Kylo Ren quickly exited the vault with his long strides. Given his considerable height, making it out of the jungle also took little time. He paid no attention to the bodies strewn on the ground near his shuttle. They were of no concern to him. The only thing on his mind was the punishment he would receive when returning to Supreme Leader Snoke empty handed. He could have easily let the girl die. He could have loosened her grip with the Force or just been so cruel as to step on her fingers to make her let go of the ledge but he didn't. Instead he saved her. Saved her. Saved the girl that defeated him only a short time ago on Starkiller Base. When he interrogated her, the first time they interacted, he had felt the connection even if she hadn't.
"Don't be afraid. I feel it, too."
He wasn't sure what to make of the connection to the girl. His first instinct was to dislike it. It felt like a weakness. It was clearly a weakness. He spared her life and aborted his mission because of it. This could become a serious liability if he could not control it. Of course he could control it. This was nothing compared to other things he continually battled in his mind on a day to day basis. His psyche was a shattered landscape of brutality, abuse, desperation and loss and those were on the quiet days. The only time those thoughts abated was when Rey came into them. That's when he second instinct was to welcome the connection. It brought peace to his fractured mind.
His crew didn't speak as he settled into his chair and ordered them back to the base. Successful mission or not, the crew would never make small talk with Kylo Ren. No one had the idiocy to address him if not spoken to and today was one of those days he was especially grateful for such things. The thought of another human being speaking to him right now made his hand ball into a fist.
Supreme Leader Snoke's voice filtered into his head, "Come see me as soon as you land."
"Yes, my master," Kylo silently replied, tensing at the phrase of "my master.' He had been a subjugate for far too long now and it was beginning to wear on him. The more he said it the more he came to hate it. Hated the phrase, hated his master, hated the First Order, hated everything. This hate fueled him, however, making him ever stronger and more feared by his subordinates. At least he only bowed to one while many bowed to him. It was small comfort. He should bow to no one.
Upon landing, Kylo headed directly for the Supreme Leader's chambers. There was no use in procrastination. Get in and get it over with. Waiting outside of the doors, Kylo knew Snoke would be aware of his presence and waited for the door to open. He didn't have to wait long, the doors opening and Snoke's voice beckoning him in.
Snoke sat upon a chair on a riser, above whoever might in the room, of course. Kylo dropped to one knee, "My Lord."
"Were you able to obtain the relic?"
"No, my Lord. It was already gone by the time I reached the vault," Kylo stared at the ground through his mask.
"It was gone? Who would have taken it?"
"The Resistance, master. I assume they were also looking for it."
"You assume?" Snoke's voice began to rise. Kylo felt a pressure start in his head, pressing inward. "How could you allow the Resistance to gain possession of the relic? You know the importance of it to you."
Kylo felt the pressure bearing down harder, the pain growing. It extended down his neck, to his arms and legs, pushing him down to all fours on the floor. He gasped, "It was the girl, my Lord. I felt her presence there though she was gone by the time I arrived."
"The girl? The scavenger scum that defeated you on Starkiller Base?"
"Yes, yes, my master," Kylo said through gritted teeth. He wasn't sure if the pain or admitting defeat was worse.
"So she has defeated you again," Snoke leaned over in his chair. "This is starting to look like a pattern, Kylo Ren."
"I, I can assure you it is not, my Lord," Kylo almost fell as he felt the pain worsen in his head and all through his body. He fell from his hands to his elbows on the hard stone floor.
"You need to find this girl and find the relic with her. If she is so cunning and powerful, you must bring her to me and not let her slip through your fingers this time."
"Yes...master…" Kylo could barely speak at this point from the pain.
"Excellent. You may go." Snoke released the pain he had put upon Kylo.
Kylo almost collapsed, but caught himself before doing so, refusing to be humiliated so. Slowly he got up and exited the chamber. Hearing the door close behind him, he slowly made his way to his own chambers. Entering the front room, he removed his mask, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. He walked into his bedroom where the resistance faded and he hurled the mask across the room where it dented the wall before hitting the floor. He lashed out and punched the nearest wall, over and over again until his knuckles were bloody underneath his leather glove. It was clearly time to go to the training pods. He was bruised and sore from his fight with Rey and Snoke's abuse compounded that but with all of his pent up rage and hatred boiling, Kylo needed an outlet beyond one that would only injure himself, however satisfying that might be. He had a feeling he would be facing Rey again and he needed to be fully healed to deal with her. As untrained as she was, she was still strong and unpredictable.
