Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Zarnecki Incursion'; 'The Lunar Excitation'; 'The 21 Second Excitation'; 'The White Asparagus Triangulation'
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"So, next Friday, Star Trek?" asked Ben hopefully.
"Seriously?" Penny leaned back against his black leather sofa and smirked. "What is it with guys and Star Trek?"
"What's not to like? We've got star ships and phasers and hot alien chicks."
"What about Spock?" she asked.
"Spock's okay but I've always seen myself as Scotty," Ben said before taking a slug of beer from the bottle. "But Captain, the ship canna take anymore!" They both chuckled.
"So who would I be?"
"Tasha Yar," Ben said without skipping a beat. "She's the chief security officer on Next Generation. Good looking, capable and deadly."
"Sounds like a real party gal," snorted Penny.
"Hey, she got it on," said Ben. "In fact she managed to seduce an android so that's nothing to sneeze at."
"That's pretty hard to do," Penny agreed after a pause.
"Well, it helps that he's 'fully functional'," said Ben with a crooked smile as he picked up the remote. "So, shall we start or do-"
Penny's phone rang.
She automatically picked it up and her eyes widened at the name of the caller.
"Just a sec," she said to Ben before answering. "Hello?" Her stomach tightened. "What's up, Leonard? ...Oh man. ...Yeah, not a good idea. So how come you're out there?" She rolled her eyes. "No, no, that makes plenty of sense," Penny said tongue-in-cheek. "Sure. I'll be there soon. ...Okay, bye."
She hung up and turned to Ben. "I've gotta go. Leonard's car broke down and Sheldon and him are stranded on the highway."
"Couldn't Howard or the astrophysicist pick them up?" asked Ben seriously.
"They're with them."
"So where are they?"
"Interstate Five South. They're on their way to pick up some of Sheldon's stuff that was stolen." Penny got off the couch and picked up her purse.
Ben frowned. "So why didn't he call the police?"
"It's World of Warcraft stuff," Penny explained as she went to the door for her shoes.
"So let me get this straight," Ben said incredulously. "A bunch of scientists hopped in a car to go to..."
"Carlsbad."
"Carlsbad to tell some guy to give Sheldon his imaginary stuff back?"
"Pretty much," said Penny.
Ben went to the door. "And you're going?"
"Ben, they're on the highway."
"Not the way I expected to spend the night," Ben snorted as he reached for his jacket.
"There isn't enough room for you in the car," replied Penny. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."
Penny exited the apartment and Ben stood in thought at the door before returning to the couch.
The girl he liked was off to rescue her sorta ex-boyfriend.
"Just like Tasha," he chuckled and then it hit him. Tasha and Data.
He picked up his beer and took a swig before turning on the television.
"This isn't gonna end well for you, Ben, ol' buddy," he mumbled to himself.
XxX
As she drove Penny realized it had been weeks since she'd seen the guys beyond bumping into them in the hall. Mythbusters was a hit and Discovery had ordered more episodes. To generate even more buzz Adam, Jamie and Penny were whisked off to a couple of sci-fi and tech conventions. Granted it wasn't the fan base she'd imagined when she dreamed of signing autographs and posing for pictures but she couldn't deny the fun in being so enthusiastically recognized. If things kept going at this rate she'd be in a position to quit the Cheesecake Factory, which wouldn't be a loss since the guys no longer went there.
Ahead of her to the right was a tow truck and a car with its hazards flashing and she signaled before turning off the highway. Four people came towards her and Penny was a mix of anticipation and anxiety as the doors of her car opened and the guys-her boys-got in.
"Thanks Penny," said Leonard sheepishly as he sat in the passenger seat.
"No problem," she smiled back before looking in the rear view mirror. "Hey guys." Her eyes lingered on Sheldon before she realized what she was doing and returned her gaze to Leonard. "So what happened?"
"Dunno. We were driving and then the car started slowing so I pulled off and it died," said Leonard.
"That doesn't mean much," chuckled Penny as she signaled and got back on the highway. "I mean you guys build robots so what's a little engine trouble?"
"While we're all familiar with the history and theoretical workings of the combustible engine none of us have any practical knowledge."
"Ah." Silence. "So what did that guy steal anyways?"
"Everything," Sheldon said quietly. "My enchanted weapons, my vicious gladiator armor, my wand of untainted power, all my gold." He sighed. "Even Glenn."
"Glenn?" asked Penny.
"My battle ostrich."
"Looks like Zarnecki wins," said Leonard.
Penny raised an eyebrow. "Zarnecki?"
