Five & Ten ~ Part 4
... Continued
Vaughn
I guide her through a couple hallways towards the staff storage area.
She follows me quietly.
I stop and pull a small travel bag out of a locker.
I put the bag in her hand.
"I have a locker here?" She seems surprised.
"Not exactly. I got one for you, technically under my name." I try to explain. "Soon after I became your handler, I realized I had to account for the possibility of having to extract you if your cover was ever blown. And in that situation, you'll need a go bag. I'm not sure all handlers do this, but I have one ready for you.
There is a change of clothes inside. You need to get out of your wet ones before you catch a bad cold. Women Change Room is just a bit further down. There should be fresh towels in there. Take whatever you need from the bag and I will replenish it afterwards." She still seems to be in a state of shock and I don't really want to let her out of my sight. But I also need to take care of her.
"We'll sit down after you clean up and I want you to tell me everything." I say to her reassuringly. "Syd, you're gonna be okay. I'll see you here at the lockers in twenty minutes?"
"Okay." She proceeds down the hall but turns around, "Thank you."
I nod and give her an encouraging smile.
Meanwhile I've got twenty minutes to go for a quick run. I hope it isn't closed yet.
Sydney
I never knew he's gone to this length to take care of me.
I opened up my go bag and it's got everything I would need; including a shirt, a pair of khakis, clean undergarments and a light jacket, all in my size.
I doubt this is standard handler practice. And I wonder if he purchased the items himself.
Did I just blush at the thought?
I must be feeling better.
The warm shower returned my senses – and I lingered to let the water cleanse my body and my soul.
I put on my new clothes and take a look in the mirror.
Maybe I can go on.
Maybe there is a sliver of hope.
He has told me time and again he knows who I am, and he thinks I'm amazing.
I suddenly feel an urge to get back to him.
I grab my wet clothes and hurry back to the locker room.
Thank goodness he is there – I was worried he might have given up on me and all the craziness around me.
He sees me approach and stands to open up the garbage bag in his hands.
"Put your wet clothes here. We can go talk in the meeting room."
"Vaughn, you're wet!" I notice fresh water beads on his suit.
"Just a little. I'm fine." He bends to pick up a tall Starbucks cup from the bench and hands it to me. "I ran across the street to get you a latte – made it there just before they close. Drink this, it should keep you warm."
I'm not amazing.
He is amazing.
My whole body tingles with warmth and it is not from the hot beverage I'm now holding in my palms.
"Vaughn." I whisper – not having the words or the guts to tell him how much all this has meant to me, how much he means to me.
"C'mon." He grabs my shoulder and leads me to a medium size room with comfortable couches.
"When I was in Buenos Aires, I saw the puzzle that was used to train the children. I had this very unsettling feeling. I stood there and I just put it together." I start to retell what happened.
"You solved it." He deduces.
"No. I didn't have to solve it. I did it like it was from memory. It bothered me so much I basically went straight to Dr. Kerr after I got back." I trail off knowing he would not approve.
"Sydney, you asked to have hypnotic regression? You know how risky that was?" He isn't happy.
"We did it to Will and he was fine." I try to reason.
"We gave him the procedure to recover a recent memory. With what you've just told me, you were trying to uncover a buried trauma. Totally different stories, Sydney!" He seems upset but I know he's just concerned.
"I should have called you." I'm apologetic – how can I not be after he's proven over and over again he only has my best interests at heart.
"Why didn't you?" His expression softens.
"I was afraid you'd stop me. Dr. Kerr warned me about the risks but I had to know, Vaughn." I'm pleading for his understanding.
"What did you find out?"
Vaughn
I see her reverting to a state of complete anguish as she tells me everything about Project Christmas.
The footage of her mother's KGB briefing.
Her memory when she was six.
Her confrontation with her father.
Within the privacy of our current surroundings, her tears come back in abundance.
I want so desperately to take away her pain, even just a little – but I'm not sure I can.
I simply pull her close so she knows she will never have to go through life alone.
Despite our precarious association, I will always find a way to be there.
She will always have my ears, my shoulder… heck, my whole being.
I would give my life to save her from any more pain and disappointment.
I know I can't. I know I shouldn't. But I love her.
No past history or present danger can change that.
"You were absolutely right about my dad – about him setting my mom up in Madasgascar. He didn't deny it." She looks up with sorrowful eyes. "I'm so sorry about all those terrible things I said accusing you."
Sydney
I'm whimpering atop Michael Vaughn's chest.
I can't stop crying.
But my tears are no longer only from the searing pain of my discovery.
They are tears of gratitude – for my Guardian Angel who will not forsake me during the roughest times.
They are tears of remorse – for my impulsive outburst, for not having more faith in the man I now realize I cannot live without.
They are tears of disillusion.
"I'm nothing but my father's greatest mistake." I blurt out. "He needs to get back at my mom, for everything she has ever done to him. That's why he had no problem using me to frame her, to perform psych experiments she didn't manage to steal."
"I'm no fan of Jack's maneuvers but you don't really believe that." He's still holding me but pulls away enough to look me in the eyes.
"Why not? I wouldn't have been born if he hadn't let Mom fool him. I think he was so in love with her; when she turned against him, he lost his soul. Everything around him, including the daughter he had as a result, is just a painful reminder of his poor judgement." I sigh, dejected.
"Sydney, look at me." He demands. "I don't care what kind of people your parents are, or what they've done to you. What really matters is, you somehow manage to keep your soul – your values, your ideals, what you stand for. You kill yourself to do the right thing every single day; and you've been succeeding. You put yourself out there to protect your country, your friends; and to fight bad guys like Kholokov, Sloane, SD-6, the Alliance.
You have no idea how special you are, do you? And if I can see that, Jack must be able to see that too. Don't give up on your father."
His earnest words now fill my eyes with tears of disbelief.
Is this man even real?
My mother had only murdered his father when he was an innocent eight year old – and he retaliates by braving the rain to bring the killer's daughter a latte exactly the way she likes it, by holding and talking to her in the wee hours of the night, all in an effort to bring her back from the cliff she was at the brink to jump off.
What if the answer is yes?
I can hope for a simpler life.
I can have genuine relationships.
Because of this man.
If he can save me today from myself and from my past; then he can save me again tomorrow and in the future.
I don't know how I can make it happen – but I'm not going to be without Michael Vaughn.
That, I won't survive.
.
AN: I really loved writing this missing scene. It forms the basis, in my opinion, of what is to come.
In the next episode "Salvation", we see Sydney and Vaughn increasingly seeking time to be alone together, even outside of the warehouse or their countermission meetings. The episode starts out with them on the roof and they look very comfortable together siting side by side (by the way I always think that opening scene is one of the most visually beautiful on TV - their matching outfits, sunglasses, the backdrop of the city... and Vaughn looks hot as hell).
Later on when they were called to Medical, with the news that they might have contracted the Mueller disease, Vaughn effortlessly proceeded to wrapping his arm around her shoulder and she did not hesitate to lean on him. There has been gradual build-up of their physical closeness but I think the time they spent together when she went to him after the Indicator puzzle revelation hit it home for them.
Sydney must have realized what Vaughn was to her - for her to go into complete panic when she got the news of him being sick. She agreed to help Sark kill Sloane to get the antidote because she knew then she couldn't live without Vaughn. By not allowing him to explain his relationship with Alice at the end of that episode, she was actually admitting a lot about her feelings for him.