Thank you to those who have reviewed. I really enjoy reading them. Though I feel bad because I may end up disappointing some of you. Its a fast paced story.
Also on the subject matter. I know its kinda dark and angsty. (a tad melodramatic). I'm writing it because i'm currently switching my anti depressants and I'm feel anxious, and exhausted, and to be honest kinda suicidal. And it doesnt help that i have a 60hour week this week because of Breeders Cup. So i figure it's healthier to push this crap on fictional Chuck then on myself. So thank you for reading and enjoying it. ON To The Story.
Chapter 3
The sun shone brightly down upon their bodies as they lay on the beach. The sand was warm beneath them and felt so good on Chuck's skin. It counteracted the coldness he frequently felt inside.
"I don't ever want to leave here." Chuck said quietly, eyes closed to the sun shining in his eyes. He felt a body shift next to him and curl around him. The feel of another's skin and the soft hair against his felt beyond wonderful.
"But we have to Chuck. You have things to do." Sarah said placing a soft kiss on his shoulder. Chuck smiled.
"Things can wait. This cannot." He said as he quickly rolled over and pushes her on her back. She giggled at the roughness as he held her arms to her side and he laid flat along her body. She stopped laughing slowly and then looked up into his eyes and Chuck couldn't help but compare them to the ocean they were currently lying next to.
"You have to wake up." She said softly as he lowered himself to her to place a kiss on her lips, but he stopped midway.
"What?" he asked confused. The coldness within him that had left him moments before came crashing back to him. The air started to feel heavy and the air cooled considerably. He looked up at the sky to see dark grey clouds everywhere covering the sun.
Chuck rolled off Sarah looking into the horizon that had only moments before been perfect and serene, but was now stormy and violent. He looked down to Sarah and jumped slightly to see Natalie. She lay perfectly still as he pushed away, the look in her eyes dead.
"It's never going to get better is it Chuck? Everything just hurts and dies." She said sadly sitting up slowly. He stared over her body seeing all the scars and marks, burns and disfigurements.
"Things have to get better someday don't they?" He asked her saddened at the sight. She was still beautiful to him but he couldn't help but think how much more so she would be if she had less scars.
"No, they only end."
Chucks breath hitched and his breathing came out ragged as his mind jumped to consciousness. He took a few moments reeling from the dream to feel out where he was. He was on something soft, a pillow and bed and was covered with a blanket thought he still felt cold. He could smell smoke around him as well as a slight scent of oranges.
"Sarah" he said to his self.
Then the pain started to come. Starting with his head. He felt sick and dizzy and afraid to move. The pain the coursed down his spine to his back and up his arms leaving a cold trail as his body woke up from its deep sleep.
"I know you're awake Chuck. It'll be easier on you if you move a little bit." Sarah's voice rang out softly from next to him on the bed. Chuck cracked his eyes open and moved his head slightly to look at her.
Sarah sat leaned against the back of the bed next to him under the blankets and a remote in her hand. He held his breath for a second and sure enough he could hear the voices of some show being played on the TV.
"What time is it." He slurred out closing his eyes once more. He heard her click the TV off and shift on the bed to look at the clock behind him.
"It's just after three." She told him. They sat quietly for a few minutes. "If you sit up a bit you can drink some water and aspirin. I promise it will make you feel better." She coaxed.
Chuck felt the cool plastic of the bottle touch his forehead and he let out a soft sigh at the good feeling. His body normally feeling cold lately felt hot and overheated. He surmised it's most likely from all the alcohol he consumed last night.
It took him a few more minutes and a few failed tries before he was able to pull himself up against the backrest of his bed and take the bottle of water and pills from Sarah. He greedily drank the bottle, feeling it as it ran down his throat and hit his stomach and began its job of rehydrating him.
"How did I get here?" he finally asked setting the bottle down and slumping back to the pillows. He heard Sarah take a deep breath considering her words.
"Well, when you didn't answer any calls Casey went after you." She said. Chuck groaned and closed his eyes.
"I was just dancing and having a few drinks I swear. " He said defensively a few minutes later. Sarah didn't say anything and he opened his eyes to look at her.
"What's wrong?" He asked her as she looked away from him dread coursing through him. He knew Casey must have told her about Natalie.
