Chapter 6

The car ride a few hours later was silent as they drove up the 101 toward Malibu. Chuck was still unsure of what exactly was happening but he trusted his sister, and his handlers and packed his bad and go in the car.

Ellie insisted that she sit in the back with Chuck, which was just fine with him. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Casey and placing Sarah and Ellie together spelled bad news. He was amazed and impressed by the amount of restraint Sarah has shown in not retaliating against his sister. It helped him breathe easier and relax a little bit, though he had no intention of leaving them alone for any length of time. He knew his sister was capable of defending herself but Sarah was trained to kill, and though he didn't believe for a second that Sarah would harm his sister, he felt it more prudent to not put that to the test.

Currently Chuck was curled up, seatbelt tight in the seat behind the passenger, or Sarah as it was. He lay slightly to his right, head back against the head rest and watched the scenery go by. He could feel his sisters eyes on him every now and then, and it unnerved him a bit but he knew she was just worried.

He closed his eyes a moment as the sun hit him full force, taking a deep breath before opening them again to view the passing scenery. Usually he got easily car sick doing this but he didn't feel it this time. He didn't feel much except the cold, causing him to wrap his arms tighter around himself. He wished he had worn warmer clothes but as it was he had jeans, a long sleeved shirt and his Buy More jacket on.

"Please turn down the AC." Ellies voice rang out as if reading his thoughts. Casey grunted a moment.

"It's over 90 out there. It'll get hot in here real quick if I do." He growled out. Chuck felt Ellies hand squeeze his knee.

"It's very cold back here please-"But she didn't need to finish the sentence as Sarah had reached over and turned it down. Ellie gave an exaggerated sigh but muttered a thank you to Sarah. They were silent a little longer as they drove along the mostly empty highway. Chuck was about to fall asleep, exhausted after everything that's happened. Still feeling tired and high strung at the same time he just wanted to sleep away everything.

"I still don't understand why you two had to come." Ellie said squeezing his knee. Chuck opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her, trying to convey with his eyes to not start anything. He knew his sister was pissed off about the situation.

"We couldn't very well allow you to wonder off with Chuck." Sarah told her gently, obviously trying to stop a fight from happening.

"He's an adult and he's my brother. I've taken care of him since he was a baby. He's perfectly safe with me." Ellie argued, arms crossing in front of her chest. He saw Sarah and Casey share a look and he worried more for Ellie. Sarah was obviously trying to get Casey to jump in but he just gave his amused little smile and let her take lead.

"He's not just your brother anymore Ellie. You know that now." Sarah said simply giving up on Casey. Chuck heard Ellie growl and looked at her alarmed.

"Drop dead Sarah." She said harshly, stunning Chuck.

"Ellie, stop." He said softly, but she heard him and her angry face fell to one of concern as she looked at Chuck. "Please just, stop." He begged her quietly. She nodded her resignation to let it drop.

The rest of the car ride was silent then as they drove north. Finally they reached their destination and stepped out of the car. It took Chuck longer than it should of, being exhausted and tall it took a few minutes for his body to wake up and the blood to pump through his veins as he stood at his full 6'4 height.

Ellie came around the car to stand next to him, grabbing his hand as they looked up at the hotel. It was huge and fancy and Chuck wondered how or why they would be there. He bet it was spendy.

"You pick this place?" He asked Ellie finally looking down at her. Her mouth closed as she shook her head.

"No, when I suggested it originally I was thinking of a hotel not far from here. It's beautiful but it's nothing like this." She said amazed. Chuck nodded his understanding.

"This place is more secure. Let's get into the room." Casey growled out again walking past them caring his and Chuck bag. Chuck felt guilty for a second but then realized he probably wouldn't have the strength to carry it anyways, even though he didn't pack much.

They entered the lobby and were immediately accosted by an employee to help take their luggage, Casey gave him a menacing glare and he scampered off as Casey walked to the check in counter.

Soon they were on their way up in the elevator. It was a long ride and Chuck stayed as near Ellie as possible, not really liking small spaces. As they reached their floor, third from the top, Sarah and Casey told them to wait outside while they cleared the room. Ellie gave a confused look at that. As they went in leaving them in the hall.

"They're just checking for bugs and listening devices." Chuck clarified for her, which seemed to kind of annoy her more. Chuck stepped away feeling it was at him but a quick grasp of his hand settled his nerves.

