-v- Omen Mortis -v-

-v-v-v-

CHAPTER TWENTY

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..

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Gwen was leaning to a timber post on the cabin's porch, looking at the view towards the mountains, wondering how still and peaceful it was - and it was not just the surroundings but how she felt inside. True, she was supposed to leave back to her college town in four weeks when the semester ended but suddenly now, standing there … She felt hesitant.

This was already her second weekend at Erik's cabin. The first one had began oddly.

"You failed the course," she had said, standing there and facing him.

She caught, even under his beard, how he tried to keep a straight face.

"You came all the way here to tell me… this?"

"Your grandma also told me you want to go shoot ducks with me. Is that true?"

"Did she?" Erik could no longer keep a straight face.

"Might be true."

Gwen couldn't keep a straight face either. But then their eyes met.

"I was worried about you, Erik."

That evening Erik cooked some pasta and they ate.

"Wanna talk about it?" Gwen had asked.

And he actually told her. Of his feelings after René died.

"I was angry at them… Ian and Jo. I know that it wasn't rational but I was angry, blaming them somehow."

"I think you already know what I'm going to say… " she said.
"You should talk to them."

Erik nodded solemnly.

...

It was a Monday morning. Jo was still in her bed, but not sleeping anymore. The mornings were difficult. They had discussed with the counselor and decided she'd delay her courses and would graduate next year.

Jo was suddenly startled by a knock on her door.

It was her father, Russ, standing in the doorway. She had to blink but he was truly standing there holding two coffee mugs.

"We need to talk, hon. Please come to the porch when you're ready."

Jo got up and put on her clothes, expecting to wake up any moment now. This was too weird. But soon she sat on a plastic patio chair, drinking her late morning coffee.

"I know I haven't been there for you," Russ began, sounding a bit unsure. "I justified everything to myself telling you can take care of yourself, that you don't need me. And you never asked anything so..."

He took a deep breath and Jo felt she was watching her life outside herself. Was this truly Russ, her father?

"I'm sorry, Jo. And now… for once I can see that you'd need me and I know the only way I can help you is to first help myself. Like in the plane… you put the oxygen mask first before putting it on your kid."

He looked at his coffee mug frowning.

"So I called that center my friend Joe always talks about and they're willing to take me in… And yeah, I know Joe became one Jesus freak there but I promise that won't happen to me," Russ gave a mild chuckle. "But I don't want to leave you alone so I was hoping - and I've talked about this with her - that you'd live with Mrs. Stein for the next weeks or so when I'm at the center. She'd love to have you and I know she meant it."

This was a lot to take in. Jo just stared at his father.

"But then… There's another thing I want to talk to you about. Your band," he continued. "I know I've lost any right to give any advice but I feel I have to give it anyway. I'm just saying you shouldn't give up, Jo. I know you lost a friend… But I followed you guys and what you got in Cyberpriest was something special."

"But René was Cyberpriest," Jo got out of herself.

"I know it must feel like that… But what if Metallica had quit when Cliff Burton died? Or Ozzy had call it quits when Randy Rhoads went down with that plane?"

Jo felt she was very awake now. Even agitated.

"Well, do you think Thin Lizzy was truly Thin Lizzy without Phil Lynott?"

"Fair enough," Russ said, briefly smiling, but then he became serious again. "I'm not saying you have to be… Cyberpriest. You can be whatever you want as long as you don't quit. Because with every band - and in this life - there's gonna be that cold wind, and every now and then it's gonna blow hard against you. And the thing is are you going to let it blow you down? I know I've let it do that to me too many times. With your mother I… "
Jo could suddenly hear the emotion in his voice, stirred up by those sad memories. She felt sorry for him. Russ shook his head.
"I'm so sorry, hon… I know this has been a lot to take in but I just had to say all this because I don't think I've seen things this clearly… for years maybe. And I don't expect you to forgive me but I'm gonna try to get things right. For good. I hope by the end of this summer I could come home, get the studio up and running again and help you next semester any way if you let me. And..."
She could hear Russ stopped himself.
"What is it?" Jo asked.
"You still haven't talked to Ian, have you?"
Jo was only able to shake her head.
"I think you already know what I'm going to say."
Jo was able to nod.
"It's not too late, hon," Russ said.

Jo wasn't sure what had happened to Russ. She didn't allow herself to get her hopes up but she did say yes living at Grandma Stein's house. Sure it would bring up memories but she figured she'd have to face them one day.

Also, that evening Jo found herself thinking of that morning when she had been driving back with Ian, watching the sunrise.

"I don't want to go home yet," Ian had said when they passed the sign welcoming them back to Rock Falls.
"You don't have to," she had replied.

They had walked into Jo's room, taken off their shoes and jackets and crashed on her bed, dead tired. But before they fell asleep she had totally nuzzled her face into Ian's hair making him laugh. In the afternoon they had gotten out of the bed and ordered pizza and Russ had come to the kitchen and to Jo's relief he had been sober. He and Ian had soon been talking about guitars. It couldn't have gone better.

For some time the memory had been unbearable. But now she allowed her mind to trail there and once she did there was no stopping it, being consumed by this feeling that she had hidden from herself.

Of how she missed Ian.

...