Chapter Four
Danny used his key to let himself into the apartment after knocking several times did not produce Eddie. "Eddie?" Danny called out. "Hey, Eddie, we're home."
Danny put Maggie's carrier down on the sofa, "Hang out a little bit, Uncle Danny's going to find Mommy."
Danny listened carefully, finally he heard the soft sounds of sobs coming from the back of the apartment followed by the sounds of retching. Danny sighed, there is was, it finally hit her. Slowly, Danny approached the bathroom and pushed the door open. "Hey," Danny murmured dropping to his knees. "It's all right. It's all right, I'm here. I've got you."
Eddie turned her body, curling into Danny's chest, "I can't do this anymore," she sobbed. "I can't do this without him. I don't want to do it without him!"
Danny softly stroked Eddie's hair, "I know, I know you don't want to. I know…I know…"
He did know. Danny had struggled daily since Joe had died with the pain of loss. That pain was only compounded when Jamie was killed. There was something about watching his little brother struggle for his last breath that got under Danny's skin. Now with Eddie sobbing in his arms, there was nothing he could say or do other than empathize with her pain, but how could he. Linda was at home with the boys, Jamie was lying in his grave.
Danny rocked Eddie in his arms rubbing her back until she finished. "I got you," he whispered helping her back to her feet. Wrapping an arm around her Danny walked her back to the couch sitting down together.
Shifting only slightly to have Eddie lean on him allowing him room to rub her back with small circles. "Ssh I know..."
"I won't even…He won't see..." With every sob Danny soothed Eddie, speaking softly reassuring her. With one hand he brushed a finger across her wet cheek slowly.
"I know," he muttered holding her tightly.
Maggie felt her mother's distress and screwed up her face to cry. Soon Danny was holding two very upset Reagan ladies in his arms. This was not his forte, Jamie was the one that was good at this. Danny shut his eyes and prayed to his brother for guidance.
Suddenly, Maggie began to cry in earnest forcing Danny to let Eddie go and fully focus on his niece. "She's hungry," Eddie sniffled reaching for her baby girl. "I haven't fed her all day, I'm about to explode."
"I better get out of the way then," Danny said quickly not at all comfortable with the idea of leaving Eddie after finding her so distraught.
"I have a cover," Eddie replied. "Don't go yet, I'm not…ready for you to leave let."
Danny nodded and sat down as Eddie put the baby on her breast under the wrapper. Danny could hear little Maggie suckling away on her mother's breast. She was the one that really lost in all of this, she would never know how much Jamie would have loved her. Perhaps, that was a blessing for the baby as well as a curse.
"You want to talk about it?" Danny asked. "That wasn't like you. It wasn't like you not to run to the door when Maggie was being brought back."
"I don't know what happened," Eddied sighed. "I took a shower and washed up really well for the first time since I brought Maggie home and then I looked at the albums and the photos of me and Jamie. Everything came rushing up at me until the worst pain I ever felt was almost cutting me in two."
Danny sighed, "Oh I understand that pain. It's like you can't do anything, can't move or breathe or anything and then you feel the urge to get rid of everything you've been holding back…I'm just glad I got here. I'm glad you didn't go through all of that part alone Eddie."
Eddie smiled, "I'm glad you go here too, Danny. I am not sure I could have found the strength to get up off my knees if you weren't here."
Danny blushed and smiled a little before reaching out to cup Eddie' cheek. "You would have. You are one of the strongest women I've ever know and that is saying a lot because my mother, she was womanly strength personified, but you…No wonder Jamie chose you. You'd have done just fine."
Eddie's eyes misted over again at the mention of her late husband and closest friend. Right now she didn't feel strong or brave, she felt like a scared little girl that wanted her big brother, her Daddy, anyone to make it okay again. She'd only felt that way once before, the day she made her first kill. That night she asked Jamie to stay with her and he promised her he'd not leave her side. He didn't, he'd held her the entire night until the nightmares gave way to a peaceful sleep.