"It's clear." He heard Casey shout from within. They entered the suite, for that was what it was and gawked at it amazed. It was fully furnished with comfortable furniture and tastefully decorated. Ellie walked over to the balcony door and gasped at the beautiful view of the ocean down below and beyond.

"This place is, how, I don't understand." Ellie stammered out finally turning from the window towards the three of them.

"Don't worry; the NSA is paying for it. If you were going to go away it would have to be someplace we could easily make secure and make sure of privacy." Sarah said as Casey grumbled about wasting taxpayers' dollars.

Ellie nodded her understand, though Chuck could see she wasn't exactly happy about it.

"Ok what are the sleeping arrangements? I see two rooms so me and Chuck then you two." Ellie said coming down the few steps that lead to the balcony and grabbing her bag from the couch where she dropped it. Sarah cleared her throat and seemed to brace herself.

"Actually its Chuck and I in the master room, you'll be taking the other room and Casey will be out here keeping guard." Sarah said to which Ellies face immediately hardened and Chuck resisted sighing knowing what's going on.

"I think not. I'm not letting you sleep with my brother, even if it's just sleeping." Ellie told her stonily.

"Look, Ellie, we need to make sure he's secure. Best way is for one of us to be with him and Casey refuses so that leaves me."

"We're in a hotel room thirty floors up. I doubt anyone can get to him even if they knew he was here!" Ellie exclaimed.

Chuck sighed tired of the fighting and the stress. He turned away from them blocking out the rest of the fight and entered the nearest room, which luckily turned out to be the master bedroom. He walked towards the bed, kicking his shoes off as he went and pushed his bag that Casey must have placed there on the floor, satisfied when he heard the loud thump it made on the floor.

The bed looked so wonderful and inviting so he climbed up onto it and crawled to the top and heavily dropped himself on it. His eyes fluttered shut as the feeling of relaxation and comfort finally hit his body. It reminded him of the previous day, or was it that morning, he didn't know anymore, when he had fallen on Sarah's bed. Its warmth and comfort enveloping him as if hiding him and shielding him from the world.

He curled up on his side. Putting his hand under the pillow he stared out the balcony window to the ocean beyond. It was such a calming view having the sun filter through though he lay right out of reach of its rays.

He let his mind wander to the beauty of the ocean and calm his thoughts. He was baffled how something so beautiful and as violent as it rushes and races towards the shore and crashes onto the beach could be considered peaceful to one's mind. But either way he loved it. He loved the ocean, and the beach, and the annoying sand that gets everywhere.

He heard the door open slowly before someone entered, he didn't bother looking to see who it was knowing it was Ellie. If it was Sarah he wouldn't have heard anything, and Casey would have just stomped in making as much noise as possible.

He heard Ellie set her stuff down on the opposite side of the bed, continuing to stare out the glass as she came around and sat in a chair that was opposite him but didn't block his view. He felt her eyes on him as she watched him patiently waiting for him to speak to first. He was grateful.

"I wish you would stop fighting with Sarah." He said quietly, not looking at her. He heard her sigh but didn't answer something that did surprise him a bit. They were in a companionable silence for a while before Ellie finally stood up and held her hand out to him.

"Come on, there's a place I want to show you." She told him. Chuck closed his eyes and buried his face in the pillow for a second.

"Ellie, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lie here and, I don't know. Do nothing." He stated, voice muffled by the pillow. But Ellie would hear none of it. She crouched in front of the bed and poked his head till he turned it. She gave him a small smile that he couldn't help but return.

"I want to talk to you. Without your bodyguards. Come on. Let's get some fresh air." With that she stood up and held her hand out again.

To say his handlers were not pleased by the idea was an understatement. It took all Ellies convincing plus the promise to keep his watch and phone on him at all times convinced them to let him go. Though he knew, but would not be telling Ellie that they would actually be following them, making sure there was no danger to him.

It made him feel saddened though that he couldn't even take a private walk with his sister. He did hope that they would at least give them enough privacy to talk. He hadn't had a private conversation with his sister in so long; he missed her advice and her encouragement. He missed telling her the truth.

They walked down a path near the beach and walked to a small hill that was covered in grass that was void of anyone else around. Ellie promptly sat down on the warm grass and sad that was there and indicated that Chuck do the same. He paused a few moments staring out into the horizon watching as the sun began getting lower. It was one of his favorite parts of living on the west coast, the frequent sunsets over the ocean. He liked those better than sun rises.

