Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Ornithophobia Diffusion'; 'The Precious Fragmentation'; 'The Vartabedian Conundrum'; 'The Monopolar Expedition'; 'The Benefactor Factor'
xTBBTx
Penny crossed the hall and entered 4A. Inside Sheldon and Raj sat on the couch while Stephanie was in Leonard's stuffed chair texting away on her phone.
"Where's dinner?" the Nebraskan asked. She went for the antibacterial spray only to notice it was missing. "And where's the germ away spray?"
Sheldon clacked away at the laptop on his thighs.
"Dr. Stephanie said not to use it directly on the skin," said a computer voice.
"Ah. So it's alright if I come in with my flip-flops?"
Clack clack clack. "There is a pair of slippers for you to wear."
"Thanks Sheldon." Penny noted the pink slip-ons and put them on.
Clack clack clack. "No need to thank me. I took their cost out of next week's tip."
"Gee thanks," she snorted and came to the couch. "What's with the Shelbot voice anyhoo?"
Clack clack. "Inflamed larynx." Sheldon delicately stroked his neck with his fingers.
"That sucks." She noted the big cardboard box on the table and looked inside. "Whose junk is this?"
Immediately Sheldon and Raj sat straight and gave her a shocked look.
Clack. "Collectables."
Stephanie put away her phone. "Hard to tell the difference, I know, but apparently there's enough of one to make four grown men spend fifty bucks at a garage sale on it instead of buying dinner."
Penny reached into the box and pulled out a stuffed Alf doll. "Fifty bucks for this?" Raj reached up and snatched the doll from her hands and cuddled it.
Clack clack clack. "It works out to thirteen twenty five apiece which is more than reasonable," 'said' Sheldon. Raj smiled and nodded.
Stephanie shrugged. "Still seems like a lot to pay for a toy ring."
Sheldon frowned before getting up and storming to his room.
"Should I even ask?" said Penny as she sat on the couch.
"When I got here the guys were fighting over a ring Sheldon found in the box," explained Stephanie. "I sent Leonard out with Howard to pick up dinner so things'd calm down."
"Ah." Penny leaned back on the couch. "So when did Sheldon strain his throat? He seemed alright this morning."
"More like he strained my ears," Stephanie replied. "He was driving me nuts arguing with Leonard that when his voice cracked and he cleared his throat I told him to stop talking." She smiled sweetly. "I performed a Sheldonectomy."
Raj gave a muffled snicker as Sheldon returned to the living room and sat in his spot. He held out a ring on a chain which Penny took to examine.
Clack clack clack. "I found this in the box. It's a prop from The Lord of the Rings." Clack clack clack. "I gave up all rights to the rest of my share of the box. By marine salvage rights the ring is mine."
Penny was puzzled. "How does that apply? We're not on a boat."
Clack clack. "Now don't you start." Sheldon scowled at his neighbor.
"Not starting. Just asking," Penny soothed as she looked at the ring's etchings. "What's the number for?"
"That's what started World War Three," said Stephanie. "Howard thinks it's a limited edition ring and worth money."
Clack clack clack. "It's only worth something if I decide to sell it." Clack clack. "Which I'm not."
The door opened and Leonard and Howard entered. Immediately Sheldon snatched the ring from Penny and scampered to his room.
"Food or find another treasure trove on the way back?" Stephanie teased her boyfriend.
"Food this time," replied Leonard as he came across the room to the coffee table and set down the Chinese food before moving the toy box to the floor.
As Penny handed out the food packets Sheldon returned to the living room sans computer and sat. The Nebraskan opened the dumpling container and made a quick count.
"Perfect. Six of us and six of them," she said cheerily before taking her piece.
"Isn't that nice?" Leonard said with a saccharine tone. "We share the dumplings. We all bought the dumplings so we share whatever dumplings are in the package."
In response both Sheldon and Stephanie glared at the experimental physicist.
"Drop it, Leonard," she warned.
"How about this," said Penny. "If Sheldon at any time decides to sell the ring the money gets divided evenly."
"Sounds good," said Howard.
"And we take turns holding onto it," added Leonard.
