„What? No, it wasn't" said Hiccup, wondering if he was red in the face already.
„I don't know, everyone is thinking you guys fuck" stated Snotlout.
„What…? Why?" he was so deep in embarassment, he could not look at Astrid to check how she was, he could not force himself.
„Just fuck off, Snotlout" Astrid said, more fed up than anything, sitting with her arms crossed.
He should look her way, but he desperately wanted to wait until he won't feel so hot in his face before that. It might take a while. At least she was not creeped out that much.
The twins were fully sucked in into the drama and Fishlegs looked agitated.
„Come on, what is it even about, you snuggle and make sucky noises all the time, and you disappear together once every few days" Snotlout continued a bit abashed.
„When it will be any of your business, I'll let you know" Astrid said, not getting angry yet. If she was angry, she would be getting her axe already. Not to hurt, of course, but to threaten.
„Okay, okay" Snotlout said rolling his eyes. „As soon as Hiccup will get out of that awkward mode we can drink or something".
Now they are talking about how awkward he is. Amazing. Super fun.
And it was all his fault, he should just keep his mouth shut. Why does he always have to give some snarky comments? Why does he think he is good at this? He just fucked up a social situation again.
Anyway he got himself back to normal, at least enough to look at Astrid who was sitting grumpy, her gaze pointing exactly nowhere.
„We can play your stupid game" she said. „Just make normal questions".
Before she even finished a sentence, Tuffnut already poured mead to five wooden mugs.
„I have never been a bossy bitch" said Snotlout.
Astrid drank a quarter and he could say she looked proud of herself, consciously or not.
„So, it is me now?" asked Tuffnut. „It is hard to decide… I think I'll go with… I have never ate a potato"
„What is a potato?" asked Fishlegs, not sure if he ate it or not.
„It is a legendary plant that you can only find if you swim west for thirty days" explained Hiccup. „I think no one drinks" he added.
„Thanks for nothing" said Snotlout to Tuffnut.
„So, I am gonna say…" started Ruffnut. „Never have I ever killed a dragon".
„Gee, can't you ask something that would make us drink?" asked Snotlout rebukingly.
Then Hiccup drank and everyone was seriously weirded out.
„Emm, Red Death counts, I guess?" he asked.
„That's right, it does" confirmed Fishlegs after wondering for a moment.
„Who would think, that you of all people would do it" commented Tuffnut.
„Uhm, you all were there?" asked Hiccup, not sure what was up.
„Yeah, but who would think."
Hiccup didn't know how to respond to Tuffnut, so instead of doing that he took his turn.
„I have never won a thawfest competition. You're welcome, Snotlout".
Snotlout drank whole mug and filled it again.
„I have never touched a dick" said Astrid.
Everyone except for her drank.
„What, Ruffnut?!" asked Snotlout.
„Oh Thor, could you fuck off already?" berated Astrid before Ruffnut could even say anything.
„I have my secrets" said Ruffnut, not even mad.
„And it was you, who wanted to ask only normal questions" said Snotlout.
„Yeah, but I wanted to turn it around on you, Snotlout. Sorry Ruffnut".
„You might be sorry, but I am not" she answered.
„I have never tried riding a dragon sitting back" said Fishlegs.
„Too easy" said Snotlout and drank. Hiccup and the twins drank as well.
„Okay, before we forget all about it, I suggest someone gets meat on the fireplace" said Hiccup.
„You are right, I did forget all about it" said Snotlout. „Fishlegs, go do it".
And Fishlegs did just that.
„I have never got an amputation" stated Snotlout. Astrid gave him a cold look, but she was kind of always looking at him this way, so it was hard to tell.
„Yeah, let's scratch old wounds" said Hiccup and drank.
„I see the joke!" Tuffnut reacted excited.
„i'm not sure if I planned it, but I guess so" said Hiccup.
„Why do you always joke about the leg?" Astrid asked twins and Snotlout, Fishlegs was not making them and also was occupied with meat.
„Why don't you ever joke about the leg?" asked Snotlout.
Hiccup looked at Astrid, actually knowing why.
„I don't know, it's not that funny?"
„What do you mean, it's super funny. Like when they said that Hiccup is on his last leg? Pure comedy gold" protested Snotlout. „Hiccup, tell her" he demanded.
„Have you noticed that I don't really make them myself?"
Snotlout looked confused.
„Maybe?..." Snotlout tried to remember such a joke made by Hiccup, and it was true, he could not. „Why is that?" he asked demandingly.
„Does it matter?" he looked at Astrid looking for support, which he got, and that at least was comforting.
„Now it matters, because we talk about it" said Ruffnut.
„We can also not talk about it any more" said Hiccup proposingly.
„Or we can" said Tuffnut half stating, half making a question.
„Why are we so childish today, even more than ever" said Astrid.
„Why are you a buzzkill more than ever" Snotlout asked her, as aggresive as he always was towards her.
She just sighed and asked Hiccup „Why are we even here? Do we have to?"
„Yup, this is what I was talking about, leaving together somewhere alone all the time" said Snotlout.
„Snotlout, have you considered that hanging out without you has a undeniable advantage that you are not there?" Astrid asked him.
„No".
„Try and think about it. Maybe if you weren't such a fucking brat all the time, Hiccup would be more comfortable talking with you about himself. Just maybe".
„Okay, meat is roasting good, we'll get a good meal!" said Fishlegs excited. „You are sometimes acting like an asshole tho, Snotlout" he added after a second, in cold tone.