Reference to and Dialogue from: 'The 21-Second Excitation'; 'The Boyfriend Complexity'; 'The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition'; 'The Thanksgiving Decoupling'; 'The Irish Pub Formulation'; 'The Lunar Excitation'; 'The Prestidigitation Approximation'
xTBBTx
"Knock, knock," said Sheldon as Leonard and he mounted the stairs.
"Who's there?" sighed Leonard.
"Hugh."
"Hugh who?"
"Hugh listen to me, we're playing Aztec Challenge and that's final," the lanky physicist said firmly.
"Raj texted that he was going over to Howard for a fish brisket and he was a little queasy last time he had it. I don't know if he'll be able to handle the piranha pit."
"Life is full of peril, Leonard," sniffed Sheldon as he dug his keys from his pocket. "And as we know, fear is for the fearful."
"I just don't want fearful throwing up a brisket in our living room," said Leonard as they arrived at their floor.
Penny's door opened and an older man wearing a blue cotton work shirt and jeans exited followed by Penny.
"Hey Penny," said Leonard.
"Hi!" she said overenthusiastically before locking her door.
Leonard felt the older man scrutinize him.
"Are you Sheldon?" the man asked.
"No, I'm Leonard. He's Sheldon."
The man visibly relaxed.
"Good to meet you, son," the man said as he offered his hand. Sheldon paused and looked to Penny, who mouthed 'dad'.
They shook hands.
"You must be Penny's father," Sheldon said evenly.
"Call me Wyatt," the man smiled. "Penny's told her mother all about you."
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"Yeah, she said you're a physicist at the university. Impressive stuff."
"Of course it is or else I wouldn't be doing it."
Wyatt turned to Penny with a smile. "He's sure of himself. Nice to see it's for something other than entering beer pong into the Olympics. Which boyfriend of yours was that?"
"Curtis," Penny said stiffly. "Anyways, I'm hungry so if we're gonna-"
"Penny and I are going to the Outback for a good steak," said Wyatt. "Want to come?"
"A 'good steak' and Outback Steakhouse aren't synonymous," Sheldon replied.
"He's from Texas," Penny explained.
"A football man, huh?" grinned Wyatt.
"Not-" Sheldon began before he was cut off by Penny.
"-as much as hockey, I know!" she said desperately. Sheldon gave her a 'wtf' look and she shrugged.
"Can't say I'm much into hockey," said Wyatt. "Still, you must watch a little football?"
"I watched it with my father," said Sheldon.
"Say, since I'm here for the weekend, what ya doing on Sunday?"
"Sunday is train day followed by an afternoon constitutional."
"So nothing going on?"
Sheldon glanced at Penny before nodding. "The afternoon is unstructured, yes."
"Terrific," Wyatt said enthusiastically. "We can watch the game. Have a few beers."
"Alright," said Sheldon. "What game?"
Wyatt paused. "You're joking, right?"
Penny pulled her dad to the stairs. "Sheldon's a kidder alright," she gushed. "Later, guys!"
Once father and daughter were around the corner Sheldon and Leonard looked at each other.
"Wanna borrow my jersey?" offered Leonard with a toothy grin.
Sheldon rolled his eyes.
xTBBTx
Sheldon was in the laundry room separating his clothes into particular machines. Eight fifteen hadn't come soon enough. He hadn't slept well last night; as soon as he got comfortable and began mentally counting Meemaw's cookies on the pan the memory of an eight year old Sheldon sitting stiffly on the couch watching football with his dad came to the forefront and woke him up.
It had been twelve years since his father had died. Sheldon always found it ironic that he missed his dad even though there were a lot of things George did that he didn't like. When Sheldon wanted a centrifuge he got a dirt bike. When he wanted to do his homework, he was forced to watch football.
When George drank his parents fought.
To this day Sheldon remembered hiding in his room with his hands over his ears as George and Mary shouted at each other while the man was skeet shooting her collector plates off the roof.
Sheldon inserted his coins into the laundry machines and started them. He took one of the folding chairs and wiped it down with an antibacterial cloth before sitting. A frown came to his face and he shook his head. Penny's dad was not as rough and tumble as George but Wyatt was a beer-guzzling, football-watching farmer. Salt of the earth. What could Sheldon and he talk about for an entire afternoon? If it were about trains the physicist would have no problem, but football?
His stomach clenched at a worse thought.
