Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Terminator Decoupling'; 'The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification'; 'The Plimpton Stimulation'; 'The Zazzy Substitution'; 'The Herb Garden Germination'; 'The Apology Insufficiency'
xTBBTx
"You never told me you could cook," said Penny as she dried a plate.
"You never asked," replied Ben from the couch. "I am a man of many talents. Like for instance I can shop for a vegetarian lasagna at M&M Meat Shop and pass it off as my own."
"I knew it had to be store bought!" Penny laughed. "When you showed me the lasagna I thought 'holy crap, my mother doesn't make it this good!'."
"You'll note that I never once claimed I made it."
"But you didn't correct me either, smartiboots."
"I've learned to never interrupt a woman when she's praising me," he said with a grin.
Penny's phone rang.
"You, mister, are trouble you know that?" she said before answering the phone. "Hello? ...Wait, Sheldon calm down." She rolled her eyes. "What happened this time? ... Okay just skip the steps and tell me what ya want. ... 'Kay. Just a sec." She put the phone on hold. "Sheldon forgot some papers he had on his computer and needs me to send it to him."
"Where is he?"
"On a train to San Francisco to see some guy named Smoot."
"Smoot?"
"Yeah, funny name, huh?" She took off the hold. ..."What? Step four? Honey I haven't left the apartment. ...Hey Leonard." ...She laughed. ..."Yeah, I figured as much." Penny went to the bowl on her shelf for Sheldon's emergency key and then gestured for Ben to follow.
She unlocked the door to 4A and then put a finger to her lips before the pair entered. Ben raised an eyebrow as she sprayed the bottom of her slippers and handed him the antibacterial cleaner.
"Enter your room?" she said into the phone. "You mean I can jump on your bed and put my feet on your pillow? ... Joke Sheldon."
Penny went down the hall and around the corner leaving Ben in the living room. He went to Sheldon's whiteboard and scanned the impressive, albeit completely unintelligible, math formulas.
"Wow," he said with a low whistle. "Guess Dr. C can walk the walk." Upon meeting Sheldon Ben had found the physicist to be arrogant and socially awkward but his friends more than made up for him. Besides, Penny liked him so Sheldon couldn't be that bad.
Ben went to the telescope and looked through it into the sky before scanning the book shelves. Along with the science texts were science fiction and fantasy novels; in particular there were at least forty Star Trek novels on one shelf.
He went to the couch and sat, waiting for Penny.
"Don't sit there!" came her shout from the hall and Ben got up with a start. "Calm down, Sheldon it's just Ben. ... Hey Leonard, Ben sat in Sheldon's spot. ... Yeah it's probably a strike. Anyhoo it's my bad so wanna put him back on the phone? ...'Sup buttercup? ...Okay." She sat down at Sheldon's computer desk and booted up the computer. "Now where do I put it? ...The part that looks like a ducky's mouth? ...Sure."
Ben paced around the room, stopping by the refrigerator to look over a chart on its door.
"What the hell?" he breathed as he understood its content. Sheldon must have a ruler and how the hell does he know its consistency?
"'Kay, let me know when you get it," said Penny. "Sure, sure, bye." She spun the chair to face Ben. "Gotta love the guy."
He turned to her with an amazed expression. "Is this what I think it is?" he asked as he pointed to the chart with his thumb.
"Kinda brings a whole new level to saying Dr. C's anal, huh?" she chuckled.
"There's anal and then there's whacked."
"He's not that bad," Penny said defensively. "I mean would it be better if he didn't measure his poop? Sure. But, hey, he doesn't cook meth like my brother so who cares?"
"Penny, there's a lot of room between meth cooker and poop counter," chuckled Ben. "I'd love to see where you put me on that scale."
"Well, you do pop a lot of Tic-Tacs," she winked as her phone rang. "Hello? ...Okay good. ...Nice try, Sheldon. ... 'Kay, have a good trip. ... Yes he sprayed his shoes. ...Goodbye, Sheldon." She hung up and swung her chair around to the laptop. "I swear that...guy..."