Sheldon opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it as he remembered his medical condition. Flushing, he grabbed his dumpling with his chop sticks and carried his food container to his bedroom.
"You know, it might be the One Ring after all since it has the power to shut Sheldon up," Howard said with a smirk.
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With coffee cup in hand Penny knocked twice at 4A before entering wearing her Hello Kitty shorts and pink sleep top. She went straight to Leonard who had the coffee pot in hand and got her morning fix.
"If you're going to steal my milk finish up the old carton," said Sheldon from the couch.
Penny obliged and took a sip of her creamed coffee before giving a contented sigh.
"Good morning," she said and warmed her hands on the mug.
"You really should do something about your dependency," tsked Sheldon.
"You're telling me there's nothing you're hooked on?"
"He does eat an inordinate amount of Red Vines," noted Leonard.
"It's not like imbibing them alters my personality," Sheldon sniffed.
Leonard snorted. "We couldn't go to two theaters because they sold Twizzlers not Red Vines."
"There were more mitigating factors than that, Leonard," Sheldon scowled. "For instance they also lacked Icees."
"They had Slushies."
The lanky man shook his head derisively. "In what universe is a Slushie an Icee?" The phone rang and he picked it up. "Really, Leonard, you're embarrassing yourself." He answered. "Hello? …And good morning to you, President Siebert."
As Sheldon talked Penny took a sip of coffee.
"That reminds me," she said. "How did the benefit go last night?"
"About as well as could be expected," Leonard said sheepishly. "I couldn't get a thing out right, Raj's nervous bladder kept him in the washroom, Howard kept bringing up his space toilet and, well, Sheldon was Sheldon."
"Well the bright side is that you're all still employed so that's a plus," Penny chuckled before taking a sip of coffee.
"True," nodded Leonard. "And I can't say that the benefactors were all bad. At the end of the night one nice older lady offered to drive Raj home in her limo."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Here's hoping he didn't drink."
"No, he was good so that car ride must have been pretty silent." He shrugged. "She did seem pretty adamant that she wanted to talk to him about buying some lab equipment."
"She did, huh?" Penny's mouth curved into a knowing smirk. Talked, my ass. She looked to Leonard and decided not to say anything. He wouldn't know an innuendo if it were a brick to the head.
"Yes…Thank you. Goodbye." Sheldon hung up the phone and came over to the kitchen counter.
"Still employed, sweetie?" asked Penny.
"Was there any doubt?" Sheldon replied. Before she could answer he continued. "Apparently I impressed the benefactors last night. So much so that President Siebert said I no longer need to attend any of their social gatherings ever again. In fact one benefactor even offered to send me to the Arctic."
"You're kidding," Penny snorted.
"Why would I kid?" He paused. "Perhaps I need an indicator of some sort to note when I'm joking."
"Focus, Sheldon," Penny said. Now that she realized he was serious her good mood was gone. "I mean what could you possibly do up there?"
Sheldon tilted his head in thought. "I suppose I could pursue my research into finding magnetic monopoles."
"They're too difficult to find," countered Leonard.
"Oh, I don't know about that. I've worked up some posits worth trying."
"Is Gablehauser going to loan you a scintillation counter for ionization?"
"I'm not following an excitation loss technique," replied Sheldon as he clasped his hands behind his back. "To my mind the best technique for detection would be based on electromagnetic induction. The passage of a magnetic monopole in a superconducting loop."
"I know that," scowled Leonard. "The only thing is that I can't see it as a large area detector."
"I don't need a large detector." Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Unless I was permanently assigned to the Arctic."
"Which could be a possibility," said Leonard as he thought back to the party and Sheldon's 'Don't touch me!' shouts and overall condescending tone.
"You wouldn't leave here would you?" asked Penny.
"I suppose I could give my posits into the hands of someone more capable than I of conducting the expedition." A small smile flickered across his mouth. "Bazinga."
"Okay, so how big do you think you can make it?" asked Leonard.
"Depends on the size of the collecting coil."
The experimental physicist straightened. "Unless you couple it to an input coil."
Sheldon's eyes brightened. "And for a superconducting coil with N turns and inductance L I could—" He went to his whiteboard, wiped out a clear spot, and began to write out a series of what Penny took to be equations.
