You & I

Chapter Nine:

Sleep

No sleep, no chance, no need
Forget about it
One life, live free, big dreams
We're all about 'em

You're finding it, take it, take it in, it's all here
You and me, no one else, nothing else but us right now

- You & I - Crystal Fighters

You wasted no time in drawing my legs up to your waist and pressing me further against the wall. I sighed into you mouth, relieved somehow to be touching you again. It was a reminder than you were safely mine in that moment; that there was no danger of you disappearing away from me or getting into some fight with Greenwood. For that moment, I had you in my grasp.

I loved that power. It was like holding a flame, you know? Like grabbing into some wild thing that shouldn't really be held at all.

You grabbed my hair and my head pulled back, kissing angrily along my neck and collarbones - always eager, always biting, always scraping your nails along my thighs. I reached between us and undid the straps of your dressing gown and pushed it off of your shoulders. Beneath it, you wore a plaid pyjama top that I already started to unbutton.

You lifted me higher, kissing my hair and my cheeks and digging your fingertips deep into my jeans clad thighs. It surprised me, you know, that you liked to be touched so much in those moments. You pressed yourself closer to me and fought to keep your hands on every inch of me - it was a battle of fighting against you and letting you do what you wanted.

You bit my earlobe, voice low when you spoke to me. 'You're learning, beautiful. Seeing you with the mayor was enough to make me want to fuck you there'. You ground against me, hips hard against my own. You would leave bruises, just as you always did. You left me with kisses and fingertips that dug too hard into my pale skin, pressing against bone. I was so little compared to you - I think we both forgot that.

I drew back from your lips. 'Is that the only time you want to fuck me, when I act like Kean or Tabitha - when I act like a crazy person?' I tsk'd at you and grabbed at your hands, trying to slip away from the your tight hold. You growled and pressed closer, fingers digging deeper into my hips. I bared my teeth at you. 'I'm not them. I don't like killing people, you silly boy - I like the...the power I had in that moment, not the hurt I was causing'.

You leaned in deep, eyes like fire when they bore into mine. You would either see me as weak, or you would see me as you had always seen me. Did you have enough sanity in you to even decipher who I even was as a person? Did you understand or comprehend anything that I had just said to you? 'Oh, I know, beautiful. I know you even more than you know yourself'. You grinned like a shark and bore down on my, kissing up my arm and along my collarbone. 'You underestimate me, silly girl. You want power?' you kissed my neck and then bit, causing me to breathe in quickly. 'I will give you that'.

I brought you close, nails digging into the back of your neck as I drew your face closer to mine. 'No,' I said, hooking my legs around your waist just a little tighter. 'We will take it'.

You wasted no time after that in unbuttoning my jeans with deft, long fingers. The moment I had pulled your plaid bottoms down past your sharp hipbones, you were inside of me. I sighed against your shoulder, breathing in only to the sound of your low, pleased hum. You were erratic that time, do you remember? You moved against me like we had a time limit - like the world was waiting for us to be done. You slammed into me, and in turn my spine scraped against the wall.

'Faster,' I ordered, more times than I can count. You, always, would comply.

I came first, with you following shortly after with a grinding of teeth and a long tug at my hair. I pushed you back from me and buttoned up my jeans, grinning at your flushed face and wet lips. 'You almost look like a real person,' I laughed, mouth stretching into a smile that could only match yours. You tucked yourself away and grinned that grin - the one that was yours and mine to share with the world. With a smile shared, I planted my hands against your chest and pushed you onto the bed, knees on either side of your hips.

'Next time I see you holding a gun, it better be pointed at Greenwood, not yourself'. I licked my teeth and sucked in, looking down at your smirking face. 'You got that?'

'Aye, Captain,' you purred, still semi-hard beneath me.

I ached, just like I always did after a time spent with you. My groin felt like it had been pushed to its limits, whereas my thighs burned with bruises left my your hands. They were the usual aches and pains, though - now I had the bitten neck and the bruised back. Thanks for that, by the way. I pressed my nails into your chest before rolling off of you, huffing out a sigh.

