Hey guys, thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback. It's nice to know other aimily fans are feeling the same way I am after that finale. Hope you like this one.
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She lies on her side and his hand snakes along her waist until it finally comes to rest on her belly. His fingers splay over the fabric of her t-shirt and hold her. She sighs deep and places her hand on top of his. In his gruff voice, heavy with sleep, he whispers, "Baby."
Emily turns to meet his face and Aiden's smile sparks something up in her instantly. The room is brighter, everything feels lighter.
"All I've ever wanted I've got right here in this bed," he says. "Just me and my babies."
She smiles. This is all she's ever wanted too.
Emily leans in for a kiss, but her subconscious won't let her get that far. She wakes out of the dream to the dim bedroom and cool sheets. No matter how often she dreams of him it never gets easier when she wakes up. There is no one next to her and the only hand touching her belly is her own. The swell there keeps getting bigger, becoming impossible to ignore.
She pulls her hand away. She squeezes her eyes shut and turns her face to the pillow.
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Eventually the day gets its way and pulls her out of bed. She used to have a purpose, a task at hand or an adversary that needed to be X-ed out, but these days her revenge is pretty much over. She does not want to revisit Victoria, or even the idea of her. Though, Emily knows in her heart that she's not completely finished with her yet. It kills her that Victoria was the last one with Aiden. Emily wants to know what happened. She wants to know exactly how she was able to overpower him. She wants to know what his last words were or if he had any at all.
But that will all have to wait.
Right now it's just about making it through another day. It isn't easy when she has to pass that couch by the fireplace every day. She stops to stare at it, remembering that night, though she can't remember all of it. Her mind has taken care to block some parts out.
Emily remembers Nolan coming to get her but by then she was already in a dream state, everything feeling so surreal. Nolan cried, made the necessary calls, told her everything was going to be okay, but Emily only felt numb. She remembers throwing up and Nolan holding her hair back and telling her she was in shock.
But now she knows it was more than that.
She remembers Aiden's face when she found him.
She can't stare at the couch anymore so she goes to the kitchen and reaches for a coffee can. But it's like she's set off an invincible alarm because Nolan is suddenly at her door. She hastily puts the can back in the cabinet and lets him in.
"Why aren't you dressed yet?" he says in lieu of Hello.
She cocks her head to the side, asking the question silently.
"You forgot," Nolan says. "We have your appointment today."
She closes her eyes, as if the mere action alone is enough to close off the world. "Can we reschedule? I'm not really feeling up to it."
Nolan grabs her by the hand and starts leading her back up to her room, though. "We're going to this appointment."
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Emily never thought that a place like this would make her so uncomfortable, but she'd rather be anywhere else in the world than in this waiting room. There are a few other women sitting in chairs. Some look a lot more pregnant than Emily, and some aren't showing at all. Emily didn't think she was really showing yet but when she glances down at her stomach she can see where her sweater stretches taut in some places. She pulls at it, trying to hide in her own skin.
"I'm going to get you this," Nolan says. He's sitting beside her, leafing through a baby magazine and he's stopped on a page with a baby in a bouncer. "You know, there are a lot of useful things in here. I'm going to get you everything in this magazine."
Emily glances at it absentmindedly. Her knee bounces.
"Something wrong?" Nolan asks.
"No. Why?"
"You're fidgeting."
She goes still, lets her hands go limp in her lap.
"Are you nervous?" Nolan asks.
She is a lot of things. Nervous is only one of them. She appreciates Nolan being here of course, but if Aiden were here he'd probably squeeze her knee. He'd kiss her temple. He'd be nervous too but so excited.
He'd whisper something to her. Emily tries to imagine what it would be; she sees his lips moving close to her ear, the corner of his mouth tic upward, but she can't hear what he's saying. She realizes she has no idea what Aiden would say in a moment like this, and she'll never get to know. The thought of that makes her stomach twist and the room feel hot and small.
Emily stands up suddenly. "I need some air," she mutters.
She leaves the waiting room but doesn't make it too far down the hall outside before Nolan catches up to her. "Where are you going?"
"I can't do this."
"This isn't something you can just ignore and hope it goes away on its own," Nolan says, grabbing hold of her hand and stopping her. "I miss Aiden too, but this baby is a blessing."
She can't help it, the bitter gasp of a laugh that escapes her lips. "You keep calling it that. A blessing."
"Because it is."
"It's not a blessing," Emily snaps. She swats a tear away before it can really fall but she can't hide how angry she is. There isn't any point. "This," she says, looking down at her stomach—she still can't bring herself to say this baby—"is all Aiden ever wanted. He wanted us to build a family together and he was ripped away from me before he ever got the chance to do that. All he ever wanted was a future and I'm building it without him. It isn't a blessing. It's cruel."
She hates that she's crying, blames it on hormones, but she's also just sad. Emily is so incredibly sad, and it's only made worse because this is a time when she is supposed to be happy. Nolan wraps his arms around her even though she's sure she doesn't deserve it. "It isn't fair," she whispers into his neck.
"I know," he replies.
She doesn't know how long they're standing like that before a nurse opens the door to the waiting room and peaks her head out. "Ms. Thorne?" she says. "We're ready for you."
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She can't really make out the image on the screen, but Emily hears the sound. Loud and rhythmic. Powerful.
"That's the heartbeat," the doctor says.
Nolan squeezes Emily's hand and lets out a shaky breath. "Wow," he says.
Emily stares at the screen and listens to the sound and her own heartbeat speeds up. The sonogram casts a spell on her that she wasn't expecting. She's entranced.
Wow.