You & I

Chapter Five:

Pretty

No sleep, no chance, no need
Forget about it
One life, live free, big dreams
We're all about 'em

You're finding it, take it, take it in, it's all here
You and me, no one else, nothing else but us right now

- You & I - Crystal Fighters

You touched me a lot after that.

I think, before, you had been keeping me under the pretence that you would not harm me. No, no. Maybe that's not the right way to word it. Perhaps you had been hiding your fast and grabby hands from me, simply because you did not know whether I would accept them. You were smart in that way, like me - you hid what you were not sure people would accept. Well, people you needed, anyway.

It wasn't primarily affectionate touching, as you know. Just sly touches against my thigh, tugs on my hair, hands on my shoulders - that kind of thing. But it was noticeable, it was there. It was, without a doubt, known to every guard and inmate that you were mine and I was, above all else, yours.

We'd been sitting where we all normally sat in the big, filthy hall as we ate. Unfortunately, I was sitting opposite the ever pleasant Greenwood who chose to shovel food in his mouth in a way that, by far, beat your quick eating habits. I no longer picked at my food like a bird, but ate at a pace that finally pleased you enough to leave me alone at meal times, though I would still often feel (like I had then) your fingers play on my knee as you ate with one hand, head ducked as you stared hard at your tray.

'You're getting fat,' Greenwood remarked around a mouthful of mash potato.

I paused, only realizing that he had been talking to me when I caught his toad-like eyes staring at me. 'Am I?' I inquired, tone bored and fork pointing at him. Your fingers played faster on my knee. The comment hadn't bothered me, of course. I was actually enjoying the extra fat around my thighs and skin tight tummy. The Asylum got cold sometimes. 'Fatter than you?' You barked out a laugh, mouth full of food.

Greenwood grimaced at the sound. I had practically seen the idea of what to say next come into his head as he grinned, cheeks rounding. 'Jugs are getting pretty big too, now'. With mild interest, I had seen Sionis glance downward and raise his eyebrows. Disgusting.

I hadn't cared for the comment at all. If anyone else had said such a thing to me then, yeah, I probably would have leant across that table and throttled them. Because it was Greenwood, I took it as a child throwing around words that they did not yet know how to use. But you - oh, you. I was yours, wasn't I? You were the only one that could touch me or look at me or talk about my jugs. So, of course, you got pissed.

Your fingers curled around my knee and you squeezed.

Looking up, you had said, 'Greenwood. You know how comments like that are gonna end, old buddy old pal'. Your teeth were like a sharks, your eyes like coal. Sionis watched on in mild interest, whereas Helzinger looked quite worried in his mad little mind. Your nails dug into my knee. I saw the plastic knife twist in your other hand. I knew what you could do with such a mediocre weapon - anything. Carefully, so the other men would not see, I lowered my hand and twisted it into yours beneath the table.

Making sure you noted the minor amount of affection, I then dug my nails into your skin. A warning. Don't do it. You will get in trouble. You need to lay low with me. Impulse was telling me no. Wait.

There was silence. Greenwood glared at you. Sionis smirked a little. I let go of your hand.

You grinned and twisted the knife, dropping it onto the table. Helzinger seemed to breathe again, where as Richard Sionis looked vaguely disappointed. 'I'll remember it thought,' you said, still grinning wide. The words were forced out of your mouth, as if you were putting such effort into not gritting your teeth and attacking him. 'I'll remember, Greeny'.

As would I. I bit the air at him, grinning wide at his frustrated look which, in a split second, seemed to melt away to something he saw over my shoulder. Upon inspection, I noticed that every man's face along the opposite side of the table seemed to melt into a look of awe, happiness or downright surprise. Greenwood twisted his mouth into a sickening smile.

You and I both turned in unison and I felt your fingers cease in their consistent playing on my leg. With you looking over your left shoulder and me looking over my right, we were both very nearly forehead to forehead as I spied out the most glamorous woman I had seen in a very long time. She was a splash of colour in the mundane greys, whites and blacks that my tired eyes were so used to seeing. Blonde hair, white skin and big, round sunglasses that took up nearly half her face.

