Chapter 16
After pirate time was over, Luna was currently writing in her very special, super secret diary to go over how her plan was going.
All good wizard scientists or wizicists as she liked to call them had journals so she figured she'd start one too.
Hello Diary!
I'm Luna Lovegood and I love being me! I'm going to have the most wonderful husband and the most wonderful friends to share him with.
Oh, that's right, I should probably tell you I'm making a harem for my future husband, Harry Potter.
Aren't I nice? What guy wouldn't want lots of beautiful girls to be married to?
It almost makes me wonder if I was a boy and if I would want a harem for myself?
Do you ever wonder such things, diary?
Well I guess you do now, since I just wrote about it in you.
P.S. Sorry if writing on you hurts. I like to draw on myself sometimes so I figured it would be okay. Even if it does tickle.
I think I'd be tempted to find out what it was like to be a boy, especially if I was a man-stud like Harry, but I like being a girl too much. I get to wear cuter outfits, and have long hair, and also have boobies to play with.
Who doesn't like playing with boobies after all?
If I was boy then I wouldn't get to marry Harry either since he doesn't like boys like I do, but to be fair I don't like girls and he does.
Although I do like watching Harry make out with other girls. It's super yummy and sexy!
So I think I'm just going to let Harry be the one to have a harem.
Of course, he doesn't know that I'm making him one, it'll be a surprise, kind of like a birthday or Christmas present.
It won't be for quite a long time yet that we all get married to him, so I'm thinking in the meantime this year for Christmas I'll just wrap myself up nice for him and wear a pretty bow.
Daddy always says I'm the greatest gift he's ever had anyway, so I'm hoping Harry feels the same way.
Anyway, my other present, since I can't get Harry a harem in time is making sure he gets lots of dates and kisses before Christmas.
I'm calling it the 12 dates of Christmas, instead of the 12 days of Christmas like the song, even though he hasn't been on a date every day, just most days.
Even my little date stud needs to rest once and awhile after all.
So my plan to make sure Harry gets a harem is still going well at least.
I did have to do something really risky though when I changed Harry's order form so he got all the girls really good presents.
Yeah, I know it was wrong, but at least I didn't use Harry's money. I was tempted to, but my mommy always told me that stealing was wrong and I couldn't bring myself to steal from Harry.
I do sometimes steal sweets at home while my daddy isn't looking, but I think he already knows about that and just lets me anyway.
Instead I changed where to withdraw the money from to my own account, the one that my mommy left me before she went to heaven with the angels.
She would understand since it will be totally worth it. She would want people to be happy too.
First of all, you should have seen how happy it made all those girls and how much more they like Harry now.
Harry seems to think that he somehow escaped something when Daphne and Padma helped him, but I've got him right where I want him!
Lots of good things are going to come from that. First of all, I'm going to make sure Harry gets away from his mean relatives.
Albie likes to be manipulative like me, but he doesn't want to see Harry get hurt either. He'll want to get Harry away from them too, and if he doesn't I'll make him.
Wouldn't that be fun!
Anyway, I've got to go mess with sports.
You'll see later what I'm talking about.
I'll write in you later, diary I promise.
TOOMANYTOOMANYTOOMANY
Meanwhile Harry was getting ready for his date with Lavender.
His biggest concern wasn't whether or not he looked nice or anything like that, but what he would do if she wanted him to have sex with her.
It's not like he didn't want to have sex eventually, but he certainly wanted to do it for his first time with someone that he really cared about and who cared about him.
Someone, well, special.
Not just some one night stand just because it was easy.
He shook his head. What a problem to have, trying to avoid sex with an attractive girl.
As if to make matters worse, his roommate Seamus walked or rather staggered into the bathroom, alcohol already on his breath as he struggled to remain standing up.
Leave it to Seamus as a 14 year old to find alcohol and get drunk by dinnertime.
If he was going to drink it was one thing, but his drinking habits were starting to get ridiculous. He'd be kicked out of school at this rate.
