Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Hawking Excitation'; 'The Beta Test Initiation'; 'The Infestation Hypothesis'; 'The Launch Acceleration'
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"Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do," sang Penny as she drove. "So well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop."
"Shop, shop shop," amended Sheldon as he turned to face her. "If you're going to torture me with song at least have the grammar correct."
Penny pumpkin grinned.
"Shoop shoop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop ba-doop badoop."
Sheldon shook his head disgustedly and fixed his gaze out the side window.
"Sorry, Sheldon," Penny burbled. "Just excited is all."
"Your enthusiasm is noted. Not appreciated at present but noted all the same."
"Ah, so you're saying that my enthusiasm is appreciated some times." She took a sip of her Tim Hortons coffee. It was essentially a blonde blend but damn it was good.
"It could be taken as that," he conceded.
"I think it's the only way to take that." She turned to regard her companion as he was all but slumped in his car seat looking out the window. "Sweetie, you wanna take a nap or something?"
"Sleeping on the floor isn't conducive to having good night's rest." He turned his head towards her. "You didn't get out of bed."
"You could of just shoved me out."
"I'll remember that should the occasion recur."
"Why Sheldon, are you saying you could see me in your bed?" Penny teased.
"It's a point of logic. I tell you not to sleep in my bed. You don't listen to what I say. Ergo, there's a possibility I'll one day return from a night of Halo at Koothrappali's to find you, Ms. Goldilocks, nestled in my bed."
"Hard to argue with logic," chuckled Penny.
"Indeed." He stifled a yawn with the back of his hand. "I believe a constitutional is needed." Here Sheldon narrowed his eyes. "No radio and for pity's sake no singing."
"I could always whistle."
He cupped his hands over his ears. "No whistling!"
"Joke, Sheldon, joke! Geez." He removed his hands from the sides of his head. "Not a fan of whistling are ya?"
"It irritates me."
"Ya don't say. Well chum, mum's the word so get some shuteye."
"Wake me when we're nearing Toronto."
"Sure thing, boss. Night night."
"Penny, it's not nighttime."
"Close your eyes and shut your hole before I start singing lullabies," she warned. He obliged and in a few minutes Sheldon was out.
The drive was pleasant as Penny took in the trees, rocks and rivers. From time to time she'd pass a farmer's field and she felt a little tug at her heartstrings. No matter how much she wanted to get away from the farm there was a part of her that would always be Nebraska born and raised.
Outside of a movie shoot she never thought she'd end up in Canada and yet here she was, traveling with the strangest man she'd ever met. There was a part of her that wondered why she was here. Sheldon was her friend but- Here Penny frowned. He was her friend and she thought she wanted more and more importantly believed that he wanted more. The only question was could there be more? Sheldon was so different from her: he was socially awkward, never telling Penny anything concrete about how he felt.
"I'm glad you're here."
Nor could she ever consider him 'romantic'.
Her eyes widened as she took in the pressed snowflake.
"He probably didn't get what it meant," she muttered and then immediately cursed herself. Don't be like everyone else. Sheldon got a lot more than people gave him credit for. He felt, as could be seen with M.O.N.T.E. and he did take a punch in the nose for her. As much as Sheldon was a thinker he was also a doer when it counted.
He never said he liked her romantically.
"But he never said he didn't," she smirked.
The question was whether they should go ahead with their relationship progression.
Sheldon would see it as some kind of experiment.
Penny flew by the seat of her pants.
They'd inevitably drive each other crazy. But until then it'd be kinda fun.
Justin's warning flashed into her head:
"Be sure you want this 'cause you'll fuck him up if you don't."
To give out a Sheldonism Penny knew that she didn't not want this. She snickered. Hanging out with Sheldon had her overthinking things. It was simple: Sheldon and she liked each other and if it's meant to be, it'll be. If not, being friends wasn't anything to frown at. It was a no lose situation.
"I hope," said Penny as she bit her lip.
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"We should have driven here," tsked Sheldon as Penny and he got off the streetcar.
"Sheldon, ya really get to know a city through its transit," she replied.
"Perhaps, but you also increase the chances of catching an illness from tactile or airborne contamination." He pulled out some antibacterial cleaner from his pocket and squeezed a drop on his hands. "Who knows what bacteria Canadians harbor? Your hand." Penny obliged and he squeezed some cleanser on her palm.