'Tomorrow - you think it's going to work?' I asked, fingers drumming against my flat stomach. I was told I was so skinny, but all I could feel was the sudden jiggle that came form my thighs and tummy. I wasn't used to the fat being there - it made me feel more solid, real. 'Do we know who we're targeting yet, at least?'

You stretched and placed your arms behind your head, your plaid shirt unbuttoned. 'It aaaalways works, beautiful. It's us! We do it better than anyone, you know that!' You kicked out your legs and laughed, all loud and boisterous. 'Who do you want to choose, beautiful - young or old? Beginning or end?'

I thought for a moment, teeth nipping at my bottom lip in thought. I watched you watch me, your eyes trained on the movement and the smirk ever present on your lit up face. Who would I want to pick? Did I even want to pick at all? 'I don't want to choose the school bus,' I admitted, trying to make my voice sound as strong as possible. I did not want you to think me weak for this decision. 'They still have a chance at realizing'.

You latched onto my words and sat up slightly, teeth showing with your smile. 'Realizing what?'

What indeed? 'I don't know. Something. The way we think. Cogs, remember? This is why we're doing this, right? To influence and show them the best way to live and to be, right Jerome? The old made this generation - kill them. Punish them'. Did I mean what I said? Did I want to kill any of them? Was there not other ways to show the world our power and ideologies without pointless killing? I still, even with you, wanted some kind of method to this madness.

You jumped onto your knees, smile plastered across your face and bouncing on the mattress. 'Don't think so much, Mads! You just gotta do! You know what we're gonna do now? We're gonna choose the young ones...y'know why? For the exact reason you don't wanna choose 'em!' No method. Just madness. You were like a lit fuse - there was just no stopping you. 'Youthful - that'll make the headlines, right?'

I blinked up at you.

'Right?'

I shrugged. 'Sure'. Sitting up, I came level with your face. 'Whatever you say, Jerome. You're the boss, right?' I immediately knew from the way your eyes narrowed that my tone was not something you appreciated, nor wanted. I grinned brightly and mockingly, knowing full well that one day you might simply decide you'd had enough of my sarcasm and 'disrespect'. I leant forward and bumped my nose with yours, teeth nipping nipping not-so lightly on your lip. 'Right, boss?'

'You can be such a bitch, beautiful - you know that?' Your lip was red from where I had bit you, but you didn't seem to care. You pushed your hair back from your face, catching the strand that always seem to fall over your forehead. 'My mother was a bitch too. D'ya remember what happened to her?'

I leaned back and laughed, pressing my hands against the mattress to support myself. Still giggling, I looked back at the dark look on your face. 'Oh, Jerome. You don't wanna kill me! You know you don't - I amuse you too much! Sure, you could kill me'. I crawled forward and pushed you onto your back, straddling you. With quick hands, I grabbed you by your wrists and placed them around my neck. 'You could easily kill me, sweetheart - but do you wanna?'

I grinned down at you, mouth only stretching wider when your thumbs dug just a little bit harder into my jugular. You clenched your teeth and stared up at me, eyes hooded and dark and so, so terrifying. Any normal person would have fled from you, wouldn't they? They would have run far, far away from any of this and got on the first train to freakin' anywhere. I couldn't leave you, though. I couldn't leave you alone in this shitfest.

'Guess you got me there, beautiful,' you purred, hands sliding from my neck down to my elbows. 'Tomorrow, you're gonna show everyone who you really are - who we are. Or are you going to, uh, fade into the black?'

I frowned own at you. 'I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, Jerome'. You giggled and clenched harder on my arms. 'I'll do what feels right'. What Impulse tells me to do.

As it were, Impulse wanted to watch the world burn.

When I woke up the next morning, you were there. I was momentarily surprised by this, but only because of the fact that in the few nights we had spent at Theo Galavan's had all involved you either wandering around the place with echoes of your laughter everywhere, or simply leaving too early for me to find you. I mean, I always fell asleep first, didn't I? I slept to the sound of you murmuring plans and ideas and mad little thoughts to me, giggling and scheming away.