"Sarah, I swear, it was…" He didn't know what to say. He knew it wasn't innocent. He had rubbed himself against Natalie sexually throughout the whole night, drinking alcohol from her glass, sucking juices from limes from her fingers all in public. No it was anything but innocent.
Sarah looked at him finally and he could see some moisture in her eyes but he could also tell she was holding back tears. She was a professional and he knew she wouldn't cry but she was still a human and couldn't hide that she was upset entirely, at least not from him.
"It was, it was nothing Sarah." He finished lamely. She glared at him for a second before she took a deep breath and her features softened.
"Chuck, it wasn't nothing. Why would you do that, why would you hurt yourself?" She asked sadly. His breath hitched as he thought back to his night. Most of it was just a blur at this point but he didn't know what she was talking about, and Sarah clearly saw it on his face.
She reached over to him and pulled his sleeve up showing his arm. Suddenly the pain he had felt in his arms intensified as he saw the ugly burn marks that littered his skin. His breath began to get ragged as his mind whirled to recover the memories of what happened.
"Casey found you in a park nearby with a girl. You two were completely drunk and smoking cigarettes and putting them out on your arms." Sarah said weakly.
Chuck had no recollection of this. Questions brimmed through his mind.
"Is she ok?" He asked dazed, missing Sarah's incredulous look.
"She's fine Chuck, Casey put you in the car then followed her home, or to where he thought was her home." She answered. Chuck nodded in acknowledgement.
They were silent again for several minutes. Chuck lost in his own mind and Sarah watching him alarmed. The quiet stretched on.
"What is going on Chuck." Sarah finally asked softly. He looked at her knowing exactly what she was talking about but refusing to acknowledge it and remained silent.
They stared at each other for a few minutes, daring the other to break eye contact. Finally Chuck gave him, feeling tired once more. The emotions he'd felt the night before leaving him drained and empty once more.
"Chuck." Sarah pressed him. He just closed his eyes and shook his head, his hair slapping his face as he did so. "I need to know Chuck. You've been-" she stopped and bit her lower lip to stop herself. Chuck finally looked at her.
"I've been what?" He asked in a daring way. Daring her to say it, to point it out, to acknowledge that something's wrong.
"Is everything ok Chuck?" She said simply after a while. Chuck sighed and held back the tears that threatened to fall at her failing to say it. He simply laid down on the bed more and snuggled under the blankets.
He didn't say anything more, there was nothing to say. Everything was wrong and he needed help. She was part of the cause. But she had taken the easy way out. He let his mind float free to think of anything and nothing whatever it decided, and eventually he fell asleep again.
It was pouring down rain on him but Chuck didn't notice. It had taken longer than he wanted to get to that spot at the picnic table in the park. He had asked Casey where he had found him but he refused to say, just grunting out a warning to stay away from the girl. But as always Chuck didn't listen and used his ingenuity to figure out the closest park to the club where two drunk people could possibly go.
It was easy to figure out what area they went to as well as they burnt their names, or best they could into the wood of one of the tables.
Chuck sat there in the rain staring at nothing in particular mind running a million miles an hour on no thoughts in particular. He wasn't sure exactly why he came here. There was no reason to but for some reason he felt drawn to it.
He knew he wasn't alone. He could feel the eyes of Casey on him from his vehicle someplace nearby. He was just glad it wasn't Sarah. He didn't want her to feel like he was pining away for another girl, even though that was exactly what he was doing.
"Stop" he said allowed to himself.
"Stop what?" A voice said coming up behind him. He startled for a second before Natalie came around the table he sat on and stood in front of him. He watched her as she stood in the rain in jeans and a long sleeved shirt like him, not a coat insight.
"What are you doing here?" He asked her above the sound of the rain. She smiled at him and came closer, fitting herself in between his legs and she leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips. He opened his mouth hungrily accepting her as he deepened it.
Eventually the kiss ended and she pulled back and rested her arms on his legs around her and just looked up into his eyes.
"You have really long legs." She commented placing a single kiss on his lips again before backing away from the table. He wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't sure how to act. He wasn't sure about anything, this mysterious girl who kept fluttering in and out of his life this week.