Seamus had recently become famous for showing up to Transfiguration late one day, totally drunk and began to sing a very crude song to Professor McGonagall.
Needless to say, the Professor was not amused and gave him a week's worth of detentions.
"Hey Harry, ready for the big, big night?" He asked as he elbowed him.
Or rather tried to, since his perception was blurred enough that he missed him.
"I wouldn't call it that big of a night," Harry replied.
"You stud!" Seamus slurred, punching him in the arm, "You're going to get some pussy tonight!"
His drunk roommate seemed to think that was hilarious as he laughed at his own joke.
Seamus made a circle with one hand and then a stuck a finger through it to demonstrate.
Harry had a pretty good idea what that meant. Seamus had used it countless times.
"I'm not going to have sex with her if that's what you are thinking I'm planning on doing," Harry replied.
"Why not?" Seamus asked, seeming to think he was nuts, "Lavender is a total slut! She'd do everything and everybody including my dog. You want to do a dog Harry, because I've got a dog. She's a total..."
"Seamus, why don't you go get some rest or something?" Harry suggested tiredly.
Seamus, whose thinking was still rather obscured by alcohol looked confused as he asked, "You got a pussy Harry? Cause Lavender's got a pussy, a good one."
Again, he laughed at his own joke.
"That might be what you want, or indeed what she wants, but it isn't what I want," He told him.
By now he was rather annoyed with Seamus, partially because he was now trying to use him to stand up straight and was getting alcohol breath onto his nice clothes.
"Are you doing someone else then?" Seamus asked, "Granger perhaps? I'd love to do her right up the..."
"Shut up Seamus," Harry told him, now angry.
Drunk or not, Seamus would not talk about his best friend like that.
He might like to joke around himself, but he tried to have at least some respect for girls and Seamus constantly took it too far.
"Alright sorry," Seamus apologized, "I just think you shouldn't hog all the pussy to yourself."
This would be Seamus, Harry thought.
Finally he decided to leave his roommate inside the bathroom to go throw up and go wait for Lavender at the foot of the stairs that led to Lavender's dormitory.
...And waited.
...And waited.
...And waited some more.
Finally after he was seriously considering asking another girl to go check on her to make sure she hadn't drowned in make up or something, Lavender finally came down.
The first thing he thought when he first saw how she was dressed...well she wasn't wearing much that was for sure.
Lavender was wearing a very revealing purple shirt that tightly hugged her body and exposed most of her admittedly decently sized breasts and most of her stomach.
It also seemed fairly obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra because her nipples were poking out.
Very short shorts completed the ensemble although they covered about as much as a pair of underwear would, and definitely not Dudley sized.
Once again, he cursed the fact that he had had to wear hand me down underwear growing up. The only good thing had been later when he had been able to hide a particular problem.
He had however been able to start buying his own years ago.
Turning his thoughts back to Lavender, he supposed it wasn't too off the wall at least for her since she usually wore rather skimpy outfits, but since he had already made sure that she knew that they would be going some place cold it was rather impractical and he would rather like to avoid his date turning into popsicle.
At least it would taste like Lavender, he thought, thinking of a dumb joke in his head.
He looked more closely at her face.
His joke about her possibly drowning from make up appeared to still be a very real possibility as he swore in addition to her heavily done cheeks and eye liner, she had about half an inch of lipstick on her lips.
On her feet, she was wearing ridiculously high heels that caused her to be raised up nearly a foot.
All in all, she would have likely been exactly the type of girl that a guy like Seamus would want, but would immediately be classified as a slut.
As for himself, he wasn't particularly digging it.
This felt more like a hired date with a prostitute.
"Hello Harry," Lavender said in a seductive voice as she came down the stairs.
Almost as if to totally dispel any chance Lavender had at getting him all "hot and heavy" however she ended up tripping and falling down the rest of the stairs.
Fortunately he managed to catch her before she face planted at the bottom.