Ben came over and looked over Penny's shoulder at a picture of Penny and Sheldon standing in front of a Roman temple by a pool. Both were smiling and had their arms around each other.
Then the screensaver changed and there was a picture of Swamp-Thing.
Without a word Penny closed the laptop.
"I take it I've just met 'Complicated'?" Ben said gently.
"Yeah," Penny whispered.
"How long did you guys go out?"
"We didn't," said Penny. "I mean it was one date."
"Didn't go so well, huh?" asked Ben.
Penny swiveled her chair to face her friend.
"It went too well," she sighed.
Ben smiled grimly. "Couldn't have been that good if you're friends now. Unless you're saying it was good for you but not for him." Silence. "Unrequited love sucks."
"He said he loved me."
"Really?"
"He was completely out of it but he did say it." Penny leaned back in the chair and sighed.
"So let me get this straight: Dr. C loves you and you obviously like him. So what's the problem?"
As one they both said, "It's complicated."
"Okay, I'll quit being Dr. Phil," Ben chuckled.
"Don't worry about it." Penny put her hands to her face and made a frustrated noise before looking at Ben with a sad smile. "I still can't shake him."
"Do you see things changing with him?"
"Probably not."
"Probably doesn't mean no," said Ben. "Does probably come from reality or wishful thinking?"
"I don't know." Penny shook her head. "I thought I was cool with us being friends but now I don't know. Once I break up with a serious boyfriend I never look back so this thing with Sheldon is hard." She sighed as she indicated the computer with her head. "Especially when it's obvious he thinks about us, too." Pause. "I just don't know what to do."
"It sounds like you have two options: fight for what you want or let him go." Ben caught her eyes with his own. "Life's ticking by and it's stupid to be spending it miserable."
Penny gave him a smile and got up from her chair.
"Peach schnapps sound good?" she asked.
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"Thank you for inviting me over for dinner," said Sheldon as he finished off his blueberry cheesecake. "I haven't had spaghetti with Mama Italia Marinara Sauce and cut up hot dogs since Mother was here."
"You're welcome, sweetie," said Penny. "I was in the store and spotted it and thought what the heck?"
In actuality Penny had called his mother for the name of the sauce. All she remembered was Sheldon calling it an 'Eye-talian treat'.
"Do you need help with the dishes or will you wait until they pile up before doing them?" he asked.
Penny wrinkled her nose as she smirked. "Cuteness will only get ya so far, y'know."
"I didn't think I was being trite."
"I meant you're adorable."
"Ah." He dabbed his mouth with a napkin. "As I've never judged myself at an aesthetic level apart from my genital region I'll have to take your word for it."
"A man who loves his penis. Who woulda thought?" Penny chuckled.
"There's a lot to consider such as length, girth, functionality," he said evenly.
"Well if you ever need a second opinion, you know who you can call," she said with a wink.
"An andrologist?"
Penny shook her head with a smile on her lips. "Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon. What am I gonna do with you?"
"Nothing illegal I hope."
"Depends on what you consider...illegal."
He raised an eyebrow. "Any act that contravenes the criminal or civil codes of law."
"That leaves a lot to play with."
"Yes, well, there are also personal considerations to take into account. For instance, while it's legal to snort cinnamon I haven't felt the inclination to do so," Sheldon amended.
"There's other things, y'know. Like maybe hang out a little more?" Penny bit her lower lip. Come on Sheldon, work with me!
"I'm working on a dark matter project I had neglected," Sheldon said. "Besides, your time is spent filming your program or working at the Cheesecake Factory."
"Yeah, but it's important we don't lose touch," Penny pressed. "I mean two people who care about each other should spend time together." She tried to catch his eyes. "You know, so they can care even more."
A twitch took his mouth.
"It's a matter of practicality not feeling," he said slowly.
Penny sat back in her chair with a frown on her face.
"So you're saying your schedule's more important than I am?" she asked crisply. Sheldon pursed his lips even as he glanced out the window. "You're making comments about Ben like you did with Justin and I'm not supposed to think that you don't care?" She leaned forward. "I saw your screensaver. I saw us. And it's stupid that you won't-"
"I have to go," Sheldon said as he quickly stood.