What if Wyatt asked about Penny and Sheldon's relationship?
It meant Sheldon would have to lie and like hell was he about to undergo another colonoscopy. He knew that a lie worked best when it was detailed so as to make it unravelable. That meant he'd have to spend the evening working on it as opposed to working on his Lego Deathstar. He pursed his lips. Again Penny shattered his routine. Again he was forced to go beyond himself for her. For 'friendship' or whatever it was called when-her soft lips pressing his mouth-one had to lie for another.
"This is ridiculous," Sheldon growled and pulled out his phone and texted Penny.
SCooper: I can't meet with your father on Sunday.
A moment and then:
Penny: Y not?
SCooper: I can't lie about us for an entire afternoon.
Penny: Yes u can!
SCooper: No I can't. I'm not a liar.
Penny: Is there some way we can make this not a lie?
Penny: Scrap that. I don't want u doing something uncomfortable.
SCooper: So you'll tell your father we're not dating.
Penny: On Monday. At the airport. Thanx 4 trying.
Sheldon sat back in his chair and thought.
XxX
"So you're sure your mom will like the purse?" asked Wyatt as he clicked off the television.
"She'll love it," Penny assured him. "You know she's into this hipster stuff and the bag is made in Tibet so how can ya go wrong? Besides she loves coppers and reds and mustard."
"I'll defer to your judgment," he chuckled. "What say I make us some bacon and eggs tomorrow?"
"That would mean I have bacon. Or eggs," Penny smirked. "How about we go for pancakes? There's this awesome breakfast place nearby."
"You got a deal."
"Great." She stretched, her sleep camisole exposing her belly button. "Well, I guess we should-"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Wyatt looked at Penny strangely.
"That's Sheldon's secret knock," she said hastily before opening the door. "What's up, buttercup?"
"I have a document for you to sign," the physicist said and handed her a clipboard and pen.
"What's this?" she asked.
"Something that will fix our problem for tomorrow," he said evenly. She quickly signed and he flipped the page. "Now your copy."
"We still on for tomorrow?" asked Wyatt.
Penny looked at Sheldon who gave a slight nod.
"Of course you are," she said happily.
"O-kay. Just that Sheldon said something about tomorrow and-"
"No, no. He just wanted me to witness something for work."
Sheldon raised an eyebrow and mouthed 'liar liar'. Penny stuck out her tongue and passed back the clipboard and pen. The physicist handed her a copy.
"For your records," he said.
"Okie dokie."
"Well, I'll let you kids say goodnight," chuckled Wyatt as he got off the couch.
Penny and Sheldon stared awkwardly at each other before Sheldon stuck out a hand. Penny gently pushed it down and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
"Thank you," she whispered near his ear.
For his part Sheldon nodded before giving Wyatt a twitchy smile and departed.
"Kind of a serious fellow," Wyatt said as Penny closed the door.
"He loosens up when ya get to know him," she countered.
"Pen, I'm not quibbling. It's nice seeing you date someone who takes life seriously." Here he chuckled. "I mean the only other guy who gave me a serious talk was Donnie with his pig poop biofuel."
"Drop it dad," Penny said quickly.
"Just sayin' honey, it's nice," Wyatt said with a disarming smile. "No neck tattoos or outstanding warrants or children from multiple women. Ya did good, kiddo."
"Sheldon's once in a lifetime," she agreed before crossing over and giving her dad a kiss on the cheek. "'Night dad."
"Breakfast at eight tomorrow." Penny groaned. "None of this noon wakeup, missy," chuckled Wyatt. "'Night." He went into Penny's bedroom and closed the door.
Penny grabbed her comforter and pillow and got her couch ready for bed. A thought came to her and she went to her shelf where she had stuck Sheldon's paper. She hadn't had time to read it. Penny chuckled. God knows what I signed.
Her eyes scanned the page and widened.
Abbreviated Relationship Agreement
This is a binding covenant that enumerates the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and-
"Good grief," Penny grinned.
xTBBTx
"How do you not make a first down there?" Wyatt growled at the television before taking a slug of beer from the bottle.
"They passed against a nickel defense," replied Sheldon. "They should have run it off-tackle."
Wyatt grinned and sat back in Leonard's stuffed chair. "You really know your stuff."
"Thanks to time spent with my father watching games and an eidetic memory."
"A what?"
