Mrs. Hughes was happy to see Mr. Carson's handwriting on another letter from London so soon after she had sent her last. Just as before, she saved the letter from the afternoon post to read when she was alone in her room, although this time she did not feel any apprehension that something might be wrong. She thought it was possible that he would draw back a little after receiving her last letter, but the fact that he had written so soon seemed significant to her. She undressed hurriedly and once she was ready for bed, she opened and read what he had written.
Dear Mrs. Hughes,
The idea of visiting the Crystal Palace or Westminster Abbey without the rest of the staff is indeed quite a ridiculous notion. I can't think what might have put it into your mind. What excuse could we possibly have for leaving the family and the staff to their own devices while we went gallivanting about London? I can hardly think of anything less likely or less desirable. Think of the time it would take for us to catch up on work left behind. I know you will agree with me once you have thought about it further, for you are a practical woman.
Last night at Grantham House we entertained a large party at dinner. A great deal more wine was consumed than I had anticipated, even considering the size of the party. We do not expect another large party for two or three weeks, but please be ready to receive a note from me in the next few days with instructions on sending some things to town from the cellar at Downton. Please do not leave it all to Mr. Molesley, for I depend on your checking everything twice to be sure that Grantham House is properly supplied for the Crawleys and their guests.
As for Mr. Molesley's or Mr. Barrow's supposed designs on my position, I will defer always to his lordship on the selection of his staff. If he should choose to replace me with one of them, I should try my best to give way with grace.
C. Carson
Mrs. Hughes willed herself to take slow, deep breaths. It was impossible, however, for her to prevent a few angry tears from springing to her eyes. She had not expected him to write a letter quite as provocative as hers, but she had not expected such a cold and terse response. She could summarize its contents in two sentences. You are a ridiculous woman. Grantham House needs more wine. A few more tears fell and she realized that he had not only offended her, but also hurt her. She hated that he had the power to wound her, when there was likely nothing she could say that would hurt him. No, she corrected herself. It isn't that you can't hurt him, it's that you won't hurt him. It was the sad and sorry truth. She had fallen in love with him a long time ago, and she could never bring herself to purposefully hurt him, although she suspected she possessed the ability. She had begun to peel away his defensive layers years ago, one at a time, and she had no intention of betraying his trust. He might never love her, but she had gotten closer to him, and she really felt she deserved better than this curt message. If he meant to rebuff her after her last letter, he certainly could have done so more kindly. Mrs. Hughes had not thought him quite so cruel, but the words were staring right back at her from the page. He had mocked her far-fetched daydream, admonished her not to leave her own work to Mr. Molesley, and thrown her light jest about Mr. Molesley and Mr. Barrow back in her face. She was angry and hurt, and angry that she was hurt. No good could come from her responding to the letter right away. She would let it sit for a few days until she could be calmer, and then she would compose a cool response. Mrs. Hughes was glad that the family wasn't due to return anytime soon. If Mr. Carson had arrived tomorrow, for example, she might find it difficult to keep a civil tongue in her head. It would probably be an effort not to take out her frustration on the staff in the morning, but she must make that effort. They should not be held responsible for the infuriating behavior of the absent butler.
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Mr. Carson's letter was never far from her mind, but Mrs. Hughes was kept busy enough with Lady Edith's return to Downton that she didn't have time to stew about it. By luncheon, she was feeling more herself, but was thrown into some turmoil by the arrival of another letter from Mr. Carson in the afternoon post. She couldn't think what else he could possibly have to say to her until she remembered his mention of sending for more wine. Very likely it was just his orders for the cellar. Mrs. Hughes thought she had better take a quick look, just so she would know how much of Mr. Molesley's time she would require, either later in the day, or the next morning. As an afterthought, she closed her sitting room door. If yesterday's letter was any indication, even an order for wine might contain some cutting remark that would still have the power to wound her. When she opened the letter, however, she found neither a wine order nor any cutting remarks.
Dear Mrs. Hughes,
I hope, for your sake, that the letter I posted to you this morning never reached its destination, but I think too well of the postal service to believe that. I do have hopes that this letter will do at least a little bit of work toward overcoming the evils of my last. Mrs. Hughes, you must allow me to apologize for that letter. It was cold and unkind, especially considering the friendly tone of your previous letter. I am sorry that I sent it, and ashamed that I wrote it. I do not blame you if you are quite angry with me, and I shall be ready to receive a well-deserved dressing-down in your next letter. I only hope you will choose to continue our correspondence. I always look forward to your letters, even if they only contain a bit of news from the house and a little village gossip. I am truly sorry.
Now that I have tendered my apology, I will continue by writing a proper response to your last letter. It is indeed a fantastical notion, as you said, that you and I should leave Grantham House behind for a day or an afternoon to visit London's sights, but it is not an unpleasant daydream. You've said that you think sometimes of retirement and while I am not certain I am ready to consider it myself, I do agree that a little time off can be very beneficial. A day by the sea did me a great deal of good.
I'm sorry to hear that Downton was chaotic when you returned, but not surprised that you managed to have everything under control in a day or two. No matter what you may say, I still maintain that you are one of the best housekeepers in the country. I am glad to hear that Mr. Molesley is doing well, and that he doesn't show the same disrespect toward Mr. Branson that Mr. Barrow does. I have not yet found the opportune moment to confront Mr. Barrow about his actions, but I will not wait much longer. I am glad to hear that Mrs. Crawley has come to take tea with Mr. Branson and to visit the nursery. In my view, it does your reduced staff good to have a few family members to wait on from time to time. It keeps them from falling into bad habits.
Do you expect Lady Edith to return soon? My understanding was that she did not intend to be away from Downton for long, but she has not communicated with any of the family in London. Perhaps you or Mr. Branson have received some communication? I wish you well whenever it is time to receive her. As Madge is still in London attending Lady Rose, I fear that the office of lady's maid will fall mostly to you. I hope this does not prove too grievous an inconvenience for you.
As you suggested, I have maintained the illusion that our day by the sea was entirely my idea, but if the staff thought me kind for it, I doubt they think me kind now. After I posted that abominable letter, I immediately regretted it, and was out of sorts for the rest of the day. I knew that I was a bit irritable, but it was not until this evening that Mrs. Bute informed me I had been terrifying the entire staff all day. I am not proud of my behavior, any more than I am proud of that horrid letter. Please forgive me, Mrs. Hughes. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
C. Carson
P.S. You will receive my wine order in the next day or two.
Mrs. Hughes was glad she had taken the precaution of closing her sitting room door. Mr. Carson had the ability to hurt her, but he could also make her happy, and he had done so with his heartfelt apology. She wished she had a moment to answer his letter immediately, but it was not to be. She had no intention of letting him off easily for his first letter, but there was no question of not accepting his apology. Mr. Carson was clearly remorseful and feared her reaction. He was so full of contradictions at times. He could be cold and disapproving, rebuffing her at every turn, and yet he could then turn around and beg her pardon, solicitous for her comfort. This was nothing new, though, and she was used to it. There were times when Mrs. Hughes hated how much she loved him, but she loved him the way he was. He could hurt her, but he could never make her stop loving him. She liked to think this was because he cared enough about her that he was incapable of hurting her badly enough to lose her love, but she knew that might only be wishful thinking. She took a moment to compose herself before slipping the letter into her pocket and going back to her work. It would be best to write a response later, when she had both letters in front of her.
To be continued...
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