He took a moment to glance around, seeing people mill around as they finished their trip to the beach for the day and those who were just arriving for the show. He looked at dark corners that he could find or vehicles, trying to spot Sarah and Casey.

"They're there someplace Chuck but don't worry about it." Ellie told him looking up at him. He met her gaze and gave her a wane smile before finally sitting next to her.

"I'm sorry we can't even have a nice sunset alone." He said to her sadly still watching her. She stared into his eyes and wrapped her arm around him bringing him closer.

"It's not your fault Chuck. You are important. And not just to me. I do understand." She told him encouragingly. He watched her curiously and she laughed. "Ok, just because I understand doesn't mean I like it. I mean, you're my brother. I love you. And I feel they aren't respecting you as a person and just seeing you as…I don't know a machine." Chuck turned away from her then and stared out into the ocean. She was right and he felt that many times. Hence the situation he was in now.

"I'm stuck in this until the Intersect is gone. And even then, I know their secrets I don't know what's going to happen. "He admitted to her, feeling his eyes moisten. "And to be honest I'm kinda of scared."

Ellie reached back over squeezing him tighter as his emotions bugled up to the front and he started crying hard. It felt good to admit that and it felt good that someone seemed to care. They stayed like that for several minutes as he got his emotions back into place. He finally sat up a bit and wiped his face to rid the moisture.

"I'm sorry I seem to be everywhere emotionally late. Or at least the past day or so." He apologized to her and she rubbed his neck and shoulder comforting.

"It's probably because everything is finally coming out. Instead of holding it in everything is bubbling over. You need to let it out. Talk to me Chuck. I'm here to help you. We're here for a week of rest and relaxation and person counseling with each other." Ellie encouraged.

"Each other and my handlers you mean?" He poked, though he shouldn't knowing how much it annoyed her. She gave an un lady like snort of derision.

"Yea, they wouldn't let me take you away without taking them with us. I don't see how you deal with that Beckman woman she is so difficult." She complained much to his amusement.

"You gotta get used to her but yeah she can be tough." He paused for a second thinking of his next question. "Was she really mad finding out you knew." He asked tentatively. He knew he should be asking Sarah or Casey but he wanted to hear it from his sister first, mainly because she was the one there. His sister sighed before telling.

"Oh yeah. Royally. But then Casey brought up how it would be a good idea to have me on being as I'm a doctor, specializing in neurology, and I care for you so I won't betray you. She didn't seem to like it but she told him he had a point. "Chuck thought for a moment, was glad that Ellie would be on with him. He needed someone who was more in his corner.

"So you're in?" He asked her and she nodded. "Only in a medical capacity. My first 'order' as she placed it was to get you better. I suggested a week away just us would help but then we start therapy again next week. She's going to get some psychologist vetted or whatever that is." She said watching the sea as well.

They were silent for some time watching as the sun slowly made its way down the horizon and start dipping in the ocean. It was beautiful. Chuck felt calm and even a little happy at that moment for the first time in a long time. It only lasted briefly as his thoughts strayed back to Natalie and suddenly and happy feeling he felt a second ago drained out of him leaving him cold again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ellie bumped his shoulder. He turned away from her before turning his whole body facing her and away from the ocean and the beautiful sunset. Something Natalie would never see again.

"I have to tell you something Ellie. That I did. Something really bad." He couldn't look at her so he looked at his fingers as they twiddled with the imaginary lint off his pants. Ellie did the same, turning her body sitting cross legged facing him. She placed her elbows on her knees and gave him her full attention.

"It can't be that bad Chuck. You're too good a person." She told him honestly which made Chuck feel much worse.

"You won't think that after I tell you." He insisted. "I uh, met this girl a few days ago. She was, amazing." He started.

"Amazing how?" Chuck thought back to how she seemed to know him even though she didn't. How she was energetic and alive at the same time living some hell.

"She just was. She could see right through me. She knew me. For the first time in a long while, I felt alive with her. Well, I don't know if I felt really alive or if she was the first person to bring me out of that numbness I had been stuck in. But it felt in credible. And it was fast. And before I knew it, she's gone." He confessed. He risked a glance up at his sister who was watching with rapt attention. When he didn't continue she prompted further.

"Casey said, well, less crudely you, slept with her?" She asked and waited for him to continue. It took him a few moments as he closed his eyes and thought back to that night. What they did felt beautiful and what they spoke about scared him.