"I don't forget things."
"Oh really?" Wyatt thought for a moment. "You remember that Thanksgiving game when it snowed in Dallas?"
"Nineteen ninety three. Leon Lett blew the game in the final seconds and the Dolphins emerged victorious. Then I finally got to do my calculus."
"Damn, you're a keeper," Wyatt said and took another sip of beer. "So how did you meet Pen?"
A twitch came to Sheldon's face.
"I was at Pasadena's most popular Irish watering hole, Lucky Baldwin's, talking with the fun loving but morally loose, Miss Maggie McGeary," he said carefully. "She spends her nights there tending bar, with a head full of curls and a heart full of dreams." Wyatt turned to him with a strange look. "Penny bumped into me at the bar, spilling her drink on my shirt," Sheldon added. "I still have the shirt, if you'd like to see the stain."
"Huh," replied Wyatt. "Kinda funny ya met there since you live across the hall. I would have thought you'd meet at the mailbox or laundry room."
"Yes, one would think," said Sheldon who gave a nervous closed mouth Joker grin before taking a sip from his bottled water.
"Looks like Dallas is really running the ground game."
"Actually, the defense is showing blitz. I'd throw a quick slant to a wideout," said Sheldon.
They watched the play and sure enough the wideout received the pass and rumbled his way down the field.
"First down!" cheered Wyatt who finished off his beer. "Time to reload." He got up and went to the refrigerator. "Want a beer?"
"I'm on medication," Sheldon replied.
"Then I'll drink for the both of us." Wyatt twisted the cap and sat down. He took a swig of beer and sighed his satisfaction. "You're alright, son. I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is to know that you're dating Pen. She's always dated trash and when she said she was dating a doctor I assumed that 'doctor' was the street name for drug dealer." Wyatt raised an eyebrow at Sheldon. "You are definitely not a drug dealer."
"My mother told me to abstain from drugs," said Sheldon. "I don't even drink coffee."
Wyatt chuckled. "I really thought that Kurt was going to be the best she could do."
"Kurt is a few branches short on the evolutionary tree," Sheldon said crisply.
"You've met?"
"Three times. He had Penny's television and owed a sum of money."
Wyatt grunted. "I'll have to head over and collect before I go."
"No need. I secured both," said Sheldon.
"How'd you do that? Gunpoint?"
"It was just a matter of informing him that these could very easily become police matters if he didn't cooperate."
"You're lucky he didn't decide to do away with you and dispose of the body," chuckled Wyatt.
"That hadn't occurred to me at the time," Sheldon shrugged.
"Yeah, I did a lot of stupid things when I liked a gal."
Wyatt held out his beer bottle and Sheldon clinked it with his water bottle.
xTBBTx
Sheldon couldn't believe he'd forgotten. Obviously the stress of his afternoon with Wyatt distracted him because everything was out of sorts from his bowel movement to the extra time he had to brush his teeth because he'd mistimed the three seconds he took on each tooth.
He finished washing his hands and dried them on his Monday towel. This was not the way to start the work week. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water before reaching into his pocket and pulled out a prescription bottle. With a pop he opened it and took out a white caplet and stared at it a moment before placing it in his mouth.
At that moment the door opened and Penny burst in.
"Okay, what did you do!" she asked excitedly as he turned his back and put the cap on the bottle and shoved it into his pocket. He scooped up the glass of water and held up a finger as he took a swallow.
"What do you mean?" he asked as he set the glass on the counter.
"My dad called you 'son'. He doesn't call my brother that." She sprayed her brown slippers and marched across the room. "So I'm asking you again, what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything per se. We watched football and conversed." He made to move by her but Penny got in his path.
"Nuh uh. Details."
"Fine," sighed Sheldon. "We discussed football, how we met, how you have a history of dating unsavory men, how-"
Penny's jaw dropped. "Oh my God you didn't say anything did you?"
"I didn't think there was anything to say," he said as a twitch moved his lips.
"What did you say?" She lightly poked his chest.
"I merely agreed." She poked him again. "Stop that."
"Quit squirming and just tell me." She poked him a couple more times and he moved backwards into the refrigerator.
"This is assault!"
"Tell me." She poked his side and he flinched and in that moment she recognized a ticklish spot. She smiled wickedly and Sheldon tried to move aside but he was too late to stop her fingers from tickling his sides.
"Penny!" he giggled. "Stop that!"