"You're just sore because you're not wearing bus pants," she chuckled as she rubbed her hands.
Sheldon pulled out his phone and checked the address for the comic shop. "A point of contention, yes, but a surgical mask would be preferable since I didn't have a travel briefing with my doctor before venturing into a heavily populated area."
"We live outside of L.A.! How much more populated can ya get?"
"Well, Mexico City has a population of-"
"We're not in Mexico City," Penny interjected.
"Of course not. The temperature is much too cool." He slipped his phone into his pocket. "The Silver Snail is on the south side of Queen Street. We'll cross here."
The pair waited until the light turned green and they crossed.
"At least they have some cool clothing shops to look through while ya get all superhero-y on me," Penny said cheerily.
"I'm not a child," sniffed Sheldon. "This is not my first comic book store, thank you very much. I'll just go in there and-oh!" His eyes widened as he saw Thor and Captain America expertly painted on the wall of the upcoming building. Heart pounding, his steps increased and as he neared even more heroes came into view on the front bricks of the store: the Flash and Spectre and Hulk and Spider-Man and Iron Man and countless others.
Penny smirked as they stopped in front of the store so Sheldon could take in the artwork. He barely noticed the click and flash of Penny's phone as she took a picture of her friend.
"There's Bat-Man," she said. "Go stand by him and I'll take a picture." Sheldon veritably bounded over there and stood poker stiff next to the Caped Crusader with Green Lantern hovering just above him for a cherry on top. There was a slight smile on the physicist's face that to Penny made him appear younger than twenty six.
"Enough with the appetizers, now for the entree." Sheldon opened the door and they entered a large area with busts and statues of more comic book, fantasy and spacey things than Penny had names to and the cash to the left. Straight ahead was another room where she could see some comic bins.
"Stuart would be in heaven if his store was like this," she mused. "Hey, who's the guy in the trench coat?"
They walked over to a life-size mannequin in a trench coat and hat who was wearing some kind of stained mask.
"That's Rorschach from the Alan Moore series The Watchmen," said Sheldon. "The inkblot on his mask constantly morphs based on the ambiguous designs used in Rorschach inkblot tests."
"So what's his power?"
"Nothing obvious. He's strong-willed and is of peak-human physical strength with considerable combat skills. What makes him particularly dangerous is his ability to adapt household objects into tools or weapons, such as pepper to blind a police officer. During the series he employs cooking fat, a toilet bowl, a cigarette, a fork and his jacket as weapons."
"Kewlies," said Penny.
"Meemaw can do much the same. She took out a prairie dog with a gravy boat."
"Sounds like my kind of woman. Now go look at your comic book stuff so we can get to Kensington Market before it closes," Penny pressed.
"Actually the Market closes late," said the clerk at the cash wearing a Death's Head t-shirt. "But if you're pressed for time it's just north on Spadina so you can walk there from here."
"I'd rather you stay in the immediate vicinity and we can go to the Market together," said Sheldon.
"Fair enough," agreed Penny. "I'll give you what, a half hour?" Sheldon pursed his lips. "Okay an hour and then we're outta here."
"Deal." And with that Sheldon scampered to the comics room.
"Well at least I'll know where he is," chuckled Penny to the clerk. "It's like taking a kid to a candy store."
"Wait until he realizes there's a second floor," grinned the clerk.
"Oh great," Penny mock-sighed. "Well, if you hear mass amounts of fussing an hour from now it'll just be us trying to leave."
The clerk snorted. "Believe me, I'm used to seeing girlfriends dragging out their fellas. Although to be fair a lot of girls read comics, too, so they often shop together."
"I'm more of a shoe kinda gal."
"You could always combine the two. You know, buy boots and shoes worn by superheroes." The clerk noted Penny's strange look. "Uh, just a suggestion." He looked gratefully at a young man coming towards him with a handful of comic books. "I can help you here!" he said overenthusiastically.
'Wow', mouthed Penny as she exited the shop.
XxX
"Look at all the clothes!" Penny gasped as Sheldon and she entered Kensington Market, which was a series of roadways and shops tucked in west of Spadina. There were racks of clothes on the lawns of historic houses which had been converted into various boutiques.
