!*!*! PAY ATTENTION... ATANSYON PEYE... FIGYELEM !*!*!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I can however use it as a base for my odd imaginings of a perverted Shikamaru, a female Naruto, and god only knows what I"ll do the other characters. Cue evil laughter. Kukuku...

Takeshi gestured for Shikamaru to sit down, and he did so gratefully. He wasn't about to say that it was too troublesome to stand up, but he still preferred to sit. He slouched down into one of the chairs, and debated whether Naruto was distracted enough that he could light a cigarette without Naruto ripping it out of his grasp and either throwing it away or incinerating it.

She was still hugging Kotone, who was still blushing. Naruto dragged Kotone down in to a chair and sat next to her.

Not for the first time, Shikamaru wondered whether Naruto preferred women or men. She kept hugging women, Kotone, Hinata, and, even if Naruto said that all she had wanted to be was friends with, Sakura, she had been really persistent. Yet, when a guy flirted with her, she had to ask him if he was. Why was he even thinking about it? It had absolutely nothing to do with the mission.

Takeshi cleared his throat and started. "When I was voted into power of this village, I decided that things needed to change. We had no way of defending ourselves if we needed to, and that left us weak. I wasn't sure what to do yet, but then on one of my trips to talk to other villages, I ran across a family who had a bloodline. They were from Kirigakure, and they had just escaped being slaughtered. It was then that I had the idea. I invited the family to come and live in our village, where they wouldn't be persecuted, and then began to make preparations for my idea. We would become a shinobi village. That way, we could protect ourselves, gather in another source of income for hiring ourselves out for missions, and take in people who had no where else to go. It made sense to me, so I started implementing my plans immediately. Gathering more families who need a place to stay, a place where they can be happy and safe, building schools, gathering rouge ninja's as teachers, not the murderous or insane ones. I started this all eight years ago, keeping it secret from the other villagers."

He paused and then continued. "Do not imagine that it was easy, convincing the people, the other members of the council, and old families. Many of them were against it, but I won them over, and those that I didn't win over, I either ignored or had to dismiss. You probably could have guessed all of that, Shikamaru," he said, directing the last comment towards Shikamaru.

Shikamaru nodded in reply, fingers sneaking towards the pouch with his cigarettes in it. Naruto seemed to be engrossed in what Takeshi was saying.

"And now we get to the reason that I asked Tsunade to send you two to me. Kotone has almost been killed twice before. Once, three months ago, she was almost stabbed through the chest with a kunai when she was on the training grounds. That wouldn't be out of usual, it being a training ground, except that there was only one other person there, and they didn't throw the kunai."

Shikamaru held up a hand, not the one with the now burning cigarette, and asked, "And how do you know that for sure?"

"Because, I was the other person there. Now, as I was saying, the kunai came out of nowhere, and almost hit her. Then, eight days ago, it got worse. Kotone was almost assassinated in her bed. If it hadn't of been for one of her guards, she would be dead. The first incident might have been an accident, but not that. That's when I decided I needed help, and I had no idea who was behind these attacks, so I didn't know who to trust in my own village. I don't know why anyone would want her dead. I can't think of a thing, besides someone who despises me and wants to make me suffer by taking away what is most precious to me." He shot a fond look at his daughter and lapsed into silence.

Shikamaru's brain worked, synapses firing rapidly. That was one option, but there were more, many more. If it wasn't for something that Kotone had done consciously, then it might have been something that she saw or heard but didn't realize the value of it, or she was needed out of the way for some other reason. Or, if it wasn't about her, then it could be for revenge, as Takeshi had indicated, or something else entirely. There were so many options, but not enough facts. He needed more.

He took a puff on his cigarette, and asked, "How does the system work here? Are the leaders of the council always chosen, or does lineage have anything to do with it?"

Takeshi looked a little startled at the question, but answered readily, "Well, in the past, before we became a ninja village, the ruler of the council was passed down the line of a specific family, and, in the case that no one was left in the family who would take the position, then a new head of council is chosen. That is how I came into power. In the event that I die… Kotone will take over."

Shikamaru nodded. That made sense. If he died, Kotone took over, and if she died… "Do you have any other family members… Takeshi?" Shikamaru asked. Usually, he would be a little more respectful, even if it was troublesome, but Takeshi didn't seem like the sort of person who wanted to be treated differently.

The older man shook his head. "No. It's just me and Kotone. Her mother died a few years ago."

Following that train of thought, then after she died, his family would be out of power, and someone else would need to be chosen. It wasn't that difficult to have two people killed, and someone had probably figured that Kotone would be the easier one to take out. And her death would probably weaken his physical health, not to mention mental health, making him easier to kill. But why now? And was it to gain the position or was it simply something only to do with Kotone? He moved to take a puff of his cigarette, only to place his lips around nothing. He looked up and sighed.