"Sheldon-"
He darted to the door as she rose to follow.
"What the hell do you want from me?!" Penny shouted.
The physicist stopped at the door, his hand frozen on the knob. There was a pause before he turned to Penny.
"Perhaps the better question is what do you want from me?"
Her shoulders sagged and to Sheldon she looked tired.
"I can't keep it clinical like you, Sheldon."
"So you don't want to be my friend?" he quietly asked.
"I shit or get off the pot, y'know?"
"I do now," he said and after a moment more he turned and exited the apartment.
Penny waited a moment before flopping down on her couch.
"Well that was a fucking disaster," she sighed. "Doesn't he see he's being an idiot?" Here a flash of guilt twinged her stomach. He did have a nervous breakdown, Pen. Still he had to know how important this was. She clapped a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. She wasn't crazy. Sheldon did like her and whether he knew it or not he was pulling the same shit that he did with Justin. What did the physicist expect, Penny to be single forev-
Her eyes opened as she heard a slip of paper under the door. She got up and retrieved it.
Notice of Termination of Friendship Agreement.
We, the undersigned, have elected to terminate the above contract effective immediately in accordance with the terms and provisions of the contract as outlined in section 20.
This absolves both parties from the responsibilities and rights associated with friendship and furthermore reinstates the former designation of 'neighbors' with the expectation that all further interaction will be of an impersonal nature.
At the bottom was Sheldon's signature and the date.
"This isn't what I meant, Sheldon," Penny said before stopping short. What the hell do I mean? She told him that she didn't want to be just friends and he told her no. It was up to her to deal with it and now Sheldon took that away from her. All her talk about shitting or off the pot sounded so tough but at this moment as she stared at the termination notice Penny was heartbroken.
Although he didn't answer she sensed that he was in the hall.
As her last act as a friend she wouldn't keep him waiting.
Penny took up a pen and signed her name before sliding the paper under the door.
A moment and then it disappeared before the sound of a door closing echoed across the hall.
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Leonard woke up to the smell of toast in his room. He squinted at the clock before reaching for his glasses. It was four thirty in the morning.
"Huh," he said as he got out of bed. It had been a week since he'd seen Sheldon. After getting the scoop from Penny Leonard tried to make himself available but he hadn't been able to lure Sheldon out of his bedroom to talk to him. The best Leonard could do was make a dinner plate and leave it in the refrigerator. By morning he'd find it washed and in the drain tray-the lone evidence of Sheldon's existence in the apartment.
Leonard quietly opened his door and crept down the hall to the kitchen where Sheldon was busily assembling a sandwich.
"Hey buddy," Leonard said gently.
Sheldon froze, a deer in the headlights.
"I talked to Penny and she told me what was going on," Leonard continued.
Sheldon hastily slapped the rest of his sandwich together and grabbed the bottled water off the counter.
"Sometimes life's rough but you can't give up on it." The lanky physicist darted by Leonard, who followed to the now closed bedroom door. "Sheldon, you have to come out sometime!"
The lock clicked.
Leonard sighed before he went to use the washroom.
Maybe he'd have better luck tomorrow.
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"So apparently we're going to a marina next week to set fire to a boat," said Penny as she sat down on her couch with a vodka and cranberry juice mix.
"Maybe set fire," replied Ben. "The guys at MIT seem confident that they can do it but I dunno if mirrors can do it all by themselves."
"So what does Adam say?"
"He's optimistic but Jamie has his doubts."
Penny took a sip of her drink. "So do mirrors help heat up the sunbeam or are they just reflecting the sun?"
"No idea," said Ben. "Maybe we can ask Dr. C about the logistics. It'll help me know if I should bet or not."
"Sheldon and I aren't talking," Penny said slowly.
Ben raised an eyebrow. "A fight?"
"We got off the pot," she said matter-of-factly and took a big gulp.
"Ah. Sorry to hear that."
"Yeah." She slumped against the couch.
"Still, at least you know where you stand," Ben said gently.
"I guess. Still sucks." She took another sip. "You know I haven't been drunk since Halloween night?" She ran her finger around the rim of her glass. "I blacked out and Dr. C said I fondled him."