"I thought you had more than an adequate supply of clothes," said Sheldon as Penny bee-lined to the left and began searching the racks.
"Since when does a girl ever have enough clothes?" she snorted.
"How about when she can't fit them into her closet or dresser and is forced to leave them strewn about her apartment?"
Penny wrinkled her nose. "Well it's a good thing no one around here's like that."
"Your sarcasm is noted."
Penny took out a yellow peasant top with half-sleeves and held it up. "What ya think?"
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "You have a red one like that which you've only worn twice since I've known you."
"Yeah, but I don't have a yellow one."
"How is changing the color going to make you wear it more frequently?"
"Because it's a fun top," said Penny as she continued looking through the rack.
"So the other top is no longer 'fun'?"
"Sheldon, you're a guy with, like, a zillion t-shirts in a hundred different colors. Are you telling me you don't have favorites?"
"Of course I have favorites," Sheldon tutted.
"Well there ya go."
"I don't follow."
Penny took out a purple tank top.
"Too dark," she said and put it back. "What I mean is that you have shirts you wear more often since they're favorites. Well I'm the same."
"Penny, we're not the same in any context," Sheldon said in a condescending tone. Penny stuck out her tongue and continued shopping. "Whereas you pick out clothing according to your heart's desire I have both an order and schedule to my clothing."
"Yeah? Well what do you wear on Fridays?"
"Flash apparel."
"Mondays?"
"Green Lantern Corps. The first Monday of the month is traditional green followed by red, indigo and blue."
A smile came to Penny's face. "What about months where there are five Mondays?"
"That's when I pull out the black one."
Penny paused by the pants rack. "You ever think of wearing jeans?"
Sheldon made a face. "I wore them until I went to university. Eleven years old never came fast enough."
"What's wrong with them?"
"They're hot in summer, cool in winter and are usually of one color," he sniffed.
"But they show off your butt."
"So does a football uniform but I won't wear that, either."
"You're impossible," Penny chuckled.
"Not true," he countered. "For instance you gave me an hour at the comic book shop so I'm reciprocating with an hour here even though I'll be bored out of my mind."
"Why don't you sit on the stairs and read some comics?"
"Comic books and do you even listen to yourself? One, I'd be sitting on stairs where thousands of shoes have traveled. Two, I don't have any forensic gloves with which to handle the comic books. Three-"
"Well, then I guess you're just gonna have to be my fashion advisor and dress up doll," Penny said cheerily and grabbed Sheldon by the wrist and began to drag him up the stairs into the house.
Sheldon noted the name of the business in the window and grunted in agreement.
"'Courage, My Love', indeed," he muttered.
XxX
The elevator doors opened and Penny and Sheldon emerged carrying an assortment of bags from various stores.
"I totally forgot about the exchange rate," gushed Penny as they walked down the hall towards their hotel rooms. "Man, I made a killing."
"If by killing you mean your budget then congratulations," Sheldon replied drolly.
"You know, for someone who yawned his way through dinner you're kinda chippy."
"I believe the term is sarcastic."
"See? I'm rubbing off on you," Penny said, pleased.
"Just as I feared, you're contagious." Sheldon pulled out his passkey and opened his door.
"Well I guess I'll see ya bright and early," Penny said.
"Yes. Goodnight." He closed the door behind him without looking back.
Penny chuckled as she took in the whiteness of his door before going to her room. She dumped her purchases on a chair before going into her suitcase for her vanity bag and pajamas. After changing clothes and washing up she turned down the bedding. There was no point setting an alarm since she was positive Sheldon would wake her up.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"Kinda like that," laughed Penny as she went to open the door to a red plaid pajama and house-coated Sheldon. "'Sup, buttercup?"
"You gave me a garment bag to carry," he said as he held it out for her to take.
"Thanks." She waited for him to go but Sheldon stayed where he was. "Wanna come in?"
"It's an early day tomorrow."
He still didn't move.
"Thanks for Kensington," Penny continued." You were an absolute trooper for staying."
"Never let it be said that I won't 'take one for the team'," Sheldon replied.
"You sure you don't wanna come in?"
"Alright." Sheldon stepped by her into the room.
Now curious, Penny closed her door and followed him to the bed where they both sat.
