!*!*! PAY ATTENTION ... 주의 ...Attende !*!*!

Disclaimer: Does Naruto hate ramen and the color orange? The answer to that is... Hell no! Well, that's also the answer to whether or not I own Naruto or any of it's characters. Read on, my fellow ramen lovers. Read on.

Kotone led then over to the man who was leaning on the tree, and, now that they were close, Shikamaru could really take in his appearance.

His face was covered in scars, big and little, superficial and deep. They looked old, like they belonged to his past. He also had a white strip of cloth bound over his eyes. Only one conclusion could be drawn from that, since people didn't usually walk around blinded for fun. He was blind. It was a dangerous and difficult life being a shinobi, but to be blind and one… few managed it, and most of them died. The man also had dark, prematurely grey hair that spiked up like horns or cat ears. Those, together with the fact he was licking a knife, gave him the appearance of a psychopathic cat. He also had a large scroll strapped to his back.

"Shikamaru, Naru-chan, this is Akira. He teaches the younger students at the academy."

Shikamaru stared. Akira looked sadistic, questionably sane, and looked like he could give Anko a run for her money on the crazy scale. It was not the type of person he would imagine parents wanting their children around. Well, that was, unless they wanted their children to either be eaten, scarred for life, or to grow up to be mass murderers.

Akira grinned, showing sharp-looking canines. "Hello, Kotone. How… nice to meet you, Shikamaru, Naru-chan." His grin was the farthest thing from comforting, and his voice sounded like gravel being run though a blender. Akira gestured for them to step closer. "I can tell where you two are, but I can't see what you two look like. Can I feel you?"

Shikamaru glanced at Kotone, and she nodded, as if she wasn't telling them to step into arms reach of a man who looked like he ate people's internal organs for breakfast… raw.

Akira raised his hands and ran his calloused digits over Shikamaru's cheeks, nose, face hair, and upper body. Finally, his hands dropped to his sides and he said, "Got it. Do you know your head is shaped like a pineapple?"

Shikamaru twitched. Why were so many of the shinobi he met bastards?

"It does look a little like a pineapple," Naruto admitted, "but I like it."

Was that a positive thing or not? It was hard to tell.

Akira reached out and grabbed Naruto's hand, pulling her closer, and then proceeded to run his fingers over her lips, face, and hair.

Shikamaru shook his head as he felt an irrational twinge of jealousy. The guy was blind! He was simply seeing what they looked like. Now, he was just being paranoid that guys were hitting on Naruto.

Suddenly, Akira's hands slipped lower, and Naruto emitted a squeak as Akira gave her breasts a quick squeeze. "Oops. Sorry. Blind, remember?" he said before Shikamaru could kill him. While his features were schooled into a mask of contriteness, his voice was evilly gleeful.

Naruto seemed to accept this excuse. "It's okay," she said, crimson cheeked. Shikamaru grabbed her hand and drew her back from the sightless groper. Akira seemed to sense Shikamaru's agitation and Kotone's disapproving gaze, and his grin widened.

Before anything else could be said, they were interrupted. "Kotone! You came down to visit us! It's been too long since I saw you!" The exuberant speaker was the almost naked woman who had been fighting earlier. She had long warm, brown hair with a red stripe in it, bright green eyes, and a figure even curvier than Naruto's, which was on display.

Does that even qualify as clothing? He was pretty sure it didn't, yet she seemed to think it did.

Bandages were wrapped around her generous chest, along with the smallest vest ever created. She also sported arm warmers and a very short skirt, slit up the sides. As she walked, or rather, bounced, over the eyes of every man, save Akira, although his face was turned towards her, were trained on her.

"You saw her the day before yesterday, Etsu," a flat voice said.

Shikamaru blinked as they stood in front of them, side by side. They were the same, yet completely different. The second woman looked just like the first except that her hair was short, cut off abruptly at her chin, it had a blue streak, and she was wearing a black tank top with a fish net shirt over it and standard black shinobi pants. She also didn't have the same carefree and slightly crazed look as Etsu, who Shikamaru guessed was her twin. This woman was clearly all business.

"Hello, Kotone," she said, greeting the younger girl warmly.