Leonard came over to stand by his roommate and read as Sheldon wrote.
"The change in current will occur with a characteristic time, blrv, where b=radius of coil and v=velocity of the monopole," said Sheldon.
"Okay," Leonard said excitedly. "And to see the change in current you'd need a magnetometer of some sort."
"Already covered. I'm coupling the detection coil to a SQUID."
"Brilliant."
"Of course. Now in order to shield the magnetometer I thought it best to…."
Penny made her way to the door and slipped out into the hall. She entered her apartment and went to her sink and poured out the rest of her coffee. Her stomach suddenly decided it didn't want it and she wasn't going to force it.
She went to her couch, flopped down, and picked up the remote but didn't turn on the television.
The Arctic.
"Son of a bitch," she whispered.
XxX
Sheldon read over the influx of emails from the National Science Foundation regarding their trip to the Arctic Circle. Due to a dramatic donation they now had space for Sheldon's monopole experiment. He was just amazed at how fast the information flew as he merely mentioned his idea to President Siebert on the phone and here it was eleven hour later and the NSF was waiting for him to confirm his place on their expedition.
According to the itinerary he'd be at the magnetic pole for three months; three months in which to find the elusive slow moving monopoles. A warmth filled his chest as Sheldon thought about his possible success. He'd be assured a Nobel Prize, something which he wanted since the first time he heard about the elusive and highly sought after award. At long last he'd receive the recognition he knew he deserved. All it would take was three months in the Arctic.
Three months away from Penny.
"This is stupid," Sheldon frowned as his abdominal muscles contracted. His first love was science and he meant to uphold his fidelity. There could be no compromise if he was to achieve greatness. Leonard was a fool if he thought bringing Stephanie on his trip to Cern was a good idea. Science was brilliant and pure and—
'Women like things like that.'
Sheldon clicked to his own itinerary. He'd need a support team if he was to go. Leonard wasn't the best experimental physicist but his work was adequate to fit the bill given proper oversight. Howard was good at his job, not that engineering was anything to write home about, and would be an asset to the expedition. As for Raj, he could be a flunky, a Star Trek red shirt of the team.
Sheldon nodded. This was more than doable.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Nobel Prize laureate," he murmured to himself.
xTBBTx
Sheldon came down the hall just as Leonard came into the apartment.
"Ah, Leonard, just the man I want to see," the lanky physicist said cheerily.
"What do you want?" Leonard said warily as he sprayed the bottoms of his shoes. The no-spraying of feet was brought up at the weekly roommate meeting and after consultation with Stephanie the agreement was that shoes and slippers had to be sprayed but not bare feet. To this end Penny had a permanent pair of slippers assigned to her and all other guests were to be given disposable foot coverings. Leonard still thought this was overkill but lacked the votes to overturn Sheldon's majority of one plus the tie breaker.
"I've tentatively decided to accept President Siebert's offer and go to—"
"That's terrific!" Leonard said enthusiastically. He noted Sheldon's frown at having been cut off. "Sorry, sorry, continue."
"—Go to the magnetic North Pole in order to work on my monopole project."
"When do you go?" asked Leonard as he sat on the couch.
"Well I need to gather supplies and get a physical and whatnot. The tentative date is in three weeks. I told Siebert that I was unsure if I could make it given that my detector wasn't built yet and he was kind enough to offer the engineering department. He said he would make it a top priority to see me ready to go. Isn't that nice?"
Leonard gave a slight smirk. "Yeah, he's a peach."
"The next thing I have to do is assemble a support team to accompany me," said Sheldon as he glanced at his clip board and made a note. "Normally I'd go through a vetting process but Siebert did express an urgency so I thought why not employ the resources around me." He straightened. "I'm offering you the opportunity to make history, Leonard."
"You want me to go to the Arctic. With you. For three months."
"That's correct."
"Huh." Leonard took a moment to think.
Sheldon was incredulous. "What's there to 'huh' about? Leonard, this is a Nobel Prize we're talking about."
"For you," amended the short physicist. "I dunno. I'll have to talk it over with Stephanie."
"I was thinking of asking her to come but I didn't want to be too presumptuous given her hours at the hospital," said Sheldon.