"Talk about trick or treat." They both chuckled.
"Big Ol' Five. That's me." She raised her glass into the air. "Lock and load, boys, Penny's back on the market."
"I've got an idea," said Ben as he took her glass. "Instead of getting shitfaced let's go for dinner."
"Dr . C said not to date anyone from work."
"It's not a date," Ben said firmly. "Look Pen, I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't interested. But I'm not a jerk." He gave a slight smile. "Come on, let's get some pasta into us."
"Thanks Ben," Penny said earnestly.
He winked and they both smiled.
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"Well as a bright side we can play what we want," said Howard as Leonard, Raj and he ascended the stairs. "I mean as fun as Zork is I could really use a round of Golden Axe."
"I'm not knocking anything at this point," replied Leonard. "Sheldon texted me that he'd be joining us tonight. Hopefully that means he'll be back at work next week."
"That'd be nice," said Raj. "I think they took more raisins out of the rice pudding since he left."
"Oi vey," mumbled Howard as they got to the fourth floor.
Just then Penny's door opened and she stepped out.
"Hey," she said.
"Hi," Leonard replied.
She indicated the bag he was carrying. "Chinese night."
"Yeah. You can have some if you want," offered Leonard.
"That's okay. Gwen and I are going for dinner."
"Okay, well have a good night."
All four smiled awkwardly and Penny went down the stairs.
"Well that was uncomfortable," said Howard.
Leonard nodded and opened the door. "I'll have a talk with Sheldon later since he's out and-"
All three stopped dead in the doorway and took in the sight of a computer monitor mounted on a pole that was attached to a motorized track standing in front of Sheldon's whiteboard. The contraption moved in place to reveal one of Sheldon's Flash t-shirts hanging from a hanger underneath the monitor and the physicist's face on the screen.
"Greetings friends," Sheldon said amiably.
"You've got to be kidding me," Leonard said exasperatedly.
"I hope you remembered to make sure my chicken is diced not shredded," Sheldon continued.
"You've got his mom on speed dial, right?" Howard murmured to Leonard.
"Isn't that tread from M.O.N.T.E?" asked Raj as he sat down on the couch.
"You're observant," said Sheldon. "While I didn't want to cannibalize him there was some merit to the idea of 'passing on' what was salvageable to the next generation as it were." The robot moved forward and stopped. "Raj, you're in my spot."
"But you can't sit," the astrophysicist countered as he moved over a cushion.
For its part the robot moved itself to the couch and positioned itself in front of Sheldon's spot.
"Leonard, be a lamb and get the hot mustard and low sodium soy sauce from the refrigerator," said Sheldon.
Leonard rolled his eyes as Howard chuckled while opening his food packet.
"This is insane," the short physicist said and marched down the hall to Sheldon's door. He knocked twice and tried the handle but it was locked. "Sheldon, open the door."
"Leonard, I'm in the living room if you want to speak to me," said Sheldon's voice from behind the door.
"No you're not. I can hear you talking in your bedroom."
Down the hall came the motorized sounds of movement until the Sheldon-run robot came to Leonard.
"You wished to speak with me?" the robot-Sheldon asked.
"What the hell's going on, Sheldon?"
"Well, we're having Chinese food followed by Vintage Ga-"
"I mean with this Shelbot crap!"
"You mean my mobile virtual presence device." Sheldon cleared his throat. "Recent events have demonstrated to me that I'm too vulnerable against the vicissitudes of the world. Hence, I shall remain in a secure location and interact with the world in this manner."
"How is interacting with people through a virtual machine going to protect you from being hurt?" snapped Leonard. "You're still talking."
"Not necessarily," countered Sheldon and at once the screen went black. In white letters the message, 'I could write' appeared.
"This is stupid. Sheldon, come out of your room or I'm calling your mother."
The screen flicked back to Sheldon's scowling face.
"You'll do no such thing," he said coldly. "I'm fine."
Leonard sighed. "Sheldon, this is so not fine."
"Why? This solution addresses my need to be alone while at the same time participating in the world."
Leonard folded his arms across his chest.