That morning, for the first time, I saw you sleeping.

When I crawled into bed, I never touched you. If we fucked, we did not cuddle afterwards. There was an unspoken rule there, wasn't there? An emotional disconnect that was never to be connected...but then I saw you sleep, didn't I? My eyes opened to the sound of a door opening and closing down the hallway. I blinked at the early morning light (too early for anyone sane to be awake) and I was, for a moment, startled to hear the sound of breathing next to me.

I looked and saw you. You were lying on your side, facing me, with one bare arm tucked beneath your pillow and the other resting in the space between us. Your hair was a mess. Your eyes were closed. Your mouth was not smiling or smirking or stretched into a grin. I loved you when you were animated and you, but my heart ached at the sight of you in that moment.

That's when I realized I still had the ability to love, and the realization was a lot less world altering that I thought it would be. It was a fact - one of the few that my broken mind could comprehend. I loved you so deeply that my madness even accepted it. It was quite easy to come to terms with. I loved you because I chose to love with, and having something as simple as a choice was not something I'd had in a while.

That's what you wanted from the start, wasn't it? My complete devotion to you. Did you have it - not in the sense I would follow your every move, no. Would you want that? Would you want a puppet?

You breathed deeply in your sleep and although you did not look innocent, you looked calm like the sea. Like, at any given moment, you would remember there was a storm coming and wave up from this tranquillity. I reached a hand forward and touched your strong jawline, right up to your pale ears. 'How could she not realize how great you were going to be?' I wondered, voice sleepy and low.

You opened your eyes slowly, body as still as if you were still sleeping. For once, you said nothing. For once, you let me have the stage.

'If you hadn't don't so already, I would kill her,' I assured you, hand still resting on your jaw. 'I don't know why, but I would. She hurt you'. Only I can do that. Only I can strike you when you've been a moron. Not her. Not that bitch. 'Mothers are supposed to love'. Then why don't they?

You huffed out a laugh. 'I know you ain't that naive, beautiful'.

True. I smiled wryly. So true.

My hair was the most tamed it had been in nearly three years, something of which Barbara had admonished me for admitting. My dress was white and knee length, flaring out with a little 50's twist. The corset was made up of little leather buckles, like that of the jumpsuits the boys were wearing, wherever you were. My lips were red and my eyelashes were finished with a thin coat of black mascara.

I did not like the feminization of my costume, but I could not deny the nice, light feeling I had from wearing something that made me feel pretty for once.

I walked down the street with my handbag held close to me, the gun firm through the feel of the thin, white fabric. I had never actually used a gun before, you know. I'd never even held one before Theo had given it to me, brushing Barbara aside and assuring me that it was an easy little thing to use. You had grinned at me over his shoulder, dark and wide and so very, very ready for what was to come.

It was odd, to walk down the streets of Gotham and not have anyone look at me. It might have been the large sunglasses that covered my face, but I could have almost felt normal in that moment. If I wasn't going to kill a bunch of teenagers, of course.

I saw it then, hurrying up the road with the sound of shouting and cheering peeking through the windows. The yellow school bus zoomed up the road, only halting once I stopped in front of it, white sneakers the only thing that constrated with my costume. I watched driver slam on the break, wide, chubby face staring at me as he breathed in and out quickly, brows furrowed together. The cheering stopped. The engine revved.

I smiled and waved, pulling my sunglasses from my face.

That was when you came. The orange truck came zooming from the hiding spot I had been eyeing, stopping short behind me. I watched the driver look on in confusion as you all jumped out of the truck, white outfits looking so out of place in the world of Gotham. Dobkin's jumped off of the side of the truck, hopping forward with little giggles. Helzinger rounded the back to grab the oil pipe. Then you - you jumped out of the truck once Dobkin's held the door open for you, planting a kiss on my cheek as you spun toward the school bus.

I followed you, skirts swishing and pressed my hands flat against the glass door of the bus. As you knocked on the glass with the end of your gun, I smiled brightly at the driver and waved a finger toward the handle.