"Hello, Masago." Kotone turned to Shikamaru and Naruto. "This is Etsu and Masago. They're jounin senseis in the village. Etsu, Masago, these is my good friend from the hidden leaf village, and her boyfriend, Shikamaru."

Masago smiled and bowed to each of them politely. "Welcome to our village."

Etsu was less restrained in her welcome. She immediately pounced on Naruto. "You're adorable!" She hugged Naruto tightly. "I could just eat you up!"

Several men, and one woman, present fainted from massive nosebleeds. The two women together, and the way they were hugging was making their clothes rise up, revealing smooth, creamy skin, and there was what Etsu had said, which could be taken several different ways.

Shikamaru fumed. Arousing though the image of them was, he did not need women chasing Naruto, too. Really, why didn't the whole town just hit on her? No, he couldn't think like that. He might jinx something. Besides, it seemed like the entire shinobi populace was doing it already.

Then, Etsu turned and hugged Shikamaru. "You're cute, too!"

Okay, so maybe Etsu wasn't so bad. Not that he was biased or anything.

Masago pulled her sister off of him. "I'm sorry, "she apologized. "She was dropped on her head as a child."

"I was not!"

"Yes, you were."

"Really? That explains so much."

Even Naruto seemed to think this reaction was strange. Then Etsu bounced over to Akira. "So, are you taking any bets?"

Akira nodded, licking his knife in a highly perturbing manner. "Most bets are for Masago's team to win their matches."

Masago gave a small, proud smile, and Etsu pouted before exclaiming, "I'll bet my entire last mission's earnings on Tori beating Nagisa!"

Kotone, Akira, and Masago just shook their heads.

"First off, although Tori is good, I'm pretty sure that Nagisa is going to win, and secondly, when you bet on someone, they always lose. Either you curse them, or you've got the worst luck ever. I'm happy to take your money, though," Akira said, looking more like a crooked money-lender than a ninja who taught children.

"Are you betting on the fights?" Naruto asked. They nodded. "But… but that's horrible. Matches and sparing should be about training to become stronger and more skilled so that they can protect their loved ones, and you should be focusing on that, not betting on them."

Shikamaru knew where she was coming from. She was so serious about training, and, even though she had long forgiven him, she still remembered that Kakashi's attention had been, for the most part, divided between two things: Icha Icha and Sasuke. And then, the Great Toad Sage had split his time between being a super pervert and teaching Naruto.

Akira, Etsu, and Masago were staring at her. "What sort of ninja have you met? He sounds unreal. Most of the shinobi I've met are twisted in one way or another, and I don't think any of them think like that. I'd like to meet this guy… so I can corrupt him." Everyone sweat dropped at Akira's words.

Naruto looked stubborn. "He is real!"

She obviously didn't like being told that her ideals, and himself, no, herself, weren't real. Man, things were getting confusing.

Using the chakra earrings that Naruto had created, he said, "Cool it, and stop being so troublesome. You're supposed to be a civilian."

She looked sheepish suddenly, but no one seemed to notice.

"While I appreciate and agree with your ideals, more often than not, ninja are like these two," Masago said, jerking her head at her sister and Akira.

Akira slung an arm around Naruto, hand landing dangerously close to her breast, and said, "Don't worry, Naru-chan I'll show you how a real ninja is."

That was it. He was going to at least maim the blind bastard. He didn't care if he was blind. And Naruto was even smiling at him.

Thankfully, a distraction came. Sadly, at least for Shikamaru's stress levels, it came in the form of Yukio. He came running up and hid behind, of all people, Shikamaru, although that was probably because he was closest.

"Save me! She's an evil witch."

The evil witch of which he spoke came stomping up, eyes narrowed in annoyance. She looked like Yukio, except that her hair was long and pulled up in high pigtails, almost like Naruto's, and she was older, probably around fourteen. She wore a high-necked dress that reminded him of the one Sakura wore when she was younger, except that it was a deep murky green and had long flaring sleeves which he suspected hid a multitude of weapons. She was also, he noted vaguely and in a completely unperverted way for once, noted that she was pretty. She was also scowling. "Yukio! Get back here! You promised that you would practice your taijutsu. You can't just rely on ninjutsu and your skill with seals to become a good shinobi!"