"Casa Loma doesn't open until ten o'clock so I'll wake you at eight," he said. "It's best if we arrive early since it'll give you adequate time to go through the shoe museum in the afternoon."
"Wow, a castle and a shoe museum. You really know how to treat a girl."
"There are castles in California, Hearst Castle, for instance. Amoroso Winery Castle in Napa Valley. The Mission Inn in Riverside. Castle Hill at the Legoland Resort."
Penny laughed. "Of course you'd pick that one."
"Actually from what I understand Rajesh is smitten with the place."
"That's okay. I'd rather go with you. You talk."
"There's that." Silence. He leaned towards her. "Penny?"
"Yes?" she breathed.
"Have we engaged in adequate chit chat so I can excuse myself for bed?"
She gave a funny smirk. "Yeah. Sure." He nodded and stood up.
"Good night," he said with an awkward smile and departed.
Penny shook her head. "I must be insane."
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"I'm ecstatic you're both back," gushed Amy as Sheldon, Penny and she exited the elevator at their floor. "Now that I have a social life again we'll have to do something soon."
"The first thing I have to do after unpacking is inspect the apartment," said Sheldon. "Leaving Leonard in charge for four months is like asking a chihuahua pup not to soil your home while you spend the day at work."
"He's not that bad," chided Penny as she unlocked her door.
"We'll see," sniffed Sheldon as he opened his door and stepped inside to find Leonard, Raj and an Indian woman with familial similarities to the astrophysicist.
"Hey Sheldon," Leonard said amiably as he sat in his stuffed chair. "Welcome home."
"Thank you," the lanky physicist replied as he slipped off his shoes and sprayed his feet. "Raj, you're in my spot."
"It's true," said Priya to her brother. "It's in the Roommate Agreement."
"And who are we to argue with the Roommate Agreement?" Raj replied enthusiastically as he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
"Indeed," said Sheldon as he gathered his stuff.
Leonard flashed a pumpkin smile but quickly got it under control.
"Listen, I was thinking to celebrate we could have the gang over for some Greek food tomorrow," he said.
"It can't be. Tomorrow is Thai food," amended Sheldon as he crossed through the living room with his baggage.
"Ah yes," said Leonard. "Well, I have something to say about that afterwards. Or more to the point my lawyer does."
Sheldon stopped and turned to eye Priya, who smiled confidently back. With a scowl Sheldon stomped off to his room.
XxX
" So, how was the trip?" pressed Amy as Penny unpacked her suitcase in the bedroom.
"Awesome," grinned Penny. "I shopped and the shoe museum was to die for. There were a couple of Prada shoes I was seriously considering jail for, I wanted them so badly."
"And Sheldon? How did he take your surprise visit?"
"Oh, he complained of course but I think he was pleased to see me," said Penny as she dumped her dirty laundry in the clothes basket. "He took me to the physics lab where he worked." She took out her makeup bag and walked it into her bathroom.
"And?" said Amy as she sat on the corner of the bed.
"Don't get me wrong, it was boring as anything. But." Here Penny stopped to regard her friend. "When I heard Dr. Cooper, not Sheldon, not Dr. C, talking about monopoles this and dark matter that I kept thinking that I am so over my head with this."
"I don't follow. Sheldon knows you're not scientifically inclined."
"It's not that. It's-" Penny sighed. "I don't get how he could be interested in me."
Amy snorted. "Some would wonder how you could be interested in him."
Penny shrugged. "I dunno. I mean he's stubborn and completely anal and yet he's there for me in his own whacked way." She gave Amy a little smile. "He's really okay if you give him a chance."
"And that's why you're an angel, Penny," Amy said matter-of-factly. "You are."
"I suppose." Penny moved her suitcase to the floor and sat on the bed. "You know what was really cool? He told me about his grandfather and how they played with helium balloons. I think he was the first person who 'got' Sheldon."
"Sheldon is unique to be sure," agreed Amy.
"It was nice hearing him open up." Penny smiled. "He said he was glad I was there."
"Which for Sheldon is the equivalent of standing on a mountain top shouting your name to the heavens."
"I wouldn't go that far," chuckled Penny. "But it was nice. Ooo! Speaking of nice, you've gotta see the shoes I picked up. And for only seventy bucks!" Penny darted off the bed to the living room to get her back pack.