"Not until you tell me what you said!"
"I just...said that Kurt...was a Neanderthal. ...And your dad said...he was the best of the lot."
Penny growled, both playful and embarrassed, and doubled her tickling efforts. She used her body as best she could to block him but Sheldon was bigger and determined to pass. He squeezed by and she grabbed at his housecoat and in the short tussle a clatter was heard as something hit the floor. She reached down and picked up a bottle of pills, barely having time to read the label before Sheldon ripped it out of her hand.
She blanched as she saw a flash of anger on his face. "Sheldon I-"
"Not a word!" he hissed and a moment later the apartment door opened and Wyatt entered wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.
"Morning son," he said brightly. "Did you ask him about the coffee?" he said to Penny.
"Uh, yeah," she said weakly and turned to Sheldon.
"I'll put some on," he said matter-of-factly and went to the cupboard. "I'm unsure as to the amount needed so I'll make a full pot."
"Great. I'm gonna rustle up some bacon and eggs which we bought yesterday since my daughter doesn't believe in a hearty breakfast," Wyatt quipped. "Would you like some?"
"Today is oatmeal day," Sheldon replied.
"Alright. Penny?"
"Just eggs. I'm vegetarian, remember?"
"Penny, eggs come from chickens," Sheldon said as he put measured teaspoons of coffee into the filter.
"Grew up on a farm, Sheldon," she replied crisply. "Dad knows what I mean."
"I hardly understand why. You eat chicken and turkey without qualm and if I'm not mistaken-which I'm not-I believe I've seen you eat steak. To say you're vegetarian is to say that Rambo is a pacifist."
"It's the thought that counts," grumbled Penny.
"Tell that to the chicken," shrugged Sheldon.
"You know, I don't need this douchiness right now."
"How am I being a douche? I'm merely stating my observations. You live in a world of contradictions where eating meat can be considered vegetarian." He put the filter in the coffee maker and took up the pot. "Perhaps if you bothered to read something other than the Enquirer you'd educate yourself on the world around you."
"What did you just say?!" Penny snapped.
"I said-"
"I know what you said!"
"Then why di-"
"Because I can't believe you'd be such a damn jackass to say something like that!" Penny said loudly. "Yeah, you've got your fancy degrees, whoop dee doop." Here Sheldon's face twitched. "You freak out like germs are gonna kill you, which is just stupid."
"Do you know how many people die from infection each year?" Sheldon said icily.
"I don't care! Now get your head out of your own ass and get out there and live life for fuck's sake instead of hiding from it!"
Sheldon and Penny scowled at each other before she marched out of the apartment.
"She's feisty like her Grandma," Wyatt said "A hair trigger away from getting it on."
"So I've noticed." Sheldon said matter-of-factly.
"Just don't give up on her," Wyatt said seriously.
"How can I give up when we aren't-" Sheldon clamped his mouth shut.
Both men looked at each other.
"You're not really dating are you?" Wyatt said.
"I have a signed document that says otherwise," countered Sheldon.
Wyatt smiled grimly. "And I know hooey when I hear it." He shook his head. "Damn. I was really hoping she'd picked someone decent. That she'd finally grown the hell up and quit being-"
"It's not Penny," Sheldon said quickly. He cleared his throat. "It's me."
"Son, I don't pry and I'm not gonna now."
"Thank you."
"Although any time ya wanna get over what you're going through and date my daughter that's okay too," Wyatt said lightly. "Just throwing that out there."
"Our friendship is tenuous at best. I can't see that altering our paradigm would improve things."
"Yeah, maybe you're too different for your own good," sighed Wyatt. "I mean it's a wonder a guy like you sees anything worthwhile in Penny."
"She has a lot of redeeming qualities," Sheldon countered with a frown. "She's amiable, loyal, physically capable, empathetic, kind, at times amusing, gentle-"
"You know how nice it is having a guy say my daughter's kind and capable instead of a nice piece of ass?" Wyatt interjected.
"She is aesthetically pleasing," Sheldon admitted. "But that's not what makes her Penny."
"Sounds to me like you two are just fine," Wyatt said before exiting to get dressed.
Sheldon pondered a moment and then went to the cupboard for his oatmeal.
XxX
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"It's open," came her reply.
Sheldon entered to find Penny on the couch reading a book. He waited patiently as she turned the page.
