Fear

The sound of the slamming door followed Danny all the way to the Camaro. He got in it alone and the sound followed him all the way to the Palace. It did not matter that he was the one that slammed it, leaving Steve in the living room, still yelling at him.

It wasn't the first time they'd had an actual fight. You couldn't have two alpha males working high stress jobs living together and not have fights. Especially when these alpha males were so comfortable with each other, and one of them was not used to expressing his feelings. This was, however, the first time it had lasted more than a couple of hours.

They'd been snapping at each other for almost a week.

That was, when they were talking to each other at all.

They went to bed together every night, so at least there was that, and woke up in each other's arms each morning. But the warmth didn't last more than a few minutes before a look would come over Steve's face and he'd leave the bed. They'd meet in the kitchen for their morning coffee and breakfast, eaten in silence, drive to work together, in silence, stay in their separate offices as much as possible. They worked fine together, thank God, even if the team had obviously noticed something was up. Anything said outside of the job, however, was laced with anger, if they weren't outright shouting.

The only time they'd said anything good to each other was when Steve woke from a nightmare. Danny would soothe and comfort him, just like always, because they might be fighting, but they still loved each other. The only thing different about these nights were that Steve wouldn't tell him what they were about. Danny tried not to feel hurt at that. And the nightmares were more frequent – every night this week, instead of just once in a while.

Last night there had been two. Steve went to sleep on the couch, but Danny wouldn't have it. He made Steve lay back down, wrapped his arms around him, and told him he loved him.

"I love you, too, Danno."

And then this morning had happened.

Between being too stressed about the fighting to fall asleep and then being woken up by Steve's nightmares when he did, Danny was snappy just due to lack of sleep and then more snappy because Steve was snappy. He tried to think back and figure out which came first – had Steve's nightmares gotten worse, making him tired and King Crankypants, in which case, why? Or had his cranky ass mood brought on the nightmares? In which case, what brought on the mood?

All he knew was that something was bothering Steve and he was not talking about.

He thought they were passed that, and that worried him more than anything else – he was worried about Steve.

That's not to say he wasn't still pissed and angry, though. He was only human and Steve was being an ass. They had to get this sorted tonight. They had the kids this weekend and he didn't want to subject them to their fighting. They had enough of that with Rachel and Stan, and Grace had already had enough of that between him and Rachel.

Kono walked into the offices while Danny was looking at the Surface Table like it was personally offending him. It was still on its screensaver, but Danny was seeing Steve and his issues.

"Hey Danny, where's your other half?" She startled him from his thoughts. Her hair was still damp – either from the surf, or from washing the surf off and it made him wonder what Steve was doing.

"No idea," he replied, with a tone that he was pretty sure said 'drop it'.

"What's going on with you guys, brah?" Okay, so she ignored the tone. "We hate seeing mom and dad fight."

He winced, thinking once again about Grace and Charlie. But the last thing he wanted to do was bring their friends into this. Steve definitely wouldn't want their dirty laundry aired, at least, no more than it already was.

"Drop it, Kono." She opened her mouth to say something, but Danny's phone, sitting on the table, buzzed.

Call me if we case a case otherwise I'm staying home today.

Danny couldn't decide whether to be angry at Steve for ditching them – Danny knew damn well he wasn't sick – or worried enough that he wanted to go home now and check on him.

His thumbs twitched with indecision.

No matter what, Danny loved Steve. Finally, he texted back.

You ok?

There was no reply for a moment, so he looked up at Kono.

'Steve's not coming in today."

"Brah, seriously, what's going on?" She moved closer and put her hand on his arm. He sighed again. Kono was their friend, their Ohana.

"Something's up with Steve, but I don't know what. I'll figure it out, but just leave it alone, got me?" He hoped his tone was a little more clear this time. The last thing they needed was their well-meaning friends getting in the way and pushing. She looked at him for a moment and nodded.

No the response finally came. Danny blinked at the honesty.

I'll come homehe texted back, already moving to the exit.

don'tan immediate response. Danny stopped, chewed his lip.

we're talking about this tonight.

yeah Danno. I'll be here

love you

love u 2

-5-0—

He'd managed to last most of the day, hiding behind paperwork to occupy him in between going out to interview witnesses with Kono and then Lou.

Finally around three, they ganged up on him and forced him to go home early. He didn't put up a fight. The only reason he hadn't gone home first thing this morning was because he figured Steve needed some time alone and the only reason he hadn't gone home at any other time through the day was that they'd texted back and forth a few times.

Steve's truck had moved at some point during the day and Danny wondered where he would have gone that wasn't work. The house was quiet when he entered it. He dropped his keys near the door and walked farther into the room. There was a book laying open on the coffee table and he saw Steve's scrawl on the pages. He thought it might look like a pilot's log book, although he'd never seen Steve's before. He honestly had never even thought about Steve having one before now.

He heard the clang of metal on metal and followed the sound out to the garage. He watched Steve for a moment, muscles rippling under a greasy tank as he cranked on something in the engine. Steve jumped when he spotted Danny, hitting his head on the hood.

"Son of a bitch!"

Danny laughed at him, moved closer and rubbed at his lover's head. When Steve didn't move away from the first real touch they'd shared this week outside of their bed, Danny dropped his hand to his cheek. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

"Hey," Danny said when the hazel eyes met his.

"You're home early."

"Yeah, well, the guys finally had enough of me. They kicked me out of my own office, can you believe it!"

Steve let out a quiet chuckle. "Yes." And then the hint-o-smile left. "I'm sorry."

Danny's thumb traced over his cheekbone.

"Ya gotta talk to me, babe. What's going on?"

Steve nodded, turned his head to kiss Danny's palm, then took a step back and a deep breath. He wiped his hands on the end of his tank and took Danny's.