Naruto had stopped hugging Kotone, and was now standing over him, his cigarette in her hand, glaring down at him. "What did I tell you? Smoking is bad. Ramen is good. Smoking makes you not taste the ramen! You're a genius, Shika. It's not that difficult! No more smoking!" She threw the offending item out the open window, and then turned back to him. "You'll try to stop smoking, right?" she asked, scooting into the chair with him and pressing up against him unconsciously. "Please?" Naruto pouted.

He felt his cheeks heating up, and coughed into his hand to hide his embarrassment.

Unfortunately, Naruto took his cough another way. "See! The smoke is already affecting your lungs!" she exclaimed, hugging him as if he was going to keel over any moment.

Over Naruto's shoulder Shikamaru could see Kotone and Takeshi exchanging glances, confused glances. Great, they were probably getting the wrong idea.

"Naruto, you are a guy, right?" Takeshi asked pointedly.

Kotone jumped and stared at Naruto, "What? You're a guy?"

Naruto stopped hugging Shikamaru, leaving him to keep telling himself that he did not miss the feeling of her body against his. Naruto plastered a smile on her face and declared, "Yup! I'm a guy. Great henge, right?"

Shikamaru frowned inwardly. He wasn't an idiot, and he'd spent enough time watching Naruto to recognize one of her fake smiles, which she actually had on her face a lot. It was a little odd, but he didn't want other people to know that she was really a girl. It felt… nice being the only one who knew her secret, and there would be untold numbers of guys in Konoha after her if they found out. And, if they found out, he would make sure that they all had unfortunate accidents that kept them in bed, unable to walk, perhaps unconscious, for a few weeks… or more.

Shikamaru shook himself back to reality just in time to see Takeshi say, "Okay… Tsunade did say that you were a boy. So are you two…" He pointed back and forth between Shikamaru and Naruto.

Okay, so now they were getting mistaken for a couple. Shikamaru refrained from answering, instead closing his eyes and wondering whether they were in some odd genjutsu, and Naruto just tilted her head to the side looking clueless.

After an awkward silence, Takeshi cleared his throat and said, "Never mind. Kotone will take you to where you will be sleeping, okay? And then I'm sure that she can show you around the village. I would do it myself, but I have work that needs to be done. Be safe."

Shikamaru heard the plead in the words. Keep my daughter safe, and try to pretend that nothing is wrong. I don't want to worry my people.

Kotone rose gracefully from her chair, still shooting glances at Naruto and Shikamaru, and Shikamaru and Naruto followed her, Shikamaru bowing his head lazily to Takeshi, and Naruto energetically waving good bye. Shikamaru closed the door behind him, and after Kotone and Naruto.

Hisoka and Kazuo were still waiting for them outside the door. Takeshi bowed when he saw Kotone, and Shikamaru couldn't help notice that Kotone was blushing, and, if he guessed right, Hisoka was blushing, too. His bow was just covering it.

"Hello, Hisoka," she replied, twiddling her fingers in an almost Hinata-like gesture.

Naruto's eyes lit up as she glanced from Hisoka to Kotone.

It completely and utterly figured. Naruto understood other people's feelings… as long as they didn't have anything to do with her. It was like she had a mental block. It didn't seem like it was on purpose; she was just dense when it came to herself apparently.

When Kotone finished fiddling her fingers, she cleared her throat and turned to Naruto and Shikamaru. "Shikamaru, Naruto, would you two like to see our shinobi academy? It's what I'm especially proud of, but I'd like to show you the rest of the town as well," she said.

Naruto hugged Kotone, saying, "Aww… Kotone-chan! I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but you don't need to be so formal! I told you that already."

Shikamaru read in between the lines. You're not acting right. At this rate, everyone is going to know that something is wrong.

Seemingly, Kotone understood what Naruto was saying as well. "Sorry, Naru-chan."

Naru-chan? That was… cute. Maybe he could call Naruto that.

Kotone hesitated and then said, "I think you should change your clothes, Naru-chan, and then I'll show you around."

Naruto blinked at her. "Why?"

"Well, your shirt… It's not covering – I mean, the amount of material… Oh! I just think it would be better if you changed!" Kotone sputtered.

The vest did seem to be straining the single button that kept it shut. Shikamaru silently cheered for the button to pop and then stopped. When had be become such a pervert?

Kazuo chose this time to speak up. With a lascivious wink at Naruto, he said, "I think she looks perfect."

Kotone rolled her eyes at her, and growled, "You would."

Kazuo narrowly dodged a cuff aimed for his head by Hisoka.

Shikamaru shook his head slowly. Really troublesome.

"Would it be alright if you went and bought some appropriate clothing for… Naruto, and then met us at the academy, Miss Takeshi?" Hisoka offered formally.

A flash of dejection flashed across her face at what he called her, but was replace by a polite smile before she quickly turned to Naruto. "That's a good idea. Are you okay with that, Naru-chan?"

Naruto nodded. "Do I need to? I like this vest. It's Shika's, but… fine. I'll see you in a little, Shika," She said.

He nodded. "Sure, just don't take too long and make me come to look for you. That would be too much work," he answered lazily.