"What are you doing to me?" He asked her curiously. She laughed at him and outstretched her arms in the rain and began to twirl like a sprinkler or helicopter. He watched her entranced once again and for a second wondered what Casey must think of this strange girl who mysteriously showed up in his assets life.
Eventually she stopped and her arms dropped tiredly. She glanced around a second before he made eye contact with her once again. She slunk near him seductively once again coming close to him.
"What are you doing to me?" He asked her again once she was directly in front of him. He raised his cold hand to the side of her face and tucked a loose strand of hair away, not that it mattered much in the rain.
"You accuse me of doing something when it is perhaps what you are doing to me." She said cryptically. She took his arm that was still raised near her and pulled down the sleeve showing the burn marks from the night before. They stung angrily as the rain pelted down upon them but they numbed soon enough. "It looks as though we had some fun last night. I knew you'd be here." She told him.
"I don't even remember what we did. All I have is the evidence of it, not the memory." He told her. His mind raced with thoughts. It was like playing mental chess when talking to this girl and he wasn't sure who was winning.
Every question every answer was never asked or answered in a logical sense. Everything was cryptic and open to interpretation, something he had grown tired of the past few years but for some reason made this girl more irresistible.
"Have you ever danced in the rain? Played in puddles?" She asked him changing the subject. He gave a long sigh.
"Not since I was a child. Ellie and I used to play in the rain in the back yard. It hardly rains in southern California." He told her.
With that she grabbed both his hands in hers and pulled him off the table. He followed eagerly, wondering what will happen next. Once they were several feet from the table Natalie let go of his hands and wrapped her around his neck tightly bringing his head down to kiss her again. He let her control it and she began to sway against him.
She then let go of him completely and ran away laughing, leaving him staring after her dazed for a second before shaking his own head back to reality and he chased after her.
They ran all over the park, jumping on tables, climbing on the equipment there. They chased each other and laughed like children again all the while the rain continued to poor down on upon them.
Chuck felt light. It was the lightest he's felt in a very long time and he never wanted it to end. He wanted to continue to be able to laugh and run in the rain and not worry about the bad things in the world that threaten the ones he loved.
Eventually he finally caught her and they fell to the ground. Natalie gave out a grown and a squeal at being stuck in the mud but she made no move to get out from under him so Chuck remained on top, pressing his weight into her until she stopped squirming.
"Give up?" He asked her breathing hard from the run. She gave her wicked smile again and leaned up to him kissing him again. It went on longer this time and he felt her move below him causing him to become aroused once more. He wrapped his arms around her on the ground bringing her in tighter to him, not wanting to let go.
"I want you." She moaned at him pressing her body closer, and he wanted her too.
Reluctantly Chuck let go of her and began to get up. They were in a public park and what he wanted to do to her was something he didn't think he could even get the government to drop charges on.
"I kinda have a girlfriend." He said lamely as she stood up next to him. She nodded her understanding and brushed her palm against his cheek.
"Come home with me. Dry off." She said simply, inviting him. He knew he should have said no and left but everything in him was drawn to this girl.
So he followed her home.
"Tell me about yourself." Chuck asked her as they sat on her bed. They had come over to her apartment to which she quickly stripped him of his clothing and lead him into her bed room. It was intense and it was fast and now they sat on the bed facing each other talking.
The bedroom was like the rest of the place. Shut in, dark, cramped, smelled like cigarettes. Even right now she was laying on top of the covers still nude smoking. He thought she looked beautiful as he took in all the scars and burn marks. Different yet the same from his dream that morning.
"Not much to tell." She said letting out the smoke. He watched her a few moments before she finally sighed and put out the cigarette. "I was born, I grew up, I do naughty things with very tall hot men and soon I will die and be free of it all." She said simply. Chuck didn't buy it.
"There has to be a story behind you. You can't just be what you are." He insisted. She laughed for a second before laying her head on his long leg and ran her hand up and down the hair on it.
"My story is boring and tragic." She said simply sounding sad. "Tell me yours." Chuck sighed in frustration.
"Mine, typical story. Abandonment depression, I'm a nerd. Backstabbed by best friend and girlfriend in college. So much. I'm just an underachiever. My story, is more selfishness then anything." He told her staring at her breast and noticing the huge scar running across them.