Yukio's voice came from behind Shikamaru, "I promised to practice, and I will… I just didn't say when, Nagisa."

So this was the Nagisa they had been talking about earlier. Yukio's comment seemed to enrage Nagisa further. "Get over here, now!"

"Never! I want to liiive!"

Nagisa looked Shikamaru straight in the eyes. "Move, please."

He shrugged, stepping to the side and leaving Yukio's exposed. It wasn't Shikamaru's business, and it would have been troublesome to get in between them. Plus, he was still annoyed at the kid for the comments about the size of Naruto's breasts.

"Traitor!" Yukio yelled at Shikamaru as Nagisa grabbed him by the collar and lifted him into the air. Shikamaru was a little surprised that no one was intervening. Akira, Etsu, and Masago were watching with amusement, and only Kotone looked upset.

"Don't hurt him, Nagisa."

"I won't, lady Kotone," Nagisa said respectfully before turning back to Yukio, who was still in the air and slowly turning blue. "Now, you are going to practice today, aren't you, Otouto?" she asked, voice eerily similar to Akira's. He nodded weakly, and she set him down. "Good, you know I'm just doing this because I love you, right?" He nodded, apparently too scared of his older sister to actually formulate a response. "Oh, and this is for making me hunt you down," she added, and flicked him on the forehead with a force that made him fall over.

Shikamaru shivered, suddenly glad he didn't have an older sister. He just had his mom, and she only nagged him.

"Don't you think that was just a little harsh?" Masago asked.

Nagisa looked down, instantly apologetic. "Yes, sorry, sensei. I'll try to control my temper better."

Meanwhile, Yukio was still laying on the ground. Naruto knelt down next to him. "Are you okay?"

Arms shot up and curled around Naruto's neck. "Your boyfriend is mean. He sold me out! He handed me over to her. If I had died, it would have been on his head!"

Shikamaru felt his stomach sink slightly as Naruto shot him a reproachful look.

Yukio waggled his eyebrows at Shikamaru, as if to say, "Take that."

Must not kill. He'd get in trouble if he killed the kid and it would blow his cover. It was also morally and ethically wrong, too, of course. Yeah, that too.

Naruto stood up, Yukio still attached to her. He rubbed the spot where his sister had flicked him, and said to Naruto, "Kiss it and make it better?"

Smiling in a slightly motherly way, Naruto pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

Shikamaru twitched… again, something that was happening with increasing frequency. He hadn't even gotten kissed yet, and he was supposed to be her boyfriend. Her fake boyfriend, that was, for the mission.

Etsu and Masago seemed to be fighting again; Kotone was shooting him significant looks, and Nagisa was staring at Naruto in a decidedly analyzing manner.

Akira elbowed Shikamaru in the ribs. "She your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Ah… Well, you better watch out. Someone might steal her away." Before Shikamaru could ask what exactly he meant, Akira asked, "What color is her hair?"

"Blonde…"

Akira smiled his psychopath-who-works-with-children smile and said, "Even better. Bye." And then he disappeared in a burst of warm mist.

Shikamaru slouched forward. That was one person he could live without seeing again. He reminded him of a horrible amalgamation of Anko and Ibiki with a touch of Kakashi. Unfortunately, he had the feeling that he would be seeing Akira again soon. Things like this were too bothersome.

Shikamaru turned his attention back to the present in time to hear Nagisa say to Naruto, "I don't like you."

Well, she was certainly blunt.

Naruto turned expressive blue eyes towards Nagisa. She was annoyed, confused, and sad by the sudden statement, but not hurt. She'd heard so much worse in from the people in her own village. "What? Why?"

"Because you're babying my brother." Nagisa's face turned red as she added, "And your boobs are too big!"

And so the truth comes out. Female jealousy. Why was everyone focusing on Naruto's boobs? Not that they weren't big, and soft, and warm and perky… Shikamaru firmly stopped his train of thought before he had to run back, find the shower, and take a cold one.

Yukio grinned. "They're huge, right?" He turned to Naruto," She's just jealous because she's flatter than a board.