"I can return later," he said and Penny raised her finger. A moment more and then she put in a bookmark and closed the book before tossing it on the coffee table. Sheldon eyed the cover, 'Two Weeks to Rock Hard Abs'.
"What do you want?" she asked. "Besides give me an apology."
"You?" he gasped. "You assaulted me."
"You called me stupid."
"I did not."
"'If yuh read somethin' other than the Enquirer yuh'd educate yuhrself on the world around yuh,'" she mimicked, emphasizing the Texas twang.
"It was an observation not a slight," Sheldon said with a frown.
Penny pursed her lips. "I'm not schooled like you but that doesn't mean I don't know things. They're just different than what you know."
"Penny, there's little that I don't know."
"Okay genius, so why did you kiss me if you only want to be friends?"
Silence.
With a sigh Penny got off the couch and approached him.
"Sometimes observations can suck, huh?" she said.
"Noted," he replied quietly. "I apologize."
"I also owe you an apology. I shouldn't have tickled you."
"Apology accepted." A moment and then he cleared his throat. "I have some papers for you to sign."
Penny cocked her head. "Sheldon, what's wrong?"
"Are you going to sign these?" he said crisply as he held up the clipboard.
"Not unless you tell me what's bothering you. Is it the pills or that I touched you or-"
"How ironic that one permits the other," he snorted disgustedly.
"I don't understand."
"While I was at the-when I was unwell the doctor prescribed medication to address my...condition," he said. His brows furrowed. "I don't want to take them but I promised my mother I would."
"The side effects are bad?" Penny asked gently.
"Fatigue mostly although I've noticed a minor impairment in my memory recall. At times I find myself...unsure." He pursed his lips. "It might be treating symptoms but aside from that I have no idea what it might be doing to my brain."
"Well I haven't noticed anything weird aside from the fact you're hiding yourself away again."
"I lied to my mother," he said quietly. "I'd stopped taking my medication." Here he lowered his gaze to the floor. "The resulting level of anxiety was unbearable."
"So you're back on?"
"I'm homo novus," he said coldly. "I shouldn't need medication."
"But you're back on it," Penny pressed.
"Yes I'm back on it, no thanks to you." His eyes met her gaze. "You ruined me."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Sheldon, you're not ruined. Lots of people take medication for things."
"I don't."
"Well ya do now and like you said the anxiety's gone down."
"I never had anxiety before this," he said with a scowl. Penny gave him a raised eyebrow 'yeah right' look. "Much," he added.
"You have to weigh the good with the bad," she said with a grim smile. "That's life, Sheldon." He looked unconvinced. "We're friend, right?"
"Yes."
"And Leonard and Amy? Friends too?"
"Your point?" Sheldon said with a twitchy mouth.
"My point is that if you'd never turned around and said hello there'd be none of us in your life. No comic book Wednesdays or that weird game you play with Amy or paintball with Howard and Raj," said Penny.
"But I wouldn't be on medication either," Sheldon pointed out.
"It is what it is, kiddo." Her face became serious. "You're not having problems thinking about your physics stuff are you?"
"I was out of sorts during the first five weeks due to a myriad of side effects including nausea, insomnia and an overall malaise, although to be fair they could also have been the aftereffects of my...of the incident," Sheldon replied. "I did manage to solve my graphene problem at Meemaw's while baking cookies."
"Give the meds a fair shake," Penny said simply.
"Don't tell anyone about this," he said after a moment.
"Zippo. Although it's nothing to be ashamed of." She lightly touched his arm. "Hey." Sheldon looked up. "You're still Dr. C. That won't ever change."
He nodded in relief and held out the clipboard.
"What's this?" Penny asked as she took it.
"The dissolution of our Relationship Agreement. Since your father's gone we can repeal the Agreement," he said, his voice back to its confident self.
"Thanks again for that," she said as she haphazardly glanced at the document before signing at the bottom of both pages. "Okay, that's that. So, do I get fifty percent of your comic books?" she asked lightly as she handed back the clipboard.
"Hardly," he sniffed. "We were dating, not married." He affixed his own signature to the documents.
"Eh, potato potAHto." She grinned. "I at least get your Green Lantern shirt."
"Why?"
"A memento of our undying love," she said with the back of her hand to her forehead.