"Sheldon, she's not going. I mean I don't know if I'm going to go."
"Why not?" gasped Sheldon.
"Three months"—with you—"is a long time to be away," Leonard began.
"Oh pish. Meemaw and Pop-Pop were separated when he went to Korea and that didn't break their relationship."
"But it also means I'd miss my trip to Cern."
"There'll be other trips, Leonard."
Leonard shrugged. "Like I said I'll have to talk it over with Stephanie."
"But we're talking it over now," countered Sheldon.
"We're not a couple. Stephanie and I are so we have to deal with things as a couple."
Sheldon snorted. "You're two individuals who've decided to pair bond not conjoined twins. The individual can't be lost to the collective."
"I'm not a Borg," snapped Leonard. "Besides, have you told Penny yet?"
"Told Penny what?"
Leonard rolled his eyes. "That you're going to the Arctic for three months!"
The East Texan flipped a couple of pages. "I already have my farewell to Penny scheduled in for the morning of departure."
"You should talk to her about it before hand. Like now."
"Fine," Sheldon sighed and went to the door. "What am I supposed to say?"
"What you feel."
Sheldon stood to regard his roommate and scoffed before stepping across the hall.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"'Sup?" asked Penny as she opened her door.
Sheldon made to speak but hesitated as he took in his neighbor's eyes before staring just over her shoulder.
"I'm here to inform you of my decision to accept President Siebert's offer and go to the Arctic," he said.
"That's great," Penny said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"Sarcasm?"
"What? No! Of course not!"
Sheldon cocked his head. "It's just that your tone isn't as melodious as it usually is when you're happy about something."
Penny shrugged. "I was just thinking about something and got distracted." She turned and went to her couch and sat. Sheldon followed although he remained standing.
"So, the Arctic," Penny began, this time making sure to sound upbeat. "How long would you be gone?"
"Three months. I've asked Leonard if he would accompany me but apparently he has to 'discuss' the offer with Dr. Stephanie," Sheldon tsked.
"Well they are a couple."
Sheldon was puzzled. "Why should that matter? Leonard's being offered a once in the lifetime opportunity to travel to a place in the world few have been to assist in possibly finding a paradigm altering discovery."
"Yeah, how can any girl measure up to that?" Penny said quietly.
"It's not a competition, it's an opportunity to see something no one else ever has," Sheldon said earnestly. "I'm a scientist. It's what we do. Something which Leonard has forgotten."
"So if you had a girlfriend and she wanted you to stay you'd go anyways?"
"'Three states of matter are surrounding me'," Sheldon sang. "'As solid, liquid, and gas you see; and water can be all three—Ice! Water! Air! Water can be all three.'" He gently cleared his throat. "That was the first song I heard on Professor Proton's Science Show when I was 15 months old. I'd ask mother for an ice cube and I'd sit on the porch and watch it melt to a puddle in the sun." Pause. "To this day my favorite drink is a 'Three States of Matter Mocha' consisting of hot water and cocoa with an added ice cube." Another pause as he gathered himself before looking Penny in the face. "My girlfriend would understand because she'd be a dreamer. Just like me."
Penny stood and wrapped her arms around him.
"Come back safe," she sniffled.
"Penny, when don't I act with caution?" Sheldon admonished lightly.
She leaned back even though her arms were still around his waist. He noted her impish smile and glistening eyes.
"How 'bout like now when you're nit-picking a girl who's trying to say goodbye to her friend?"
"Well, when you put it that way." A twitchy smile passed over his lips. "I'm a downright daredevil."
"Whackadoodle," Penny laughed and gave him a last squeeze before letting go.
xTBBTx
"To the adventurers!" toasted Leonard before everyone in the living room touched glasses and drank.
"We'll miss you, buddy," said Raj.
"Yeah," said the experimental physicist a tad wistfully. "Still, I'll bring back as many pictures as I can from Cern."
"Don't forget the chocolate," Amy said.
"Just think, this time next week you'll be in the Arctic," grinned Penny to Sheldon.
"And crazily enough I'm accompanying him," mused Howard before he got a light slap on the arm by Bernadette.