You have to understand, Jerome, when I entered the world of Asylum's and uniforms, I was sixteen. I had been young, skinny and more concerned with the fact that I had murdered my own mother than with how men looked at me. Because of that, I let my hair grow into a frizz, I let my skin grow paler and paler and I let my ribs show through my skin. I didn't care about what I looked like. Then I grew. I got older. I cared less and less.

Then I met you. Beautiful and red and white and black. You made me care.

Seeing her, seeing how you looked at her, it brought out that pathetic flare of want in me - a want to be something more beautiful and light, you know? I was paranoid - my Doctors told me so - and with a minor peak to you, I saw how dark your eyes had gotten.

What if I lost you? You were mine. I could not have that.

The woman bowed her a head a little and lowered her glasses, allowing blue eyes to glint very quickly at us. She looked to you, then to me. She had an air of royalty, you know? Something beyond what we had encountered in a very long time - something beyond what you had ever encountered. Of course, I knew the kind of family she came from. Although my family was not one of Gotham's elite, we were known for my mothers charity events and stalls she would set up at kitsch little markets.

I could tell if you were looking at her like you wanted to fuck her, kill her or find out what made that beautiful woman end up in a place like Arkham.

Had you grown bored of me?

'I want that,' Sionis proclaimed once she had disappeared from you, escorted by the Arkham guards into her new cell. 'You're a woman,' he said, dark eyes landing me. I turned to him and shuffled my knee away from you.

'Well noted'. My tone had more of a bite to it. No, no. My anger made me do silly things. My impulse called for me to slam your head into the table for looking at her like that.

'Talk to her. For me'.

I blinked. For once, something other than the crazed cackling I shared with you bubbled in my throat, something like honest amusement. I coughed out a laugh. 'What the hell do you want me to say to her, Richard? Ask her to prom?'

Dobkins giggled.

Sionis sneered in disdain. 'No. I would like you to offer her what I offered you, only...make sure she knows there's something more exclusive about it. Make her know she'll be...mine'. What was it with these men and thinking women needed some kind of ownership in places like Arkham? I had handled myself for three years before you came along and marked me as your territory. Honestly.

'If you want someone charismatic enough to pull that off, you're going to want Jerome to talk to her'. I pushed my food away from me, suddenly not very hungry.

You had licked your lips and stretched your hands out in front of you. 'Now, uh, that I can do, Rich'. You winked at him. 'I mean, you do ruuule this joint, right? Why wouldn't she want you, big man?'

'Sounds like sarcasm,' drawled Greenwood.

I glared at him and snapped, 'You're just full of wisdom today, aren't you?' I bit my tongue and looked back to Sionis. 'We'll both talk to her. There's too many men in this place, you're right, another woman could be good at breaking the ice'. I looked to you, eyes sharp and mouth tight. 'Is that okay with you?'

You looked at me like you knew exactly what was going through my head. I think you enjoyed it. You smiled brilliantly. 'Of course, beautiful!' Bastard. You really were such a little bastard sometimes.

She was sitting in the recreational room, much later, with her legs crossed and her dress falling elegantly around her. Now that her sunglasses no longer donned her face, it was easier to see the curve of her nose and the wideness of her light eyes. You, of course, walked quickly ahead of me whilst tugging at the buckle of your trousers in a 'masculine' manner. You turned to look back at me and winked.

Throwing yourself into the chair opposite her, you practically chirped out, 'Hey, gorgeous, I'm Jerome'. I stood back, at the end of the table, and crossed my arms.

She barely looked up from the magazine she was reading. 'Keep moving, ginger'. Despite how she spoke to you, I kind of liked her immediately. She had none of that shifty eyed nervousness that so many new inmates had in Arkham - no, she was strong, she was disinterested, she was so...blasé. Good. She would need that to survive in Arkham.

You grinned manically. 'Just trying to be polite,' you bit out. 'So what you in for?' I always liked the way you talked; like you couldn't wait to get the words out of your mouth fast enough. You spoke like you were mad - I wonder if that's how I sounded.

