A/N: Thank you for all of the favorites, reviews, and follows! I know I keep saying it, but I really do mean it. The song choice for this chapter is as follows:

Tonight by Lykke Li

I will post a link on tumblr. I am going to reply to guest replies below. As always, I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

/-/-/

Awesome: I understand what you meant. I usually reply to questions or just comments I want to respond to. Thank you! I am glad to hear you are liking all of the different components. I am so glad you don't hate Chloe. She could use a few people on her side.

Guest (The one looking for happy Bechoe): Thank you for the kind words. Things will be getting better pretty soon.

Chloe Beale: *pats you on the back* In time my friend. (LOL!)

Xo: I don't know what to say to that.

Guest (wondering about Jesse): Great question! Beca fell asleep and woke up to Jesse and Chloe being civil towards one another. My thought is they had a conversation and came to some sort of understanding while Beca was asleep. My guess would be that Chloe somehow communicated how much Beca means to her and vice versa. That their commonality is their appreciation of Beca. (It will be in the companion piece) Donte and David will reappear. Thank you for reading and reviewing! ;)

/+/+/

Chapter 21

The next day following the Bellas's club night out, Beca feels as if Chloe's body was branded into her. No matter where she goes she can feel the other girl stroking her hair or the curves of her body pressed into her back. The sensation follows her to her history class, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, missing the lecture on Henry the 8th. It follows her to her room, affecting her mixes, her fingers twitching against her mixing boards and adding an extra note every minute that Beca really didn't want. Bella practices are pure torture trying to ignore the gaze on her, feeling it constantly inspecting her person, gaging how she was feeling without asking. Her running suffers and her choreography wasn't quite right, but neither bad enough to need correcting or extra help. After all everyone has an off day and everyone saw how wasted she was the previous night. Something was building within her at each passing of the feeling of Chloe at her back. Beca was not quite sure what it was. She knew it was not anger and it was not the over whelming feeling of loss that leads to tears. No it was something else entirely. It would randomly grip at her chest, but it wasn't her heart. She knew that one well. This one was more in her lungs, causing her to pause throughout the day and catch her breath. She didn't know what it was.

Later that night Beca finds herself back at the club, not knowing any other way to drown out the feelings she was having. It only makes it worse, though. Because Chloe was there just the other day and she can see her in every corner of the club. In every gaze she meets. She was drowning in Chloe Beale and the feeling in her chest only grows. So she slings back more shots and tries to pull more people to her. She even takes a girl with her to the bathroom to go a little further than kissing, but she can't. All she sees is blue and all she feels in Chloe's body surrounding her. No matter how hard she pushes into the girl that was definitely not Chloe the feelings won't go. Finally she was forced to push the other girl away, as she falls to the ground, her body shaking and vision going as her lungs desperately tried to pull in oxygen from the air.

When she finally comes to, her breathing calmed, her make out buddy was rubbing her back and talking to her in a soothing tone. Then the girl was asking her if there was anyone she could call to come get her. She explains to Beca that she just had a panic attack and they should maybe call it a night. Beca was still too preoccupied with trying to breathe to protest. Before she knows it, she was being whisked outside, where the cool air helps calm her further and then put in a cab headed back to her dorm. The girl from the bathroom sits with her the whole drive, calming Beca the best she can. By the time they get back to Beca's dorm she feels well enough to get back to her room alone.

The next few days do not go any better, if anything it gets worse. Beca takes refuge in bathroom stalls during the day. At practices she slips more and more until Chloe was forced to once again press herself into Beca's back to guide her through the dance routine. Beca wanted to snap to flinch away, the feeling in her chest more noticeable with every brush of their bodies. Aubrey always cuts in just in time for Beca to be released before she was forced to push Chloe away and run to the nearest bathroom. Chloe doesn't even notice, she just gives her one of those mean nothing beaming smiles. Like everything is fine. Like they are fine.

Her mixes become something so frantic and full of mistakes, they are unlistenable. Her hands to jerky and frantic across her mixing boards to put anything together. Beca spends hours upon hours listening to her grandpa's LPs, but can never be calmed or fall asleep. She doesn't dare think of going back to the club, fearing what happened last time. She was lost and spinning out of control because everything was somehow connected to Chloe. Everything brings back a memory. Those lips and curves branded into her skin. She can't take it. Chloe's absences more present with each passing second and, with it, her total inadequacy. Her phone chiming with the everyday text messages that mean nothing not helping. Beca has never felt so alone. No one's presences helping. Not Amy. Not Stacie. Not Cynthia Rose. Not even Jesse. No one.

Then it's the day of regionals. Beca makes a point of sitting by herself on the bus. And she was fine. Everything was fine. She has her music and she could ignore them all, but then Chloe starts singing. Then everyone starts singing and she gets pulled in by blue eyes and that smile that means nothing. She was smiling and enjoying it all for a minute forgetting it all as blue eyes hold hers. She can breathe. Then it was over and the eyes leave hers and she was forced to face forward. It all crashes down around her. The tightness in her chest quickly building all because of one girl. The girl. Chloe.