She looked at him, now looking highly embarrassed.
"Oops," She tried to apologize as she hoisted herself back up with his help, "I guess I'm not used to these heels."
"Yeah, they look a bit tough to walk in," He agreed.
"Does my make up look okay?" She now asked him, suddenly worried that the fall might have messed it up.
He wondered what he should say to that. This could easily turn out not well, but he felt he had to say something about her appearance.
"You want me to be honest?" He asked her, "you're wearing way too much."
"The sales lady I bought it from though told me that it would take 10 years off my face," Lavender argued.
"Which would make you about 5," Harry pointed out.
"Oh right," She realized as she laughed a bit, "she was rather old herself."
"Quite honestly you look great normally, but this not so much," He told her.
"Witch weekly said this is what I should wear if I want to attract a guy," Lavender insisted.
"I think you run the risk of attracting too many of the wrong type of guy," He replied.
"I spent hours on it though," Lavender admitted.
He felt guilty. Obviously she had spent a lot of time getting ready for him and he had essentially just told her it was wasted effort.
Suddenly he had an idea.
"Here, let me help you," He offered as he attempted to take some of the make up off.
She seemed surprised, but didn't stop him either as he started pulling lipstick off her lips with his fingers.
After a minute, he announced, "There, all done."
Okay, so maybe this wasn't a good idea, he realized as he viewed the results of his now smeared attempt.
On the bright side, she now had a somewhat decent amount of lipstick on her lips now.
If he had kissed her, he would have kissed more lipstick than lips.
Unconsciously, he reached a hand to his own lips as he had that thought.
It wasn't until after that that he realized that he still had lipstick on his hands.
"Darn it," Harry said.
She laughed a bit at seeing his appearance.
"Okay, that's it, we're going to the bathroom to fix stuff," Lavender suggested.
"Agreed," He told her.
They headed into the same common room bathroom that he had been in last night with Hermione even though Lavender stumbled once in her high heels getting there.
As she looked at her appearance in the mirror, she actually laughed and said, "I look like a clown now!"
"Sorry, apparently lipstick isn't my forte," He answered, "fighting deadly monsters or playing quidditch, sure. Lipstick no."
She giggled a little and said, "Well you can slay monsters for me any day."
"Or you could just kill them with lipstick," Harry countered.
He did not add that she probably had enough lipstick for that.
He got what was on his lips off in a second, but she took a few minutes before deciding to just wash it all off.
Finally, she got done and turned to face him.
He studied her as he realized that this was the first time he had likely ever seen her without make up.
She was also quite a natural beauty, he had to admit. Usually she covered it up by too much make up, but she was actually rather pretty.
"Wow," He said aloud.
She seemed to think he was insulting her.
"Yeah, I know, I don't look all that great," She said.
"Actually I was going to say the opposite," He confessed, "you're actually quite a natural beauty. Someone you'd actually want to wake up to in the morning."
"Really?" She asked incredulously, "does that mean you still want to..."
She stopped as she blushed, but he figured he'd better set her straight.
"I really don't want to have sex with you," He told her.
She let that sink in before insisting, "I never thought you did."
"Oh," He said, now feeling super embarrassed.
Talk about the wrong signals.
At his look of embarrassment, she conceded, "Okay, actually I did. I just didn't want you to think I was stupid."
"I don't think you're stupid," He said,"why would I think that?"
"Everyone thinks I'm stupid," She argued, "and a slut. That's why I thought you wanted to go on a date with me, because you'd heard the rumors that I started that I was easy."
"Wait a minute," He questioned, "you started all those rumors?"
She nodded.
"Why on earth would you do that?" He asked, trying to understand just why on earth someone would do something like that.
"I figured it would help me get guys," She confessed, "if they thought I was really experienced, it might make me seem more desirable."
That stopped him, trying to imagine how desperate she must have been.
Then he thought of some of his roommates, who also bragged about sexual exploits. He was willing to bet every one of them were still virgins.