Still, she did not look up from her magazine. From the way she was flipping the pages, I could only assume that she was trying to create an act of indifference. No one could read that quickly. 'I killed my parents,' she drawled out, eyes downcast and chin sticking out.

This, of course, peaked my interest. I looked harder at her, trying to peak out any ounce of a lie. She was like stone, Jerome. I hated that. I needed animation and loud voices and laughter. You suddenly became excited and planted your hands on the table, turning to look at her more fully. 'Oh! Us too'. You looked at me and smiled cheekily. 'Well, mom's anyhow. Liberating, right?' You held your hand to your face in aggression. 'What a rush!'

First I gave you a bored look, then her. I mean, really?

'Yeah, alrighty then'.

I was bored. You always did have a knack for drawing the conversation away from the actual point of the conversation, didn't you? 'Look,' I started, rounding the table to stand closer to you. My hip met just below your elbow, and I felt your reach around and tug the end of my dress. Were you reassuring me? 'You see that man, just over there? The painfully generic good looking guy'. She looked up at me, eyes scanning over my face and body, then to Sionis. 'Yeah, the one who looks like he wants to bone you right here, right now-'

'Ever the lady with your words, Mads,' you said, hands clenched together in front of you. 'The gentlemen looking at you like you're, uh, fried chicken'.

I blinked at her, bit my tongue, and carried on. 'Yeah. That's Richard Sionis'.

You crossed your legs and leant back casually. 'He's a millionaire. Y'know, guy only owns an aeroplane and a boat with a hot tub on it'. You ducked forward and your red hair fell over your face. 'Oh, and he killed twenty-five people'. You scoffed. 'Just for fun'.

I could tell that you were talking to her all wrong. I understood people. It was part of the glory of my madness - I could read people damn fucking well, and you knew I could.

The woman looked at you and raised her eyebrows, clearly unimpressed. 'So what?'

You placed your hands near her and smiled in the friendliest manner you could. 'So - he likes you, he wants to be your friend'.

'Hmm, lemme think - no'.

'A girl needs a good friend in here,' you insisted, punctuating your sentence with a hand curling around the back of my knee. 'See, the guards - they don't care. They figure bad things happen to bad people. And they happen all the time...all the time. Just last week a girl was attacked in the laundry room, of all places'. You practically hissed out the last words and your fingernails pressed into my leg.

I pinched your shoulder whilst she looked out at Sionis and glared at you. Attacked? Don't make me laugh. You pulled away your hand and grinned like a sadist.

No. Nope. Me. Me time. 'He wants to be your friend, alright?' I started, catching her attention and lowering my hands onto the table next to yours. 'You're not stupid, it's pretty fucking easy to see that you're not stupid. You know what having a friend in here means, especially with a guy who likes to think he's the King of Arkham Asylum. I spent three years not having a friend, and it's pretty easy to get in shit when you have no one to protect you-' Lies, of course. I looked after myself fine. I may not have brawn, but I have brains.

She surprised me though, as you remember. She called over Helzinger, of all people, slender arm raised and fingers snapping him to attention. I saw the sleazy grin fall over his face like a happy, horny Labrador and couldn't help but smirk. Carefully, though, I lowered my head slightly as Helzinger made his way over and hissed to you, 'You are severely mistaken if you think you're to belittle me to a stranger when I made you come in your pants like a fucking seventh grader'.

You turned your head purposefully, eyes level with mine, and grinned slowly.

The woman spun out of her seat with a twirl and made her way over to Helzinger, skirts swishing around her. Helzinger, so used to mistreatment and the gruffness of men, eyed the pretty little thing before him with mistrust and apprehension.

She greeted him and smiled sweetly, finally introducing herself as Barbara. Funny, I pegged her for something a little more flowery, didn't you? Well, I wasn't entirely sure if you were thinking about that, because you were paying attention the situation before us with such intensity that I don't even think you realized where you hand was resting over my dress.

Barbara continued to stare up at Helzinger with wide blue eyes. 'Would you be my friend?'