"I'm going to kill you!" Nagisa raged. Naruto shoved Yukio behind her and away from his sister, who looked as though she was going to rip off his head barehanded, or at the very least, throw him head first into a tree. "Move out of the way, you big-boobed blonde!"

Shikamaru frowned. There was nothing in that sentence that wasn't true, but that was just rude. He moved to step forward, to intervene and defend Naruto, but she shot him a look and, almost imperceptibly shook her head. The message was clear; she wanted to deal with Nagisa herself. Shikamaru sighed and sat back to watch.

Naruto scowled, eyes narrowed, and glared at Nagisa. "Stop acting like such a brat, and get your emotions under control! You can't just say and do whatever you feel like," she snapped.

Shikamaru hid a grin. She was one to talk. More than half of what she did seemed based on emotions and what she felt.

Naruto continued, voice passionate, "You'll get yourself and your team in trouble if you keep acting like this. What were you going to do if I didn't move? Make me? I'm a civilian. You're supposed to protect us, not threaten us. You're a ninja. Act like one!" Although Nagisa was the same height as Naruto, Naruto seemed to tower over the younger girl.

Yukio, what had been snickering at his sister's tongue lashing, yelped as Naruto turned on him. "And you! You need to practice, just like your sister said. What if you're fighting an enemy, and you can't stop them because you aren't strong enough? What if that enemy goes on to kill the people that you love, and you can only watch because you're weak? You've got to practice and try to get stronger to protect your special people."

Now both siblings looked sufficiently cowed, and were standing in front of Naruto, heads bowed.

Naruto's face softened, and she said gently to Yukio, "Promise to practice right after the fights are over?" He nodded. "Good. Oh, one more thing. Girls really admire strong ninja." With that, she kissed him on the cheeks and motioned for him to run along, which he did, after brightening up considerably at her comment.

"Got it! You're right, Naruto! I have to get strong to protect the people I care about… and to get the girls!"

Shikamaru sighed as Yukio trotted off, although not without throwing a glare at the lazy genius. Naruto had inspired another up-and-coming shinobi, maybe not for all of the right reasons, but some of them at least.

Now, only Nagisa stood there, shifting from foot to foot. "Nagisa…"

The girl tensed visibly, anticipating another tongue-lashing.

"Nagisa… I'm sorry. I should not have gone off on you like that. Not to say what I said isn't true."

She stared at Naruto, eyes wide.

Naruto smiled. "It's just that you remind me of a girl I know, and, trust me, she could've gotten a lot more done just being nicer. People would have liked her better, too. You know what I'm saying?" Nagisa nodded, "Yes." "So, are we… okay?" She nodded again, and Naruto's grin slipped back onto her face. "Great! I think they're calling you for your match." She lowered her voice, "Oh, and don't worry about having a small chest. First of all, I doubt it's an advantage in a fight, and, secondly, you'll probably get one in a few years."

The look on Nagisa's face was almost ludicrous. "Really?" she asked hopefully. "You got huge breasts all of the sudden?"

"Er… Yeah. I guess you could say I got them overnight," Naruto said, a funny expression on her face.

Shikamaru choked on his laughter, eliciting strange looks. Thanks to the Kyuubi, Naruto really had gotten her figure overnight… and that was still slightly disturbing to think about.

Nagisa, looking much happier, actually smiled at Naruto, and turned around without a word, to the center of the practice ground, where people were waiting.

Naruto finally noticed that Shikamaru, Kotone, Etsu, and Masago, who had stopped fighting, although Shikamaru couldn't figure out what the twins had been fighting about in the first place, were staring at her. She smiled sheepishly and scratched her head. "Sorry."

Masago shook her head. "You don't have anything to apologize for... You did that rather well. I approve. I've got to go, since my student is fighting."

Etsu beamed at Naruto. "You'd make a great mother!" And then she followed her sister.

That one statement sent dozens of thoughts and images swirling around Shikamaru's mind. Naruto would make a great mom, but to have children, you had to… He shook his head.

Kotone was watching him, an amused smile on her face, and he had the eerie idea that she knew what he was thinking. He cleared his throat hurriedly and turned his attention to the fight, which was about to start.

Hopefully, watching the fight wouldn't be too troublesome.