"Come with me."

He led Danny back into the house and to the couch. They sat down next to each other and Danny enjoyed the warmth of Steve where they touched from shoulder to knee.

Their fingers laced together, Steve leaned in, breathing Danny in at his neck, like he wanted to remind himself what Danny smelled like.

"I've been an asshole."

"Yeah," Danny agreed, but was also maybe giving Steve encouragement as he rested his head on Danny's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I just, I—"

"I know babe. You've been dealing with something. I just wish you'd tell me what it was instead of bottling it all up."

"I'm scared." He said it so quiet, burrowed so far into Danny, the detective almost didn't hear him.

"Oh, babe." Danny knew that was that probably the hardest thing Steve had ever said. He wrapped his arms around Steve, kissed his head, then pulled away far enough to look in his eyes. They were shining with tears. "You gotta know I'm not going anywhere."

"I do, Danny, I—" his eyes slid over to the coffee table and Danny's followed. To the book. The pilot's log book. Oh. Danny reached over to pick it up and held it in his lap, looking it over.

Steve pulled away just enough to look down at it, too, took Danny's hand again, like he couldn't get enough of touching him now that he was allowing it again.

Another deep breath and he finally spoke again, but kept his eyes on the book.

"In order to keep your pilot's license, you need to get in so much flight time. It's never been a problem before, between reserve duty and Five-0. But since..." Danny squeezed Steve's hand tighter. "Since I'm not in the Navy anymore, it's been harder to get my hours in, but..."

He was scared of flying. Danny knew this, had watched him sit, tight and stiff as a rake, when they were flying around with Langford, and it wasn't just because he wasn't in the driver's seat.

"Since the—" Danny watched him swallow hard. "Since the... transplant, I've been doing the bare minimum in a flight sim at Hickam. But I've been putting it off. I need to fly again in the next week or..."

Danny got it. Steve had lost a lot when Danny'd given him his liver. A big part of his life, actually, when the Navy had discharged him. He'd seemed to take it better than Danny expected, but he supposed Steve had been in the reserves so long, serving his country in other ways with Five-0, that perhaps it hadn't felt any different.

But for all Steve was a Navy guy, he loved to fly. He lost the Navy because the alternative was death. To lose flying simply because of fear... Danny knew that would be a hard pill for Steve to swallow. Maybe too hard.

"Babe."

"I just... I'm so thankful for what you did, Danny, so we could have this." He ran his thumb across Danny's knuckles. "I just... don't want to lose this, too." He huffed in annoyance. "It's stupid and I can't believe I've been as asshole all week because of it."

"Hey, hey. Look at me." He did. "It's not stupid, okay? I don't regret a thing that I did, but I am sorry that you lost the Navy, babe. But you don't have to lose this, huh? You can just go back to the sim, right, until you're ready? Are you having issues in the sim?"

Steve shook his head. "No. I'm fine there, but every time I even think about..." He pulled away, held his head in his hands. "And so what's the point if I can't actually fly anymore? It's just teasing myself with something I can't have. I'm sorry I've been an ass, I'm just... I didn't think something like this would hit me so hard and I'm sorry I took it out on you. I'm not used to..." He took a deep breath. "I'm not used to being scared," he whispered after a moment, leaned back against the couch.

He seemed so young to Danny in that moment. He didn't think he'd ever seen Steve look so scared as he did this moment – because of the thought of doing something he enjoyed so much. He lifted his hand from the book, touched Steve's cheek before placing it over his heart, beating furiously.

"Steve."

"Sorry, Danny, I—"

"Do you want to fly again, babe?"

"Of course I do, Danny, I... I..." In one swift motion, he scowled in frustration, stood and took the book from Danny's lap and threw it across the room. "But I can't, okay? I can't."

He stood there shaking as he released the fear and the anger that Danny knew was at himself, at his own... weakness. Danny stood, walked around to face Steve and took his hands, clenched into tight fists. It took a moment, but he coaxed them open, laced one hand with Steve's and used the other to snake behind his head, bring him down for a kiss. They sighed into it, but Danny wouldn't be distracted for long.

He broke the kiss, wiped away Steve's tears. "You gotta fly again babe. You can fly again."

"I can't Danny, okay? You told me I wasn't Superman, well you were right, okay?"

"Yeah, and I've told you're a Neanderthal, too. You have selective hearing, babe."

"Danny..."

"You're going to get us a plane and—"

"Us? No, Danny, absolutely not."

"You're gonna do this babe, I know you can. You think I'm gonna let you do this alone?"

"No, Danny." Steve's grip on Danny's hand was almost crushing, and he closed his eyes. Danny could only imagine what was going through his mind. Bullets, crashing planes, transplants. "If I can't do it, I don't want to... you can't be there. If anything happens because of me..."

"Hey. It's gonna be hard and I'm going to be right there with you to help you. You're gonna get us a plane and fly me somewhere hellishly idyllic and we'll stay there and fuck for a couple days and then you'll fly me home. Got me?"

Steve looked down at him, unconvinced. Danny just met and held his gaze, ran his fingers along Steve's hairline at the back of his neck. Danny could be quiet when it was needed. And it was needed now. Steve was a scared horse. If Danny wasn't careful, all that strength would bolt.

Finally, the tension the stallion's body dissipated and Danny gathered him in his arms.

a/n: I wanted a story that addressed the flying issue. Originally it was going to be separate from this story/series. But I also wanted a chapter in this story that showed things weren't perfect all the time, because nothing's perfect all the time. In the end, I'm not sure how well this one works but... here you go.

I didn't write the actual flight, but you can assume that Steve did have issues, but not horribly bad, Danny helped him through it and the weekend otherwise went as Danny planned. :)