"I believe the wrong person in this relationship is medicated," he mumbled as he handed Penny her copy.
xTBBTx
"So anyways, Dad said that Dr C's some kind of football guru, which totally blew me away since I tried to get him to a Cornhuskers party and he refused to go," said Penny as she sat on a bench in a concrete clubhouse tying her high top sneakers.
"Then why'd he watch with your dad?" Ben asked as he put on a checkered long sleeve shirt.
"Oh. That's because I'd told my Dad that we were going out and Sheldon completely bailed my ass."
"So you're not going out with him?"
"We're just friends," Penny confirmed and stood to put on a jeans jacket.
"Maybe it's a sign you need to be dating someone," suggested Ben.
"I guess." Penny shrugged. "Haven't really been out there in a while."
Ben raised an eyebrow. "Burned or nothing interesting?"
"Option C."
"Which is?"
"Complicated," Penny said seriously.
"Ah. So does complicated mean we can't go for dinner after we wrap?" Ben asked slowly.
"As long as you're No Agenda Man we can."
"I promise to let you pay for your own food," Ben said with a smile. "If you want it to be less of a date you can pay for mine, too."
"Gee thanks," Penny said and stuck out her tongue.
Alex opened the door. "Okay, we're ready."
Ben clapped his hands enthusiastically. "Time to blow shit up."
Penny put her goggles on. "'If it bleeds we can kill it'," she agreed.
Ben was impressed. "Predator?"
"Where the hell did that come from?" gasped Penny.
xTBBTx
"Howard, check the equatorial mount on the laser," said Sheldon as he made a note on the clipboard.
"I've already checked and rechecked," snapped Howard. "I'm an engineer. I know how to mount a laser on a tripod."
"And one would expect know how to flush a toilet but as we've witnessed when your mother's meatloaf attached itself to my ceiling that's not necessarily the case."
Leonard looked up from the computer and control panel.
"Howard, better do as he says. He's only going to get grumpier."
"Whatever," growled Howard as he stomped across the roof to the laser. "This would be so much easier if Penny was here to distract him."
"Actually it's been a while since I've seen Penny," said Raj as he checked over the photomultiplier. "I miss our talks."
"Since when did you talk to her?" asked Howard.
"We talked plenty of times," Raj said defensively. "Mind you I was drinking and don't remember everything we said but nevertheless it meant a lot to me."
"Yes, well, Penny has a career now so we've got to respect her new responsibilities," said Leonard.
"She has a gig, hardly a 'career'," Sheldon said distractedly. "She still works the evening shift at the Cheesecake Factory."
"Well she doesn't tonight," Leonard snapped. "In fact I invited her to see this and she said yes."
Sheldon crossed to the control panel and clicked a few buttons.
"What she says doesn't reflect our current situation as she's not here," he countered.
As if to mock him the sound of Penny's high pitched laugh echoed in the stairwell along with a man's chuckle. Leonard turned to Sheldon but the lanky physicist continued to stare intensely at the computer monitor.
"You're whacked," giggled Penny as she stepped onto the roof followed by her companion.
"Hey Penny," smiled Leonard. "Glad you could make it."
"Yeah, sorry we're late. Ben had to finish filling a blow up doll with green gel and, well, you'll have to see it when it airs."
"Actually gels work wonders," said Howard. "You can warm it while it's in the doll."
"You must be Howard," smiled Ben.
"I see my reputation precedes me," bowed the engineer.
"The mount is secure?" asked Sheldon in a matter-of-fact voice.
"Yes, Sheldon, it's secure."
"Sheldon," said Penny.
They physicist looked up from his clipboard to see Penny and the man standing next to her. This 'Ben' was slightly shorter than Sheldon but stockier and stood very close to Penny.
"This is Ben," Penny continued.
"Nice to meet you, Dr. C," Ben said amiably.
"Dr. Cooper or Sheldon will suffice," Sheldon replied stiffly and returned to his clipboard.
Ben turned to Penny with an inquiring look and she gave him a placating smile.
"I'm Leonard." The smaller man came over to shake hands with Ben. "So you know what we're doing here tonight?"
"That's why I'm here," Ben replied. "When Penny told me that her friends were going to bounce a laser off the moon I had to come." He looked at the laser. "Man, we'd sure like to borrow that sometime."
"Just let me know," said Howard with a slight smirk. "It's not like the university has a sophisticated security system."
"So why are you doing this anyways?" asked Penny.
