さみしかったんだよなぁ… 苦しかったんだよなぁ…

It was lonely, wasn't it...? It hurt, didn't it...!

-Umino Iruka

Wedding dress~

Four years after surgery

"I don't understand why we need to shop around for so long if we're not going to buy one off-the-rack anyway…"

Tsubaki tutted disapprovingly. "We need to know everything before we commission the dress!" she said sternly. "Of course we're not going to buy one off-the-rack, but you need to try on as many as you can so we can make an informed decision when the time comes!"

Kaori folded her arms in front of her chest, suppressing the sigh that threatened to escape. It didn't stem from weariness, however. She liked shopping. The reason she was complaining was because of how damn nervous she was. Logically, it made no sense. Kousei loved her, she knew. More than anything. And he would not stop loving her no matter what happened.

But she could still not keep herself from worrying. What if she messed up during the ceremony? The wedding was in three months, and it was going to be the single most important day of her life. More important than the time she won one of the most important violin competitions in the world in Italy, more important even than the day she practically came back to life after her love's voice beckoned to her. What would she do if she messed up?! She could not stop herself from imagining herself tripping as she walked down the aisle with her father. She would ruin the day for Kousei as well!

Their wedding would be at a church, as opposed to a traditional Japanese ceremony at a shrine, since her family was not Shinto or Buddhist. A traditional Japanese wedding was generally a quiet affair, with only a few choice people in attendance. Even just because of nerves alone, a wedding at a shrine would probably have been a better choice.

A Western wedding was anything but private! She and Kousei were famous all over the world. No doubt there would be dozens – hundreds! – of guests in attendance. The world viewed her as calm and completely in control, and on stage she supposed she was usually composed. But she knew (and Kousei did as well), she was anything but "calm". One look at the way she destroyed centuries-long musical tradition with her chaotic violin was enough to see that! Ohh, what would she do?

"Um… Are you sure we can't have a shrine wedding?" Kaori said.

"What!" said Tsubaki, rounding on her.

Kaori sank like a tortoise in its shell. "Nothing…" she mumbled.

"You are way too nervous, Miss Miyazono!" Tsubaki said. "Look at you! You're quieter than the surface of a pond these days! You're supposed to be happy!"

"I don't think I can ever match your fiery temperament…" said Kaori weakly. "And I am happy… I'm just worried I'll mess up."

She was happy. Oh, she was happy, happier than she had ever been in her entire life. Arima Kousei, the man she had been in love with since they were both so young they could not even begin to comprehend what it meant to love someone, the man who was the reason for her existence, for whom she would sacrifice anything and everything without a moment's consideration and never even look away from long enough to regret any of it, would be tied to her in an ancient, eternal contract. Of course she was happy! In fact, the joy she had been feeling every day since the moment he proposed to her amid those cherry blossoms was so powerful she felt like maybe she had died that day during the surgery and gone straight to heaven. She had no idea how to express so much happiness. But that didn't mean she wasn't nervous!

Tsubaki sighed. Leaving the dress she had been analyzing, she walked over to her friend.

"Listen. Kaori-chan, you're on stage all over the world in front of thousands of people all the time. When have you ever messed up before?"

"I'm not worried about the people attending… Kousei will be there. I don't want to ruin it for him."

"Oh, come on! You really think Kousei will not like anything you do? You have him wrapped around your little finger. I don't know why I was ever in love with him, he's so completely yours. You have nothing to worry about. You could kill a kitten and he wouldn't love you any less. In fact he'd probably be enamored by how beautiful you looked doing it."

Kaori laughed softly. "Yes, he probably would. My dear Kousei."

"That's all he talks about – if you can get him to stop staring into space fantasizing about you for five seconds – how wonderful and perfect you are. Oh, who am I kidding! He's all you talk and think about too! You two are a complete lovey-dovey pair of starry-eyes fools. Don't worry. I cannot imagine what it would take to ruin the day you two will officially belong to each other."

Kaori smiled, the knot in her chest relaxing slightly. "Thank you, Tsubaki."

Tsubaki stuck her tongue out at her. "Come on now, I don't like this dress." She turned away from the dress she had been inspecting – an intricate thing of so many patterns etched into the white that Kaori could not even comprehend it. "I think there was one closer to the door I saw earlier. Let's go try that one on."

Kaori nodded, and Tsubaki dashed off in almost more excitement than Kaori herself felt. The musician shook her head fondly. Sweet, sweet Tsubaki, whom she adored so much, her closest friend after Kousei. She made to follow her, but hesitated, spotting a piece of a couple days' old newspaper on a coffee table that had some chairs around it, looking like it was made to accommodate someone who was accompanying someone shopping here – it seemed like the store knew their customers well, and how long they took to buy anything. Near the top of the newspaper it said Japanese Violinist Miyazono Kaori Announces Engagement. She took a breath, the nervousness threatening to take over again, and hurried after Tsubaki.

How obvious was it that I'm a guy who knows nothing about how girls shop? Very? Okay… Well, due to being Japanese-Canadian at least I know how the actual wedding ceremony works both in traditional Western culture and traditional Japanese culture. That's got to count for something.

As for the guest reviewer who I can't reply to, thank you! (I hope you're serious and not sarcastic, because that would be cruel. ;_;)

Well, I'll see you guys on Thursday. ^_^