"Fine, then figure out how to participate in eating dinner since your machine doesn't have arms," he said crisply before side stepping the machine.
"But you have to help, it's in the Roommate Agreement!" Sheldon said. Leonard turned to the robot. "Section seventy four 'C'. The various obligations and duties of the parties in the event one of them becomes a robot."
Leonard looked at the ceiling and sighed before trudging back to the living room followed by a smiling Shelbot.
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"The Roommate Agreement might say I have to help you but that doesn't mean I have to do it competently," grumbled Leonard as he disassembled the Shelbot in the lobby.
"I kept you in mind when I designed my creation," tutted Sheldon. "Given your limited upper body strength I made sure I came apart into four pieces."
"Even more if I drop you going up the stairs."
Sheldon shook his head. "Threats of violence. Really Leonard I-"
"Hey Leonard."
The short physicist looked up. "Hey Penny."
"Whatcha got there?" she asked as she came over to the machine. It had a darkened monitor on a pole that was stuck into a mini tank. "This M.O.N.T.E part two?"
"Welcome to Shelbot," sighed Leonard as he stood and lifted the monitor off the top. "Give me a hand?"
"Sure." She took the monitor. "Shelbot?"
"Yeah, Sheldon decided that he no longer wants to"-he pulled out the pole and handed it to her-"deal with the outside world so he built himself a robot."
"Oh balls," sighed Penny. "You call his mom?"
"He doesn't want me to." Leonard shrugged. "I just want to see how this plays out before I scare her."
"You're carrying a robot up the stairs, Leonard. I think that's whacked enough."
"Even for Sheldon? I mean aside from this he seems happy enough. We played computer games and had dinners and"-he blanched. "Uh, I should warn you that tomorrow's the Cheesecake Factory and he might want to go."
"Well this'll make for an interesting shift," sighed Penny. She saw Leonard struggling with the base and handed him the monitor and pole. "Let me." She picked up the base and the pair made their way up the stairs.
"You should talk to him," Leonard said after a moment.
"I can't. Things are complicated."
"Then uncomplicate them."
Penny shook her head. "Leonard, he's not interested in being anything other than friends and at the same time he doesn't know boundaries 'cause he's always asking about my male friends. I need to give myself a chance."
"I guess," said Leonard. "I suppose as a bright side I'm developing upper body strength carrying Shelbot up the steps."
"Is that what he calls it?" chuckled Penny.
"No, my term. The monitor turns on and you can see his face."
"Sounds creepy."
"Yeah, I almost crashed my car the first time I went driving with it," scowled Leonard.
They arrived at their floor and Penny set down the base by Leonard's door.
"Here ya go," she said.
"Thanks."
"I miss you guys." She gave Leonard a sad smile.
"We miss you, too," he replied.
XxX
Inside his bedroom Sheldon watched Penny on the webcam mounted on his monitor as she walked to her apartment door until the angle changed and Leonard's crotch filled the screen.
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Amy came up the stairs, preparing herself for anything. Leonard had called and said that Sheldon had built himself a robot. As a neurobiologist the idea that Sheldon had, again, lost his mind made her worry if there was perhaps a tumor that was missed in the MRI. Only a full dissection would determine otherwise. Amy would have to be patient.
She knocked at the door and then Leonard answered.
"Great. You're here," he said and grabbed the keys from the bowl. "Good luck." He darted by her and practically ran down the stairs.
Amy entered the room, her eyes widening at the sight of the Shelbot sitting in front of his spot on the couch, but otherwise her demeanor remained calm.
"Good evening Sheldon," she said as she sprayed her shoes.
The robot turned to reveal a smiling Sheldon on the screen.
"Hello Amy," he said. "I hope traffic wasn't too bad."
"Fortunately it's a week night." She went to the couch and sat. "It's obvious the last time we Skyped that you forgot to update me on this robotic transformation. Discuss."
"It's merely a physical manifestation of my decision to distance myself from the world," he explained calmly. "As things stand I've had a talk with Gablehauser about working from home and he said it was possible on a part-time basis."
"I see. And what brought you to this epiphany?"