"Yeah. I did. I've never done that before. I mean I've slept with someone but I mean, not someone I just met. But it felt perfect, it felt right. Being with her, everything in me was beating and alive and I felt, I don't know. Good. For the first time in a long time I felt good. And not just you know. Cause of what we were doing. "He blushed then. He's talked about sex with her before, in fact she was the one to have 'the talk' with him, but this felt strangely more intimate then anything he's ever done.

"It was special Chuck, nothing's wrong with that."

"But it is wrong because she's dead now. We had sex and then she killed herself with only one message left behind; Join Me." He spat out angrily at himself more than Ellie. "If I had just kept it in my fucking pants."

He buried his fingers in his hair again and tugged hard causing himself pain and pulling some hair out as well. He felt so guilty over the whole thing. It was his fault he knew it and no amount of people telling him otherwise. They sat there like that for a few moments before Ellie grabbed his wrists and forced his hands away from his head. He looked into her eyes and his face softened from self-hatred to sadness that he was causing his sister distress.

"Never think that Chuck" She said desperately trying to get through. "Was it right that you slept with a stranger? No probably not. But it doesn't make you bad, or make it any less special. She sounds like she was a pretty sick girl. And you, well, you're not well either."

"I know but I feel so guilty. Cause I won't join her. I can't. I'm not afraid to die but I don't want to yet. I can't leave you, or Morgan. I can help people. I just, I need help too." He pleaded with her to understand, and was relieved when he saw she did.

"I know Chuck. And I'm so glad you're not going. But don't feel guilty about the message ok? She was very sick, probably very lonely and you filled some void momentarily where she felt she had the courage to do what she did. It's sad and tragic, but you can't let it weigh you down. Learn from it but you have to live." She told him.

Chuck gave a soft laugh as the tears poured down his face; he could taste them as they fell in his mouth from his lips. He took another glance out over the ocean thinking once more how beautiful it was.

"I love you Ellie you know that right?" He told her without preamble. She smiled brightly at him.

"Of course I do." They sat in silence for a little bit as the sun set further in the ocean. The last rays flickering across the water in dazzling patterns. Lights from around the hotels and restaurants that lined the edge of the beach lit up causing the darkness away.

"I want you to forgive Sarah." He said finally breaking the silence. Ellie looked at him hard and bit her lower lip annoyed for a second before responding.

"Look, Chuck, I get it. About Sarah. And for that I promise I will try but I have to be mad right now." She said simply. Chuck looked over at her mournfully.

"Why? I don't understand." He told her. Ellie took a deep breath as she thought.

"Chuck you love her. I know you do so don't deny it. And I encouraged that. I rooted for you two. But she lied to me about you two."

"I lied too. I didn't tell you-"

"Chuck. Look. She lied about who she was. She's not your girlfriend. She's using you. You love her chuck. Doesn't that hurt?" She asked him exasperated. He thought for a moment. Yes it did hurt. A lot.

"But it's my heart that's being hurt Ellie. I don't want you two fighting. I want you to get along with her. Because I love her." He told her plainly. Ellie was silent a few moments.

"I know Chuck. And for that I will forgive her at some point but for right now I think I just need to be mad ok?" With that she stood up and stretched before reaching down to help Chuck up. They began walking back down the beach towards their hotel.

"I'm going to try to help her too Ellie." He told her sincerely.

"Why Chuck? You should be focusing on you first. I don't know much about Sarah the Agent but I can just image all the issues a seasoned Agent of the CIA would have." She told him honestly.

Chuck stopped in the middle of the walk and turned towards her with a smile she hadn't seen in such a long time.

"I know, but a friend told me that in helping her, perhaps I can help myself. I need her Ellie. I love her." He said.

"And if she doesn't love you back Chuck? What then."

Chuck thought of that for a moment. Right now the thought that Sarah not loving him hurt him deeply and began bringing in the hard feelings of loneliness and despair. But then the thought of all the times they've spent together in the past two years. Everything they shared and didn't share. He knew that even if she can't admit it, in some way she loved him too.

"What's love if you don't risk anything? I'd rather her be healthy and whole and able to love then not. Even if it's not me. It's a chance I have to take." With that determination in mind, Chuck walked down back to the hotel.

A/N: Ok i swear this is the last till the 6th. I can't type anymore and take calls so i have to 'long hand it" if i want to write more so that means typing it up later. What a long weekend. Why cant it be 830 on saturday already? anyone with a time machine...please..?