Except maybe Seamus if you counted his dog.
He shook himself, not wanting to get that image into his mind.
"I don't think you're stupid except when you do stupid stuff like that," Harry insisted, "you have absolutely no need to be doing stuff like that to get guys."
"Witch weekly says...," Lavender tried to argue.
"Forget about what Witch weekly says," He told her, ignoring her gasp at making such an accusation, "I'd wager you'd be quite a catch if you didn't care so much about what other people think and let that influence you so much."
"You think so?" She asked him tentatively.
"Totally," He replied before deciding to joke around a little, "I'm Harry the love doctor after all."
"She laughed at that.
"You're really cute Harry," She answered, "I'm just sorry this date isn't going very well."
"I'm enjoying myself," Harry responded, "even if we have spent most of it in a bathroom."
He had to admit that that could easily be assumed by someone that they were busy doing something else.
"So why did you ask me out anyway?" Lavender decided to ask, "you're clearly way out of my league, you could literally get a date with just about any girl in the school, and you've already proven you didn't ask me out for the sex."
"You want to know the truth?" He admitted, "it was to prove to Padma that you actually aren't that bad of a date."
"Sorry to prove her wrong," Lavender said.
"That's not showing a lot of confidence," He said, "now then shall we go?"
He stuck out his arm for her.
She smiled and then took it as they set off.
When they got inside the Room of Requirement, the room once again impressed him with its potential and more importantly his date.
It had become an ice skating rink, hence the reason why he had suggested Lavender wear warmer clothes.
"Wow!" Lavender said in wonder as she looked around and tried to listen to the song that was now playing.
Personally he still couldn't tell where the music was coming from, but it wasn't that bad of a song to listen to. Evidently the room had some decent taste.
"Do you know how to ice skate?" He asked her.
"Of course," She replied, "I love to ice skate."
"Good, because I don't," He confessed.
She laughed a bit and then commented, "what would you have done if I'd said no? We both try and figure it out together?"
"That would have certainly be embarrassing," Harry admitted, "although all of my recent dating experience has certainly taught me the value of a good friend."
She looked slightly perplexed at his comment and he decided to explain it.
"I asked Parvati what you liked to do," He told her.
"Oh, okay," Lavender said, "good idea."
"Well I've been relying on her for Padma as well," Harry confessed, "she's probably sick of me by now."
"Definitely not," Lavender insisted, looking like he was insane, "in fact you'll never guess what she told me before I left..."
At that, Lavender managed to pause, for once managing to avoid gossiping.
"Were you about to gossip about your best friend to me?" He teased.
"Ooh, I'm sorry, I can't help it," Lavender said, "when I hear something juicy I just have to tell someone."
"Speaking from experience, gossip can certainly hurt people which is why I try to avoid it," Harry replied.
"I just don't let gossip bother me, no matter what people say about me," Lavender answered.
"I'm sure there would be something that would bother you if someone said it about you," Harry suggested.
"I told everyone that I was a slut," Lavender pointed out.
"Point taken," He was forced to admit, "alright, well if you don't think Parvati would mind, tell me what she said."
Lavender looked quite pleased at being given permission, obviously having been dying to tell him.
"She wants to have your baby!" Lavender gushed.
"Okay, that's not weird," He sarcastically answered.
He had no desire to impregnate teen girls at the moment.
"Not literally or right now," Lavender explained, "but can you imagine how cute your kid would be if you had one together?"
As he tried to imagine just such a child, he instead thought of a child with Padma, who should have the same genetics as her twin sister.
That admittedly would be a really cute child, he had to admit.
"Yeah, the side from her would be really cute, and the side from me would be ugly. The poor kid would always have to take pictures from just their good side," Harry joked.
"More like it would be the cutest kid ever!" Lavender gushed, "How you could ever even tease that you're ugly is beyond me. I mean you wouldn't believe the things that girls say about you."
"What do they say about me?" He asked curiously.
She seemed ready to tell him before she suddenly realized the opportunity he had inadvertently given her.