He had been able to block the truth from Snoke. Kylo wasn't sure he would have survived the encounter had the truth been revealed. Smiling to himself, it showed he was growing in his power. There had been a time where the Supreme Leader knew every thought within his head. He was becoming better and better at cloaking his thoughts, keeping Snoke out of every corner of his mind. Hopefully, he could eventually keep him out entirely.
Leaving his black pants and shirt on, he threw his robes to the floor. Retrieving his mask from where it landed, he put it back on and grabbed his lightsaber, heading for the training pods. He walked briskly and efficiently, no one dared to get in his way except for one sanitation worker that wasn't paying attention. He was knocked to the ground without a word said or a step missed and that worker dared not to say a thing to Kylo Ren. No one ever spoke to Kylo Ren and when he walked like this entire bays emptied out because of his infamous temper. Frequently he found the hallways ahead of him empty and he preferred it that way.
Stepping into his personal pod, he punched in the code for the most difficult training droid the facility had available. Nothing compared to man to man combat but he didn't think that was the best idea at this time and General Hux probably wouldn't appreciate losing a few of his men to satiate Kylo's foul temperament. He didn't feel like dealing with Hux just to slit the throats of a few stormtroopers. The agitation wasn't worth the reward. The droid would have to do for now.
Kylo's limbs were heavy and his head ached, but he met the droid blow for blow and he felt the anger and hate drain from him with each hit. While being strong in the Force, he still loved the feeling of hand to hand combat. The personalization of looking your foe in the eye as your life hangs in the balance of one stroke to the next and then looking that foe in the eye further still as you strike them down. Watching the life drain from their face and the realization that they have lost and now they will die; that was true power, more powerful than even the Force. If a foe decided to take their fate gracefully, without fear, he wasted no time in ending their life. He gave them an honorable death, as they so deserved. Those who cowered and begged for their life were his favorites, however. He toyed with them, prolonging the time between his torture and their expiration. He would cut off each limb, one by one, slowly, relishing in their cries for mercy. The terror in their eyes made his pulse quicken and he had to remind himself to go slowly, lest he hurry and end the sweet misery too soon. Finally he would run his lightsaber through their throat or their heart, whichever he preferred on that occasion. The throat was usually slower and he reserved that for when he was feeling particularly sadistic.
Kylo finally tired of toying with the droid and began hacking it into pieces, leaving a sparking mess of parts and wires on the floor. Someone would be along soon enough to clean it up. This was nothing new. He reached up to wipe the sweat from his forehead, forgetting he had his mask on. He began the walk back to his chambers, not so frantic, not so determined. People still made sure to stay out of his way though. No need for an unnecessary confrontation with a leader that will behead you for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kylo's temper could flare in an instant and it was known he could kill someone for seemingly no reason at all.
Kylo removed his helmet as soon as he was within his room, taking his sleeve to wipe down his face. He now felt a good sort of pain and tired, rather than the previous that only made him irritable and angry. He knew it wouldn't last for long. The anger never stayed away for long. It always came back, at the very least seething under the surface, giving an edge to everything he did or said. Making him question the motives of everyone around him, causing him to trust no one. He had no friends or confidants. He didn't want any. Friends were weaknesses. Feelings for others made for vulnerabilities that could be exploited by your enemies. Love wasn't even a consideration. Entire wars had been lost over love and he certainly wasn't going to put himself in that position. He had too much to lose and still too much to gain. He stripped off his clothes and headed into the refresher, turning on the shower. His body was covered in scars from live combat training and actual combat. Kylo wasn't one to sit back and command his troops from afar. He loved warfare and everything about it. Being good at it made it that much sweeter.
His thoughts unfortunately returned to Snoke. That withered up nasty shell of an old bastard. So many years of bowing and scraping and for what? Still answering to the beck and call of another. Still being in servitude. Still calling another master. Slavery. Kylo was no more free than a slave. This was not what Snoke promised to him so many years ago. He had been young and foolish then, though not so foolish as to continue on in Jedi training. That's living in servitude to the Force. Why do that when you can bend the Force to do your will, to bring you what you wish? While he was sure he made the right choice, Kylo still despised his master. The more he thought about how much he hated Snoke the more he thought about how much he wanted to kill him.