"Nothing per se." A tic closed his right eye for a moment as his lips pursed. "It just occurred to me that I was spending too much time socializing when I could be working."
"But we're socializing now," Amy countered.
"True. But earlier when Leonard was talking I managed to work on spin gravity calculations." Here Sheldon flashed a smile. "I should have done this years ago."
Amy pursed her lips. "I doubt you would have had reason to do this. After all, Penny had only recently moved into the building."
"You've been talking to Leonard," snapped Sheldon.
"He did call me, yes."
"Let me guess, he's saying that the dissolution of Penny's and my friendship is the catalyst for my current incarnation?"
Amy cocked her head. "Isn't it obvious?"
"I've moved past Penny. After all, I've got other friends," he sniffed. "Friends who are scientists and or science fiction aficionados."
"True, but then again you don't have the notion to pair-bond with any of us either," Amy pointed out. Sheldon gazed downward. "Sheldon, talk to Penny."
"We're no longer friends," he said firmly.
"That's a mistake."
He shook his head. "It's what she wanted. I apparently 'don't know boundaries'," he said snarkily.
"Perhaps this wavering indicates your desire to pair-bond is still strong. Is that what you want?"
"What I want is to never talk about this subject again," scowled Sheldon. "Besides, I have other news. My colleague, Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton, is coming to Pasadena for an interview. I've invited her to stay over."
"Good for you," nodded Amy.
"She's already aware of my stringent rules regarding cleanliness." He raised an eyebrow. "The only thing is that I'm unsure of what to supply a female guest. So far as I know tampons, Midol and yogurt promoting regularity are staples."
"I concur. Although she might prefer feminine napkins." Amy patted her purse. "Fortunately I keep a couple of spares at all times. I also wear one daily in order to avoid surprises."
"Prudent," nodded Sheldon.
"Naturally," she replied.
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After a long, hot shower Penny got into her pajamas and housecoat and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. Tomorrow they were off to the marina to set fire to a boat with a mirror. Adam and Jamie were looking forward to it and she did her best to seem upbeat.
Even though she didn't know what was going on.
With a sigh she sat down on the couch and clicked on her computer. She'd run through the episode outline and then Google things she didn't understand.
She was surprised as her script popped up that it had a series of side notes and web links attached to it. Her eyes went to the first note and she read:
Your experiment seeks to replicate the Archimedes Heat Ray. The second century AD author Lucian wrote that during the Siege of Syracuse (c 214-212 BC), Archimedes destroyed enemy ships with fire. The 'burning-glasses' device was used to focus sunlight onto approaching ships, causing them to catch fire.
She clicked on a link and it took her to a webpage where there was a diagram of a mirror and light rays.
Electromagnetic waves of light carry with them heat energy. This energy is reflected by shiny surfaces such as smooth, polished metal or glass. The smoother and flatter a mirrored surface, the less the light wave is dispersed and the truer the reflected beam is to the original.
"Sheldon," she whispered.
XxX
Sheldon was working away at the whiteboard he'd set up in his room when his phone chimed. He picked it up and read the message:
Penny: Thanx
He saved the message and resumed his work.
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At the knock at the door Penny set down her mug of tea and went to answer.
"Hey Amy," she said a little surprised. She hadn't seen the neurobiologist since she and Sheldon stopped being friends although the two women did continue to be Facebook friends. "What's up?"
"Sheldon's having a lady-friend stay with him. In other news I'm thinking of starting a herb garden," Amy said evenly. "Well, mum's the word. Gotta go." She turned away.
"Wait!"
Amy smiled before turning to Penny straight faced.
"Yes?" she said innocently.
"Uh, we haven't talked in a while," said Penny. "Wanna come in?"
"Sure."
The neurobiologist stepped inside and settled herself on the couch while Penny closed the door.
"Want something to drink?" asked Penny.
"No thank you."
Penny took in Amy's rigid form before sitting beside her.
"So, um, what were you talking about?" Penny inquired.
"I was at the market the other day and was dissatisfied with the freshness of the dill. It occurred to me that I could grow-"
"No, I mean about Sheldon."
"Ah, you mean his lady-friend?"
