"Lex…we might be in trouble," said Mercy Graves slowly, entering the room.
Lex Luthor was watching TV, which was broadcasting from a rally for the Joker in Gotham City. "How exactly, Mercy?" he demanded, throwing a finger at the screen. "Look at him! Nobody can possibly take him seriously! He's spent the last ten minutes telling terrible jokes about people in wheelchairs!"
"Actually, those go down quite well with people who are sick of so many disabled parking spaces in front of stores," said Mercy. "Which is a surprisingly large number of people."
"Offending other large groups of people, like the disabled, is not a good way to get yourself elected," snapped Luthor. "Even the Joker can't be dumb enough to think that."
"I don't think he does think that," said Mercy. "I don't think he cares if he gets elected or not, really, as long as he can make life difficult for you, Lex. And he has."
"How?" demanded Luthor.
"A…journalist has found someone willing to testify to your involvement with the Injustice League," said Mercy, slowly.
"Which journalist, and who have they found?" demanded Luthor. "And how quickly can we assassinate both?"
"That's going to be a bit problematic, I'm afraid," said Mercy. "The journalist is Lois Lane, and her witness is Superman."
Luthor growled. "That alien freak doesn't know when to keep his nose out of my business. Is he really too stupid to understand that any smear against me will lead to votes for the Joker? Does he really want that maniac in the White House?"
"You know these superhero types, Lex," replied Mercy. "They don't think that far ahead. They're just concerned about doing the right thing right now, whether or not that impacts the future in horrible ways. Otherwise they would have killed the Joker a long time ago."
"If Superman testifies, the people are going to believe him," said Luthor. "For some reason, they have implicit faith in an alien nobody elected to anything. If the popular vote swings against me, that's not the end of the world – I still have lots of friends in high places who can ensure victory. And the public might turn against me, but that doesn't mean they'll run straight into the arms of a psychotic maniac. That doesn't make any sense."
"Unless Joker portrays himself as the trustworthy candidate," said Mercy. "And ironically from a man called the Joker, that's actually what he's trying to do. He's the biggest liar in the world, but he's trying to cover that up by admitting that he's done horrible things, so it looks like he's not a liar. And the joke of it is, they believe him."
"I don't think it's funny," growled Luthor. "The idiot thinks he can just say whatever deranged thought pops into his head, and that people will still support him. Well, ordinary people aren't as crazy as he is."
"Um…Lex, are you watching this?" asked Mercy, gesturing at the TV.
"This is Jack Ryder, reporting live from the Joker's rally in Gotham City," said the reporter on TV. "Although one might reasonably assume that Gotham would be a particularly difficult place for the Joker to receive support, having terrorized its citizens many times in the past, there is a substantial crowd here. Some are protestors, but most seem to actually want to hear what the Clown Prince of Crime has to say. You, sir," he said, pausing in front of a man with a shirt which read: If Voting For Joker Makes Me Crazy, Take Me to Arkham. "What about the Joker appeals to you as a voter? And how can anything he says erase what he's done to this city?"
"Yeah, he's attacked Gotham lots of times before," agreed the voter, nodding. "But at least he's honest about it, not like that Luthor trying to cover up stuff. I voted for Luthor in the last election on the basis of his election promises, not one of which he came through on. If Joker says he's gonna kill you, he's gonna kill you. That's a man you can trust, a man who says what he's going to do and then does it, which is a refreshing change. It's been a long time since we had a president who kept his word."
"And the fact that he might actually kill you doesn't worry you?" asked Ryder.
"Jack, this election isn't about personalities, all right?" snapped the man. "It's about policies."
"And what policy of the Joker's appeals to you in particular?" asked Ryder.
"Well, that he's not Luthor for a start," replied the voter. "You can't trust Luthor – he hates Superman."
"I think the Joker hates Superman too…" began Ryder.
"Wow, that's another media lie you're peddling, Jack," said the voter, shaking his head and sighing. "Joker doesn't hate anyone in the Justice League. He's said himself – all he wants to do is spread a little joy and make 'em laugh. They're the gloomy, self-righteous nutjobs who try to prevent him from doing that. Just look at Batman, and compare that brooding, miserable, and quite frankly, unstable vigilante with the Joker. One's smiling and happy, and the other's not. I know who's got my vote. Plus, at least Joker's asking us for our vote, unlike Batman who just assumes he knows what's right for this city without consulting anyone."