Okay... Ummm... Shit. I know you are all probably pretty pissed at me, but, before you decide to hand to over to Ibiki for a nice long torture session or decide to do it yourself, hear my out. I stopped posting chapters, but I didn't stop writing. That might be a little confusing. Let me clear it up a bit by saying that I was abducted. Okay... Still not clearing it up. Some might notice that the time I stopped posting and posted this chapter roughly coincide with summer. The reason? I was abducted by my parents. I'm not joking. We spent all summer either camping or at a place in the mountains with virtually no electricity, so I couldn't post anything. I still wrote, though, on a piece of paper, but it was a little difficult since I couldn't go back and cross check anything. It's going to take a few chapters to get me back on track, but please bear with me. So, I guess what I'm really saying is... I'm back and please don't kill me?

Oh, one more thing before I forget. I drew and painted a sketch of Akira, if anyone wants to see it. It's on my deviant art account.

Ja ne,

Rumer Hasit

Lily887787: Yes, Lily, Naruto did indeed write those new Icha Icha books. She's the Toad Sage's apprentice in more ways than one.

Reenan lefey: Yep. Naruto is indeed Ren. Humph. I made it clear, didn't I? I mean, I didn't think I made it that clear, but all you guys seem to have gotten it, so... Yeah.

Midori Ookami: Yeah, that chapter was really fun to write. I just love writing, period, actually. So, really, all of the chapters are fun to write. Although, some are more fun to write than others. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the chapter.

UlricGriever: Wow. Seriously? You think this is the best Shika/Naru story you've read in half a year? Wow. I mean, thank you. I'm glad you think that.

Ice Cold Steel: Thanks for finding the mistake when I wrote shoji instead of shogi. I'll go back and fix that. And as for me being Japanese... What do you think? Am I? Yes! You were my one hundreth reviewer! Thank you for that. I really do like your reviews. Shikamaru is indeed getting pretty creative... and perverted. Unfortunately, he would be far too lazy to join up with Jiraiya and write a book. Besides, Shikamaru's seems only to be really attracted to Naruto. Maybe I'll draw a picture of Shikamaru with his hair down... Anyway, I've been putting Shikamaru throught a lot of stuff... and it's just going to get worse. I probably should let him watch clouds again soon, shouldn't I? I'll have to so he doesn't go completely bonkers any time soon. Oh, and, yes, Naruto is Ren. Sorry for not posting for a while, but I got abducted by aliens, I mean, my parents. I'll be able to write more now.

9tailedokami16x: Glad you liked it.

Nero Strauss: Yeah, Kazuo kind of deserved being punched, and Shikamaru needed to get some stress out of his system. And, you're totally right. I imagine Hinata and Shino would probably have the most interesting reactions to Naruto really being a girl. I can't wait to write those scenes. I do bet that Ino would be happy to see Shikamaru in a relationship. She'd probably start squealing or something.

hana-chan: Well, I'm ecstatic that you think this is one of the best stories you've ever read, and I'm going to continue writing it. Sorry I stopped for so long.

SweetHunniiBunnii: Shikamaru is indeed protective of Naruto. I'm pretty sure that he wants to lock her away in a tower with access to no one but him. Yep. That's protective. You were wondering about the end scene with the guy licking the knife? Well, I think I explained it. Oh, and you'll be seeing more of him in a later chapter.

Shinigami's-Neko-Gaki: I worry for Shikamaru's sanity as well, which isn't really fair, since I'm the one putting him through all of this. Maybe he'll have a happy ending, but only after a lot of troublesome stuff.

putu: Yeah, I seem to be better at writing fluffy stuff than serious action scenes, which is a little odd, considering my gender, but hey, as long as you like what I write, I'm cool with it.

Rika-chan24: Sorry that I didn't really update for a while... a long while. Crud. I feel bad. Well, I should be able to update pretty regularly now.

narachan: Of course Kotone would be the one to see that Shikamaru likes Naruto. For some reason, it seems like females are a lot more... they get stuff that guys just don't. You know what I mean? Anyway, glad you liked the last chapter.

bloodybeth: Seriously? I converted you into a Shika/Naru fan? My job is done. As for the two options of whether I'm an amazing freak that can make a great story on my first try or this is really just the first story I've put up. Let's go with number one, although the truth is that I just write a lot. A lot. Anyway, glad you like it. ;)

serenamoonrose: Thank you. I really hope it made you laugh.

harlequin320: Jealous Shikamaru really is great, isn't it?