"Todd Zarnecki," said Howard. "He's the guy who hacked Sheldon's account. I managed to find out where he lives and we were going to ride in there like vengeance unbound."
"But instead it's another pantsing," said Sheldon. "Another bully added to the list of lunch money stealers, kite snatchers-"
Penny signaled and took an exit ramp.
"Where are we going?" asked Leonard.
"To finish this quest Nebraska style," she said firmly.
XxX
"I don't know if this is a good idea," stammered Leonard as the four scientists plus Penny stood at the Zarnecki front door. "Todd's a pretty big guy."
"And he has my bet'leth," Sheldon warned.
"What's that?" asked Penny.
"A Klingon battle blade."
"Why am I surprised?" she chuckled as she rang the doorbell.
A moment and then the door opened to reveal a large man with curly brown hair and glasses.
"You again?" he sneered as he took in the guys.
"Hey," said Penny. "You took my friend's stuff. Give it back or I'll-"
"Penny?" Todd gasped.
She glanced at Sheldon questioningly before returning her gaze to Todd.
"Yes?" she said.
Todd was delighted. "Oh my God you're Penny from Mythbusters!"
Penny flashed a smile. "Ya got me."
"Oh wow, oh wow. I watch your show all the time and I saw you three weeks ago in Oakland!" Penny made to speak. "I've got all the episodes and interviews. I even have that Ape movie you di-"
"I think we're losing focus," Penny said quickly. "You took Sheldon's stuff."
"Sheldor's your friend?" Todd asked incredulously.
Penny and Sheldon glanced awkwardly at each other.
"She's our neighbor," Leonard interjected.
"Okay, whatever." Todd smiled hopefully. "So can I have an autographed picture?"
"I don't have any pictures," Penny replied.
"That's okay. I've got some I can print up," he continued enthusiastically.
"Sheldon gets his stuff back first," she said flatly. "Including his Klingon thingie."
"Sure. Come on in."
Penny turned to Sheldon and shrugged before everyone went inside.
XxX
"Thanks again for coming," said Leonard as Penny, Sheldon and he ascended the stairs at Los Robles.
"My pleasure, sweetie," she said with a smile. "It was fun hanging out with you guys."
They got to their floor and Sheldon slipped by them to unlock his door.
"Nice to see you again, Sheldon," Penny said warmly before she went to her door.
Sheldon gave a brisk nod without turning around as he stepped inside his apartment and excitedly kicked off his shoes and sprayed his feet before darting to his computer.
"'Night Penny," said Leonard before closing the door and stepping out of his shoes.
"It's all here!" Sheldon said happily. "Hello Glenn," he cooed.
"It was nice of Penny to do this," said Leonard. "She didn't have to, you know."
Silence.
"At least thank her," Leonard pressed before crossing through the living room and down the hall.
Sheldon continued to click away at his computer.
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Penny came out of the bedroom wearing a smile that hadn't faded since last night. She felt pumped at seeing the guys-his blue eyes staring at her-and getting the Warcraft stuff back. It also made her giggle that Zarnecki completely fangirled over her, although she had a bad feeling that Howard was going to Google her name and 'ape' when he got home.
"Crap!" Penny hissed when she saw the time on the microwave. She'd been free floating so much she'd lost track and today she'd be traveling during rush hour. Quickly she snagged her purse from the counter and dashed to the door for her flip-flops. She opened the door and a white bag that hung on the handle flopped against her. With a roll of the eye she plucked it off as she closed the door. Looks like someone let in a solicitor again. Penny locked the door and made for the stairs as she looked in the bag-and stopped dead.
She reached in and pulled out a neatly folded Green Lantern t-shirt.
After a moment she put it back in the bag and hurried down the steps.
XxX
"That was so awesome," Raj grinned as he leaned against Sheldon's office desk.
"When isn't physics awesome?" murmured Sheldon as he stared at the dark matter equations on the whiteboard.
"I mean last night." Raj shook a fist in the air. "Vengeance was ours!"
"It was hardly vengeance," sniffed Sheldon as he changed a number. "By the end of the night Zarnecki had joined our Warcraft party." He shook his head. "A complete hippy love-in."
"'Course it helped that he was a fan of Penny's show."
Sheldon snorted. "You mean a fan of Penny."
"Howard emailed me a link to her movie, Serial Apeist," Raj said slowly. "I can see why she never mentioned it before."
"The special effects were abysmal, the plot, juvenile," agreed Sheldon.
Raj was surprised. "You mean you saw it?"
"A while ago." Sheldon pursed his lips and then began writing a new equation.
"Even the, uh, shower scene?"
"It was in the movie."