"Oh, so now you want to hear gossip?" She teased.
"When it's about me I would say I have a right to know," He pointed out.
"Works for me," She agreed, "so..."
Lavender started in, telling all about what girls thought of him, and he soon found himself thinking that he was apparently more popular with the ladies than even he had thought.
The way Lavender spun it he was a celebrity date god.
He was sure it wasn't nearly as bad as Lavender made it sound, but it was still disconcerting.
On the bright side, at least he wasn't some young Canadian teen singing popstar mobbed by tween fans calling themselves some ridiculous name.
Obviously, having gone on as many dates as he had he had been forced to admit he was pretty popular, but his popularity appeared to have only increased with every date he had been on, especially after having sent all those presents to each of the girls he had dated.
"You don't think girls want to date me now just because they are hoping for some great presents?" He wanted to know.
"Well I suppose that does a play a factor, but there are plenty of girls who would love to go on dates with you just because they know you would be a very fun date," Lavender admitted, "there's even a lot of curiosity just what you'll think of next for a date. Like I heard that you are planning on taking a girl to the moon."
"Unfortunately that is a bit out of my budget, and planet," Harry confided, "besides I'd never have come up with the idea for ice skating had someone not suggested it to me."
"Anyway," Lavender said, "me and Parvati have actually been putting together a list of girls at Hogwarts and ranking them on the levels of them wanting to go out with you: those who would absolutely die happy if you asked them out, those who would just love to go with you, those who would go but wouldn't really care either way, and those who hate your guts and would never go with you."
"Why would you spend so much time doing that?" Harry queried.
"Oh, we've got ones for many people actually," Lavender admitted, "ourselves of course, Padma because she's Parvati's sister, Hermione because she's our roommate, and then one for Malfoy, and another for Krum."
"You did one for Malfoy?" Harry asked incredulously, "who's on the list for him?"
"Well for Malfoy on the list of at least willing to date him," Lavender answered, "it used to be just Pansy and himself, but after this morning when Pansy kissed you, now its just himself."
"How could he date himself?" Harry asked.
"As far as I can tell the only person who actually loves him is himself," Lavender answered, "he's the only person who spends more time on their appearance than I do, and that's saying something for a boy."
Harry laughed at that and then commented, "Well I have to admit Malfoy and himself would make a great match. So what about Padma and Hermione?"
"Well Padma has always generated modest interest," Lavender admitted, "and Hermione used to be rather unnoticed but lately she's been getting a whole lot more attention. Of course it doesn't matter since both girls are already totally in..."
Lavender stopped at that and clapped a hand over her mouth.
"Oh, I really wasn't supposed to say that," Lavender chided herself.
"What were you going to say?" Harry pressed her, wanting to know.
"Just untrustworthy gossip and me being Blabber Lavender," She tried to say.
Lavender decided to change the subject.
"So we really should get ice skating now," Lavender insisted.
"Right," He agreed as he was shaken out of his thoughts, "come over here, there should be some skates."
As they went over, Lavender quickly found some "adorably, cute pink skates" and he picked out some nice black ones.
As he searched through other equipment however he held up an odd looking object.
"What on earth is this?" He asked as he stared at it.
Lavender giggled a bit and then said, "It's for your butt."
"What for?" He asked in consternation.
"It's for people just learning to skate so they don't hurt themselves too much when they inevitably fall down," Lavender explained as she went over to take it from him.
He let her wrap it around him and put it on, clearly enjoying the close proximity to his bum.
As he glanced behind him, he exclaimed, "My butt looks huge!"
Lavender giggled again and said, "you had a pretty decent butt to begin with...this just...emphasizes it a bit."
"A bit!" He exclaimed, "I understand having a nice sized rear, but this would be ridiculous."
"All right, more than a little bit," Lavender admitted, "the good news is I'm the only one around to see you wearing it."
"I can still rely on you to tell everyone about it," He pointed out.