There was no pause in Helzinger's reply. 'Yes'.

You lowered you head onto your hand and smiled, watching this Barbara with something akin to interest and respect. I could understand that. She was smart, she knew exactly what she was doing and how to use the pretty face. I could appreciate that kind of intelligence in a woman. I smiled slowly.

'If someone here tired to hurt me-' The smile fell from Helzinger's face '-would you protect me?' She used a voice I had used to many time before on my therapists.

'Yes'.

I looked down, caught your eye, and saw your smile grow. Finally, we were both thinking. Someone who isn't a complete fucking idiot.

'Thank you so much,' Barbara gushed. Reaching up, she planted her finger lightly on the much bigger man's nose and grinned, giggling lightly. 'You cutie'. She spun away from him, planted herself back in the chair and said, voice much closer to her real one, 'There, now I have a friend'.

You grinned at her, eyes dark and mouth stretched. 'You're bad'.

'Yeah, so why don't you go make me a sandwich'. Looking momentarily away from our face, she caught my smirking, appreciative one and paused, glancing me up and down. No, no. I was supposed to be pushing her toward Sionis, not Helzinger. Helzinger, who had the mental capacity of a five year old child. Or monkey.

'Your friend is a gorilla,' you said, voice slow as if talking to an infant. 'Our friend runs the joint. And he can get you things that other people can't get you'. It was true, of course. I'd had to go through he embarrassing ordeal of asking Sionis to get me some tampons that weren't made of fucking paper. He'd never let me forget that one.

That peaked her interest. 'Things like what?'

I pushed my frizzy hair behind one shoulder and lowered my head to her height. 'Anything you want. Anything you need'.

She leant closer to the both us. 'I need a telephone'. And you had grinned because, yes, you had done it again. No, we had done it. We told her it was done and pushed her toward Sionis and the other men, introducing her and watching as Sionis smirked and pushed the others aside, leaving a giant gap for her small body to fill. I watched Helzinger's face fall and I watched Dobkin's sniff at her like the creep he was.

I also felt your breath next to my ear as you murmured, 'Come with me'.

No one took note of us leaving. They were so used to our random disappearing acts as you would always drag me off to some far away place to rant and rave and laugh and cackle. You liked having me as your audience, I think. I don't know why. Maybe because you knew I got it. Maybe because you knew I wanted to think the same, I just hadn't been able to use my mind in such a way for so long.

I went with you and gave Henry a meaningful look as we past. The guard merely rolled his eyes and leant against the wall, waving us by as we went. You were erratic - more so than I had ever seen you. You held onto my wrist like a vice and dragged me after you, taking turn after turn and stopping every time you heard the squeak of a shoe against the flooring. I knew what you wanted - I had seen it in your eyes since I had whispered in your ear...you did love it when I spoke to you like that.

Who knew, huh? Jerome Valeska liked his women strong.

'This parts still being, uh, renovated,' you said, voice jumping octaves. You held my shoulder and pushed me against the wall. We were at the end of a corridor where the windows were still boarded up and the lights were sill not working. Behind us, I could see the outline of a doorway that must have once been there. Alone. You and I. You jumped when I touched your jaw, as if you had forgotten I was there. Finally, you grinned. 'You're pretty hot when you're jealous, Mads. All touchy, and such language-'

I slammed my mouth against yours and tugged you forward so roughly that I think I even surprised myself. You responded eagerly, hands lowering as low as they could go, then running straight back up to my shoulders and jaw. You kissed everywhere, as you always did, focussing closely on my collarbones. Every inch of you touched me, and every inch of me touched you. It was in that moment that I wondered if I could ever get enough of you, but I squashed that thought that thought like a bug - I had survived this long in such horrible places because I did not get attached to people.

But then...you - you happened, didn't you?

This chapter was a little more focussed on Madeline's emotions and mind, I know. We'll get back to the fun stuff next chapter, I promise. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews and favourites and follows, I really appreciate them! Like always, follow me on tumblr (qarlgrimes) and review some more!

Chow.