"I wish I could go but I've got to finish my thesis," she squeaked.
"Not everyone can make history, Bernadette," sniffed Sheldon. "Your boyfriend will be on the verge of watching someone achieve greatness." Raj chuckled.
"As a reminder, you're coming with us," Howard said to his best friend, causing the astrophysicist to lose his smile.
"Don't forget to go over the apartment schedule I've left," Sheldon said to Leonard.
"I've got your email and Facebook post and printout on the refrigerator," replied his roommate. "I'll be sure to air out your bedroom, feed your goldfish and…."
"And pick up my preselected comics at the shop." Sheldon shook his head. "Good thing Amy has a copy of my schedule so someone close at hand can direct you."
"What about me?" Penny pouted. Amy leaned towards her.
"You're the muscle," the neurobiologist stage whispered. For her part Penny grinned at Leonard and cracked her knuckles. Amy sighed. "Three months. It'll be boring without your whimsy, Sheldon. I don't know what I'll do for fun." She indicated Penny with a nod of the head. "Thank goodness I've got my bestie."
"I can hang out, too," said Bernadette. Amy gave her a placating smile and looked to Penny.
"Sure. It'll be fun," said Penny. "You know, girls nights and whatnot."
"Too bad I'll miss them," said Stephanie as she sipped on her wine.
"No, Leonard can come too," said Howard. "He cries like a girl so that counts for something." Leonard scowled at his friend.
"I know he does," gushed Stephanie. "And don't forget he plays with dolls."
"Action figures," all four men said at once.
"Not that anyone's being particular or anything," giggled Bernadette. "I keep telling Howie he has enough toy rockets to make holes in the moon."
"Which would be made of cheese, if we kept up the analogy," said Amy.
Howard was grumped. "They're not toys, they're models. And yes, I know the moon isn't made of cheese, thank you very much."
"It's true," agreed Sheldon. "He answered correctly on the science part of the Friendship Quiz." His eyes narrowed at Raj. "Unlike some people."
"I had lysine but I erased it," Raj pouted.
"Coulda, woulda, shoulda, Raj," Sheldon tsked. "Still, look at the tremendous opportunity you'll have to learn my idiosyncrasies as we spend the next three months bunked together in a single room with the wilds of the Arctic surrounding us."
"Yeah, we really didn't think this through," said Howard.
"Don't worry Howard," said Sheldon amiably as he stood and went to the refrigerator for more grape juice. "That's why up there I'll be thinking for you."
Penny gripped her nails into Howard's knee.
"You're not allowed to kill him," she warned. Silence. "Howard."
"Kill Sheldon?" Howard gave a half-smile. "Penny, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"At least what he'd admit publically," chuckled Raj.
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Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Penny's eyes opened and, heart racing, looked at the clock. Five thirty am.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
She leapt out of bed and shot to the door—and waited.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
She opened the door and in that moment took in every detail she could muster about her lanky neighbor from his brown plaid pants and Green Lantern t-shirt to the artful dodging of his blue eyes from her gaze.
"So you're off?" she asked.
"We're departing, yes."
"Oh, I've got something for you!" She went to her couch and brought back a blanket.
"Penny, they already have blankets there."
"Yeah, but do any of them have sleeves?" she asked as she let the blanket hang so the sleeves could be seen.
"Clever," said Sheldon. He took the blanket. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, sweetie."
Silence.
"You can follow my progress on Facebook," Sheldon said.
"I will."
More silence.
"Try to keep your apartment tidy. I can't return on weekends to clean it for you."
Penny smiled. "Goodbye Sheldon."
"Goodbye Penny." He gave a twitchy smile and returned to his apartment.
"I'll miss you, too," Penny said softly before closing her door.
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Penny grabbed her coffee cup and made her way to 4A for her caffeine fix. She chuckled as she took in Leonard sitting in Sheldon's spot on the couch with his feet on the coffee table eating a bowl of cereal.
"Feel free to make yourself at home," she quipped and sprayed her slipper bottoms before crossing the room to the kitchen.
"It's nice, isn't it?" grinned Leonard. "No scheduling around bowel movements or watching the Weather Network all morning in case something changes in the ten minutes between the current conditions postings."