Silver Elysion: Wow. You read all of the chapters in under an hour? You must be a very quick reader. I do try to put thought into my characters and everyone says my writing style is light humor. Glad you like it.

blucross: You really don't like Kakashi, do you? But, I do think that Kazuo deserved that punch. He is a bit of a pervert.

PoisonAndSugar: You... normally hate femNaru stories? But, I've changed your mind! Awesome! And you love my story? Great! I hope you keep reading.

Slyther88: I think that might be the first time anyone's likened my story to something edible. I'm glad you compared it to something as delicious as chocolate. Oh, and your spelling doesn't suck at all. It's really good.

almp15: Once Shikamaru and Naruto get back to the village. Once they're there, the secret will definitely get out.

Dibria: Glad you like the story. Man, I am seriously sorry that it's been so long since I last updated, though.

Rumerfan: Getting better and better, eh? Well, it's nice that you think so. Oh, and I like your username.

dhh: Okay. Well, you don't need to read my story then. Good bye.

PZldfn: Thanks. It's nice to know that people like my work. I like the pairing, too. The brilliant and lazy Shikamaru seems to balance well with the... not so brilliant yet incredibly hyper Naruto. They balance each other out. Thanks for reassuring me about the other, highly unpleasant, reviewer. It's nice of you. But, I don't plan to quite writing because of any harassment or anything like that. They can hate Shika/Naru stories if they want to. Anyway, thanks.

UnstableFable: Okay, just as you asked for. More Yukio. More awesome little dude. He is pretty cool, isn't he? What do you think of his sister? Frankly, she scares me.

KatelySmiling: Okay, I swear that everyone will find out about Naruto when she gets back to her village, yeah?

mycroft216: Unique? Thank you. I hope that I can put enough twists on this story to keep it from being a cliche. And I do love alliteration in the titles. It's fun. Oh, by the way. I like your username. Very Sherlock Holmes, except his more gifted brother, right?

An Udar: Kami, I'm really sorry. I know it's been a while since I last posted (abducted). I'll try my best to get the story moving again, okay?

Muaji: Thank you for pointing out that plot hole. I'll try to go back and fix it up when I have time. It is a bit of a problem.

xhiibax: It makes you laugh? That's all I need to hear. That's the entire purpose of my story. I just love making people laugh.

Babyuknowme13:Oh, my god! You didn't just call Kazuo that. Well, I did kind of have him in mind when I had Kazuo say those lines, but still. That thing (Golum?) Creeps me out. We both agree that Shika is completely awesome, though. I'm sorry I haven't updated for you sooner, Baby, but here it is and I hope you enjoy it.

chiichaan: I... am honored. It is indeed a great honor to hear my story mentioned in the same word as Orange, let alone be compared to it. I thank you.

Wiccachick2000: I do try to keep things in my story at least slightly believable, even though we're talking about ninjas and demons. Thank you for putting me on your alert list.

Regin: You like, lust, love? Now, do you mean my story or me? *Wriggles eyebrows suggestively*

Sillvog: Yes, you are right. Naruto is Ren. Can you believe that he's actually writing that stuff and is good at it? She truly is a ninja of many talents. Like eating copious amounts of ramen.

Kyery: Thanks and thanks. I agree with you that there aren't nearly enough Shika/Naru pairing stories. Jeez, they all are Sasu/Naru. I have no idea why...

Tryptophan36: I know. Several people have pointed out that mistake. I'll go back and rectify it.

rochchen: I'm glad you like the story. I thought it would be me interesting to have Naruto's gender switch suddenly rather than hiding it since birth. The whole switching gender allows for a bunch more trouble and weirdness, which I am always a fan of. Darn it! I know about the mistake with the proof reading thing. I will go back and fix it as soon as I have time. I swear. And, yes, it's going to be a little before Tsunade knows Naruto's secret, but hopefully you'll still be reading when that happens.