Five & Ten ~ Part 3

June 21, 2014

"I can't believe we haven't been back here for five years."

Last we visited the mecca of mouth-watering Italian cuisine was on my first Mother's Day with Isabelle.

He took us back to the same suite at Hotel Anahi; and the small twin bed room right next to ours was perfect for Isabelle's play yard, which doubled as her travelling crib.

"We've been busy," he comments wryly.

"Good busy?"

"Very good busy. Wanna know why I keep bringing you back here? Other than my need for gourmet Italian fix once in a while?"

"You like what this food and wine do to me after every dinner?" I tease.

"Haha, that for sure." He looks down and then looks up at me again, with a sea of emotion in those emerald eyes. "I remember the first time we came here together seven years ago, I thought my life couldn't get any better and I wouldn't love anyone else the way I loved you. But when we came back five years ago, with Isabelle, I realized then I had two people in my life that were my whole world. I thought I was the luckiest man."

"Bringing you back here tonight, on our anniversary, I'm overwhelmed again by how my life with you has become far more wonderful than I'd ever imagined. There is now another little person that stole my heart. It seems that every time we're here since our first, I've become a better man, because of you and what you've given me – our daughter and our son. And I don't know how I can love you more to repay you."

My eyes brimming with tears, I retort, "I've always thought I should be the one repaying you. You loved me when you had no reason to. And I have been taking advantage of you ever since."

2002

Sydney

I probably should have him come with me.

But I'm afraid he'd stop me.

I know there are risks.

And he hasn't been a proponent of me taking any more risks than I already have on a daily basis.

But I have this sinking feeling. Standing in front of that puzzle.

That there is a menacing part of my life I didn't know about.

I need to uncover my memory.

Even if I have to resort to hypnotic regression.

I must find out before the idea that I might have been programmed to be a spy eats me alive.

Vaughn

I haven't heard from her yet.

She should have been back from Buenos Aires.

I could head home but I want to talk to her first.

Maybe I would call her.

Or I should wait for her to make contact.

I can always start the tedious task of covering her tracks on this mission, if I need to give myself an excuse to stay longer at ops center.

Perhaps we can debrief at the warehouse later.

I don't think I can sleep until I see her safe and sound.

Sydney

I ran out of Dr. Kerr's office, tears streaming down my face.

My father.

My father programmed me.

And he'd never said a word.

It was his secret.

One that my mother would figure out through her interaction with me.

So Vaughn was right.

Dad had to have set Mom up.

And lied to me about it.

Vaughn

I was hurt when she lashed out at me rather harshly several days ago.

When I told her my suspicion about her dad.

I had no proof but something didn't add up.

What did Irina Derevko have to gain by betraying the agency, and her daughter, so publicly?

Now I know the truth.

I doubt Jack has any intention to tell Sydney what he'd done.

I just need to think of a way to let her know without crushing her.

But I need to first get a hold of her.

She wasn't picking up her phone.

Should I worry?

Sydney

I feel so detached – like an orphan.

Maybe I am an orphan.

What good is a father or a mother when you can't trust them?

When you are a pawn in their game?

My father took away my choices in life – and I'm gonna confront him.

Vaughn

She did apologize afterwards for accusing me, for being unfair.

I don't know how to hold a grudge against her anyway.

She still isn't picking up her phone.

And I'm getting restless.

Did something bad happen?

Sydney

I'm utterly defeated – at my own game.

Will the deceit, the betrayal, the secrecy ever end if I had been ingrained at an early age to be a spy?

Will my hope for a simpler life and genuine relationships ever come true?

I let my tears mix in with the cold pouring rain, as I turn and walk away from my father.

Maybe forever. Can I ever forgive what he did?

How does one recover from such revelation?

I don't know where to go. I don't even know who I really am.

…

I have no idea how long I have walked but I find myself reaching the JTF.

There is no one else to turn to, but him.

How will he still be at work? Unlike me, he must have a life.

I haven't even made contact. He probably doesn't know I'm back.

And why should he give a damn after the way I treated him?

He had no obligation to share his thoughts but he couldn't stand letting anyone try to manipulate me.

Instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I accused him of being ungrateful, of feeling irrelevant.

I regretted my insensitive words almost immediately.

I had hurt the one person who had been nothing but truthful with me all along.

…

Despite my doubt, I walk into the building hoping against hope.

For my only lifeline.

And I sheepishly pull open the door to where I know his desk is.

I didn't actually think I would find him here. Even though he is the only person I want to be with right now.

Miraculously, he is.

There are others around – but all I see is him.

Vaughn

I've been pretending to work for the last hour, maybe two.

I can't focus. I have a bad feeling.

I don't know where Sydney is – maybe I will drive to all her favorite spots to look for her again.

When I turn around, I couldn't believe my eyes.

There she is, standing twenty feet away from me.

Drenched in rain. Her face covered with tears.

My heart broke for her – what can be so terrible?

I jump to my feet and walk towards her, all the while hoping I can give enough to fix the damage.

I gather her in my arms.

I want to be her shelter from the storms in her life.

She is frigid, and she is shaking.

I let out a sigh.

Of relief that she is with me.

Of contentment that she trusts me enough to come find me.

Of burden for whatever has put her in another tailspin.

But for now, I'm just going to stroke her back and hold her.

I could care less about her wet coat and wet hair soaking through my jacket.

I could care less if anyone may be watching.

She needs me and I'm going to give her everything I've got.

Sydney

I'm holding onto him for dear life, again.

Just weeks ago it was outside my mother's cell.

After facing the kind of lie she had me believe in for twenty years.

Today is about the kind of lie my father had me believe in during those same twenty years.

I weep softly – I don't even have the strength to cry out loud.

No words have been spoken. He didn't ask me any questions.

I just feel his strong shoulder and his soothing strokes.

And I let the rest of my guard down.

Vaughn

She is so vulnerable, so broken.

Yet so precious.

If we can stay like this forever, I don't want to let go.

I won't want to see her get hurt like this.

But I also don't want her to catch pneumonia.

"Syd, I got you." I slowly lift her head away from my shoulder, "Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together. You're not alone."

Sydney

I don't know how much time has passed.

Time seems to stand still whenever I'm in his embrace.

The invading sound of the gun cocking, my father's words "Good work, Sydney", the steady splattering rain, slowly fades in my head.

Through my haze I hear "Syd, I got you."

And my feet touch the ground.

Given what I've been through, I shouldn't let anyone make me feel safe.

But I do.

I always feel safe with him.

And he's got me. I'm not alone.

...

AN: This is one missing scene I've been dying to write. I remember how the last scene of The Indicator (S2E05) moved me. Sydney's desperation contrasted with the refuge she found in Vaughn was captivating emotionally.

I think the writer ended the episode with that scene because of its significance in setting up the subsequent episodes.

I have to break this missing scene up as it is fairly long. I will go into further details of my take at the end of the next part.