"In nineteen sixty nine, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon, in this instance what we call the Sea of Tranquility," Sheldon said as he walked to the photomultiplier to look over Raj's work.
"We're going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier," added Leonard.
"Cool," said Penny. "So we get to see a laser show."
"Only as the laser leaves. It won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye."
"We'll measure the returning photons and see the results on the computer," finished Sheldon. "Raj, glasses."
The astrophysicist handed Penny and Ben shielding glasses before the group sans Howard, who stood by the laser, gathered around the control panel.
"Are we ready?" asked Leonard.
"Count of three," replied Sheldon. "One. Two. Three."
Howard activated the laser and a pulse streaked skyward. He then dashed to the computer.
Two point five seconds later a spike appeared on a flatline.
"Contact!" Leonard said joyfully while Howard and Raj hi-fived each other.
"Way to go, Dr. C," cheered Penny.
"Wait until we tell Alex about this. He'll want you guys on the show," said Ben.
"Anytime you need an engineer give me a shout," said Howard.
"Me, too," said Leonard. Raj waved a hand. "And Raj."
Sheldon's gaze went to his clipboard as he walked to the laser and began to write up the results. He'd have to record his findings in his Science Journal and Log.
Reflection off lunar laser ranging retroreflector array was a success.
And Ben was too close to Penny.
XxX
"So was your experiment successful?" asked Amy over Skype.
"Two point five seconds between release and return," said Sheldon matter-of-factly.
Amy cocked her head. "You don't sound as enthusiastic as you did when you mentioned the experiment to me last night." A twitch of a smile flashed her lips. "Were you expecting the moon to blow up?"
"Of course not," frowned Sheldon. "The experiment went off without a hitch. Leonard was excited, Howard was excited, Raj was excited, Penny and her male companion were excited. Why shouldn't I be excited?"
"Penny's male companion?" Amy asked in a serious tone. "Elaborate."
"A colleague from work who apparently likes observing scientific experiments and standing in close proximity to his coworker."
"People huddle together for reasons other than sexual attraction," countered Amy. "For instance, as Penny was the only person familiar to him he could have found comfort in the familiarity. Additionally, they could be reinforcing their social bond so as to alter their paradigm from colleagues to friends."
Sheldon pursed his lips. "But what if their familiarity becomes something more carnal? Mixing work with courtship is a disaster waiting to happen. Just look at Leonard and his trysts with Leslie Winkle and Joyce Kim." He shook his head." Someone needs to remind Penny that work and play need to be kept separate."
"Sheldon, are you sure this is a good idea?"
"As Penny's friend I'm obligated to look out for her wellbeing."
"Are you sure jealousy isn't a factor?" Amy took in Sheldon's flushing cheeks. "Sheldon-"
"I have to go. My bed time's in twenty minutes and I have yet to shower."
"We should talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about," he hissed before regaining his composure. "Goodnight Amy."
Sheldon closed his laptop and went to the kitchen for a glass of water before retreating to his room. He locked the door and proceeded to his bedside where he took out a Chinese puzzle box from the drawer. After several minute movements it opened and he took out his bottle of pills. Quickly he popped a pill into his mouth and took a gulp of water.
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Leonard and Sheldon were at the mailbox getting their mail when the lobby door opened and Penny entered.
"Hey guys," she said cheerily as she came over wearing her jogging attire.
"Hi," greeted Leonard while Sheldon nodded. "Back from a run?"
"Yeah. Time to shower and then it's off to the Cheesecake Factory. Man I can't wait to quit that place."
The three of them went to the stairs and ascended.
"So," she prompted. "What did ya think of the show?"
"You have to be more specific," replied Sheldon.
"It was fun," said Leonard. Mythbusters had premiered the previous night and the gang sans Penny gathered at 4A to watch the episode. Penny was at a premiere gathering at Alex's place.
"Although the results were obvious even without doing the experiments," sniffed Sheldon.
"So speaks the theoretical physicist," chuckled Penny.
"Well as an experimental physicist I have to say that the show is an excellent tool for relaying scientific principles to the general public," said Leonard.
"A foolish endeavor if there ever was one," chided Sheldon.
"So you think it's a waste of time teaching me stuff?" Penny said with a bit of a frown.
"Leonard said 'general public'. You are a specific individual," Sheldon amended.
"Okay, somewhere in there's a compliment so I'll quit while I'm ahead," said Penny with a crooked smirk.