Lavender couldn't resist grinning at the thought, but then said, "No, I won't do that. Just as long as you don't tell anyone about me falling down the stairs. Or not wearing make up."
"Agreed," He replied.
As they headed out onto the ice, with Harry still glancing back at his now very padded posterior, he soon realized that ice skating was not as simple as he had hoped.
He had no balance and was slipping and sliding all over the place.
Lavender however took to it with ease, even jumping up in the air a few times and did a spin that certainly looked impressive.
After a few minutes of clearly showing off however she went back to him and decided to start giving him pointers.
"I can't seem too..." He said as he slipped and fell down.
Fortunately he had butt padding to save him, thank goodness.
She went over to go help him up.
As he grabbed her arm and tried to get shakily to his feet however he ended up slipping and falling again, dragging her down with him, her chest falling right towards his face.
Suddenly he found his face now sandwiched in between two somethings, and he had a pretty good idea what they were.
With her lack of clothing, they were also very much bare pressing against his face.
So that was what breasts felt like, he couldn't help but think.
Not planned, but not unwelcome either.
"Sorry," He apologized as he pulled away.
Instead of yelling at him for being so perverted or something, she asked, "How um were they?"
"Really good," He admitted, now blushing, "you sure you don't mind?"
"I was planning on having sex with you when this night started remember?" She pointed out, "I'd say this is rather small in comparison."
"Oh...right," He answered.
"You want to feel them some more?" Lavender invited, "I could even take my top off if you'd like."
He stared openly at them, admittedly tempted. It's not like they weren't nice looking, especially so openly on display in front of him. Decently sized too. Many guys wouldn't hesitate after her making an offer like that.
However what stopped him was him thinking of why he wouldn't just go all the way and have sex with her.
If he was going to go that far with a girl, he wanted it to be with a girl that he considered special.
Of course he wasn't sure exactly how to tell Lavender that without possibly hurting her feelings.
"No offense Lavender, but if I'm going to go that far with a girl, I'd want it to be with someone that I've gotten to really know and get close to," He explained.
She let out a small smile and then said, "Why do you have to be so noble? I don't get why all the best guys are that way and all the jerks are more than happy to put their hand down my shirt."
"I don't really know," Harry replied, "although I've found that if you act and dress like you are okay with being taken advantage of, that the guys who are willing to take advantage of you will be the guys you attract."
"Huh," She responded, "I'll have to think about that."
After a few seconds of letting her think, he then noticed that she was shivering.
"Are you cold?" He asked her.
"I'm fine," She tried to insist, even though she clearly wasn't.
"You can wear my butt padding," He offered.
"Well that will keep my butt warm but not much else," She pointed out.
A butt warmer, that was what he needed for Christmas, he joked to himself.
Suddenly a thought struck him.
"Dobby," He called as the little elf appeared right in front of them.
Dobby however seemed surprised at appearing on ice as he nearly slipped and fell.
"Dobby is so clumsy," Dobby apologized, "I is so sorry Great Harry Potter."
"It's all right Dobby, it's supposed to be slippery," Harry insisted.
Dobby looked around with wide eyes and said, "Dobby cannot allow the Great Harry Potter to slip. Dobby will get rid of all of this ice even if he has to break it all with a pickaxe!"
Unbidden an image of a children's movie that Dudley used to watch came to mind: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He couldn't help but imagine Dobby dressed up as one of them, complete with a pickaxe.
Unfortunately he reminded him of a certain one in particular, partially because of the name similarity.
Poor Dopey, I mean Dobby, he thought.
He laughed slightly at it.
"Is the Great Harry Potter laughing at Dobby?" Dobby asked, "Dobby is more than happy to slip and fall some more if you is wishing to be entertained?"
"No Dobby," Harry insisted, "the ice is fine the way it is as well. I was just wondering if perhaps you could get a jacket and maybe some pants for Lavender here?"
Dobby looked Lavender up and down and then pronounced, "Dobby does not think he has anything in her size."