While not a Sith Lord, they clearly had the dynamic of a Sith Lord and apprentice. Kylo had studied the history of the Sith, hoping to learn as much as possible about the Dark Side and it's potential. He tried to study even beyond his master's lessons, hoping to please his master and gave favor with him. Kylo grunted in disgust. What a waste of time, except the knowledge gained was not. Knowledge is always power so there was no regrets in his studies. Kylo was now craving the power his master held and there was only one way to get it. Kill Snoke. He only needed to figure out how and how to do so without betraying his thoughts to his master. He was pleased that he had been able to conceal his thoughts this morning but he knew better than to be overconfident in his abilities. Snoke was powerful and not to be trifled with. Kylo had to be mindful of his thoughts and careful with his planning if he wanted to defeat his master. He knew an extended battle with Snoke wasn't the best plan. Surprise, catching him off guard, that was the best idea.
With a jolt, his felt his mind pulled into a dream, even though he was fully awake. He braced himself against the shower wall. It was a battle scene, with the First Order advancing on the Resistance. He saw Rey retreating, making her way to her ship, but falling as she made her way. One of his stormtroopers was over her, ready to fire the kill shot from his blaster. Kylo ran towards him, yelling "NO!" in the dream and actually yelling in the shower, pulling him out of the dream state. The water was starting to turn cold and he turned it off. He stood there momentarily, trying to make sense of what just happened. Was it a vision or a dream? What was it? Shaking the water out of his hair, he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying off. He hung the towel back up and went into the bedroom to get dressed in his usual black shirt and pants he wore under his robes.
He went to the mat he slept on, lying down, putting his hands behind his head, trying to relax, knowing it was futile. He never relaxed. He was always tense, muscles always tight. He couldn't remember the last time he didn't feel like every muscle was in a knot. The massage droids in the medical bay offered temporary relief, especially after training, but it never lasted long. He woke up from sleep especially sore, his body wracked by nightmares every night. Some nights he elected not to sleep at all but meditated instead. He could at least control his thoughts then and get some semblance of rest. Other nights he was so exhausted he had to sleep even though he knew it wouldn't be restful and there would be a battle just as bad or worse than those he faced while awake.
The battle he faced at night was his conscience coming to him in his dreams. Instead of his sadistic Dark Side nature, his regret for his deeds done came out to haunt him. The faces of those he tortured and killed flashed through his mind, hundreds, thousands, every night. He imagined the families those he killed may have had, their grief at losing a loved one, a mother losing a son, a wife losing a husband, a sister losing a brother, a child losing their father, wave after wave of guilt washed over him in his dreams, driving away at him. Their eyes bored into what was left of his soul, demanding he atone for his deeds. In his dreams, he runs, just runs in a mist, trying to escape his own mind. The screams of the dead filled his ears until he could hear nothing else, bolting him awake every night, panting and sweating, the same thing over and over. That is when the Light calls to him.
He had one dream that wasn't entirely a nightmare, however. It started occurring every night since he first encountered the girl. He didn't like using her name. Made her too comfortable to him, too familiar. He preferred to keep her at a distance. His dream was a battlefield and she was off in the distance, dressed all in white, the sun shining down on her in the middle of a grey landscape. He would make his way to her, cutting down any adversary in his path, finally reaching her. He removed his mask and he bent down on one knee, looking up at her. They embrace, his head lying on her chest while she kissed the top of his head. If he woke up from that dream, it was the only time he ever felt relaxed. It was a weakness. He knew it was. He knew he was drawn to her but he didn't want to be. Such a thing had no place in his life and yet it showed up in his dreams every single night. It was beautiful and infuriating. He was fairly certain they shared a Force bond. He didn't want to share that, let alone anything further yet his subconscious was telling him otherwise.
What he really needed to be thinking about was the relic, how to get it and how to bring the girl to Supreme Leader Snoke. Kylo actually cringed a bit at the thought of bringing her before Snoke, but he wasn't sure why. He had no idea what his Master had in mind for her but it couldn't be anything pleasant. He shouldn't even be concerned. She was of no value to him yet he had saved her life...and let her take the relic. He clearly was not thinking clearly when it came to this girl. She had already caused him enough trouble and he could see nothing but more in his future if he did not clear his mind of ridiculous thoughts of her in flowing white dresses. What nonsense. He sat up, crossing his legs in preparation to mediate. Sleeping was clearly out of the question.