"I need you," Eddie whispered, remembering the words she spoke to her husband that fateful night. She wasn't aware she had repeated them out loud until Danny responded.
"What?" Danny wasn't sure he heard Eddie correctly.
"I need you," Eddie replied. "That's what I told Jamie on a nigtht very much like this, when I questioned everything I was and everything I did. He stayed with me, he held my hand…and I made it. I need…do you think you could stay here tonight, just until…"
"Of course, I can," Danny replied quickly. "Of course I can stay."
Eddie moved closer to Danny and leaned into him. She was sapped of all her strength and will to push through another day. She plugged into Danny like a battery needing a charge, knowing she could draw from Danny's willpower, knowing it was exactly how Jamie would want it.
Maggie fell asleep on her mother's chest, Eddie fell asleep on Danny's shoulder, and Danny…sleep wasn't coming for him, tonight he had a job to do, tonight he was on guard.
Danny looked at Maggie's sweet face, she was a pretty baby. All babies were cute, but few that Danny remembered were pretty. His little goddaughter was the exception. Danny's eyes moved to Eddie. She wasn't pretty in the classic sense. She was short, fuller around the bottom than some men would like, but all in all she was quiet beautiful with her golden hair and soft blue eyes that held the street knowledge of a seasoned cop but the soft trust of a young child. It was with those eyes that she had asked him to stay with her, how could he have denied it, his brother asked him with those same eyes to do just that as he lay dying.
When Danny was sure mother and baby slept soundly, Danny called Linda, "I'm staying the night, she was such a mess, vomiting, crying…I'll be home by nine. Love you."
With Danny's arms around her, simulating the strength and safety Eddie always got from Jamie, Eddie was able to sleep when she wasn't tending to the baby's needs. She vaguely remembered Danny feeding Maggie around three am allowing her to have a five hour block of sleep.
Early the next morning, Linda met up with an old friend from church for breakfast after the boy's headed off to school. "So, I didn't see the blonde that Jamie married at church yesterday just their baby."
"She needed a break, she's having a hard time with the loss, Danny has been over there night after night trying to help. He spend the night there last night."
"Linda," Sheryl gasped in total shock. "You really have to watch that. That girl is beautiful and she's vulnerable, there's nothing a man likes better, especially after that rough patch. If he were my husband I'd get a handle on that very fast."
"He's keeping his promise, Sher," Linda replied. "He promised Jamie he'd take care of Eddie and the baby."
"Well there's taking care of her and there is being Jamie's substitute," Sheryl sighed. "Just be careful Linda, he's stepping in as a father figure for the baby which is great but where's he going to step in next?"
Sheryl' words were still fresh in Linda's head when Danny came a litte after nine. Danny went to give Linda hug and kiss but was pushed away, "What is all over your shirt? Is that Eddie's make-up?"
"Uh that is mascara, yeah," Danny replied. "I had to practically carry her to the couch. If I didn't' get there with Maggie when I did…She's so lost Lin."
"Well, it's not your job to find her," Linda snapped. "You are her brother-in-law! You are not her husband, you're not even her blood brother, this is not your job, your job is here with your family!"
"Eddie is my family too! She's your family! Eddie and the baby are Jamie's legacy and I made him a promise, a death bed promise…"
"Well, you made me a promise too, and you haven't done such a hot job of keeping it!" Linda retorted and then headed upstairs.
Danny sighed, "I can't win for losing, Kid," he told a picture of Jamie on the mantle. "Your wife tries to drown me and my wife is going off the deep end again. Is nine too early for a beer?"
Danny wasn't sure what to do. Linda was angry at him for helping Eddie, but he couldn't live with himself if he didn't. He'd just have to do what felt right to him, whether it seemed right to Linda or not. He knew he wasn't Eddie's husband, but she needed him and in his own way, Danny needed her. They understood each other's pain, and right now that seemed to trump everything.
A/N: I'm touched by the following of this story and that so many are willing to explore this alternate universe with me. Next update coming soon, aiming to update every 5 to 7 days and avoid dropping this chapter the same day as another one. Please keep letting me know how I'm doing.