"I never knew he had more friends." Penny put on a casual smile. "Good for him."
"Yes. He's conversed with Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton for a while now on a mutual subject of interest. She'll be staying with him for a few days while she is interviewed," said Amy.
"Another doctor?"
"An astrophysicist."
"Ah." Penny's face stiffened. "A physicist." She gave a slight shrug. "Well at least they'll have a lot to talk about." A thought came to her. "Is Sheldon still using that robot?"
"Unfortunately," said Amy.
"Maybe his lady-friend will get him out of his shell."
"He already has a friend who does that, and quite successfully I may add," Amy said seriously.
"That ship has sailed, Ames," Penny replied.
"So what are you going to do with Sheldon?"
"What's there to do? We're no longer friends." Penny got up and began to pace. "We go on with life, y'know?"
Amy pursed her lips. "Penny, he misses you and as we both know he doesn't attach himself to too many people."
"He's not my responsibility," Penny snapped. "He's a grown man even if he has a stupid robot."
"So you're content having him out of your life?" asked Amy.
Penny stopped pacing. "No," she sighed.
Amy straightened her skirt. "Penny, granted I haven't had any friends prior to knowing Sheldon and you but that doesn't mean I'm ignorant of the paradigm. Relationships promote growth. The Sheldon I know wouldn't have been possible without you."
"You mean a robot?" snorted Penny.
"That's just his simplistic way of dealing with an emotional loss," explained Amy. "I mean that he would never have been in a place to have friends and communal activities without you."
"Well, here's another lesson about friends. They drift apart," Penny said seriously. "I mean Lisa Peterson hasn't talked to me since the eleventh grade and we were practically sisters."
"What happened?"
"We had a fight," Penny said with a bit of a blush. "Because no matter how much you apologize, you can't go back and un-dry-hump someone's boyfriend."
"Noted," nodded Amy. "But dry-humping aside we still have to address Sheldon." Amy gave a slight smile. "You're good for him."
"He doesn't think so."
Amy was surprised. "So he no longer wanted to be friends with you? Did he give an explanation?"
Penny flumped on the couch. "I told him I didn't want to be just friends and so he ended things."
"And you're satisfied with the outcome?"
"Yes." Penny closed her eyes, leaned against the back of the couch. "I dunno. I mean I know where I stand with him and I can get on with my life." She opened her eyes. "There's this guy I know."
"Ben." Penny looked surprised. "Sheldon mentioned him in passing. I just made an assumption."
"He's awesome. We get along and he's totally cool with taking things slow."
Amy's back straightened. "So you've progressed to another relationship?"
"Not yet," said Penny. "I mean it's kinda at the pre-start but when I'm ready I'd like to give it a try."
"I see." Amy got up and straightened her skirt. "Well, I should be going."
"Nice seeing you again," said Penny.
Amy opened the door but stopped in the doorframe before turning around.
"Leonard said that when Sheldon saw what you gave him for Christmas he cried," she said evenly. "I bet a lot of people won't see much of a difference between Sheldon and his new robot persona, even Sheldon himself, because they never gave him a chance. That's your true gift, Penny. You showed him he was worth it."
The neurobiologist closed the door and walked down the stairs.
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Both Leonard and Sheldon jumped as they encountered each other exiting their perspective bedrooms. Sheldon scurried back into his room and closed the door before Leonard nervously hurried down the hall and into the kitchen to put on the coffee.
As he worked, Leonard did his best to calm himself. After all, he was single. It wasn't like he was cheating.
The motorized sound came closer and Leonard took a breath.
"What were you doing in your bedroom?" Shelbot said in an accusing voice. "You know Elizabeth got in late last night."
"I, uh, was waking her up," stammered Leonard before focusing an inordinate amount of energy on leveling scoops of coffee and pouring them in the filter.
"She has a clock."
"Yes, well, I just didn't want her to be late."
"Oh," Sheldon replied. "Well, that was thoughtful. By the way, I call shotgun."
"Wouldn't it make more sense to have Elizabeth sit up front since she's actually going to be there?" Leonard pointed out.
Sheldon frowned. "But I'll get carsick."
