh me. Ah take it she's been violatin' yuhr rules."
"She stole my milk and wifi, sent me a joke email, touched an onion ring that was already on my plate, took the labels off my drinking glasses and put three paintballs on my couch cushion."
"Don't get yuhr cows runnin'. Take a breath. … That's better. Now ah'm sure Penny didn't get throwed off the truck so yuh must have done somethin' tuh keep the fire burnin'."
"I merely responded in kind."
"Like?"
"Well, after she refused to apologize or take my course I forbid her to be in my apartment for a year. When she touched my onion ring I banned her from my wifi and after removing my drinking glass labels I hung her clothes from the telephone wire and—"
"Yuh what?!"
"Is there a problem with the connection?"
"There's a problem alright. No wonder the girl ain't talkin' tuh yuh."
"The feeling is quite mutual."
"Shelly yuh're all hat an' no cattle. Now yuh go over there an' make things right."
"Why me? I wasn't the one who—"
"Jesus isn't with yuh when yuh don't take personal responsibility."
"Jesus isn't with me at any time."
"No sass, mister."
"I'm sorry, mother."
"Now Shelly ah know yuh haven't had a lot of experience havin' a friend but like ah explained tuh yuh before with yuhr roommate relationships are give an' take. There'll be things Penny does that irks yuh but I absolutely guarantee there are things yuh do that gets under her skin."
"I don't see what but go on."
"The point is yuh don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Yuh reconcile yuhr differences an' go on from there."
"But there are a lot of differences."
"Then it means yuh'd better get started on the apologizin' since the sun's only up for so long."
"She has to apologize first."
"This ain't a peein' contest, Shelly. Yuh fix this or yuh're gonna lose her."
"That's what Leonard said. How am I supposed to lose someone when she's across the hall?"
"Yuh'd be surprised. Now go talk tuh her."
"Alright. Although I'm doing this under duress."
"Ah don't care if yuh're doin' this naked. Just get it done."
"Fine. Goodbye mother."
Sheldon hung up and gave a big-ass pouty face before getting out of bed. He put on his slippers and made his way to the living room.
"That's Babylon-5," he said to Leonard as he passed by the couch. "We agreed not to play it when I was present."
"We didn't agree to that, you just said so," Leonard replied distractedly as he watched the show.
"No we had a vote at the weekly roommate meeting. Of course all ties are settled by me and so you lost but it was both procedural and democratic."
"Well are you planning on staying?"
"No, I'm going to see Penny."
"Maybe we should keep the door open," smirked Howard. "This sounds infinitely more interesting that Babylon-5."
Sheldon gave him a glare before stepping into the hall and firmly closing the door. He moved to Penny's door and knocked and when she answered he took in her pig-tailed hair, pink low-cut top and scowl on her face.
"Yes?" she said evenly.
"If you could have any super power what would it be?"
"What?" She raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"It's a conversation opener," Sheldon clarified.
"Ah. How about one that ends this conversation?" she said in mock-seriousness causing her neighbor to purse his lips.
"Not the answer I was seeking but it does open a line of discourse." He looked to Penny as he clasped his hands behind his back. "It has occurred to me that our friendship has been jeopardized by your actions."
"My actions?" Penny said tersely.
"Exactly. Thank you for the acknowledgment. Now in the spirit of comradery I'm willing to overlook your transgressions—"
Penny folded her arms across her chest. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"You stole my milk and wifi; you vandalized my seat cush—"
"Goodbye, Sheldon." The Nebraskan took a step back to close her door. Immediately Sheldon put out a hand to stop her.
"Are you currently sharing in the triumph of some local sports team?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"I'm conversing. It's my understanding that when you have something awkward to discuss with someone it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat," Sheldon explained.
"So you're just tossing in questions?" Penny rolled her eyes. "Un-boleevable."
"Again, you're responding," he pointed out.
"Okay, how about this? You agree that you're being an anal asshat"—here Sheldon's mouth began to twitch—"and promise to lighten up and I'll forgive you," Penny said.
"Excuse me, but I've done nothing wrong," he said crisply. "If anything I've been the victim of all your shenanigans." He took in her cold look. "Now quit making this more difficult than it needs to be. As I said before, I'll overlook your transgressions as long as you promise not to violate the criminal code or engage in frivolity against my person. Even with your meager educational background you can surely see that this is a simple matter to resolve."
"You're right," Penny nodded. "This is really simple. You're a jerk."
She closed the door, leaving Sheldon alone in the hall.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Silence.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
More silence.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"Sheldon, leave her alone," Leonard said gently from their apartment doorway. "She doesn't want to talk to you."
The lanky physicist turned to his roommate.
"How are we supposed to resolve our differences if we don't converse?" Sheldon said in a puzzled tone.
"Sometimes you can't."
"So she has unilaterally terminated our Friendship Agreement?"
"Looks like it."
Sheldon looked to Penny's door before returning his gaze to Leonard.
"That's unacceptable," he said firmly.
"That's life," Leonard said with a sympathetic smile. "Sometimes things don't work out."
"So does that mean we'll no longer be friends at some point?" Sheldon asked quietly. To Leonard his roommate looked like a little boy lost.
"We'll be friends." Leonard reached out a hand. "Come on, Sheldon."
The two physicists entered their apartment and closed the door.
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Indirect Fire
'Every Who down in Whoville….": Parody of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' cartoon