The man stared at your gun, mouth open wide and eyes staring at us like we were the most awful things in the universe. The screams started then, I remember. Loud and awful and ringing in my ears now, even today. I don't like the screams of so many to be ringing in my head, Jerome. It makes me ill. It makes me panic.

Impulse says yes.

The doors opened and called you out for Helzinger and Greenwood to chain 'em up, grin growing and growing on your lovely face. I snapped open my purse, watching them push themselves onto the bus, and brought out my little handgun. Do what Theo said. Do what he said and you don't get ridiculed by Greenwood later. I looked at you and brought the gun forward, already hearing the shouts of protest as Greenwood and Helzinger jangled the chains about.

I stuck my tongue between my teeth and grinned.

You kissed me like your mouth would kill them all.

Following the two men onto the bus, I raised my gun into the air and said, voice clear, 'None of that screaming - come on, guys. Have some dignity. I really don't want to have to shoot someone today, okay? So how's about we just let my two buddies here chain you up to your seats, huh? It would make life a whole lot easier'.

A girl in front of me cried out, tears streaming down her pretty face. I looked at her. 'Why are you doing this?' she cried out.

I laughed at her, waving my hands in the air like a mad woman. 'I couldn't even tell you if I tried!' I giggled, cradling the gun in my right hand, fingers hovering dangerously over the trigger. 'I really couldn't!' I backed away once Greenwood and Helzinger were done, hopping off the last step and grinning wide at you. 'All ready for you, boss'.

You smirked and passed me, gun held high in your hand as you pushed past the two older men. I glowered at Greenwood. 'I'd follow him back in there, if I were you,' I warned. He simply sneered at me before doing what was told of him. It was funny how quickly he heeled to being the mutt, wasn't it? Once he saw you, he knew he couldn't fuck with you.

'I want you all to know - this was a very difficult decision for us'. He stopped in front of a dark haired girl, waving his gin in front of her face with lazy hands. I looked at her, watching as her eyes squeezed shut in pure fear. What was it like to be that scared, I wonder? To fear for your life in such a way? I wonder what she was thinking about in that moment - perhaps her parents or her younger siblings. I wonder what it was like to fear death, Jerome. 'It was a choice between you and a senior citizen bingo party'. He held the gun to her moist forehead.

You continued down the path of the bus, looking from side to side at the trembling teenagers. 'In the end we decided to skew a little younger. Youthful in the day - sorry'. You turned on your heel and met my eyes, making your way back toward me with a large grin on your face. Suddenly, the moment you met me, you turned and jumped to face the crying youths once again. Youths. They were the same age us as, but they seemed so much younger, didn't they?

'Gimme an O!' you announced, an expectant smile on your face.

You were met with cries and silence, all of them avoiding looking us dead in the eye. You looked at me and frowned pointedly, to which I shrugged with a little smile. You clenched your jaw an turned back to them, raising your gun and shooting once at the roof above us. They all screamed and sobbed and cried - I blinked at them, feeling so disconnected.

'I said give me an O,' you repeated, voice harsher than before.

'O,' they rang back to us, voices coming together in unison. I nodded once, hand still holding my gun tightly.

'Gimme an N!'

'N'.

'Gimme another O!'

'O'.

I stepped aside at the sight of Helzinger bringing the hose forward, deciding that that it was my time to leave the school bus. I gave the pale, pretty faces of the cheerleaders and jocks once last look before pushing the past the bulking man who handed you the hose.

'What does that spell? Oh no,' you sang along with them, voice more joyful than I had ever heard it. This is what you loved. This is what you lived for.

I stepped onto the wet concrete in my messy shoes, the cold air hitting my bare legs. Behind me, I heard the screams and shouts as your dosed the teenagers in what smelt like petrol. Greenwood met my gaze, a horrible grin spreading across his already psychotic face. I grimaced at him, neither interested not disinterested in what was happening before me. Did I think there were other ways of catching the worlds attention? Yes, Jerome, I did.