"So we've established a rapport and can now delve into more delicate matters?"
"Uh, sure," she said. "What's up?"
"As you're aware, Leonard's had several sexual encounters with people from his workplace with less than desirable results."
"Hey!" snapped Leonard. "They weren't all bad."
"An STD test after your Vegas stint and the potential for Federal prison aren't bad?" asked Sheldon with a raised eyebrow.
"Your point, Sheldon?" asked Penny.
"My point is that, while Ben might seem to be a virile candidate for coital activities or eventual pair bonding it might not be a good 'career move'."
Penny came to a halt.
"Nuh uh. We are so not going there again, Sheldon," she growled.
"Uh, I think I left something in the car," murmured Leonard before retreating down the stairs.
"Penny, as your friend it's my duty to give sound advice," Sheldon sniffed. "As this is your first 'gig' I don't want to see it jeopardized."
"You"-she pointed her finger-"can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with." He made to speak but she continued. "I wouldn't put up with this crap if we were dating and I sure as hell am not gonna put up with it now."
She stomped up the stairs and after a moment Sheldon used his long legs to catch up.
"My apologies," he said seriously. "It wasn't my intention to offend."
"So what is your intention?" sighed Penny.
"Your performance last night was exemplary," he said. "You were amusing without being annoying and appeared a capable assistant rather than just 'eye candy' as the urban youth call it."
"Thank you, Sheldon," Penny said. "That means a lot."
"Moreover, you looked happy." Pause. "I don't want anything, or anyone, to jeopardize that. As your friend I owe that to you."
They stopped as they got to their floor.
"Sheldon, everything's okay," said Penny with a smile. She gave him a light pat on the arm. "Thanks for caring but I'm a big girl."
Sheldon nodded and then both Penny and he went to their individual doors and unlocked them before stepping inside.
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"So anyways, that's why it's not gonna work," concluded Penny before taking a sip of her beer.
Ben leaned back on her couch to ponder.
"Well, now I know to take Adam up if he bets tomorrow," he said with a smirk. He tipped his beer bottle towards Penny's door. "Thanks to Sheldon I'll have laundry money for the month."
"That's cool. He's kind of a clean freak so he'd approve of how you're spending it," Penny said.
"Is there anything he isn't super tight about?"
"Not really."
"Part of his charm, huh?" Ben took a swig of beer. "Makes you wonder what he'd be like if he ever let it loo-"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"Door's open, Sheldon."
Sheldon entered and stopped short as he took in Ben and Penny sitting on the couch.
"I hadn't realized you had company," he said.
"It's no biggie," Penny assured him. "So what's up?"
"Pick a card," he said as he held out a fanned deck. "Now don't tell me what it is and then put it back into the deck." Penny gave Ben a glimpse before she obliged.
"Alright." Sheldon shuffled in an awkward fashion several times until he flipped over the top card.
"Is this your card?" he asked.
"Nope," said Penny.
He mulled, his lips moving as Sheldon went over the shuffles. He then made one more shuffle and flipped a card.
"Is this your card?"
"Nope." She took in his look of disappointment. "What's this about?"
"Oh nothing. Just figuring out a trick Howard showed me on Wednesday." Sheldon cocked his head. "Even the Supercomputer at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory's stumped."
Ben's jaw dropped. "Isn't that computer used for National Defense?"
"Here's hoping it's better at that than picking out a stupid card," mumbled Sheldon before exiting the apartment.
"He do that often?" Ben asked Penny.
"Yeah, he's in here all the time."
"No I mean hack into government computers."
Penny shrugged. "I don't kno-"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny and Ben."
Ben looked to Penny who held out a finger with a smile.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny and Ben."
She held out a second finger.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny and Ben."
At the third finger she gave out a "Come in, Sheldon."
He opened the door but stood in the doorframe.
"Ben, since your show has access to a myriad of scientific equipment would you happen to have any Uranium-235?" Sheldon asked.
"Definitely not," said Ben.
"Rats. Well, here's hoping I'll have better luck on Craigslist." Sheldon closed the door.
"Um, I don't think that's a good idea," said Ben.
"What?" asked Penny.
"Hacking into a Supercomputer at National Defense and then looking for uranium on the internet."
Penny's face blanched and like a shot she was off the couch and out the door. "Sheldon!"
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