Penny noticed a mug and sandwich plate in the sink.
"Guess Stephanie was off early," she said as she went into the refrigerator. Inwardly she sighed as she took Leonard's almond milk. Looks like the milk thief is gonna have to buy her own milk.
"Yeah, she started at seven."
"Crazy lady." As Penny put the milk back she noticed a variety of milk products in the refrigerator such as yoghurt, brick cheese and cottage cheese. "Boy, Steph's really moved herself in here, huh?"
"Moved in? Naa," said Leonard as he munched on his cereal. "I mean she's over a lot but she hasn't moved in."
Penny smirked. "How many nights has it been since Sheldon left?"
"Six."
"How many nights has she stayed over?"
Leonard was no longer smiling. "Six."
Penny swallowed her sip of coffee. "Well this gives you a trial run to see if you like being with her full time."
"I guess," the physicist said a tad unsure.
"So," Penny said enthusiastically in an attempt to change the subject. "How's Sheldon doing? I've looked at his Facebook page and can't make hide nor hair of his sciencey speak."
"They've got the detector set up and so far they haven't found anything but it's early yet." Leonard set his empty bowl on the coffee table. "It's hard trying to account for the ionization losses and induced nucleon decay since he has to know if the monopole can transfer enough energy to an electron in the ice so that it emits Cherenkov radiation. From there he can estimate the maximum energy transfer from a monopole to an electron, if he assumes a—" He glanced up and noted Penny's crooked smile. "Sheldon's doing okay."
"Nice to know."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Hasn't he talked to you?"
"Not outside of his Facebook updates. I mean it's nice to know Howard hasn't killed him yet but—" Here she shrugged. "It's no big deal. I'll see him soon enough." She took another gulp of coffee. "Well I better skedaddle if I'm gonna get my jog in before work. Thanks again."
"No problem."
Leonard waited until Penny had left before venturing to his laptop and fired off an email to Sheldon:
Send Penny a personal note so she knows you're ok.
And that you miss her.
XxX
Penny yawned as she sat on her couch and logged into her Facebook account. The afternoon shift at the restaurant was busy to the point where she regretted going for a jog beforehand. Still, she needed to burn off some of the excess calories she'd been consuming as she munched on junk food and watched movies. Since Leonard and Stephanie were alone she knew enough to give them their space. Penny snorted. Even though Leonard still insisted they weren't living together.
She looked over the updates and saw that Gwen broke up with Tim (again), Amy had successfully gotten her monkey hooked on cigarettes and Bernadette missed her Tushie Face with his tight hoochie pants.
"Too much information," Penny snickered.
She noted that she had a message and clicked on her email. Immediately her stomach fluttered as it was from Sheldon:
Penny,
After seven days of irregularity my digestive system seems to have adapted to our freeze-dried cuisine, temperature and time change. Bowel movements occurred at 7:55 am and 7:50 pm.
The outside temperature was -25F and we had 18.06 hours of sunlight in which to work.
I haven't found the monopole. I shall recalibrate the detector tomorrow.
Your blanket has been indispensible.
Regards, Dr. Sheldon Cooper
Well at least he didn't send me a poop flow chart, she chuckled. She hit 'Reply' and began to type:
Hey Sheldon!
Sorry to hear you've had no luck with the monopole but I'm sure if anyone can find it, it'll be you. :)
Holy crap that's cold! Brr! So I guess you haven't been out for a snowball fight yet, huh?
Have you all driven each other nuts yet? It's been really quiet here without you guys.
Glad you like your blanket. :) Stay safe! P
xTBBTx
Penny dragged herself up the last few steps to her floor. If management didn't fix the elevator soon she'd rent a cherry picker and park it under her window.
"Out!" came Leonard's voice from 4A. "Shoo! Aww, not there!"
The Nebraskan went to his door and knocked.
"You okay in there?" she asked as she opened the door.
"Close the door!" yelled Leonard and she complied. "I mean you can come in but close it quick!"
Penny did as she was told.
"What's the big—" She spotted a gigantic blue bird on the kitchen counter. "You got a bird?"
"No I didn't get a bird, it just flew in when I was airing out the place," Leonard growled as he absentmindedly scratched his leg covered in brown wool pants.
