For a time after the night that Aiden died—after the morning when Emily cried, lying on her bed while Nolan sat there watching—Nolan didn't see her cry anymore.

Those first few days were filled with a steely rage inside of her that Nolan had never seen before. He was worried about her, about what she'd do. But a part of him was also glad that at least she hadn't gone catatonic with grief. Like the strong Emily Thorne he knew she was, she'd given herself a brief moment to let her emotions out and then she was back; angrier, but focused on new objectives (keeping Victoria locked up, saving Jack, being instrumental in putting Daniel away.) At least she wasn't a puddle on the floor that he couldn't recognize.

And then one day, she was.

Three weeks after Aiden's death Nolan came to Emily's house and found her crumpled on the floor, in front of her fireplace. He didn't know how long she'd been crying, but her tears seemed endless, with no beginning to them and no end. He'd never seen her weeping like this and it scared him, the force of it. It was like the tears were stronger than any part of her had ever been. He tried to do something, tried to gather her up, push her hair back from her wet face, from her mouth, torn open in a silent sob. In the end all he could do was put his arms around her, lay his head on her heaving shoulder and cry with her.

It was a while before he even saw the thing trapped in her tight fist. A white stick with a plus sign on it, and it hit him that Emily wasn't just crying for Aiden but for something much bigger.

That night broke Nolan's heart in ways he couldn't even quantify and he vowed he'd do everything in his power to make sure Emily never felt that distraught again.

Now he stands in the woods in the Berkshires, hidden by trees, and he watches David Clarke pile wood in front of his cabin. He is frozen in his place with shock, and with the decision he has to make.

\\\

It's still not easy to fall asleep. She still thinks of him. Emily thinks of Aiden all the time, but her memories seem to be the most vivid as soon as her head hits the pillow.

Her mind wanders back to Japan, to a time when she'd just started seeing Aiden, and when she was very angry with him.

She remembers the way he was sitting in her room, on the bed on the floor, one leg laid out like a plank before him, one crossed under him, his shoulders hunched. He actually looked pretty relaxed, which infuriated her because she couldn't stop pacing.

"You seem angry," he'd said. His eyebrows were scrunched, but she swore she saw his tongue poking his cheek, like he was trying to stop from smiling. Like this was some huge joke. "You can't be angry at me for this."

She stopped pacing, her hands falling to her sides. "Of course I can."

He'd only been in Japan a few months and already he was disrupting her life. Not only because it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on training whenever he was around, or because she'd had to find creative ways to sneak away with him so that Takeda wouldn't find out of his star pupil's clandestine dalliances, and not only because she'd fallen for him, hard, but because now she had this to deal with. Something that could put a stop to all of her hard work thus far.

So yes, she could look at him, sitting all relaxed, and she could be angry at him. She could love him and hate him at the same time.

Though she was as much to blame for this as he was. Condoms weren't exactly the easiest things to get in the snowy mountains of Japan, isolated from the rest of the world while training for your mission of revenge. And now it was the one thing she wished she'd thought to bring with her back from New York.

"Would it really be so bad?" Aiden said. "If you do turn out to be pregnant?"

"It would change my life."

"Children tend to that."

"This isn't a joke, Aiden."

"I know," he said. He stood up, and finally he looked a bit more serious. "I'll take care of you."

"I hardly know you."

It was true. Even if it was a pretty cold thing to say, given the circumstances. But Aiden only shrugged, untouched by the comment. "You'll get to know me," he said, taking a few steps toward her. "I promise you I can be a good father."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Because when your childhood is ripped away from you, all you want is a second chance to get it right with your own children. That's how I know you'll be a good mother too."

After that she wasn't so angry with him anymore. After that, a day or so later, she found out she wasn't pregnant. She was relieved, and Aiden was supportive, but she could tell he was a little let down. After that, impossibly, she fell even harder for him.

It's just as Emily's remembering that time when she feels a kick. Not just a flutter, or a shadow of movement, but a real kick. The first real kick. She holds her stomach and her breath, and she is amazed at the feeling.

The doorbell rings, and though she is surprised that he's here so late she instantly knows it's Nolan at the door. She gets out, suddenly awake in every possible way.

"You're not going to believe what I just felt," she says as soon as she opens the door. She goes to reach for his hand so that he can feel it too, but then stops when she sees the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I have to tell you."