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That night, Clarissa was laying in one of the bedrooms of Michael's apartment. LJ offered his up so she could stay there with her son but she tried to say she was fine with sleeping on the couch, something Michael immediately denied. Like he'd ever let her sleep on the couch. Pff. As if.
She couldn't sleep. Her son was laying in her arms, softly snoring as he was fast asleep and she was looking up at the ceiling, not able to catch the sleep she so longed for. She knew it was because Michael was laying in the room next to her, sleeping softly. All she wanted to do, was go over there and curl up in his arms. Clarissa was very sure that she would be able to sleep then. Something told her that all she needed was to be with him, around him.
All she needed was him.
Alas, she couldn't and instead went to the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. She thought she was being quiet but when Lincoln, Michael's brother, sat down next to her. "Hey, I couldn't sleep and heard some movement here. You mind some company?"
"Of course not, Lincoln. Guess I should get to know my brother in law better then,huh?" She asked, offering him a glass of water.
He took it. "I suppose Michael told you, huh?"
"Yeah." She breathed. "Hey, Lincoln, I want to apologize about yesterday. I'm sorry about waving a gun in your face, I shouldn't have done that. I should have listened to you but I didn't. I'd like to explain my side of everything though. Maybe you'll understand better why I did what I did then?"
"You don't need to." He assured her. "If it would make you feel better, you can always share with me. I'll listen."
She smiled and took a deep breath before she started talking. "It starts 7 years ago."
Trigger Warning! Mentions of rape and suicide attempts/thoughts!
"I was in my final semester of Junior Year when I met him." She started. "His name was Léon Madíon, he was a year older and he immediately was one of the cool guys, you know? I was... not a loner but I prefered to be alone in the library with a book in my hands. We talked from time to time, saying hello when we passed each other in the hallways but we were never really friends. That changed at the end of first semester of Senior Year. He started talking to me more and we hung out, I tutored him sometimes and he dropped hints that he'd like to go out with me."
"But you didn't want to go out with him?"
"No, I did. He was it, you know? He was handsome, smart, talented, he had the girls, he talked the talk. He was everything. I just wanted to focus on school before I started focusing on men as well. I wanted to get into a school like Harvard or Yale but I knew I needed to maintain my grades if I wanted that so I focused on that. We did start hanging out more though and after we shared one kiss, we shared more of them. He told me he loved me after a while and that he wanted to go all the way with me. I liked him, I did but I didn't love him so I denied him and told him that I didn't love him. He left raging from anger."
"But he came back." Lincoln guessed.
She nodded. "Oh, he did. He wanted to apologize he said. We had a drink and I started feeling dizzy... I passed out and I woke up hours later in my bed with a huge stain of blood on the sheet between my legs. Sara found me and got me to the hospital. Father came a few hours later and demanded I kept it silent. The day I returned home, father had already pulled me from school and arranged a home teacher for me. He couldn't even look at me for weeks after and even Sara started pulling away a bit but she had other things on her mind. I get it, she had college and her work but father was at home. For more than two months he didn't look at me. It became clear after a few weeks that he hated me and thought I was a disgrace."
"Why do I have the feeling that there will be something horrible?" He asked, looking at the sleeves she was pulling a bit up. "What are those, Clarissa?"
"It's what I did when I became so upset of being ignored. I was hurt, I needed help. I was not in a good place at all. I didn't see myself as a victim at first. The only thing that came to mind was stepping out of life. I had always been handy with a knife so I knew how and where I needed to cut for it to be fatal... Guess I didn't know exactly where after all because I woke up a few days later. Father had kicked me out of the house. I was already done with studying and would be going to Loyola soon. In the hospital I found out I was pregnant. It was then that I started to better my life."
Trigger Warning Over!
"For your son."
She nodded slowly. "For my son. Father bought me my house and kicked me out, didn't look at me for nearly a year but still chose the name 'Edward'. I hate the name, I preferred Lincoln."
"Your son agrees." Lincoln said.
"He does." Clarissa said with a smile. "Tell me, Lincoln, was I a bad person for trying to end my life?"
"No." He immediately responded. "Everyone has more difficult times in their lives and everyone goes at it differently. I got mixed with the wrong people, others become delinquents, others will start acting out, go for pills and others try to end her life. Everyone does it differently. You're not a bad person, Clarissa, and you bettering your life for your child proves that. Why did it cause you to act like you did?"
"I heard later that it was a bet. Léon was quite frankly a nobody that came from a family that had nothing here and I came from a whealthy family. He was dared to bet me and leave me." She chuckled. "So basically he manipulated me, led me to believe he loved me and I did believe him. Michael's last words were I love you and it got my head spinning, I distracted Sara. She didn't do it on her own, it was because of me. You guys were gone the next day."
"You thought-" Lincoln started before a voice interrupted him.
"She thought it was the same as with Léon."