"Tell me again why we're doing this?" Malone dumped an armful of pipe in front of Riley and Crowe.

Riley sighed; he knew the guys weren't new to all this. But they seemed to be having a hard time accepting it. Well, it was weirdsville, he had to admit. Not the kind of thing you expected to meet up with on a submarine deep in the middle of the ocean… "Vampires, man," he explained again patiently. These guys made him feel like a baby sometimes, when things were getting tough on the submarine, but when it came to pop culture stuff, they were clueless. If he hadn't noticed the signs: a woman who appeared and disappeared at will, not enough blood to account for the blood loss suffered by Ski and Briggs, the dreadful atmosphere aboard the boat, as if doom were about to descend on them all… If he hadn't noticed all that, none of these guys – practical, down-to-earth sorts, every one – would have put two and two together and come up with four… He knew he had to be very patient; none of his friends were having an easy time of this.

As he worked at sharpening the end of a pipe with a file, he wondered how the admiral would take it. Nelson was hands down the smartest guy Riley knew. But he was also a scientist. Would he be able to figure this out, or would he think Riley was crazy? "I figure Ski and Pat and Briggs were attacked by a vampire. She drank their blood, and she killed Briggs." He examined his handiwork, showed it to Crowe, then put it on the small stack of sharpened objects on the floor of their quarters. "Garlic probably won't bother her, 'cause she's Italian, but a stake through the heart should take care of her."

"Man, that's just wrong." Alfaro shook his head as he dropped his pile of metal at Crowe's feet. "First that weird German ghost, and now this? Do you think she wants to put the bite on the skipper?"

Riley shuddered. Krueger… Man, Krueger still gave him nightmares. And so did that Lani ghost, too… "I don't know, Al… He's kind of a trouble magnet, so maybe…"

Alfaro and Malone both groaned and said together, "Why do we always have to deal with this screwy stuff?"

Before Riley could come up with an answer, Crowe spoke, mumbling a little around a mouthful of carrot. "Because it's Seaview." He eyed his makeshift stake, nodded, and tossed it onto the growing stack, and snagged another carrot stick from the bag beside him. "Because foreign powers, aliens, and apparently even the undead want to control Seaview. And possibly because the admiral and the skipper are both trouble magnets. Haven't you ever wondered how even aliens always seem to know who Admiral Nelson is? Know him by name even! Doesn't that tell you something?" He considered the stack of pointy objects, chewing thoughtfully. "You think we got enough, Stu?"

Riley studied their stash and sighed. "Maybe… It only takes one to stake a vampire, but we all have to be armed if we're going to hunt her."

"I don't know…" Malone glanced at the door speculatively. "I don't think the skipper will like us running around the boat with sharp pointy objects…"

"It's the XO I'm worried about," Alfaro chimed in. "Can't you just imagine what he'd say if he saw us carrying stakes around?"

"He wouldn't say anything." Riley shuddered. "He'd just give us that look… You know the one…" He'd been on the receiving end of that look just once, but it was once too often. Man, he respected the XO, but he sure was square… And if he were a superhero, his superpower would be like Icy Gaze, or something… Way scarier than a vampire, in fact… "I wonder if that look would work on the vampire?"

The other three guys contemplated that. Crowe frowned dubiously as he reached for another carrot stick. "I don't know… She's undead, man. Like invincible… I bet cold just doesn't bother her." He popped the carrot stick in his mouth contemplatively. Man, Crowe was always eating… What was with that?

Malone nodded judiciously. "Yeah. She'd probably like laugh in his face or something. And wow, I sure wouldn't want to be there when that happened!"

Alfaro frowned at all of them. "The XO would take her out! Come on, guys, you know that he and the skipper would die before they let anything undead take over this boat!"

Riley stuck up for his own personal hero. "Hey, they wouldn't have to do anything. The admiral probably has some surefire way to kill a vampire up his sleeve already!"

"Yeah?" Crowe shook his head. "Then why are we making these stakes?"

Before Riley could give that question the answer it deserved – a royal raspberry - the door opened, and Sharkey catapulted into the room. "Get up, you clowns…" His voice trailed into silence as he stared at the stack of stakes. "What the hell?"

"Vampires, chief." Malone picked up a stake and showed the chief. "We figure if we find her, this will do for her. Riley says you have to stake them."

"Vampires?" Sharkey glared. "What do you think this is? Dracula? Listen up! We're going down to A deck to search for this stowaway. We think she may have Doc. McKenzie…"

"Right," Riley said, taking charge, because he knew all about vampires. Or at least he knew more and was more open-minded than the others. "Get a stake everyone. Chief, you better get one, too. If she's bitten Doc, the only way we can help him is to stake her but good."

Crowe grabbed up two stakes and thrust one at the chief. "Yeah? Why's that?"

"She's probably bitten him already, which means he'll become a vampire, too, unless we can stake her before she kills him, see?" Riley actually wasn't sure if that were true or not. Vampire movies all told that story differently. But no one else around here knew either, so he had to sound authoritative. Hey, at least it was a game plan.

Sharkey took the stake reluctantly, but he favored Riley with a questioning look. "Is this vampire thing on the level?"

Riley shrugged, achieving a far more casual façade than he felt deep down inside. Deep down inside, he was scared to death. "Where did the blood go, chief? I'm telling you, it's a vampire, and to kill a vampire, you gotta stake it."

Sharkey contemplated that for a moment, then sighed. "Better take a couple more of those things, then, because we're meeting the skipper and the XO down there. Knowing them, they're probably already fighting off the vampire."

Not good… Riley shuddered, and scooped up two more stakes. "Let's go, chief. They're gonna need help."