"Time to initiate Phase Two of 'Project Gorilla'," Amy murmured to herself before following her friend.
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Amy ran her fingers along the harp strings to warm up. She cleared her throat and began to play.
"I'm a cowboy," she sang. "On a steel horse I ride. I'm wanted-dead or alive. Dead or al-"
Knock Knock Knock "Amy."
Knock Knock Knock "Amy."
Knock Knock Knock "Amy."
"Curious." Amy set her harp on its base and went to the door. She opened it to find Sheldon before her looking quite agitated. "What's wrong, Sheldon?"
"What's wrong?" spat Sheldon. "We had lamb for dinner yesterday and the cereal is out of order and you're interrogating me without asking me in."
"Forgive me." She stood back and Sheldon entered and began pacing in her living room. "You're distressed. Would you like a hot beverage?"
"What I want is a functioning sonic death ray," growled Sheldon. "This is all Penny's fault."
"What is?" Amy said in a soothing voice as she sat on the couch. "Sheldon, start at the beginning."
"March first, two thousand and six. I was coming home with dinner in hand when I first saw Penny unpacking. She-"
"Perhaps not that far. Let's go over the past twenty four hours."
Sheldon stopped pacing and turned to face his friend.
"Leonard got an attorney to look over the Roommate Agreement," seethed Sheldon. "According to her it's 'too vague' and 'subject to interpretation'."
"Hence why we had lamb yesterday," replied Amy.
"Lamb yesterday, disorganized cereal today. Dr. Stephanie and Leonard were sharing a shower which completely violates the-" A series of twitches covered his face as he clamped his mouth shut to control himself.
"Perhaps you could go over the agreement and rectify the situation?"
"Leonard canceled it!"
"Ah."
"All this is Penny's fault! I never would have had a roommate without her insistence and now I have to live with chaos. Four months away from home and what am I returning to?" He shook his head disgustedly. "This past weekend is but a sample of my hell to come."
Amy was shocked. "You mean you didn't have fun with Penny?"
"She took me to clothing stores and we went to a shoe museum. Let me tell you with an eidetic memory I learned more about shoes in two and a half hours than a man has need of."
"That's too bad. Penny was under the impression you were happy to see her."
Sheldon paused. "I wasn't unhappy," he said at last.
Amy raised an eyebrow but chose to ignore his less than forthcoming reply.
"Perhaps we should try another experiment," she said. "This time I'll dip into my neurobiological bag of tricks."
"What, drug Leonard and in his less than lucid state force him to resign the Roommate Agreement?"
"That could work although it does have the down side of being a felony. I was thinking more along the lines of having you loosen up."
"Now that's just crazy talk," scoffed Sheldon.
"Penny had a good time with you outside of the neighbor paradigm," pressed Amy.
Sheldon snorted. "The museum was nirvana for her."
"Actually it was getting to know you better. She liked your talks about your grandfather and was completely 'blown away' by the research facility."
"It's a minor lab."
"It's what it represents. Sheldon, she doesn't see how you could be interested in her."
Sheldon pursed his lips. "You're the one insisting I have 'feelings' for her."
"You haven't exactly been forthcoming with a contrary argument," countered Amy, garnering a glare. "She's seen your other side and she likes it. Go with the flow."
"I've my research."
"I'm not saying you should slack. You keep spouting about balance in the Force. Here's your opportunity to try adding a little randomness to your life. "
Sheldon took a moment to process the idea.
"I still won't eat lamb," he said stiffly.
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"So let me get this straight," said Raj as he looked across the lunch table at a dejected Leonard. "Stephanie gave you glorious make up sex every time you brought up how fast the relationship was going so you thought you'd fix that by questioning why she was having sex with you?"
"Not one of my more brilliant moments," sighed Leonard. He set down his fork and leaned back in his chair. "I mean the sex was great but I just wish she could have slowed things down a little. She was talking living together and, hell, she bought me a duvet."
"Nice," smiled Raj.
"No, not nice," Leonard frowned. "She moved my Bat-signal and there was incense all over the place and-"
"And Leonard was scared because this was his first serious relationship."
