!*!*! PAY ATTENTION... ARRETA... PRESTAR ATENCIO !*!*!
Disclaimer: No part of Naruto belongs to me. If it did, Akamaru would have eaten Tora to save time so that no one had to look for it, and to save the poor cat from the horror of being hugged by Madam Shijimi.
Shikamaru, with bored eyes, took in the appearance of everyone else in the Hokage's office. It was packed, but he knew why there were so many people. They were all there to test out Naruto's jutsu, to make sure it was fool proof.
Kiba Inuzuka was there, probably because of his enhanced eyes, hearing, and sense of smell, and he kept glancing sideways at a nervously fiddling Hinata Hyuuga. She was there because of her Byakugan, and the Uchiha was there because of his Sharingan. Kakashi was probably there because he was Naruto's old sensei, although that didn't really make sense. He was just leaning against the wall, a volume of Icha-Icha in his hand, giggling perversely at random intervals. Pervert. There wasn't really a reason why Sakura was there that he could figure out. It must have been because she was Lady Tsunade's apprentice.
He couldn't even figure out why he was there. It couldn't be good. How troublesome. Now that he thought about it, why had the Hokage asked Naruto about her henge if Hinata was in the village? As far as he knew, she was a female and didn't appear to be on a mission. Oh, well. He'd ask later, maybe after Naruto came… if she ever did. She was late, and the Hokage had already gone through two bottles of sake, which, as far as he could tell, were not improving her mood.
"When is Naruto going to get here?" Kiba asked loudly, and impatiently, running his fingers through Akamaru's fur.
Hinata, with a faint blush on her face, said quietly, "I'm sure that he has a good reason for being late, Kiba-kun."
Shikamaru almost smiled. After so many years, Hinata had, mostly, gotten over Naruto, and now they were actually friends, and, if he wasn't mistaken, which, taking into account his I.Q, he doubted, Kiba was going to ask her out shortly. Maybe she'd be a good influence on the Inuzuka. He was almost as loud as Naruto, and twice as brash.
Almost as if Naruto knew they were talking about her, the doors flew open, and Naruto walked in, but it wasn't the Naruto they knew. All eyes were on her. Her long golden hair was tied up in high pig-tails, like in her Sexy no Jutsu, but she looked different. She had no whisker marks, and she was more delicate looking, with wide blue eyes, slender body, and… wow.
She wore a pale, burnt orange top, with a strap tied around her neck, that outlined her breasts, and was cut off right under her bust, showing a tanned, toned stomach.
A thought nagged at him. Her seal wasn't in sight, but he ignored it for the moment, going back to his study of Naruto.
A pair of baggy dark brown pants hung seductively low on her hips. Shikamaru swallowed hard. She looked almost as good as she had wet, half-naked, with her towel falling off. He wasn't the only one stunned. The room was silent, except for a faint thump when Kakashi dropped his Icha-Icha book in surprise.
Naruto grinned at their expressions, but addressed herself to the Hokage, "Well, what do you think, Baa-chan?"
Lady Tsunade shook her head, "Brat, you just better be glad that that pervert Jiraiya isn't here. You'd be the inspiration for his newest book." She turned to the other occupants of the room and nodded, signaling for them to start their inspection.
Kiba stepped forward with Akamaru, and looked at Naruto closely, sniffing the air. His face was so red that Shikamaru was surprised he hadn't had a nose bleed yet. After a thorough inspection, he stepped back, and reported to the Hokage. "I can't find anything out of the ordinary, besides something faintly chemical," he said, shrugging.
"That's makeup," Naruto offered.
Kiba stared at her but didn't say anything. Hinata went next, after frowning at Kiba for a moment, most likely because he was ogling Naruto. Shikamaru couldn't help but agree with her. There was no reason for him to stare at Naruto quite so much. She activated her Byakugan and the veins stood out harshly around her eyes. After a few moments, she deactivated it and shook her head slowly. "I can't see anything out of the ordinary. Naruto-kun, it looks like you have the chakra pathways of a civilian."
