Chapter 12

I love you…

ChiChi licked her chapped lips fighting the storm raging inside her. When had she let her handsome guard so deep into her heart? She had only dreamed him calling out to her before, now she had imagined him in her room. Why was her heart so wicked? She was winded by the sight of him. She needed to stop her madness! Why was her heart drowning her in sorrow?

She closed her eyes tightly praying that she'd erase the image of him. Opening her eyes again she only came to find him still standing before her with his marvelous smile. He stood gazing at her with eyes so pure that she could feel all her pain beginning to melt away. No! She surely had gone mad or maybe it was the heat from the sun? Her palms begun to sweat and her throat itched from dryness.

"Is that really you?" asked ChiChi faintly." Or am I dreaming you again? Why can't I stop?"

Goku took a few steps closer and ChiChi matched his steps moving back in fear. "It's me" he answered.

ChiChi looked just as beautiful to him as she did the day he met her save for her pale skin and the bags under her eyes. He wondered what could have worried her so much but there was time to ask that later. He wanted to reach out and take her into his arms but the fear in her eyes kept him at bay.

"I don't understand. I…" ChiChi couldn't decipher whether she having another dream or if he really was standing before her. Her mind was hurting from all the questions she tried desperately to answer. When had she let him come so close? How had he torn down the walls she had taken years to build in only a matter of a few months?

She cried out as she felt a stab of pain and she grabbed her stomach tightly. Desperately, ChiChi grasped for air but it seemed the more she did the more the world was fading away. She grabbed a fist full of the balcony curtain tearing it from its safe hold as she took a few steps forward entering back into the room. Goku's massive form was fading in the blur of the room, and just as the world around her was completely dark she felt two arms grab her. She felt warmth she didn't expect to feel from only a heart's trick, but from a living and breathing man.

"ChiChi" cried out Goku to the limp princess he now held in his arms but she didn't move. He hurried over to the bed laid her down and then rushed to the door pulling it open. "Launch something is wrong! Something is wrong and I don't know what to do! Tell me!"

Launch pushed passed Goku rushing to the princess' side. She placed the back of her hand against the princess' neck and then forehead. She shook her head and rushed to the bathroom and then returned with a bowl and rag. She wrung the excess of water from the white cloth and just as she was about to place it against ChiChi's forehead Goku grabbed her wrist tightly and swung her around to face him.

Anger burned in his onyx orbs that Launch had never seen before mixed with something else she had once seen before. She knew; Goku loved ChiChi. All her suspicions and interference was utterly wrong for the man before her was madly in love with the princess.

"What is wrong with her?" he demanded.

Launch shook herself from her daze and looked away from the angry solider. "I don't know" she lied.

Goku knew better than to believe her he clamped both of her wrist in one hand and with his free one he grabbed hold of her chin turning her to face him. "I know you know something! Tell me! I need to know."

How could she? Her wrists burnt from Goku's tight grasp the damp cloth still clutched in her hand. "Honestly I'm not entirely certain. However, its looks to be the same symptoms that came on her mother before she…died." Launch drew in a breath of relief as he let go of her but the look on his face made her remember everything she had ever did wrong to Tien, him and ChiChi.

Goku was pale in the face and everything he had eaten that day felt like it was on its way back up. He fought as best as he could to keep it down but he knew he couldn't hold it off much longer, and he quickly turned to retreat. He looked down at the princess' pale face with beads of sweat now on her forehead and he hurried out. He tripped over her leg rest on the way out and quickly stood to his feet using the wall for support as he left the room.

He couldn't make it to his bathroom faster and all his food was in limestone toilet. Had he been the cause of the onset of her sickness? Hours went by and that question wouldn't leave his mind. He knew night had fallen by the sound of crickets and the stench of the vomit mixed with the sand was the only reason he found to leave the spot he sat in. He closed the lid on the toilet and walked to the sink washing away the few bits of his regurgitated food from his face.

His room was pitch black and he tried his best to navigate through the darkness to get to the door and retrieve the night candle, but fell over an unseen item. He cursed under his breath shoving the item to the side he stood to his feet again. He nearly tripped again but he caught himself this time kicking the unknown item over and then his mind flooded with ChiChi as he remembered tripping over the leg rest as he left her room.

His face burned and he felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He fought to keep them at bay but failed and with every one that fell he grew more enrage and began to feel for items in the darkness breaking everything that he could get into his hands until he found himself pressed against the bedroom door. The darkness in the room reminded him of the turmoil he was in and he wanted to yell, to shout out at anything anyone!

Why was he here? Why did he have to choose a dying princess to guard? He was powerless to keep her safe, and it terrified him. Why did he ever listen to that stupid voice! He was going to lose ChiChi before he ever got the chance to tell her how much he cared! He drifted to sleep sometime in the night his back against the wooden door and his head hanging.

A knock at the door woke Goku from his sleep. Had it all been a dream? The thought quickly dismissed at the sight of his room. The night stand by his bed was turned over, the coffee table broken in two, and his bed sheets pulled from the bed.

Knock. Goku quickly stood to his feet trying desperately to wipe away all the tear stains on his face. He cracked the door open and Launch stood looking down at the floor her blue hair pulled into a messy ponytail and her hands crossed over her chest.

"Yes?"

She looked up swiftly rubbing the back of her neck with a smile. "I came to check on you. We heard quite a ruckus last night."

"I'm Ok. She is awake?" he asked.

"No, well she was last night. She fell asleep sometime this morning" informed Launch. "She was a little delusional. I gave her some drugs and it seems to make her forget a little at times."

Arching a brow he opened the door a bit more revealing the shattered room. "What did she forget?"