"You're not in the car!"
"Who's not in the car?" asked Elizabeth sweetly as she came out in her short bathrobe.
"Elizabeth, are you prone to carsickness?" asked Sheldon.
"Not really."
"Excellent," he smirked. "Then you can sit behind Leonard."
"We never tried it from behind," she said coyly. "Sounds like fun."
Sheldon stared at his roommate. "Leonard, is there something wrong? You're positively crimson."
"I, uh, need my inhaler," gasped Leonard who darted from the room.
Sheldon turned to Elizabeth, who smiled innocently before taking up the coffee pot to fill it with water.
XxX
Sheldon stared thoughtfully at the whiteboard in his room. There was a missing quark and he wasn't sure where to find it.
"Perhaps if I-"
A knock at his door.
"Sheldon?" said Elizabeth. "I'm sorry to interrupt but Leonard said you had spare keys to the apartment that I could borrow. The emergency keys are at Penny's and she's out."
The lanky physicist set down his marker and went to his drawer for his keys before opening the door.
Elizabeth took the keys from his outstretched hand.
"You're much taller than I thought," she said pleasantly.
"Six foot two," he replied.
"Leading man material."
"Leading to where?"
"Or not," Elizabeth chuckled. "If you don't mind me asking, why do you have the robot?"
"I don't wish to personally connect with anyone," Sheldon said. "It's unsanitary. And it hurts."
"But connecting with people is all a part of being human. Besides, it's fun when it gets creative."
"I consider myself homo novus. I'm beyond that."
"Lots of people excuse themselves from companionship. Monks for instance." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Are you perhaps having an existential crisis?"
"I know my purpose in life: to expand humanity's knowledge of the beginnings of the universe," Sheldon sniffed.
"Which one?"
"This universe, of course."
"No, I mean which beginning?"
Sheldon cocked his head. "Explain."
"Well, there's the Big Bang, Planck epoch, Grand Unification epoch, Electroweak epoch, Quark epoch, Hadron epoch, Photon-"
"All are within the spectrum of the initial creation," Sheldon interjected.
"Agreed. They're all a part of the first beginning."
Sheldon gave a haughty shake of the head. "Dr. Plimpton, you can't be suggesting a Biblical Genesis."
"Of course not," she replied. "But there is a second beginning that takes place wherever there's sentient life. Consciousness. Our own life. The way in which the universe explores itself. You're doing the universe a disservice by hiding away."
"I'm a theoretical physicist," Sheldon countered. "I don't need to explore, I just require data."
"If we don't explore we don't gather data, we borrow it from someone else's hearsay and that undermines the entire purpose of living." Elizabeth smiled. "Each of us are our own universe, Sheldon. Without interacting with other people you'll never truly know yourself. And personally speaking, I'm much too curious to leave a universe unexplored." She jangled the keys. "Thanks for these."
"I'll see you later," replied Sheldon.
"Actually, I think I'll be spending the night at Raj's," Elizabeth said lightly. "I've got a craving for mocha cream and I'm willing to bet he brews a great cup."
Sheldon checked his watch. "Isn't it late for a caffeinated beverage?"
"It's never too late when it comes to connecting, Dr. Cooper," Elizabeth said sweetly.
Sheldon paused and then closed his door. He returned to his whiteboard and picked up his marker only to stop and stare at his door. With a shake of the head he tried to focus on the quark hunt but after five minutes of looking he gave up. His mind kept transforming the quarks into particles from the Big Bang, a starlit night, a golf ball rolling into a cup.
Again he stared at his bedroom door, this time with a frown.
He set down his marker and went to his nightstand for his phone. He cleared his throat as he dialed and waited.
"Hello Amy," he said. "I want a hot beverage. Perhaps we could go to a cafe and talk? ... No, no robot. ... I'll be waiting at the front of the building."
Sheldon grabbed his wallet and jacket and went to the living room. As he was putting on his shoes he suddenly remembered that he gave Elizabeth his keys. Automatically he looked into the key bowl and to his surprise saw the spare keys.
He picked them up and, after a deep breath, stepped outside.
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Grand Unification Epoch
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