Beca's running off to the bathroom to collect herself, taking in deep slow breathes to loosen the grip on her lungs. She's okay. She tells herself she is okay. Then they are all standing back stage and she can feel Chloe behind her. Chloe close enough that Beca could feel Chloe's breath on the back of her neck. She can feel it and the grip tightens. Before she can go back to the bathroom to quell it, they are being called on stage. The whole performance Beca was stuck behind Chloe. Watching the redhead's body move and that smile. The smile that meant absolutely nothing because Chloe used it on everyone. It was not reserved for Beca. Beca just wants out. She can't take it. She can't escape Chloe, the other girl was completely destroying her and she couldn't take it. Because no matter how many times Chloe gave her attention or showed fondness towards her, it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. Beca was worth nothing.

So when she looks around and sees the crowd and judges almost asleep, Aubrey completely oblivious, Beca runs with it. She waits for the right moment and once it hits she is singing a different song. A song that somehow mixes in perfectly with the song currently being sung by the other Bellas. She knows it's a gamble. If it does well Aubrey will be forced to listen to her or just chalk it up to her being lucky. If it doesn't go well Aubrey will kick her off the team and that's okay. Beca was mixing live on stage. She was creating a mash-up, something she has failed at for days, and it doesn't sound bad. The crowd and judges certainly seem to like it, perking up and even leaning forward to hear more. It was not lost on Beca that while she was simultaneously destroying her relationship with the Bellas, she was regaining a vital part of herself. As the song ends and Aubrey gives her a look indicating that no matter how this goes Beca will not likely be on the team much longer, she doesn't care because she knew she was making the right decision.

As soon as they are off stage Aubrey lays into her and Beca just throws it back. When she looks for support, an agreement that Aubrey's decisions as team captain have been wrong since day one, no one backs her up. Not Amy. Not Stacie. Not Cynthia Rose. Not even Chloe. Chloe just looks at her with guilt and something she can only decipher as longing. It really hurts, more than Beca would admit. She didn't even know why she expected Chloe to defend her, but she did. Maybe it was because Chloe actually believed in her talent. She believed in Beca with the same amount of enthusiasm as her grandfather had. Unabridged and honestly. That was when Beca realized that she would be losing that. That she would be losing Chloe, her last line to any of that. The last link to when she was worth something to someone. She was losing everything. The tightness grew in Beca's chest and she could feel the panic attack coming on.

So she told them it was all fine when it definitely wasn't because she had once again forgotten her role and now Beca was paying for it. Her increased breathing drowned out Chloe calling her name. Then she shoved past Jesse, throwing something hurtful at him so he wouldn't follow. Because her lungs were rapidly closing and she needed air. She needed to get far away from the Bellas. Far away from Chloe. Her body just went, ignoring everything and everyone, pushing through the back exit doors before collapsing just five feet away against the brick wall of the building. She pulled her legs to her chest, put her head between them, and wrapped her arms around her shins, trying to focus on her breathing. Then there was a hand on her back, trying to sooth her as they spoke equally soothing words. Beca wanted to push them away, but it was helping and she couldn't move, her body locking up. When she came to, her body was shaking, slick with sweat, and her face was painted with drying tears. Jesse was crouched to the side of her, his hand on her back, rubbing up and down the length of her spine. She sometimes forgot how well he actually knew her. He would of course know something was wrong and follow her. Beca really wanted to be mad at him, but was so grateful to have someone that truly cared that much about her.

Once Beca had calmed down enough he asked her one simple question. "How long?"

When she wouldn't answer, looking away, he repeated himself more firmly.

"Since the Bellas's club night." Beca finally let out in a small voice. Then her eyes met his, looking as broken as she felt inside. So vulnerable and small. "I-I couldn't take it anymore." Her voice broke on the last word and was unsteady as she continued on. "Chloe and-and everything. I-I can't-can't mix… I can't-I can't drink or-or find anyone else. I can't- can't do anything. It-It's always-always there."

He understood. He really did, wrapping Beca up in his arms, letting her cry into his shoulder before taking her back to his dorm. Beca was fast asleep when he got a text message from Chloe on his phone asking if Beca was okay. They had exchanged numbers after they took Beca home after the club, recognizing in each other a deep care for their tiny friend. It was thought it would be good to have each other's numbers in case there was a Beca related issue they could use help with. A part of him resented her at the moment because this was all her fault. The redhead should be the one taking care of Beca not him, but he knew it wasn't that simple. So he sat there for a good 20 minutes before reply with a half-truth Beca would be happy with.

Jesse: She's fine. Just sleeping.

It was a true enough statement.

The next morning Beca wakes up in Jesse's bed and Jesse asleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. She slips out to get some clothes from her room. On the way back she pauses at the showers, contemplating if she should use them or go back to Jesse's dorm. Blue eyes and red hair come to mind and she continues walking. Once she settles into her shower, in Jesse's dorm, Beca can sigh. Letting her thoughts and the tension leave her body, using the water running across her skin as a way of transport for her worries. Even though it hurt, really hurt, if she thought about it, she was finally free. That's what she told herself, the tether at her heart still lightly tugging. She told herself she could sever it. She just had to forget about the Bellas, well one Bella in particular, Chloe. It was an impossible task, but Beca figured she had managed to live without the girl for 6 years, she could do it again. Besides being in love with Chloe Beale and being around her hurt a lot more than being in love with Chloe Beale, but not being around her.