"That she was meeting her 'fiancé' to be prince Absalom, also that she has a fiancée. Not to mention that she must recite her vows to the people today, but you. She doesn't seem to forget you. She was asking for you last night, I wondered if she had heard the entire ruckus going on over here. She didn't mention it, but she asked when you'd come again to see her. I told her that you were still leaving; she thinks she dreamed yesterday up. Her fever is pretty high; I know you might not be able to handle all this. She wept till she fell asleep this morning and I thought it be good to check in on you and tell you that you don't have to be burden with her problems." Launch raked her hands through her hair shaking in worry her eyes never meeting Goku.

Goku didn't know what to say or do. He did want to see ChiChi but not how she was now. He wanted to see her giggling and talking about sugar cakes or ask him if she was beautiful. He knew what to tell her now he would know how to answer her. "I'm Ok" barked Goku as he slammed the door shut in Launch's face.

He wasn't Ok. He was anything but Ok. He kicked the already broken coffee table and then the night stand shattering it. He lifted up the arm chair just about to throw it at the bathroom wall when he seen his father's book tousled on the floor next to where the arm chair had been unlocked. Who unlocked it?

He set down in the chair and took up the book many of the pages were crumpled and folded. He must have thrown it along with many of the other things he had the night before. What had all the shattered furniture and belongings bring him? Nothing but a messy room and the one thing that mattered the most still he couldn't help.

He sat there in the tattered arm chair book in hand and after moments of debating he begun to read.

I heard a voice this morning speaking to me while playing in mama's garden, and I heard it clearly. It said "plant the wild orchids toward the sun and they'll grow" so I did. Mama said it was the worse place to plant them but they are growing. Mama will make much by it, are house will be bare if they don't grow. Papa's away at war and will return soon he told me before I left to listen to the voice. He said he knew he'd speak to me.

I asked him, who? He said 'the protector our creator' he would speak to me. I didn't know papa was telling me the truth. Papa loves to tease me at times. He told me to write, and never stop writing. There was a book about our creature but it was lost a little bit ago. But papa tells me stories, and now I don't know if they are stories. Could they be real? Could a man be healed from a broken leg? Could mama really be saved from the horrible fevers papa spoke of?

It's been 15 days since I last wrote. Mama and I are locked away in the underground safe house papa built. We heard word a few days back that many men have died in the war and then I heard the voice say that we should hide here. Mama had just come back from selling the Orchid suckers and got food for months and other supplies when I told her. She didn't question it we went straight here, and a day after we heard shouting from above. Who is this voice, the creator?

It's been days since we have been down here I don't know how long, but mama said I must pray. I didn't understand. I asked her what it meant, and she said asking for help. Just speaking to God. Who is this God I wondered. She said if I reach to him he will answer me. So I did. I asked for help I ask for us to get out of this pit. Our food isn't low but the space is but so big. Will help come? Does mama know what she is talking about?

Papa came! Papa Came! He opened the hatchet and pulled us out! We ran into his arms mama cried, but I didn't. I was happy Papa was back and he knew it. I didn't have to cry to show it. Then I wondered was papa the God mama spoke of. I asked he laughed and said no. He said that God had been the reason we were safe, but it wasn't him. I told him of the voice and he told me I have to listen. I have to go to a quiet place some times and just wait and listen. That I will receive whatever answer I was looking for. I'm glad papa is back I don't have time today.

It's been seventy mornings since I last wrote mama nearly lost her arm yesterday. She had a terrible infection the physician and the healing woman said that she'd lose her arm or much worse lose her life. Papa told them neither and then I watched at the door of the room as he spent hours in the room with her. I'm very certain he was doing that praying mama was telling me about when we were in that pit. I woke up this morning and mama was in the kitchen cooking and nothing was wrong with her arm. She had a small cloth wrapped around her incision but she was well. Papa said it left her sometime in the night; I know it had to be the protector they spoke of. But who is he?

Goku put the book down with shaking hands. Who was this voice? Who was this protector that was speaking to him? Was it the same person that spoke to his father? Was it someone from their family's past? His mind was racing with questions that he couldn't answer. It seemed the revelation he was anticipating from reading his father's words wasn't coming and there was more pages in the book then time. He heaved the book across the room and with a thud it fell to the ground and Goku laid back into the folds of the chair with hooded eyes. Where had his joy gone?

The days had come and gone and Goku hadn't left the room once. He ate little and it was only a few pieces of the meals Launch would bring to his room. He felt worse than he felt when he heard ChiChi say she hated him, because her sickness could lead him to never seeing her again. He was frightened because he couldn't do a single thing to save her.

"Some protector you are!" Shouted Goku, he was tired of sitting and tired of staring at the blank wall. "You wanted me to protect her? Why? She is dying and I can't do anything!"

No reply.

"Silent again! Are you some kind of selfish protector or one that likes to inflict pain? From what I heard my father and mother both died! Why didn't you protect them? You messed up bad!" Goku saw red at the silent air and jumped from his seat and took it and threw it across the room.

He could care less if any of the guards heard or if the king himself called for him to be imprison. He stumbled across the messy room nearly tripping a few times something he grew accustomed too. He would get to the bottom of the stupid voice and its reason for having undergone so much turmoil. Why did he have to listen?

Knock! Knock!

He wouldn't answer. He had nothing to say to anyone unless they could save ChiChi from the unknown illness, but who could? Goku clenched his fist tightly desperately trying to ignore the pounding at his door. He didn't want to speak to anyone and he didn't have the least desire to see anyone but ChiChi- but healthy.

He pounded his fist into the chair annoyed by the persistent knocker he hurried to the door. He pulled the door opened wide ready to give whoever it was a peace of mind only to have the anger drain. He stood silently for a moment in his messy stance hair standing on end, shirt tattered, and pants crumbled.