So not a lot of reception so far but that's ok :) I think people are reading! Haha and honestly it's a bit of a slow start so I get it. For those of you still reading or reading for the first time, my sincerest thanks! I just want to share these ideas with people. Read and review please :)

-Teddy

Disclaimer: all characters belong to shondaland with the exception of Mikka. The song does not belong to me either. 85 is the work of Patrick Park :)

"There's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week.

And there's no promises of peace or of happiness."

- Life is a Song, Patrick Park

Arizona

I've had many nicknames before. Blondie, McDimples, Dr. Sweetheart, and a slew of cities in, surprise surprise, Arizona but for some reason this one just irks me. I've been called Ari and Zona. Zones just seems lazy; like an abbreviation of an abbreviation. It makes about as much sense as calling the US, U. I can't deny her though. She's stubborn, sticks to her guns and can probably convince me somehow in the end that this is a convenient and efficient way to speak. She's that good.

I'm not sure where to start when to comes to explaining to Mikka what happened between Callie and I. It's really none of her business but I know her heart is in the right place. Do I start with the crash where I lost my leg and lost myself? The stupid stupid mistake of cheating with Lauren? Our separation where I was sleeping with Murphy? The miscarriage? The fellowship? The counselling that eventually led Calliope to leave me? I can feel my heart break as I relive it in my head. She's moved on. It feels like since the day she left me she's moved on.

"I really don't understand why you call me that. It sounds horrible. You might as well call me Time!" I force the conversation away from my failed marriage.

"Now that makes no sense, Zones." She folds her arms, slowly over her chest. I can tell she's in pain by this simple motion and I know it's a bad sign, but I can still hope. Ortho may not be my speciality but in Peds, you dabble in everything.

"Like time zones, Mikka."

"That's stupid," she quips.

"That's not nice."

"I'm not sixteen anymore, Dr. Robbins. You're aware of this, no?" She looks up at me with those big blue eyes and I sigh. She's actually ridiculous but she is absolutely infectious. She's a great young woman and she is definitely making this day a little brighter.

"Of course, I am."

"Don't scold me then. I'm not a child. It's about time you see that. When we met I was sixteen, I'm not sixteen anymore." This time she's serious. I remember having similar conversations like these a few years ago but the age issue was more of an issue. Now, she seems more seasoned, more relaxed. I'm not sure what happened in the four years since she's been here but she seems to have grown a lot. Though our current conversation would suggest otherwise, there is a air of wisdom surrounding her. Maybe it's because she's been through so much at a young age or maybe she truly is just an old soul. Either way, I find myself drawn to talk to her. Like I've found a kindred spirit in someone nearly half my age. I'm nowhere ready for this conversation. It's been a few years since Callie and I were together and I still find it hard to talk about it. I'm over the bad, the ugly and the guilt but I'm not over her. I'm not sure I ever will be.

I had made a revelation a little while ago, when the older man I befriended in the hallway during the silver flood showed me that you could find love anytime. If Abe could at ninety, why couldn't I? It's more a matter of if I want to. At the end of the day, I know who I want… Who I've always wanted and who I will always want. It's just too late. I might as well have some fun instead. I know many people don't approve of what i'm doing but honestly, I'm not sure that I care. This is who I was before and before, I was a little -well, a lot slutty. I used to get around, from bed to bed, nothing serious because, well, I never wanted it. I didn't want to commit to anything, not really. At least until I met her. I didn't even meet her until several weeks later but she had caught my eye and from then on I was under a spell. Any Ortho-Peds case that walked or rolled in, I couldn't help but watch her. She was a rockstar with a scalpel and miraculous. She still is. How I feel about her hasn't changed. She's even more amazing and stunning now, if that's even a possibility. I really wish I hadn't screwed everything up so badly.

"Arizona?"

I hear her voice and I snap from my thoughts. I can feel tears beginning to well behind my eyelids. I shake my head quickly and try to blink the tears away, "I'll come by sometime after all of your tests, ok?"

I can see her strain her neck a bit to see me and I thank God for the long blond hair falling just enough over my face. I reach over and pat her leg over the blanket, my thumb running over her shin, gently before I turn on my heels and walk away. Maybe I'll tell her another time.

Mikka

I can see her hide her face, she's not as slick as she thinks she is. I get it though, not wanting to talk about the past. I know she'll ask me soon when my parents are coming. The last time I came in, I admitted myself and they came days later. It's not that they didn't love me but they were busy and I didn't want to be a bother. Arizona had convinced me that maybe it was time to bother them.

They're not coming this time around. They passed away two years ago in a car accident. It was like something out of a bad movie. They were driving on a cold winter night and hit a patch of ice. Their car wrapped around a tree. They both died on impact. I was a mess for a while there, that was to be expected. I shut pretty much everyone out. I was officially entirely alone. They didn't have any family other than our own little threesome. I took care of everything and then began to take care of myself. As much as I miss them terribly everyday, I'm secretly glad they don't have to witness any of this. I can see it in Alex and Arizona's eyes that they're worried. They're doctors. If they're worried, I'm worried.

Dan and I broke up shortly after my parents passed away. He deserved someone who could love him like he loved me. I just couldn't be that person. I cared for him deeply but it would never go beyond that.

My mind jumps around. I'm mad. I hide it well, I suppose but I'm mad. I'm mad that this is how my life is turning out. Just a series of horribly unfortunate events. First the teratomas, then my parents, and now this. For a split second I feel guilty that my breakup with Dan isn't worth mentioning in this list of crappy hands I've been dealt. What's next? I bite back tears as I think about everything else that's happened. I lie back as I watch the curly blonde-headed man-boy comes into my room. He draws my blood and starts to ramble about Torres and test and I can't be bothered to respond. I just look at him and nod slowly. I have no idea if he's asking me questions or not. At this point, do what you will, Cross.

He wheels me through the hospital, scan after scan before I'm back in bed. My head pressed against the pillow, eyes closed tight as I grip the sheets, trying not to cry. I wish I wasn't alone right now. I've literally got no one. It feels like I'm sinking in a pool of my own despair. What did I do to end up like this? Just… fuck.

"Mikka?"

I open my eyes and I feel my breath catch in my chest. Damn. She's beautiful. We lock eyes and I'm stunned by how blue her eyes are. She's the first person I've ever truly been attracted to. I nod at her, slowly. She smiles at me before sitting in the chair in the corner of the room and we sit in a comfortable silence. I watch her carefully, the blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, soft pink lips. If I could have any wish, it would be to kiss her at least once in my lifetime.

I immediately forget how angry I was because Arizona Robbins is my silver lining.