Lily watched as Sam administered two more doses. He had been trying to hide it from her, but she saw his arm glow as he withdrew the blood. He was beginning to look exhausted. She walked over to him and put a hand on his back, gently rubbing.
"You need to rest more between doses," she said.
"I can't. My body won't let me." Sam looked at Lily. "I'd feel better if you went back to your chair... away from Crowley."
"Okay," she nodded and sat back down.
Crowley began singing, but it faded as Sam walked toward him.
"How much longer are we going to do this," Crowley asked. "Jabbing me in the neck? Causing pain?"
"Seriously," Sam said. "You accusing someone of causing pain?"
Sam stuck the needle in and pushed the plunger, sending the purified human blood coursing through Crowley's veins.
"Everything I ever did... was for power."
"Yeah, we know, Crowley."
"So people would respect me," Crowley said. Sam ignored his words, but Crowley continued. "So they would love me."
At those words, both Sam and Lily turned their eyes to him.
"Don't we all," Crowley said, "you, me... we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved."
"What," Sam asked.
A look of confusion fell over Crowley's face, as if he couldn't believe the words came out of him. "What?"
Another hour passed. Lily and Sam exchanged glances as they watched Crowley. The fight almost seemed to be gone from him. He sat with a sad, thoughtful look on his face.
"Would it be possible, Moose... I'd like to ask you a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there. What did you say? I only ask, because, given my history, it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness?"
"How about we start with this?"
Sam held up the syringe and Crowley tilted his head, allowing Sam to give him the injection.
As the next hour drew closer, Lily went back to Sam.
"This is it, right? The final step?"
"Yeah. Should be."
"You're up to it?"
"I can handle it. This all stops tonight."
Sam began the incantation. He pulled out his knife and sliced into the palm of his hand. Just as he was about to reach Crolwey, Dean burst through the doors.
"Sammy, stop!" He walked slowly toward Sam. Lily remained where she was. "Easy there," Dean said. "Okay. Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan."
"What," Sam asked. "What's going on? Where's Cas?"
"Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam."
"So?"
A look of shock came over Dean's face, and Lily walked closer.
"Look at him," Sam said as he pointed to Crowley. "Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this!"
"Think about it," Dean said. "Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you."
"You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?" Sam pointed toward Lily without looking.
"Come on, man," Dean said. "That's not what I meant."
"No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again."
"Sam-"
"What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another... another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just-"
"Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it... none of it is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy... come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons-of-bitches that killed mom walk, because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you."
"What about Lily... and your baby?"
"What about us?" Lily walked next to Sam at the sound of her name.
"Don't you think you're the one person that Dean should put ahead of me? How can I live knowing I had the chance to bring your baby into this world with no demons?"
"You can live by being there for her," Dean said. "By being her Uncle Sammy."
Tears fell down Sam's face as he hugged his brother. "I only want to do what's best... for everyone."
"We want you around, Sammy."
"I know you do, Dean." Sam pulled back and looked at Lily as he took a couple of steps backward. "That's why I want to do this."
"Sam, no!"
"Stop!"
Dean and Lily shouted, and Dean lunged for Sam, but it was too late. Sam pressed his bloody hand to Crowley's mouth and a brilliant light flashed, and the ground began to shake. The earth beneath Crowley split open, and he fell, followed by a seemingly endless rush of black smoke that came from all directions. Dean grabbed Lily and turned her away, shielding both of their faces. The light faded and the ground closed. When the shaking stopped, Dean and
Lily turned back and saw Sam lying on the ground. Dean fell to his knees by Sam's side and turned him onto his back, shaking him.
"Sammy!"
Lily put her hands on Dean's shoulders, trying to keep her knees from buckling.
"Sammy," Dean whispered.
Lily carefully knelt next to Dean and ran her fingers through Sam's hair. She tried to hold back her tears while Dean's flowed free. She tried, but she failed. She choked out a sob and buried her face against Dean's shoulder. Dean pulled his baby brother into his lap as much as he could, and rocked.
A rustling of wings behind them drew Lily's attention. She looked up and saw Castiel and Naomi, the angel who helped free Bobby's soul from Crowley in the woods.
"Dean..." Lily's voice cracked, and he followed her eyes.
Dean gently lay Sam on the ground and stood. "Fix him," he said as he looked at Castiel.
"I can't, Dean."
"Then, you," he said, his eyes on Naomi.
"No angel can bring him back, Dean. I'm sorry?"
"Well, what the hell good are you!"
"Dean," Naomi said, "Sam sacrificed himself willingly. These trials are unlike anything you've ever come across. It's final. I'm sorry."
Lily stepped toward Naomi. "You sound like you knew."
"Not until I saw what was in Metatron's head, and I told Dean."
"Cas, please," Dean said, his voice broken.
"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said. "It's not that we won't. We can't. We just don't have the ability. No creature does."
"What your brother sacrificed," Naomi said, "what he did will not be forgotten. The world may never know, but we do, and I meant what I told you before. Heaven will change. We will remember our true mission... to protect God's creation. And we will remember that Sam Winchester did the heavy lifting."
Naomi vanished.
Dean rubbed at his eyes and tried to clear his throat. "Cas, bring Lily home."
"No," Lily said as she turned back to Dean.
"Lily, please don't argue with me."
"I am not letting you deal with this alone. I love Sam, too."
"The drive back to Kansas is too long for you."
"I'll be fine, Dean. I just need to be with you right now." Lily's voice cracked and tears filled her eyes again. "Please?"
Dean nodded as he hung his head. He pulled Lily into his arms and they both cried.
"Dean," Castiel said. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yeah," Dean said. "You go find Sam in Heaven. Tell him to find the Roadhouse and have one for me."
Castiel nodded, and was gone.
"Dean," Lily said, "I know the timing isn't right, but I'm missing information here. I don't understand... what was happening with Castiel and Metatron?"
"I don't have all those answers either, but it'll have to wait." Dean turned and stared at Sam's body. "We've got a funeral to take care of."
Lily choked back a sob as she watched Dean lift his brother over his shoulder, and Sam's arms dangled lifelessly. Once they were on the road, with Sam lying across the backseat, Lily stayed on her side, staring out of the window into the black night. She tried to feel the fact that there were no more demons, but all she felt was the loss of Sam. She felt Dean's anguish, and, as she glanced at Dean, whose eyes were fixed on the road, she felt alone.
Almost three weeks after Sam's hunter's funeral, Lily was lying in bed. Dean had been quiet, and Lily left him alone. She didn't have it in her to fight with him. She didn't have the strength to pull him out of his depression. She had to think about the baby growing inside of her. Now, more than ever, she had to make sure their daughter was safe. The child Sam sacrificed himself for.
Dean hadn't spoken a word to her since the funeral. He went so far as to sleep in another room. So, she was surprised when she felt the bed dip behind her, and an arm drape over her.
"I'm sorry," Dean said.
"You don't have to apologize."
"Like hell I don't. I'm not the only one hurting, and I'm not carrying a baby."
"Dean..." Lily said as she tried to turn over. Dean finally helped her, and she settled again, facing Dean. "I loved Sam, but I can't even begin to imagine how it's affecting you. You two... the way you cared for him your whole life... I just can't imagine. I'm sorry."
Lily wrapped her arms around Dean's shoulders and he buried his face in her neck.
"I've been thinking," Lily said, as she stroked Dean's hair, "we haven't picked a name yet for the baby. I like Samantha."
Dean pulled back and kissed Lily gently as a tear slid down his cheek. "I like Samantha, too."