Naruto beamed at her and hugged her. "No, Hinata-chan. It's not Naruto-kun anymore. It's Naruto-chan!"
The image of the two beautiful and big breasted women hugging, bodies pressed together was too much. Plus, Kiba looked like he was drooling.
"Okay, Uchiha," Shikamaru interrupted, "let's see if your Sharingan can see anything."
Naruto pulled away from a red faced and stuttering Hinata and stood in front of Sasuke. Sasuke stared down at Naruto, and immediately his eyes turned red, spinning tomoes in their depths. Minutes went by, and no one moved or said a word, and then, Sasuke's eyes returned to their normal dark grey hue. "Hn," he grunted, turning away.
Shikamaru took that as meaning that he hadn't found anything, and so did Naruto.
She pumped her fist in the air. "I knew it! You couldn't find anything wrong, could you? I look like a perfect hot chick!"
Shikamaru watched as the Uchiha's face twitched, and he said, "Hn. I might not have been able to find anything wrong, but that doesn't mean that you could act like a girl, or even look like a beautiful one." It was a lame comeback, and Shikamaru knew the Uchiha knew it, but it riled up Naruto.
She glared at Sasuke. "What was that, Teme? I'm sorry; I don't speak Bastardese. I could have sworn you said something."
"I said, you may look like a female, sort of, but I doubt you could act like one. You couldn't seduce Kiba, and he's an idiot, Dobe."
Kiba growled at this, but Sasuke ignored him. Shikamaru suddenly had the urge to team up with Kiba and kick the Uchiha's ass. He frowned, wondering where that emotion came from.
Naruto puffed out her cheeks and poked Sasuke in the chest. "Teme! I'll show you."
If there was one thing that Naruto couldn't resist or back down from, it was a challenge. Shikamaru leaned back into the chair and pulled out a cigarette, figuring that Naruto was too busy to notice he was smoking.
Sasuke raised an eye brow at Naruto's outburst and asked emotionlessly, but somehow still managing to sound like a bastard, "Oh, and how are you going to do that?"
A foxy smile, which sent chills up Shikamaru's spine, formed on Naruto's face. "Oh, just watch." She turned away from him and in the direction of Kakashi. Then, she started. She walked towards him slowly, hips swaying sensually with each step. Kakashi didn't move, but Shikamaru could tell that he was paying attention. He hadn't flipped a page of his Icha-Icha for several minutes, and his eyes, or rather, eye wasn't moving down the sentences.
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto practically purred, standing in front of him, "What do you think? How do I look?"
Kakashi glanced up from his book, only to be met with a very good view of Naruto's chest. "You look fine, Naruto," he answered.
Naruto pouted and moved closer, "Just fine? Not beautiful?" She asked, moving around him. "Kakashi-sensei? Can I ask you a favor?"
Shikamaru stared. How did she manage to make something so innocent sound so… dirty?
"Yes, Naruto?" Shikamaru respected Kakashi's resolve. He actually managed to keep his voice steady.
Naruto ran her fingers lightly along his arm and shoulders, "When I get back from my mission, since you're still so much stronger than me, could you give me a lesson?" She moved still closer, positioned her lips next to his ear, and whispered, "a private lesson? Ka-ka-shi?" She drew out his name in a sultry way, and ran her fingers through his gravity defying silver hair.
Kakashi's face, or what wasn't covered by his face mask and headband, was tinged pink, and he seemed to be leaning into Naruto's touch.
A burning pain between Shikamaru's fingers alerted him that this cigarette had burned down. Maybe he had walked into a different dimension, because where he was standing, it looked like Naruto was seducing Kakashi. It was like watching one of the Icha-Icha books come to life. What the hell was Naruto thinking? Although, not that he minded seeing this. It was really erotic, although, he would have preferred that he was in Kakashi's place. He froze. He did not just think that. There was no way.