"I suppose if you're referring to your own clothes, then yes, they probably would be too small," Harry admitted.
"Way too small," Lavender added.
He saw an opportunity to tease her a bit.
"I thought you liked really revealing and too small clothing?" He prodded.
She frowned and said, "I draw the line at elf size clothing. I'd likely burst out of them."
He made a point of not thinking about that last comment.
"Just try and see what you can dig up," Harry suggested to Dobby.
"Dobby will be right back!" Dobby said.
They did not have long to wait.
Dobby came back, clutching a pair of snow pants along with what appeared to be a red and green Christmas sweater complete with a picture of Santa and all his reindeer on the front.
They were at least human sized, but Lavender proclaimed, "this really isn't fashionable."
"I think they would look good on you," He insisted.
She sighed and said, "well I suppose by now I've totally ruined the rest of my image, I might as well finish it."
After getting them both on, she admitted, "I look like Mrs. Claus."
As he looked her up and down, Lavender now looked like a far cry from what she had looked like at the start of the date.
However, he kind of liked it in an odd sort of way.
"Then Santa must be a very lucky man," He insisted, "I mean it's not the best outfit, but I have to say I'm rather impressed you actually decided to put those on."
"Thanks," Lavender replied.
Okay, so maybe the date hadn't turned out the way Lavender had probably planned on, but he had to give her major credit for dealing with it so well.
He realized with a start, Lavender was actually not that bad of a girl and this was already turning into a not so bad date.
TOOMANYTOOMANYTOOMANYTOOMANY
"You want me to do what?" Hermione asked incredulously.
Hermione was now in Fred and George's secret lab where they conducted most of their prank experiments, located just behind a statue on the 2nd floor.
She had been under the assumption that they were going to be helping her learn to be funny, perhaps by giving her a book to read or something.
Unfortunately Fred and George had other ideas for how to conduct such training.
"It's simple, just drop this powder onto the spot where Malfoy sits and bam!" Fred insisted, "he'll have a scratchy bum for a week!"
"Not to mention burn through his pants and underwear," George added.
"Who would want to see Malfoy's naked bum?" Hermione asked.
Fred and George adopted identical grins and Fred commented, "you know, George, I think our training is working already."
"Yes, but I wasn't trying to be funny," She insisted.
"Exactly," George replied, "the best jokes are the ones you tell without even thinking about it or possibly without even trying to be funny."
"Oh, that's a good point," She was forced to admit as she went to go get out her notebook from her bookbag.
"What are you doing?" Fred asked as he snatched away the notebook she had just taken out.
"Taking notes of course," Hermione replied.
It seemed totally logical to her at least.
"You don't take notes on this," Fred argued.
"Hold on Fred, actually I think her taking notes might be a good idea," George pointed out, "then she could take notes on all of our great ideas when we have them"
"Good point," Fred quickly agreed, "in that case, right down exploding gum, I think it's going to be big."
"Why don't you just invent something that will allow you to write stuff down for you like a self-writing pen? I can't tell you how many times I've wanted something like that when my hand started cramping up after writing long homework assignments," Hermione answered.
"Hmm, that's a good idea and there is probably a good market for it. We've got quick quotes quills but they are too expensive and not reliable," George agreed, "you want to help us develop it?"
"You want me to help you develop something?" She asked them incredulously.
"Well you did agree to help us with our prank items anyways in exchange for helping you learn to be funny," George pointed out.
Hermione thought about it for a moment. She had in fact agreed, and the particular item they were thinking of wasn't actually a prank item. In fact it could be beneficial to a lot of students, herself included.
"All right, but I want a cut," She argued.
"Ah, so now we have a businesswoman in our midst," Fred commented with relish, "how about 10%?"
"Thirty-three," She insisted, "that way its even between each of us."
Both twins looked at each other silently for a moment before answering simultaneously, "agreed."
Evidently it was a fair enough deal for them not to try and haggle with her.
