I woke up at a very unknown hour, but the sun was shining over my tent so it must be around noon, I tried to appreciate, while still in bed. To be honest, I'd like to just stay here for another few days, without anyone coming in, just with myself and my thoughts, that really need to be sorted out. Suddenly I remember Bellamy coming in here last night, and his conversation with Jasper and Monty. I sigh, already feeling overwhelmed by this day. I need to get out of here, eat, see if there are any people with injuries and tried to avoid Bellamy. Coward, a voice in my head whispers, but I try to ignore it. Between the end of our conversation and this morning, I decided that it's better to stay away from him unless something major happens. It's better that way, I need to clear my head, he needs to understand that I'm right and maybe this way we can fix the problem. Sounds like a plan, I'm telling myself, before getting out of bed, finally. My hair is probably a mess and I try to fix it the best I can, but it still needs to be washed and that luxury I can't afford.
The others' beds seem untouched so they really didn't sleep here last night. I also have to go and apologize for that. Taking a long deep breath, i finally get out of the tent. The sun hits me right in the face, and I want smile, because it's so beautiful, but I'd look like an idiot so i just let my head don't for a few seconds, hiding my emotions. We are on earth. I don't think what can be better than this. But we still forget to appreciate it. I was trying to fight the joy that was rushing over me when I saw Octavia coming towards me.
"Good morning sunshine." , she tells me, adding a big smile. I'm wondering why is she in such a good mood? Or maybe she wants something from me?
"Is it really morning?" I ask her, giving up on my other questions.
"No actually it's past noon."
Oh well, a bit too late but I guess it's excusable and I don't regret it. I had the best sleep on earth so far.
"Anyway, let's get you some food and water!" she looks at me from head to toe, adding a "you don't look good at all" more to herself than to me. I'm sure I don't, so her comment doesn't bother me at all. One thing I appreciate on Bellamy's sister is her honesty. Most people would say she is bitter and give her no credit, but they mistake her. Even I did at first. And i have a big amount of respect for her, keeping up with her brother and his moods no matter what is pretty amazing. I think part of her honesty comes from living with him for so many years. You have to be very straight if you want him to pay attention to you. Something that i definitely wasn't last night, so i probably shouldn't put all the blame on him.
"Don't worry, Clarke. You and my brother will fix your problems." , she says while guiding me to the food area of the camp. I nod, hoping so. I'm wondering if she knows about my deal with the grounders or not. I'm tempted to ask her but before I get the chance, we are already near food and the smell of fried meat is overcoming me so i just stop to look and look at it like it's heaven. Octavia quickly grabs 2 green leaves and picks 2 big steaks. My eyes are wondering over them like I haven't eaten in days. Which it's true.
"Come on." , she says, moving towards some chairs from the drop ship.
I follow her, trying to hide a smile, because I'm gonna get some food, finally. She takes one of the sits and pats on another next to her. I carefully go and sit down. She hands me both steaks. I give her an amazed look.
"Just take them Clarke. You really need to eat.", I nod appreciatively at her comment. I really need to eat. I slowly take them from her hands, and the smell is divine so I forget about feeling guilty for eating the portions of at least 3 people, and just enjoy the food. Octavia leaves after a while, murmuring something about how I could starve myself for days. Well, it's not easy to just take and eat food when you want just because you lead these people. This is exactly what you don't need to do. While enjoying the lovely meal, I spot Bellamy a few times around the camp, giving orders, helping people carry things, talking to them, but he only looks at me once, giving me a pitiful look that I refuse to concentrate on but i really hate it when he was looking at me like I'm a broken toy.
I carry on with my food and when i finally finish it, I go and wash my hands in one of the common pots we have and go to the drop ship, looking for hurt people. But no one is there, except for Raven and other 2 guys that she keeps yelling at.
"Something wrong?" I ask, looking at the 2 boys.
"No but she took our guns!" One of them pleads, looking annoyed.
"Well if she took them I think she has a reason. She is working with the gun powder, remember?" I ask them, raising an eyebrow at their childish way of assuming things.