Chloe apparently had other plans because when Beca looked at her phone there were a bunch of missed calls and text notifications. There were a few texts from Amy and Stacie, and one from Cynthia Rose, but most of them were from Chloe. All of the missed calls and voice mails were from Chloe also, well except for one voice message from Lily that was a solid 2 minutes of heavy breathing and something about a gun range. Amy's messages were backhand apologies claiming Beca was over shadowing her talent, which was never okay, and invitations to go clubbing. Stacie's messages were a little more sympathetic, but turned raunchy a few texts in, obviously the leggy brunette had sent her sexts meant for a blonde girl who sounded very well endowed. CR's message was a pep talk of sorts that ended in an invitation to a poker night. As for the contents of Chloe's messages Beca had no idea what they contained. She never looked at or listened to them. Chloe had made her choice.

Beca's lack of response did not deter Chloe. She just sent more text messages. They came so frequently Beca eventually just turned off her phone. For a few moments Beca contemplated deleting the contact. After all she needed a clean break and it would help. Then she realized Chloe would still have her number. Which meant instead of getting messages from 'C-Bear', she would receive messages from an unknown number. Then she would read the messages and probably even answer her phone. So that plan was quickly ruled out.

The same thought process that led to her turning off her phone, was the same one that kept her from spending long expanses of time in her dorm. After all, Chloe lived there too and Beca refused to talk to her. She didn't want to even see her. Then maybe she could forget about the last few months and pretend like she wasn't in the predicament she was in. She could pretend like she wasn't completely heartbroken over Chloe Beale. So she kept moving. She slept in Benji and Jesse's room for the first week or two, camping out on their floor. Then when she couldn't stand sleeping, her dreams full of Chloe, Beca took up as many shifts at the radio station as she could. The next day she was usually found passed out on the desk out in the main room. She was there so much Luke eventually let her disk jockey a late night show from 10 pm to 6 am. She only went back to her dorm for a change of clothes and red bull. The bare bones of her mixing equipment traveled with her. Rejoicing in the fact she could mix again, ignoring all her mash-ups seemed to center around a certain redhead.

The whole thing was stupid because even though she wasn't a Bella anymore, she'd intercept Stacie out on the quad each day to hand off a thermos of tea and a bunch of honey packets. They both knew who it was for, but neither one of them mentioned it. Stacie just took the items from Beca and delivered them to the intended person. Then after a quick exchange of how are yous, Beca would scamper off, knowing the person the tea was intended for would be crossing the quad soon. Chloe had a class around the same time Stacie was free for the daily tea drop off. The next day Beca would hand Stacie a new thermos in exchange for the old one, which would be cleaned and reused. Beca knew it was stupid that she shouldn't care anymore. But she couldn't stop worrying about Chloe's vocal cords. There was a deep need to take care of her ex co-captain, knowing Aubrey would not be sensitive to Chloe's pain. Which was a stupid explanation for her actions as well because the Bella's were no longer competing, which meant there were no more practices.

The one day Beca tried to skip the whole tea routine, it had been two weeks after her blow up with the Bellas. As the time ticked by and came closer to the drop off time, there was a gnawing in her gut full of guilt. The more time that passed, the worse it became. Until finally Beca couldn't take it and wound up running around her room to hastily put together the usual thermos of tea before running out to the quad to intercept Stacie. Stacie had waited, pacing back and forth where they normally met, knowing Beca would show up. She just made it, out of breath and doubled over as she pressed the thermos hastily into Stacie's hands. For once in a long long time the broody brunette was all smiles, proud she had made it in time. She was too distracted by her lungs gasping for air and a dirty joke Stacie made, to notice the approaching redhead.

"Jeesh Mitchell, normally I have to do a little bit more to get someone that out of breathe." Stacie added in a wink at the end.

Beca stood up more. She pushed Stacie in response and muttered, "Shut up." Her smile was still intact.

It wasn't until then that both girls noticed there was a third party listening in. They looked over and there was Chloe, empty thermos in hand, looking both curious and hesitant. Beca wasn't as collected, her face dropped and her eyes widened in fear at the redhead's sudden presence. Stacie just stood there taking in both women's reactions to the other. Just as Chloe was about to say something, Beca turned to Stacie.

Stuttering out, "Well um tha-thanks Stace."

Then she was gone, running away to the safety of the radio station. Leaving Chloe behind once again, but she did not feel guilty about it. After all Chloe had left her a while ago. Instead of being deterred from bringing tea again, Chloe now knowing for sure who was making it, Beca still met up with Stacie the next day. Only this time she was early. That way another encounter wouldn't happen. The press in her chest from just seeing Chloe hurting far too much.

+/+/+

A/N: The next chapter is really long. So I am going to do another double post, one on Monday and the usual Thursday post.