"Did you burn something?"
"Sort of. Stephanie left some incense burning this morning and the entire place just reeks to—" He caught Penny's amused look. "She hasn't moved in. She's just staying over."
"Is that a bird on your sweater?" she said innocently.
Leonard looked down at the blue silhouette set dead center on the sweater.
"Yeah, Stephanie got it for me." He gave a brave smile as he scratched his other leg. "I think it's kinda playful."
"What is it Sheldon calls those 'you'll be assimilated' guys?"
Leonard pursed his lips. "I'm not a Borg." He scratched his butt.
"Definitely not, Bird-Boy. Now let's get your mascot out of here." Both of Leonard's hands began scratching his thighs like mad. "What's going on?"
"I've gotta get these pants off! Chase the bird to the window and I'll be back!" Leonard darted to his room.
"Well, looks like it's just you and me," Penny said to the blue jay. She slowly made her way around the counter before whooshing her hands towards the bird.
The blue jay took off and flew around the apartment twice before setting down.
"Oh, this is too perfect," Penny laughed as she pulled out her phone.
XxX
After a long day realigning the detector Sheldon spent the rest of the evening wrapped in his Snuggee typing up reports as Raj and Howard were watching movies at another camp. So far things were not going according to plan. The monopole was nowhere to be seen, the supply of reconstituted brown rice was short two boxes, Howard was driving him nuts scavenging through the living space looking for parts to make a crossbow of all things.
And he missed Penny.
Sheldon tried the internet connection and after a moment clicked onto his Facebook page. He looked over the updates and his eyes narrowed at a photo of a blue jay perched on his spot on the couch.
There was a knock at the door and then it opened and a man entered bundled up in a parka and sealskin mitts.
"You've got the wrong camp," Sheldon said.
"Isn't this the Cooper Team?" the man replied as he pulled back his hood to reveal an orange toque and a neatly trimmed moustache and goatee.
"Yes this is. Please come in."
"Thanks." The man unzipped his parka and took it off. His mitts were on a leather string and stayed with the coat. "I'm Marc Gionet. So I hear you're trying to detect magnetic monopoles. Any luck?"
"You'd have heard my shout of joy as I did cartwheels through the encampment," replied Sheldon.
"Yeah, they're tough to find, eh? We're in the middle of collecting ice cores to bring back to the SNOlab Neutrino Observatory to see if we can spot the nucleon decay of subrelativistic magnetic monopoles from the GUT era."
"Interesting," said Sheldon as he got up and indicated the couch. "Have a seat. Not there! That's where I sit." Marc moved to the other side of the couch and Sheldon sat down. "I assume you're trying to detect the Cherenkov light from such decays in order to detect the monopoles."
"Bingo."
"Well good luck with that. The sensitivity levels needed to record that are beyond my equipment's capacity."
Marc wiggled his eyebrows. "But what if there was better equipment?"
"Such as?"
"SNOlab's building a dedicated Slow Monopole Trigger which increases the overall sensitivity by more than an order of magnitude while triggering on muons and suppressing noise."
Sheldon was impressed. "Fascinating."
"I'd really like it if you could spare some time to see what we're doing," said Marc. "I saw your detector out there and it's really impressive. I'd love to see if you could offer a suggestion or two about ours."
"Let me get my coat," Sheldon said excitedly. He got up and went to his laptop and typed something before logging off and venturing to the coat cupboard for his parka and boots.
XxX
On her break Penny logged onto Facebook and chuckled.
Underneath the blue jay photo was a single line:
Sheldon Cooper: That's a strike.
xTBBTx
"Is it time?" asked Bernadette excitedly as she rested on her knees in front of Leonard's laptop that sat on the coffee table.
"Thirty seconds," said Leonard as Amy, Penny, Stephanie and he crowded around the computer.
At precisely nine pm they got a Skype call. Leonard clicked to answer and on the screen appeared Howard, Raj and Sheldon.
"Hi Howie!" squeaked Bernadette.
"That's some beard," chuckled Leonard.
"Yeah, we decided we needed it for warmth," said Howard as he pulled on his scraggly beard. Raj nodded as he, too, sported a similarly wild beard.