"You're a real gentleman for not bringing it up," smiled Raj.
"Penny said that she hadn't acted in anything prior to the Rent showcase so when I inadvertently found the Serial Apeist reference I assumed she wished to keep that a secret," said Sheldon.
"And yet you watched it."
Silence.
"I miss Penny," Raj sighed.
"I'm willing to bet that dark matter annihilation signatures are hidden in the extragalactic gamma-ray background."
"But it's composed of many unresolved point sources," warned Raj.
"Aligning previous analyses with my predictions should subtract enough of the expected contribution from known point-source populations to uncover a signature of dark matter annihilation in galactic dark matter substructures," Sheldon explained.
"Sounds good."
Raj moved to stand next to Sheldon. The two physicists pondered the board.
XxX
Alex spotted Penny by the open workshop door staring into space and ventured over.
"Earth to Penny," he quipped as he waved a hand in front of her face.
"Oh. Hey," she stammered before giving a big smile.
"You okay?" he asked with a slight frown. "You seem off."
"I'm okay," she replied and stretched. "Late night last night. Friend's car broke down on the highway."
"Fair enough. As long as you don't kill yourself today I'll be happy." Here Alex grinned. "I can't budget in an insurance hike."
Penny stuck out her tongue.
XxX
Leonard glanced at his roommate as Sheldon stared out the passenger window.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" Leonard asked.
"It's Tuesday. Tuesday is Big Boy night," Sheldon replied.
"Couldn't we go somewhere else? It's getting kinda monotonous having hamburgers every week."
Sheldon turned to glare at his roommate.
"Familiarity makes for a happy digestive tract," he said crisply.
"And a good poop makes for a happy Sheldon," snorted Leonard.
"You make me sound like a child. A healthy colon is crucial to overall good health."
"And a Big Boy is good for your colon?"
"It's not like we're eating at Taco Bell."
"True," Leonard acquiesced. "But it would be different."
"'Different'. Just listen to yourself."
"Well we did something different yesterday and we ended up with a new WoW ally."
"An anomaly doesn't make for a trend," sniffed Sheldon.
"Still, it was fun," shrugged Leonard. "It was like old times."
"How was driving two hours to confront a bully in any way like 'old times'?" Sheldon asked incredulously.
"I mean it was the gang. You know, Penny and us."
"Oh." A pause and then Sheldon resumed looking out the window.
XxX
"You seemed off today," said Ben as Penny and he sat on his couch watching television.
"I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night," she replied.
"So how did last night go?" he asked innocently.
"Pretty awesome actually," grinned Penny. "We ended up going to this guy's house and he totally recognized me from the show so he gave Sheldon his stuff back."
"That's good."
They continued to watch television.
"Alex got a kick out of it and said that he wanted to meet the guys, and after the Shelbot thing he really wants to meet Sheldon," said Penny.
"Shelbot?"
"Yeah, he built a robot so he could stay in his room."
"Why?"
Penny began to flush. "Who knows?"
A pause and then Ben muted the television.
"I don't think this is a good idea," he said slowly.
"Why not?" frowned Penny. "They're nice guys. Jamie and Adam would get a kick out of them. Besides you met them."
"I remember Sheldon was pretty cold to me."
"He comes off a little anal sometimes," Penny agreed. "But once he gets to know you he relaxes."
She picked up the remote and resumed the sound.
A moment later she muted it.
"How come you never said he was cold before?" she asked.
"Because I didn't know you guys had history then," replied Ben as he took the remote and resumed the sound.
He then muted it.
"You spend a few hours with the guy and the next day you're spaced out," he said.
"It's not like we were alone. Leonard, Howard and Raj were there too," countered Penny.
Ben turned off the television.
"Penny, I'm not stupid and neither are you," he said seriously. "You and Sheldon might do this dance pretending you don't like each other but the bullshit's gotta stop."
"We tried it and it didn't work," she replied equally as serious.
"But you still love him."
"I didn't say that," Penny blanched. "I mean 'love'? I-"
"Let me guess, you've always been attracted to anal retentive geeks," Ben snorted. "Sheldon's one in a long list of guys you've dated. This is nothing special. Plain as a bran muffin."
"He's not a bran muffin; if anything he's a damn pop tart," Penny admitted.
"With sprinkles."
"Lots of sprinkles," she agreed and then sighed. "I thought I had a pop tart before but I was so wrong. Kurt cheated on me and my whole world fell apart."
"But you got it back together. Besides any guy who'd cheat on you is not a pop tart. At best he's a toaster strudel." In spite of the situation Penny chuckled. Ben put down the remote. "There was this girl named Jenna and she was friends with this guy who was pretty clueless about dating and romance and so he read about it and asked for advice and did his best but it wasn't enough for her so they broke up and moved on."