"It's from high school." She said suddenly, breaking him out of his own reverie.
"What?" He asked her.
"The scar, on my boobs. They're from high school. I slept with a group of guy and then tried to kill myself. I slashed through my arms and stomach and breasts. There was so much blood but I loved it. The pain it caused was so intense. " She closed her eyes a smile appearing on her face as if it were a pleasant memory.
Chuck was horrified at it. Both the story and her smile. Misery and self-harm had always been a part of him but he never enjoyed it. He needed it, and he would sometimes smile or laugh as the release of what was building up inside of him was finally released but once the high went away he always felt immediately guilty, causing more distress upon him.
"Have you ever tried to kill yourself Chuck?" She asked him. He looked down to see her staring up at him happily satiated and relaxed. He thought for a second, debating if he should tell her. But as always he was drawn to her and couldn't do anything but tell the truth.
"Twice" He told her. She implored with her eyes for him to tell her so he did. "First time, was just after my father left us. I was upset. Everything was just, wrong. And my sister was under a lot of stress too just starting college. " He paused taking a deep breath, seeing her raptly listening to his story. "I didn't mean to originally. I had already started…hurting myself many years before. But that one night I just had to release everything but it wasn't working, so I kept at it, and somehow I hit a vein or something and I was bleeding out. "
"You meant to do it Chuck, don't lie to me." She told him. "You can lie to everyone else including yourself but don't lie to me."
"I swear I didn't, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to go with it. There was just so much blood and I was feeling weaker. I couldn't do anything anymore, I was just so tired so I just laid down on my bed and bled out. I woke up in the hospital. My best friend Morgan had come over and came in the window and called 911 once he saw me."
"I'm sorry. " She said reaching up to stroke his cheek again. He let her closing her eyes at the sensation. He wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for, but he had a feeling it was that his friend stopped him. "When was the second time?"
"Three years ago. Everything had just seemed to pile up and come crashing down on me and I couldn't handle it anymore. So I slit my wrists. My sister's boyfriend Devon however came home and found me. I promised my sister I'd never do it again." Natalie laughed. "What's so funny?" He asked her
"Your promise. You shouldn't make promises you aren't prepared to keep Chuck. It's not fair to the others." She chided him. Chuck was baffled at this.
"I intend on keeping it though. I won't leave my sister, not by my own hands." He said vehemently. Natalie rolled over and got up on her knees and crawled to him sitting in his naked lap. She wrapped her arm tightly around him.
"You say that now Chuck but I can see you. The real you. You're in pain, and you're miserable. Your body is full of scars but last night you caused yourself harm." She said. Chuck wasn't quite sure he liked what he was hearing from her but her tone and her touch was so seductive.
Natalie moved to straddle his hips and kissed him passionately.
"Someday soon you will give in. Everyone does." She whispered into his ear before bighting it. Chuck shuddered as he felt her kiss and nip her way down to his neck before he gave in and lifted her, laying her back down on the bed.
Chuck coughed a few times as his lungs burned from the smoke permeating the room and rolled over in a sleepy haze. He felt the opposite side of the bed to reach out for Natalie but found the bed empty and cold. He sat up sleepily to see her empty spot.
Looking around curiously he took note of the only light coming from the sliver from beneath the bathroom door. He smiled remember the nights activities and listened as the rain pelted down on the covered window.
"You alright?" Chuck called to Natalie through the door. He paused and held his breath for a moment but got no response. Curiously he got up out of bed and put his boxers back on before walking to the bathroom door. He knocked gently on it getting no response. "Natalie?" he asked again, pitch slightly higher.
Chucks heart raced as something nagged at him that something was wrong. So he placed his hand on the door knob and gently pushed the door opened.
His heart stopped as he looked at the floor. There laying on the floor eyes open and sad was Natalie. Blood surrounded her as it seeped out of the cuts on her wrists and arms.
Chuck couldn't think. His mind had blank as he entered that bathroom and slid down the wall staring at her lifeless form. Glancing up to the mirror were two words.
Join Me.
A/N: So because of my busy week and my 3 day weekend afterwords next schedualed update will be Thursday the 6th. BUT if i'm able to based on busyness of course i will post sooner.