I flattened out my dress and brushed a strand of hair from my face, keeping my ears pricked for the sound for sirens. So far, so good. Helzinger and Dobkin's hung near us too, Dobkin's smiling and grinning like this was the greatest game he had ever played. With wide eyes, he looked at me in my dress and grinned just a little bit wider.

I snorted. 'Having fun?'

I could hear you laughing behind me, on the bus.

Dobkin's nodded enthusiastically. 'Bundles!'

You hopped out from the bus and dropped the hose, grinning like a compete maniac. I stepped away from you, ready to hand you the lighter that was tucked away in the small pocket of my dress. You smiled fabulously and uttered a quick, 'Thank you, beautiful'. Turning to the men, you said in a mocking voice, 'Ready? Okay!'

It was so fitting for you that the Zippo lighter did not work, wasn't it? Only such a thing would happen in such a dire situation. You clicked the lighter shut with a disappointed smile. 'This is so embarrassing'. I scoffed at you and cocked a brow, watching as you clambered back onto the school bus and inquired if anyone had a light.

'I do!' said Dobkin's, surprised at his own competency.

The moment he flicked it open to hand to you, the sirens started. I watched, heart jumping, as the police cars pulled up in their pairs in front of us, tires skidding across the wet ground. For the first time in almost a week, my stomach clenched in anxiety.

I couldn't go back to Arkham. I couldn't be trapped like that again, not after being free with you.

I swallowed and backed away, aiming my gun quickly at the cars. 'Jerome,' I snapped at you. I gave you a look, a wide eyed look and a quick shake of my head. I'll shoot myself before I go back with them, it said. We have to fight. You looked at me one last time, grin spreading across your face, before holding your gun high beside me. I breathed in.

'Stand your ground boys - lady. They can't shoot at the bus'. You held your weapon in both hands, eyes hard and horrible as they eyed the officers who left their cars. Among them, I eyed the man you had told me about...the one who put you in Arkham and was chasing us at every turn we made as the Maniax. Gordon.

You shot once and we followed suite. The gun shot back into me, the effect of the bullet leaving it a lot harsher than I would have ever imagined. I laughed, surprised and overwhelmed at the feeling of the metal thing in my hands, jolting every time I pulled the trigger. Was this why so many people shot into the Gotham night, because it felt like this every time? If so, I could understand those trigger happy idiots that got themselves thrown into Blackgate.

One of them fired back though, didn't they? One of the cops, I mean. I was momentarily surprised at whatever cop had done it, simply because of his sheer stupidity. How dumb did you have to be to shoot at a bus full of teenagers that was filled with petrol? I was, though, even more pissed off that the bullet he had shot grazed my right arm, the one closest to you, and had me yelping out in surprise.

I looked at you and you looked at me and I thought you would kill them all there and then.

There came no more shots from them after that, but I lowered my gun hand all the same and looked at where I had been shot, taking in the running blood and the fairly deep wound. I blinked and laughed a little, wondering how close I had been to dying just then. I heard you shoot harder than ever, one bang after another echoing beside me.

I rubbed my wet fingers together, wishing it would quit bleeding already.

You voice was sharp when you spoke. 'Aaron, Greenwood - get to the truck!' You pointed and they ran, and it was only when I looked at you that I saw your eyes staring hard at my blood. You ran your tongue over your teeth so hard that I'm surprised you didn't slice it. You looked at me and glowered. 'Truck. Now'. I obliged, only because I knew that this was drawing to an end.

With quick feet I dodged my way over the truck, clambering in quickly and holding my hand over the wound, still a little dazed. Greenwood took in my form and grinned at me, far too pleased to be concerned. I swore at him, wishing that he would just fuck off already.

'Light 'em up!' I heard you shout in the distance. Helzinger started the truck and I leaned out of the window quickly, desperate eyes watching to see you grab onto the end of the red truck, eyes plastered on the scene before you with a large grin on your face. I remember leaving Dobkin's, watching his crouched form try to light the fire somehow.

We left him, truck rumbling as we went.

You laughter was all that filled my ears, numbing the pain in my arm.

He was the first of us to fall.

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