"She talked about 'scary good' and I was like, when is scary ever good?" Leonard shrugged. "That's when things got scary."
"You mean that's when she dumped you."
"Yeah." Leonard gave a sad snort. "You know what's stupid? I miss the smell of incense in my room but at the same time I feel like a weight's been lifted."
"I think they call it maturity," Raj said with a smirk. "You might want to try it again sometime if you want an adult relationship."
"Maybe." Leonard sighed again. "What kind of a world is it where Howard has a girlfriend and Sheldon has a sort-of girlfriend and I' m alone?"
"Hel-lo! I'm not exactly tripping over girls here," replied Raj.
"True," Leonard said, brightening. "I guess things could be worse."
"Thanks," snapped Raj.
"Dr. Hofstadter?" said a woman's voice and the two physicists turned to see a pretty Asian woman with long black hair wearing a long-sleeve red top and black slacks.
"Uh, yeah," Leonard stammered. "I mean, yes. Yes?"
"My name's Joyce Kim and I'm a graduate student in engineering," she said. "I was looking over the faculty listings and noticed that you were working on lensless imaging."
"Yes I am. I'm using OPA-driven high-harmonic generation."
"That's awesome." She flashed a smile. "I'd sure love to see what you're doing some time."
"Well, I'm working on it now so if you're not busy I could show you my lab."
"Sounds great," she said brightly.
Leonard got up and the pair of them walked to the exit.
"So what's your area of research?" he asked as he threw out his food and placed the lunch tray on the stack.
"I'm working on resonant curved piezoelectric cantilever fluid diode wings for mass-producible flying microrobots."
"Wow, that's cool."
"It's okay. But between you and me I'd much rather play with rockets," Joyce said wistfully.
"Really?" said Leonard as they walked out of the lunch room.
"I used to build my own rockets," Joyce said.
"Me too!" gushed Leonard and the door closed behind them.
In the dining hall Raj sat with his arms folded across his chest and a scowl on his face.
"Who died and made Leonard a hot stud?" he snapped.
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"Oh great, here comes lover boy," growled Raj to Howard as Leonard and Joyce came into the main room at the Cheesecake Factory.
"Be nice," said Howard. "You never know if she has a sister."
"Hey guys," said Leonard sprightly. "This is Joyce."
"Joyce," nodded Sheldon. "Dr. Hofstadter."
"Sheldon, not now," sighed Leonard as both Joyce and he sat.
"I'm sorry, but you dissolved the Roommate Agreement including the Friendship Clause thus making us nothing more than roommates with nothing in common save our living arrangements," Sheldon said casually as he flipped through the menu.
"You mean aside from working at the same place, shopping at the same comic book store, eating at the same restaurants and playing the same video games," said Raj. "You're right, you don't have anything in common."
"Perhaps we'll discuss the Roommate Agreement at another time," said Amy to smooth the situation. "After all we have a guest."
"Which we would have known about earlier had someone followed protocol," sniffed Sheldon.
"But we're past that now," Amy insisted. Sheldon's mouth pursed as he did his best to stop his lips from twitching.
"Hey guys," said Penny as she arrived at the table with drinks. She noted Joyce and Leonard. "Didn't think you were gonna make it," she said to the physicist.
"Joyce and I were late at the lab," Leonard said.
"Okay well I know you want a diet coke," Penny scribbled on her pad. "And you?" she said to Joyce.
"I'll have a ginger ale, no ice," said Joyce.
"Great. Well I'll let the two of you go through the menu while I grab the rest of the gang." Penny smirked at Sheldon. "And what would you like, kind sir?"
Sheldon closed the menu. "I'll have the barbecue bacon cheeseburger."
"I'll make sure they put it in the right order this time," Penny added as she wrote.
"That's not necessary," Sheldon said. Penny almost broke the lead on her pencil even as Sheldon glanced at Amy for support. The neurobiologist gave a slight nod. "Go nuts with it," he said as he handed Penny the menu.
"Uh, sure," she said.
"I'll take the pork chop and baked potato," said Howard as he got up from the table. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to say hello to Bernie."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?" he asked Sheldon.
"I'll have fish and chips," said Raj to Penny.
"Nothing," said Sheldon. "I'm just broadening my horizons."
"Veggie burger for me with salad on the side," said Amy. "Light Italian dressing."