"So how are things going?" asked Leonard.
"No luck with finding the monopole," grumped Sheldon. "Perhaps if Howard wasn't spending so much time with his home-built crossbow."
Penny frowned. "Howard…."
"But he's driving us crazy!" the engineer whined.
Sheldon cocked his head. "How am I driving you crazy? I'm merely asking that you try to marshal what powers of concentration you have, limited as they may be, and work to what you consider the 'best' of your ability."
Howard turned to the physicist. "Speaking of marshalling my concentration I think I saw your Kindle outside in the snow. Maybe you should go get it."
"Oh good grief!" Sheldon darted from the screen.
"Howard J. Wolowitz, promise me you won't kill Sheldon" scolded Bernadette.
"But—" stammered Howard.
"Promise me!"
"Fine."
"You too," Bernadette growled at Raj. The astrophysicist nodded.
"Remember, Sheldon doesn't filter things he says like most people do," said Stephanie. "He doesn't mean to be as insensitive as he is."
"I suppose," pouted Howard. "He's still a douche, though."
"I found it," said Sheldon off-screen before he appeared on camera with a scowl on his face that seemed even more ominous with his neatly manicured goatee and moustache. "And FYI it wasn't outside. I found it in my drawer where I left it last night."
"Oh, my mistake," said Howard.
"One can only imagine how many you've made thus far," sighed Sheldon.
"Sheldon, be nice," warned Penny.
"I'm neither nasty nor nice. I'm merely stating—"
"No stating."
He pursed his lips. "This makes me wonder if I should tell you the good news."
"What is it?" asked Amy innocently as if she didn't know even though Sheldon had discussed it with her at length in a series of emails.
"Well, Amy, I've been invited by Dr. Gionet to consult on the neutrino project going on at the SNOlab," said Sheldon. "At least this means the trip won't have been for nothing."
"And it lets us leave Sheldon in the Arctic," quipped Howard.
"It's not at the Arctic. It's in Northern Ontario," Sheldon amended.
"That's cool," said Leonard. "What are you going to be doing?"
"Well they've developed an addition to their detector that greatly amplifies the—"
"Sheldon," Amy interjected. "There's less than a minute left on the connection and you have more to say, don't you?" she prompted.
"True," said Sheldon. "After we finish here I'll be going to the SNOlab as a consultant. President Siebert has already approved the trip. The benefactor insisted I stay as long as necessary."
Penny's heart sank. "How long?"
"Another month at most."
"Ah."
Amy cleared her throat. "And?"
"At any rate, Sudbury is merely four and a half hours north of Toronto which, from what I hear, has a Bata Shoe Museum." There was a pause as Sheldon seemed to gather himself. "I was wondering if perhaps you could join me there once my work's complete?"
The lanky physicist didn't specifically say who he was talking to but everyone's anticipation was on high alert as they looked to Penny.
"I'd love to," the Nebraskan breathed. "Only I need to know in advance so I can save up for it."
"I've negotiated the price of your ticket and lodging into my expenses. Any shoe shopping is solely on you."
"Oh sure, give me the hard part," chuckled Penny.
"I'll send you an itinerary as soon as possible so you can arrange time away from work." His eyes caught the computer clock. "We have to go."
"Love you, Howie," said Bernadette.
"Love you too," he replied.
The rest came together with their 'goodbye's and 'good luck's and a 'take care MP' thrown in for good measure.
Sheldon pursed his lips. "Penny, only my—"
The screen went black.
Raj looked curiously at Sheldon. "'MP'?"
The East Texan scowled and walked away.
xTBBTx
A/N: I blended together the two Neutrino labs since there wasn't as much info on the SNOlab as I'd hoped. Therefore don't take what I'm saying as gospel because she ain't! FYI the IceCube Observatory is in the South Pole and SNOlab is in Northern Ontario.
Issfnalgovearchiveotherdfub2094: Magnetic Monopole Searches, Giorgio Giacomelli
Edtunescom: Three States of Matter by Miss Jenny
Wwwphysikrwthaachende: On the Detection of Subrelativistic Magnetic Monopoles With the IceCube Neutrino Observatory.