While he was having his internal battle, Naruto, with a smile, patted Kakashi on the head and stepped in front of a speechless Sasuke. "Take that, Teme! I can so act like a girl and seduce!"
Shikamaru sweatdropped. Oh, right. He had forgotten about the challenge while Naruto had been doing her little… act. Well, to be fair, it had been very distracting. Where had Naruto learned to act like that? The Great Toad Sage had probably perverted her mind when they had gone on the training trip.
Sasuke averted his eyes, face pink, and said, "Hn." But his voice cracked, sending Naruto into gales of laughter, and making the Uchiha glare.
In the corner, Kiba's nose was bleeding freely, and Hinata's face was the color of a ripe tomato. The Hokage was just staring at Naruto, one hand pouring sake, but it was missing the cup and dripping off the desk into a puddle on the floor.
Sakura, who had been silent the whole time, exploded. "Naruto-baka! You're embarrassing Sasuke-kun! Take off the Henge, now!" Sakura's face was the color of her hair.
Personally, Shikamaru had the idea that Sakura had enjoyed the little scene, but he wasn't about to say that aloud. He knew, from experience, that she could hit hard when she wanted to.
"Aww, what's wrong, Sakura-chan? Jealous 'cause I'm hotter than you?" Naruto teased.
Sakura's mouth formed a perfect "O" of horror and her eyes bugged out. Shikamaru couldn't help but snort in laughter. The look on her face. The rest of the occupants of the room, with the exception of Kakashi, who still seemed to be stupefied, burst into laughter. Now, Sakura looked murderous. She cracked her knuckles threateningly, "You're going down!"
But, before she could lunge forward at Naruto, Lady Tsunade grabbed her by the back of her dress. "Sakura, try and act like an adult."
"But, Tsunade! Naruto-" Sakura started, but the Hokage interrupted. "Naruto's an idiot."
"Hey!" said idiot yelled, but was ignored.
She continued, "It does not mean that you need to act like an idiot, too. Got it?"
With a glare at Naruto and a pout, Sakura nodded stiffly.
"Good, now," Lady Tsunade said, turning to Naruto, "I don't know how you did it, but since none of us can tell that you're anything but a civilian, you got the mission. Thank Kami. This is a three-person mission, though. Two of you will play civilians, and one of you will go as the ninja hired to escort them to the Yugakure. We all know that one of the civilians will be Naruto in his Henge."
Shikamaru flicked his burnt out cigarette straight into one of the empty sake bottles, effectively catching her attention.
"Yes, Nara?"
"Why are you having Naruto go on the mission when you have Hinata?"
"Hinata has been requested to do another mission because her skill sets are needed. She goes out tomorrow, and I don't want to piss off the person who contracted it. Now, as I was saying. Naruto will play the girl, and I believe Sasuke should go as the actual ninja, since, if you, Naruto, are acting as a friend of the Kage's daughter, then you would be protected by a first class ninja, hence Sasuke." Sasuke smirked, pleased, for a moment. "And, the other person who I want going on this mission is you, Nara."
Shikamaru glared at her lazily. That was not good. Him? Going on a mission with Naruto and the Uchiha? First, he just didn't want to go on missions; they were troublesome, and he spent a portion of his time avoiding going on missions. Second, he'd probably crack and kill Naruto if he had to spend much time in Naruto's company. Naruto was like ice cream. Eat too much and you'll get brain freeze, or in this case, commit homicide. Third, he really didn't like the Uchiha; there was just something about him. Probably something to do with him being a cocky emo bastard.
"Why me?" he asked aloud, although he already knew the answer.
"Because. The Yugakure, we know some things about, the Yugakure as a ninja village, we do not. With your intelligence you would most likely notice and observe and understand more than anyone else. I need information, and you're the best choice. Plus, you don't really look like a ninja. Now, you are taking this mission." There was no room for argument in her tone.