"Sounds good. I'll be right back," said Penny and departed.
"Perhaps afterwards we can play Halo," continued Sheldon.
Raj looked incredulously at Leonard before turning to Sheldon. "But tomorrow's Halo night," he gasped.
"No," amended Sheldon. "Wednesday just happens to be the day we play Halo." His mouth twitched and he took a sip of lemonade.
Amy could feel Sheldon's unease and sought to change the subject.
"Well I have to call it an early night if I'm to be fresh for the next phase of the addiction study. We're switching from menthol to regular cigarettes to see if the consumption level drops."
"Fascinating," Leonard said as he kept staring at his roommate.
XxX
"Maybe tomorrow we can play Zork II," said Sheldon as he tossed out the potato chip and pretzel bags.
"But that's a vintage game," said Leonard who had paused as he gathered the glasses on the coffee table.
"Yes, it is," Sheldon said enthusiastically. "Made in nineteen eighty it's erroneously thought to be a sequel to Zork I when in fact it-" He stopped short and a twitchy smile came to his face. "We'll talk more about it tomorrow."
Leonard stood straight and folded his arms across his chest.
"Okay Sheldon, what's going on?" he said with a scowl.
Sheldon turned away from his roommate to stare at his fecal chart on the refrigerator.
"I don't know what you mean," he said innocently although Leonard could see a tic nearly close his right eye.
"You'd rather give up a kidney than move Halo night," said Leonard.
"You're exaggerating."
"What about the hamburger? 'Go nuts with it'?"
"Dr. Hofstadter, I've ordered the hamburger a plethora of times and haven't been poisoned. I didn't die tonight." Sheldon gave a hard blink. "Although I would have preferred the cheese on top of the bacon"-his upper lip crunched as his nose twitched-"and a little less barbecue sauce"-his hands began to clench repeatedly-"and perhaps the patty better centered on my bun but that doesn't mean my dinner was ruined."
"Sheldon-"
"Now if you'll excuse me it's time for my shower," said Sheldon who then dashed to his bedroom.
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The elevator doors opened and Leonard and Joyce exited onto his floor.
"This was fun," he said cheerily. "Dinner. A movie."
"Yes, who knew a documentary on dams could be so-long," Joyce said diplomatically.
"Well to be fair there's a lot of dams so three hours barely touches the whole debate." Leonard pulled out his keys and paused. Sheldon had been acting weird for days with his 'Dr. Hofstadter this' and constant reminder of how things used to be under the Roommate Agreement.
"Maybe we should go get a coffee or something?" he said and then felt what seemed to be an electric jolt as Joyce's hand began rubbing his lower back.
"Surely we can have something here." She leaned in so her breath tickled Leonard's ear. "Besides, I really want to see your model rocket."
"Actually I have several rockets," said Leonard as he unlocked the door. "Wait until you see the latest. I-"
He stopped dead as he saw Sheldon standing before a video camera wearing Bavarian lederhosen, knee high socks and a dark hat with a feather in it.
"Guten Tag, das YouTube," said Sheldon. "Ich bin ein Bavarian. Und dis is Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun Mit Flags."
Leonard quickly closed the door although he made sure not to make a sound.
"What?" asked Joyce.
"I don't think now's a good time," he said diplomatically.
xTBBTx
Sheldon sat at his computer desk typing away when his phone buzzed. He picked it up to see he had a text:
Penny: I need to see u now.
"Goodbye English language," Sheldon said with a shake of the head.
He got up and went to the door. Automatically he kicked off his house slippers for his hallway ones before his conversation with Amy came to mind.
"Loosen up, Dr. C," he breathed and put his house slippers back on and opened the door. He took a breath and then strode with purpose to Penny's door.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"Door's open, Sheldon," she called.
"You realize I could be anyone," he tsked as he entered and closed the door.
"Trust me, no one could be you," Penny said diplomatically as she sat in what Sheldon noticed was a new red lazyboy chair.
"Where's my chair?" he asked as he looked around the apartment.
"In the bedroom. I got something better." She got out of her seat and gave a Price Is Right 'ta-da' gesture with her hands.
"We'll see about that." Sheldon walked over to the chair and inspected it from all sides before carefully seating himself. Immediately he smiled. "My, this is a comfy chair."