"I'd like to thank you all for coming out to support me today," Joker was saying, as the camera switched back to him. "It's good to see so many smiling faces in the crowd, without me having to pump 'em full of Joker toxin!" he chuckled. The crowd laughed back. "But seriously, all I have ever tried to do for my hometown of Gotham, which I love, is cheer her up a little. I mean, look around you, people. Look at this city. With the gargoyles and the ugly buildings, it's like it was designed by some emo kid. And the architecture of this city influences people – just look at Batman! It makes people all depressed and miserable, having to live here day after day and soaking up all that doom and gloom. So me, I took a stand. I threw off the Gothic misery of this town and made myself into a smiling, laughing, happy jester. And I've just tried to pass that happiness onto you, the long-suffering folks of Gotham. Sometimes I've failed, and I'll hold my hands up to that. But I'm gonna keep on trying, because that's just the kinda guy I am. I'm the Joker, and if I ain't making other people laugh, I ain't happy. If you vote for me, I'll spread my smiles and laughter throughout this country, until everyone in the great United States of America has a smile as big as mine all the time. That's the biggest thing about me, my smile. Well, that and another thing you'll have to ask my girlfriend about," he chuckled, winking at Harley who stood next to him on stage. The crowd laughed again.
"He's…talking about his penis," stammered Luthor. "At a presidential rally…I…can't believe it."
"I can – he's the Joker," said Mercy.
"I can believe he's doing it, I just can't believe anyone is laughing!" snapped Luthor, glaring at the crowd. "Who are these morons?! God, I always knew Gotham was a hellhole full of freaks – when I'm re-elected, I'm going to seriously consider bombing it with chemical weapons to make the whole place unlivable, and then blaming Poison Ivy for the environmental disaster. That'll teach her for keeping those letters of mine."
"I told you not to write them in the first place, Lex," retorted Mercy.
"Mercy, the last thing I need is you gloating right now," snapped Luthor. "Don't I have enough to worry about without the women in my life turning against me?!"
"Speaking of my girlfriend, have you seen how hot she is?" continued Joker, gesturing to Harley. "And she is literally all over me all the time. I can just grab her whenever I want and she'll be up for it. If I can attract a gal like that, there's gotta be something about me, right? And not only is she attractive, but she's smart. Former doctor, y'know. Now, if a gal like that is supporting me, that just proves that smart people vote for the Joker, and stupid people vote for Luthor. And none of you want people to think you're stupid, right? So vote Joker, and see my girlfriend naked at the inauguration! I know you guys like that!" he chuckled, as people in the audience began hooting. "All except you, Pengers, if you're watching – I appreciate that naked women ain't your thing, though God knows I would rather bleach my eyes out than see Riddler naked. But different strokes for different folks, right? I'm open-minded and inclusive of all sorts, and Joker's America will be too. A place where you're free to have fun, no matter how weird, bizarre, or violent that idea of fun is. Have you been judged as a freak for your particular quirks? No more, in Joker's America! There's plenty wrong with me, and if there's plenty wrong with you, help a fellow freak out by giving me your vote! Thank you!"
The crowd began cheering wildly. "Thank you, and as I leave the stage, I'd like to dedicate this song to my old pal and current rival, Lex Luthor," said Joker, waving as he left the podium.
The speakers began playing the song Hair from the musical of the same name as Joker headed off the stage to thunderous cheers and applause. "I loathe him," hissed Luthor.
"Yeah, but not everyone does, Lex," said Mercy, scanning the crowd. "And that's hugely worrying."
"We need to do something," snapped Luthor. "We need to nip this in the bud now, before it can escalate. If the freak has supporters in Gotham, he can get supporters anywhere. I will not allow his stupid joke to get out of hand!"
"Ok, we need to damage control this Injustice League stuff first," said Mercy. "Should I call Lane and see if I can get you an interview? To tell your side of the story before Superman can? Maybe admit to your involvement in the Injustice League, but say it was under duress? Say you were threatened or forced into it by dangerous supervillains, and you feared what they'd do if you refused. Say the Joker threatened to attack all the major cities of America if you didn't head it."
"Something like that, yes," growled Luthor. "I need to be the victim here. People love a victim, and the sympathy card is always a surefire way to attract people who vote with their hearts rather than their heads. Though God knows which one Joker's supporters are voting with. If we can twist me leading the Injustice League into some noble act, to prevent the supervillains from inflicting further damage elsewhere, and say I kept them in line and limited disaster as much as possible, no one can deny that. I mean, whatever the League did, it could have always been a billion times worse if I hadn't impeccably planned it all."
"That's true," agreed Mercy. "You organizing the supervillains made them a lot more effective, rather than just causing random chaos. That can definitely be spun as you preventing lots more disasters."
"Call Lane," said Luthor, nodding. "People will buy a lie if there's a hint of truth in there. That's how I became president last time, and that's how I'll remain president this time."
"Oh God, Lex, look," said Mercy, pointing at the screen again. The TV was running one of the Joker's campaign ads.
"Lex Luthor portrays himself as a moral, upright, successful businessman, when anyone with half a brain knows there's no such thing. What he never tells you is how he became a successful businessman, with backroom dealings, unethical projects, and heading a secret society of the most deadly and deranged supervillains on the planet. Lex Luthor even worked alongside the Joker, a homicidal psychopath who's murdered untold millions just for fun. Would you trust a man like Lex Luthor? Vote the Joker for president."
Luthor glared at the screen. "All right, Mercy," he hissed. "I think it's time to fight dirty."