His mind scanned for possible options. There weren't any. You couldn't really refuse a direct order from the Hokage.
"Fine," he grumbled.
"Good. Sasuke, Naruto, Shikamaru, all of you report to the front gate at dawn tomorrow. The mission will begin. Take, this information I have on the Yugakure, the Kage, and his daughter and have it memorized by tomorrow," Lady Tsunade said.
Naruto shot across the room and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Awesome! We get to go on a mission together, Shika!"
Shika? When had he been promoted to Shika instead of Shikamaru? Oh, well. It didn't sound that bad.
She was still hugging him, body pleasantly soft and warm against his, and all of the men were glaring at him, while Sakura glared at Naruto. How bothersome. The guys were glaring at him because Naruto, who they thought was a guy, still looked like a hot girl. He wondered how they'd react if they knew that Naruto actually was a hot girl. And Sakura was glaring because Naruto had hit the issue right on the head. Naruto was much hotter than her, and she obviously didn't like it.
The Hokage was happily drinking sake, and Hinata was blushing for some unknown reason.
He shrugged inwardly. Naruto was still hugging him, babbling about the misson, and the feeling was nice to say the least. He might as well enjoy himself for now, the next day was going to be extremely troublesome. He just knew it.
Ah! I made it to chapter number four! And I have the next chapter planned out in my head, I just need to type it up. Yes, Shikamaru is being forced to go on a mission. The horror. And, yes, Naruto did just seduce Kakashi. Frightening... and she's really good at it. Never back down from a challenge! Dattebayo! Sorry, I just had to get that out. Anyways, I hope you all are enjoying this story so far,
Ja ne,
Rumer
Juliedoo: Glad you think the story is amazing. Yes, don't we all just love Shikamaru? He's the ultimate, brilliant, lazy ass. Ahh... Regarding the female Naruto plot, yeah, I agree. It is pretty frickin' hilarious. Now, since sitting on pins and needles sounds pretty uncomfortable, I'm posting the next chapter. If you like it, let me know.
SilentMadness: Thanks. Unique, funny, and attention grabbing are all good things in my book, especially unique. You don't want to just write a story like someone else's, you know? Saying you love it is about the untimate compliment, so here it the next chapter for you.
Sable Scribe: Nice to see, or would it be read?, someone who's a ShikaNaru fan, and a hard core one at that. I just think that Shikamaru, the lazy, apathetic, genius, and Naruto, the energetic, emotional, dobe, and a perfect match. They balance each other out so well. About Shino... I mean, he wears those sunglasses and that big ass coat all the time. He already looks like a gangster, and he's so quiet. It's always the quiet ones who surprise you. Heh heh, he really would be an awesome gangster. Anyway, glad you like it, Scribe.
Jits: Okay, I hurried with the this chapter. I'm writing a lot of other stories, but I will not forget about this one. It's just so much fun to write. It's awesomeness takes time. Wow, that last sentence was ego ridden. Anyway, I clicked onto you userpage. You're French? Cool. If you don't mind me asking, what's it like where you are?
Ice Cold Steel: Well, Naruto is kind of used to people using her because of the Kyuubi, and being treated differently, and not necessarily in a good way, because of it. I will elaborate about that more later in the story. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that smoking messes up your taste buds. And it makes sense, doesn't it? You are inhaling smoke. It made perfect sense to me. Smoking+ramen=not being able to taste ramen, which equals horror. I really like ramen... Getting hungry... I suppose it's just the sort of person that Naruto is. He, or would it be she in this case, will never give up. Thanks for the compliment about capturing Naruto's personality. And, for Shikamaru, I wanted to him to be a little jealous, but he's probably still not going to do anything about it at this point. That would be too troublesome... I never thought about myself as diligent about updating my story, Ice, but I suppose. I just get pissed when an author puts out a chapter once every two months or something. I know they have to have inspiration, and I understand, but I never had the gift of patience. Hope you liked this chapter.