"I know," said Penny as she settled herself on the couch. "Now that you're okay I just want to know if you're, well, okay?"
Sheldon cocked his head. "Why are you asking?"
Penny thought over what Leonard had said about Sheldon playing dress up. The experimental physicist was concerned but as 'just a roommate' he felt he couldn't broach the subject with Sheldon.
"You seem weird lately," she said. Immediately Sheldon was serious.
"In what way?"
"I dunno. You freaked me out with the hamburger thing."
"Penny, it's just a hamburger," Sheldon scoffed although his hands involuntarily twitched.
"See? There you go again!" Penny sat at the edge of the couch. "That's so not like you. And you keep twitching so don't tell me this isn't bothering you." Sheldon turned away to look out her window. "Sheldon, what's wrong?"
"I wholeheartedly approve of this chair," he said amiably. "It aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx-"
"Sheldon."
"-balances the buttocks." He squirmed his butt into the cushion. "Where did you get it? Home Sense?"
"On the curb."
"Never heard of the place."
Penny snorted. "No, on the street curb."
The smile vanished from Sheldon's face.
"What?" he said in a strangled voice.
"It was just sitting on the street and I thought, 'wow, it'd be great in my-'"
"Good Lord!" Sheldon screeched and bolted from the chair. "From the street?!" He kicked off his slippers and frantically undid his belt and let his pants fall to the floor.
"Sheldon it's okay," Penny said as the physicist stripped out of his shirts and raced to her washroom. She heard her shower turn on.
"Eh, maybe he's okay after all," she shrugged.
XxX
Penny finished putting away her dishes from the drain rack as Sheldon came into the living room with a towel around his waist. Immediately the Nebraskan was in shock as she took in his skin's redness and the obvious nail marks from where he had scrubbed.
"Holy shit, Sheldon!" she gasped. "You're a lobster!"
"I had to get clean," he replied as he glared at the chair. "That has to go."
"It's a perfectly good chair," Penny countered with a frown. "You said so yourself."
"No, what I meant to say is that it's comfortable for a disease ridden death trap. Now get rid of it."
"No," she said firmly and sat in the chair.
"What are you doing?" gasped Sheldon.
"Taking a stand-metaphorically speaking."
"Terrific. Now you're contaminated."
"No I'm not. I've been sitting in it all afternoon and-" Penny winced. "There's nothing wrong with-ouch!" She jumped off the chair. Immediately a mouse-sized bump scurried under the cushion cover.
Sheldon and Penny screamed and darted out of the apartment. The physicist tried to open his door but it was locked so Penny and he continued down the stairs.
As they hit the first floor Penny began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" gasped Sheldon as he tried to catch his breath. "Your apartment's infested."
"Yeah but the look on your face," she giggled. "You weren't exactly stoic."
"Neither were you," Sheldon huffed.
"Yeah but I'm not standing in the lobby wearing nothing but a towel."
Sheldon blanched and his hand instinctively went to cover his privates. Just then the elevator doors opened and out came Mrs. Vartabedian.
"Good evening, Penny," she said with a smile on her face. "Dr. Cooper."
"Mrs. Vartabedian," Sheldon mumbled, his cheeks crimson as he darted inside the elevator. Penny followed and the doors closed.
"I thought you were the Flash on Fridays?" she said to ease the tension.
"Not funny," Sheldon said stiffly as he pressed the button for the fourth floor.
"Cheer up, buttercup," Penny soothed.
"You're not the one standing nearly naked in an elevator."
"True." Penny glanced at Sheldon's pale skin and perfectly perky nipples that were neither too big or too sm- She closed her eyes to quash the thought, albeit unsuccessfully.
The elevator stopped at their floor and they got out.
"Well, better get that thing to the curb," sighed Penny.
"I'll give you a hand," Sheldon replied.
"Really?"
"I have a hazmat suit for emergency purposes."
The door to 4A opened to reveal a puzzled Leonard.
"What's going on?" he asked. "I heard screaming but-"
"Close the door before it spreads!" shouted Sheldon before knocking Leonard into the apartment and closing and locking the door behind them.
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Rorschach
Shoop: Salt n Pepa
Wanted Dead or Alive: Bon Jovi