They just give each other a look and leave. Now it's just me and Raven and every time this happens an uncomfortable feeling rushes over me. I know somewhere in my head I decided to bury our past and Finn but it's hard. The only person I should be mad at is Finn because he destroyed my principles and because I know I won't be able to get close to someone like that ever again. But I'm also mad at myself for letting myself feel things I shouldn't and even for the simple fact that I gave him my virginity. It's not like I was keeping it for someone else or like I've ever thought about it as something that matters but he didn't deserve it. I sigh, realizing I forgot about Raven for a few moments.
"So, what are you planning to do with these?"
She gives me a look that I can not quite understand. Is it gloomy or sympathetic? "Forget about it, Clarke." , I'm telling myself, hating the way i always have to understand everything.
"Their bullets are full and I'm gonna separate them, try to make more gunpowder." , I nod and don't say anything for a while. The silence it's bothering me and all I can think about is how I should apologize again. But I won't. Instead, I change my mind and decide to leave.
As soon as I'm out, I feel dizzy and lost for a few seconds. I'm about to go and get some water but a girl, Fox I think it's her name, comes to me, asking if we can go the river or not anymore.
"Sure you can. Just bring someone with you... and don't go unarmed." I add at the end, my tone serious. She gives me a small smile and leaves, but I see her in the corner of my eyes, squealing with joy with 2 of her friends.
I didn't really get to make friends, I realize, while drinking some water. Maybe it's better like that. I don't think I'd be a good one. My mind flies to Wells and I'm trying to keep from crying in the middle of the camp. He was my only friend. And now he is dead. I have every reason to be sad but he wouldn't want me to and I can't afford to act like the broken toy Bellamy thinks I am. Talking about him, I see he is coming to me with fast steps and angry look on his face, while he is possessively holding onto the ax he cares around. "What have i done now?" I'm asking myself, but I'm ready to face him. When he is in front of me, with stare at each other for a few seconds, our eyes shooting daggers at one other. His height are always intimidating but I'm not letting that show. I lift my chin a bit more as he comes just a bit closer.
"What do you want?" I ask first, not waiting for him to start the talk. I feel in advantage this way.
He smirks, and an image from the woods and our second confrontation plays in my head. This attitude he has now is exactly the one he had then and I hate it. I keep hearing some words that Finn told me once "You can't predict what he's gonna do." And he was right. And I knew it at that moment and I know it now. But that didn't stop me from trusting him then and it won't stop me from trusting or counting on him now. He is just mad at me for deciding something without him. And part of him is mad because I dare to face him every time and because I'm right.
"Why do you give free pass for people to go at the river? Now when you know we are at war with the grounders!"
"Just get over yourself, Bellamy." I answer back, getting annoyed by the fact that he wants to control everything. Doesn't he understand that the grounders will leave us alone for a while? Right now in my head I scream at him and beg him to not be like this and to understand but I don't say anything.
He gives me a long pending look before he turns around and tells Fox that she's not going anywhere.
"She will. I'm going with her." , the words are out of my mouth before i have the chance to stop it. Actually, I think I realized they were coming out i just let them out anyway, because some part of me wants to keep annoying Bellamy just the way he annoys me.
He instantly turns back, his eyes boring into mine, but the pride from them was gone. He was still annoyed but he seemed worried.
"Like hell you go!" , I ignore his comment and look at Fox.
"Come on. We are going." I state, very clear, through clenched teeth so he understands he is not going to win this.
Bellamy was so tempted to grab Clarke, get her into the drop ship and nowhere near the exit until she realizes in what dangers she is putting all of them. He also wanted to tell her he is going with her, but he won't. Instead, he pats the grounder with one foot, waiting for her and the other 3 girls to get ready. When she is finally ready, she comes to him, without saying anything. He gives her a gun and a look that could mean a lot of things, but none of them wants to think about it.
"Clarke...", he makes a pause, examining her face. "Just be careful, OK?"
She nods, and none of them looks annoyed anymore. She takes the gun and leaves, with the girls following her. They are caring all the pots they could find to bring water. The guards open the gates for them, and Bellamy has to admit, the image of Clarke leaving once again is really getting to him, making him want to run after her, turn her back. But he knows that would be a stupid act in some way, he doesn't have the right to do that and the princess would make sure to throw it in his face, so instead he just watches until they close the gates again, praying that she is gonna come back.
Ok. I wrote in this chapter what i felt like should be written. Just how a normal day would look like, because we didn't really get to see that in the tv show. Anyway, i really want to hear what you think so don't forget to left some comments. The longer, the better. :)