"Okay, perfect," Hermione replied, opening up her notebook again, "I'll just set some goals for us and then go over a cost and budget analysis."
"A cost and what?" Fred asked in confusion.
"It's to go over how much we estimate developing and then manufacturing an item will cost and then what we expect in return," Hermione replied, "you mean to say that you're planning to start a business and haven't gone over any of those things."
"To be honest we hadn't thought that far ahead," George admitted.
Hermione grinned and said, "I think I can help you."
She felt much more in element with something like this. It wasn't any funny business.
Actually, she realized with a start, she supposed it was.
Maybe being around Fred and George was starting to rub off on her. That was kind of funny.
An hour later after Hermione had explained how to start a business to them, relying upon the many books she had read on the subject, both boys were notably impressed by her business savvy.
"I should have you as a business partner," George commented.
"What about me?" Fred asked, pretending to sound insulted.
"Sorry Fred, Hermione is smarter and hotter than you so she wins," George said.
"Okay, I'll give you that, but I'm your twin brother," Fred argued.
"I'll bet you were planning on cutting me out as well," George accused him, "I just got to it faster than you."
"So what if I was?" Fred said.
"Hey, take it easy," Hermione told them both, "I was just talking about one product. What makes you think I want to be a partner in your joke business? I mean it's a joke."
"Nice effort there Hermione," George encouraged her with her joke attempt, "however I'll tell you what, you know that you could make a lot of money doing this."
"You sure could, enough to buy you every book in the Hogwarts library if you wanted," Fred agreed.
Like that was going to somehow convince her, she thought.
"If I ran a business it would be to make products people actually need, things that would make a difference, like to cure infectious diseases and stuff," Hermione argued.
"We could branch out into other stuff as well," George pointed out, "besides we're infectious diseases and you could cure us."
Hermione sighed and said, "I'd have to think about it."
Really the only reason she was doing any of this was to be more funny, and hopefully more desirable to Harry.
She was getting tired of just kissing her teddy bear and imagining it was him.
Both twins seemed to relent for now however.
"Alright, well let's at least go prank Malfoy, he's had more than 24 hours without being publicly embarrassed," Fred said, referring of course to yesterday's incident...and the day before that...
A pattern was starting to emerge.
At this rate, he might quit school out of embarrassment and end up living life as a muggle.
That would admittedly be quite possibly the most poetic thing ever.
Hermione thought about it for a moment.
It could be fun, she supposed, although mean.
Besides Malfoy had been tortured a lot, surely no one,not even him deserved that much...
On second thought, this was actually a really, really good idea, she realized.
Ten minutes later and she found herself in the great hall sitting down at her house table waiting for Malfoy to show up and the prank to start.
As she spotted the pompous, arrogant, stupid along with a bunch of other names besides git enter and make his way over to his seat, she looked over at the paper airplane she had "dropped" on the floor a ways away take flight, enchanted to start up on its own when Malfoy entered the Hall.
It continued to fly, with a few students noticing it, but nobody trying to intercept it as it delivered its payload, currently still inside the plane's center fold.
It made a steep climb just above Malfoy's seat causing the powder to drop down onto it, and probably spill a bit of a ways out, just like she had planned.
Malfoy sat down, flanked by his two goons, Crabbe and Goyle, who sat down on either side of him.
She tried her best to look away to avoid suspicion, but when she heard the screams, she knew it was safe.
All 3 boys had their hands down the backs of their pants.
Fred and George had wanted to dissolve the pants too, but let's face it, nobody would have wanted to see that, and people were eating lunch...
Even so, all 3 boys were currently scratching furiously.
Fortunately it wouldn't cause any lasting harm to them (she had checked to make sure) and a teacher would likely fix it in a jiff but it was pretty embarrassing.
She began laughing with everyone else who noticed what was going on.
George who sitting next to her along with Fred on his other side, then asked her, "So? How did that feel?"
"Alright, that was pretty fun," She was forced to admit, still grinning.