She beamed at him. "Okay! Let's go!"

The three boys watched as Naruto and Kotone walked off, when Shikamaru had a sudden thought. "Naruto! Don't even think about getting any ramen!" he yelled after her, and heard a groan in response.

Then, it was just him, Hisoka, who he didn't mind much, and Kazuo, who he would like to maim, very, very much.

"So," Kazuo said, once the girls were out of sight, breaking the silence, "Why was Naruto wearing your vest? I wonder how she'd look wearing my shirt… just my shirt."

Shikamaru changed his mind. He didn't just want to maim Kazuo; he wanted to tie Kazuo up, skin him very slowly with a blunt kunai, use him as target practice for shuriken, and then make him watch hours of Rock Lee and Might Guy hugging, complete with the sunset in the background. That amount of torture, green spandex, bowl cuts, huge eyebrows, and pain, both emotional and physical, would be enough to make anyone go insane, or die from blood loss, whichever came first.

He must have been emitting killer intent, although he was smart enough, and aware enough, to keep it in the range that a civilian could muster, because Hisoka suddenly looked as though he realized that it wasn't a good idea to have Shikamaru and Kazuo together.

Shikamaru glanced at the clock on the wall. He could only hope that Naruto came back before he cracked and killed Kazuo, which wasn't sounding too bothersome at this point. After all, he was a genius, so he could kill him and not leave a trace of what had happened behind, right? He glanced at the clock again. When was Naruto coming back?

Hey, everyone. Sorry it's been so long since I posted last. It has been a while, right? I seem to have lost touch with reality, I got an error message every time I tried, and I was away from any internet source after that. Anyway, I would have posted sooner, but life was... being troublesome. I think that sums it up nicely. I also think that Shikamaru needs some nice, calming tea so that he doesn't go bonkers and kill Kazuo to protect Naruto's innocence. I think there's something else... Oh, yeah. I created a deviantart account and put up the link on my homepage. If you guys are interested, you can go look. I couldn't get Naruto quite right (at all) but it's there if you want to look at it. And... I just got accepted into two colleges, one really good, and the other good. Unfortunately, this confused happiness was slightly dampened by the drama of a unstable, wet-blanket, depressing person. Right. Anyway, I hope you guys like the story.

Ja ne,

Rumer

Sanz0girl: Ah, I see I've succeeded with my purpose for this story. Making people laugh. I'm glad you like the story and it amuses you. Thanks for the review, and read on.

Schnookums: Yes, I think you're right. Maybe Kotone can beat some girliness into Naruto. She needs it. Naruto's girliness isn't even calculable, sadly. I can see it now. Naruto would make the prefect dress up doll, and I"m sure that Shikamaru would be averse to seeing Naruto in some new outfits.

InARealPickle: Thank you. ^_^

Naarano: It meant five to ten, and it was a typo. Thank you for pointing it out. I went back and fixed it. Hope you like this chapter as well.

: Oh my... That is a problem. I didn't mean to make Sasuke that likable so that you would prefer him and Naruto over Shikamaru and Naruto. Hmm... And I just sent Sasuke home to Konoha. Well, don't worry. Once Naruto and Shikamaru get back to Konoha, I'm sure that Sasuke can continue to threaten people and cause all sorts of issues. So, about that niggling horror of yours with the council and everything... I have no idea what you're talking about. *Tries to look innocent and fails horribly*

SweetHunniiBunnii: Yes, Naruto is super weird, but we all love her. I'm happy that you liked the last chapter. Sorry it's been a while since I posted last, though. I hope you like this chapter.

harlequin320: I will definitely keep this story up. There is much weird Naruto-ness to come. Thanks for reviewing.

Ice Cold Steel: How old is Naruto? Oh... well, humm... Can you tell I've thought about it deeply? She's around seventeen, I think, and it's very, very AU. The part about me not italicizing Naruto and Shikamau's mental conversation was a fluke on my part. I went back and fixed it. Same with the other thing you mentioned. Jeez, everyone seems to like Sasuke in this thing. I mean, I'm glad you like him, since I was trying to make the bastard more likable, but he's still a bastard. You know what they say, once a bastard, always a bastard. He is rather nice with Naruto, though. Yeah, the fact that Kazuo seems to have a perverted interest in Naruto is going to be very troublesome for Shikamaru. He'll have to protect her... if it's not too much work. As for Kotone and Hisoka... you'll just have to keep reading to find out their relationship. I kind of know what you mean about the lemon, period, and I'm not really sure that I'd be comfortable writing one. God, that's abnormal for a teenaged boy to say... But I think a lime would be nice. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Ice.

I-KNOW-I'M-CRAZY-NOT-INSANE: The difference between a lemon and a lime are as follows: A lemon has explicit sexual content, and a lime has kissing and some heavy petting, I believe. I may be mistaken, of course. Hope you liked this chapter.

narachan: Yes! The chapter was awesome! That's good. I really love ShikaNaru pairings, too. It's just such a nice dynamic. Seriously, thank you for reviewing.