"Maybe it wasn't that it wasn't enough for her but that he was trying too hard to be someone he wasn't," Penny replied quietly.
"I can't tell you if Sheldon's the guy for you. All I know is that as long as you're hooked on him you can say goodbye to any kind of relationship with someone else," said Ben. "Well, unless that someone else is a masochist. Which I'm not."
"So what happened to Jenna?" Penny asked.
Ben shrugged. "Dunno. She was only there for the one episode."
Penny's jaw dropped. "Episode?"
"Next Generation," he said with a smirk. "She was dating Data, who's an android."
"I can't believe my life's Star Trek," groaned Penny.
"Your secret's safe with me, oh queen of the geeks," Ben winked.
XxX
Amy woke up to the sound of someone knocking loudly and out of rhythm at her door. She put on her glasses and checked the time. One fourteen.
She got out of bed and put on her housecoat and slippers before venturing to the door. Putting an eye to the peephole her jaw dropped and she immediately opened the door.
"Penny?" she gasped as the Nebraskan, wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt over her dress, nearly fell into the apartment.
"You rat bastard," she slurred.
"Have you been drinking?" Amy asked even though she could smell the alcohol on her friend's breath.
"Ben was a perfectly nice guy and I ruined it 'cause of you and your God-damn pop tart."
"Pop tart?" asked Amy as she led Penny to the couch before scurrying over to close the door.
"I made Sheldon cry, you said. Don't give up on him, you said. And yet Sheldon doesn't want me so what the fuck am I doing?" Penny growled.
"Did you talk to Sheldon tonight?"
"NoPe." Amy inwardly sighed in relief. "But I saw him last night." Penny kicked her feet onto Amy's coffee table. "I had a blast and it was like old times and I was on cloud nine and then he gave me this." She pulled at her t-shirt. "What does this mean?"
"Obviously he misses you," said Amy as she sat next to Penny.
"How am I supposed to date a guy who doesn't want to date?"
"Just because he ran into difficulty doesn't mean that he doesn't want to date you, Penny."
"So just date me already!" Penny gave an exasperated sigh. "I mean it's not like I'm gonna turn him down. Instead he makes this a big production and makes himself something he's not and pops pills to keep sane and-" Penny blanched. "Son of a bitch!" She looked to Amy. "You didn't hear that," she pleaded.
"After Sheldon came back he asked me about studies on anti-anxiety medications and their effects on the brain," Amy said evenly. "He never offered and I never asked but it was naturally easy to deduce that he was prescribed medication."
Penny rubbed her face with her palms. "I can't wait forever for him to get it together."
"Penny, he'll never be a 'normal' boyfriend. He's a child prodigy on the autism spectrum. Maybe what you're expecting from him isn't realistic."
"I think I'm a hell of a lot more realistic than he is. He doesn't need to whisk me off to castles to make me love him," Penny sniffled. "And he sure doesn't have to keep it completely clinical."
"Then it's time you met him half way," Amy said simply. She reached over and grabbed a tissue from the end table and handed it to Penny. "Come on bestie let's get you to bed."
"'Kay." Penny slipped off her shoes and settled herself on Amy's couch.
The neurobiologist took the afghan off the couch back and covered her friend.
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Sheldon was on his bed reading an online article when he heard the slip of paper under his door. He moved his laptop aside and went to retrieve it.
Reinstatement of Friendship Agreement
This document reinstates the friendship between Sheldon and Penny and all the rights and privileges associated with the Friendship Agreement in addition to the following:
Penny admits that she was an idiot to let Sheldon go without a fight because he is absolutely awesome. She furthermore realizes that he'll always be an anal asshat from time to time and that it doesn't mean that he's being a jerk.
Sheldon cuts himself some slack and accepts the fact that Penny likes him Just The Way He Is so there's no need for him to get a personality transplant. However, this does not exclude him from trying new things on Anything Can Happen Thursdays or Kidnapped Sundays which occur on the first Sunday of the month and entails a road trip to wherever.
Sheldon's eyes traced the lines of her signature.
XxX
On the other side of the door Penny chewed on her lower lip as she waited.
The paper finally came under the door and she quickly scooped it up.
At the bottom of the page in a neat hand was, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Penny practically danced down the hall.
A small smile came to Sheldon's face as he heard her 'Yee-ha!' shout from the living room.
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Indirect dark matter detector: kipacstanfordedukipacresearch
Star Trek: TNG episode where Data dates Jenna: In Theory